Death Pleasure

Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Dream

"You haven't proven your weirdness yet," Jax said while cutting the roasted chicken inside the food court.

Patricia sipped her milk tea, "Just let me tell you a story," she fixed her seat, "I had a crush on psychopath."

"Really?" he chuckled before he ate the piece of poultry.

"Yes!" she proudly confirmed, "And from the first time I met his eyes, I knew he is sick."

"How do you know him?"

She put down the milk on the table and rolled some carbonara by the fork, "Senior high school, and no one is aware that he is a Psycho. They thought he's just too much carefree and stubborn living with his own world," she said and about to swallowed the pasta.

"What do you liked about him?"

She temporarily dropped the fork and glanced at her side, "Hmm... I don't know... maybe it's because he is a Psycho?" she giggled.

"Seriously?" he also giggled while straight looking in her eyes and cutting his chicken.

"Just kidding. What is my turn on about him is, he has the courage to be himself."

"What do you mean? Is that even some kind of difficult challenge?"

"I mean, he doesn't care about the world's view. He eats with his hands, never hesitated to say 'no' to favors when he doesn't feel helping, and he is brutally honest. if you ask him if how's your look, he will tell the truth straight. One time, he told a girl she's ugly, directly, and described what makes her ugly in a detailed way. He is also intelligent.

But despite being a Psycho, he is a loving person."

"I thought they are apathetic?"

Her face turned blue, twisted her sight into Jax's meal, and made her eyes widened. She remembered something. Plus, Jax didn't realize he is cutting his own finger. But she is speechless until Jax noticed her reaction and that's only the time he felt the pain of the cut.

"s**t!" He was surprised and put tissue immediately on his cut.

Patricia's heart began to thump rapidly. She was frightened, not because this isn't a normal being, but because of something--something she doesn't realize yet.

"We must go to the clinic," She stood up and fixed her things.

"It's just a cut," he said while nursing his cut and enduring the pain.

Patricia analyzed the depth and width of the cut. She sighed, thankful Jax didn't apply a lot of pressure while cutting on it. "Wait for me here, I'll just find Povidone-iodine around."

–-

After they took care of the cut, they went to the cinema. While falling in line, they are having a brainstorming on which movie they would like to watch.

"Anything you wanted," Jax told her.

"No, I'll just adjust to what you want to watch."

"Okay," he said unsurely, and started to scan all the list of movies."

"Next please," the counter declared. They are next in line but Jax still can't decide which movie to watch.

"Honestly, I don't know...."

"What made you confuse? Let me help you to pick."

"I... ah... didn't find anything interesting."

Patricia giggled, "Me too, to be honest."

"Yes, I'm used to reading than watching."

"It seems we have lots of commons. Let's go to the bookstore, instead!"

–-

"I have a question, "What is your dream?" Patricia asked while slowly scanning the bookshelves in the fiction books, fantasy section.

Jax was at the opposite aisle, which is the sci-fi section. He was on the caught of reading the book description but he froze at the moment,

"My dream?" The first and only scenario that came to his mind is him sitting on a couch in the glassed wall living room, reading a newspaper. The sunshine shone on the three little kids who are playing dolls and cars--his grandchildren. Then an aroma of freshly brewed coffee lingers through his nostrils. And before he realized, an old beautiful woman is giving him the coffee--and that's no other than but Patricia. "I... uhh..." Isn't it too soon to tell? He then remembered the nurse told him, "To be a celebrity?"

"You sounds like you're not sure about your dream," she giggled and put back the book she checked. Then she picked up another.

"S-someone just told me I should audition, should I?"

"Haven't you seen your reflection on the mirror yet? Honestly, your looks is perfect. You can be a model. Plus, if you have some talent like acting, singer or dancer, you should audition to an Idol," She said while reading the pages of the book. But she was still unsatisfied so she put it back too.

Jax looked back to the bookshelves, put back the book, and think for a moment. This thing never came to his mind, but what if he gave it a try.

"How about you?"

"Me?"

"Yes."

"My dream is to be a Psychiatrist," she said casually.

"You already got it right? Then what now."

"What do you mean 'what now?'"

"Any... biggest dream?"

"This is my biggest dream, and I already reached it. So I'm now contented with my life."

Such a coincidence that they met each other's eyes at the gap of the shelves. He looked at her with confusion, "Any travel plans? Getting married? Having children?"

"Nah, I'm good enough."

He was surprised. He knew Patricia is different from other women but he never thought that it will be this far. But he's still unsatisfied, something's not right.

His face and tone became serious, without taking off his eyes into her, "Are you losing interest to live?"

Patricia removed her focus on the book for a moment and turned to him. She was surprised at what she had heard which made her laugh, "What?"

"My ex--" he then remembered not to tell, "I mean, ex-friend told me if a man stopped dreaming, it means he lost his will to live."

"No, I'm just contented and--"

"But unhappy."

Patricia was speechless. Is she really unhappy? Since when the last she reflected herself? Or maybe Jax is just messing up her mind.

Jax stared somewhere in the air, like watching his memories as an invisible hologram, "When I met you at the office, the way you greeted me is... fake enthusiasm. Same with every client you see. You seemed unhappy with your job."

"Hey, I think you're stepping the line," she warned politely and proceeded which passed the space on the shelves.

"I'm sorry."

"You may be right, facing different types of people is draining so I'm faking my smile. But I felt pleasure in helping people dealing with their problems." Honestly, she was insulted, but still hiding her accurate reaction. Fake? What kind of accusation is that?

"Also, you got the vocabulary wrong. Adjusting yourself is called comradeship."

"But you said you're turned on to people who can express themselves"

"But you can't bring your personal issues to your job. That's professionalism. You're too much Psychoanalyzing me, did you also took Psychology in your college?" She tried to change the subject.

"No, I went for forestry."

"That's interesting."

"But it's not what I wanted."

"Then what do you want back then?"

"Nothing."

"You just said earlier that you wanted to be a celebrity?"

Jax looked down at the book and felt weak, "I... I don't know, I must forget something. I forgot myself since I moved on this town," he said and continue reading the page.

"My cup of tea!" She said when she finally decided to pick a novel. "You can tell me what happened back then," she said while walking to his aisle until she reached him. "Done picking yet?"

"I think so..." He said while still confirming his decision. He closed it and turned to Patricia, "This is it."

"Can I see?" she asked and burrowed the book. She read the title, "The Dog Spirit?" Scanning, her eyebrows furrowed, "Wait, 'mvcabusas?' I think we have the same author." She checked her book then lent it to Jax.

"'Midnight Jailbirds... fantasy, huh?" he read. And when he saw the author, his mouth formed a wow, "You're right!"

"We may be not in the same cup of the genre but we're at the same cup of the author."

The clock turned to 5 in the afternoon. They don't want to violate the curfew so they decided to end their enjoyment. Walking in the parking lot while both are holding a bookstore paper bag, Jax pressed the car key. White Vios car responded at their left so they went straight to that path.

Jax opened the car door for her and was about to go inside when she suddenly felt his finger touching her shoulder.

"A snowflakes" Jax murmured while examining the particles dropped on her shoulder.

Patricia withdrew her legs slipped inside the car, looked up in the sky and gazed at the rain of snowflakes.

"It's beautiful," she was amazed.

"I know," Jax replied who was also struck in watching the clouds.

"This is the earliest snow I've encountered in my whole life."

"I'm glad I saw it..." he turned to Patricia and whispered, "...with you."

–-

The sky was glooming. Jax stopped the car when they reached the jeep terminal. No one dares to go outside, nor break the silence. But this awkward atmosphere made them burst a laugh.

"What am I waiting for?" she giggled.

"Yeah, I don't know."

Silence came again when they stared at each other's eyes. Her almond eyes are like a black hole which magnetized his lips, made him to near slowly his face into her.

Without taking away her eyes into his blue ocean eyes, she was frozen. She felt the world stopped as her heart beats rapidly. Her mind gone blank, she doesn't know what is happening nor what to do. She's letting him, letting him do what he wanted to do with her.

Their nose had touched. He can smell her sweet breath, and hear it as if he was hearing a moan.

"One more seat left! One more seat left!" The conductor announced.

He's about to dimp his lips into Patricia when she pushed him away, "One more seat left!" she panicked, quickly unfastened her seatbelt and pulled the trigger of the car door. She was about to step outside when she realized that she even forgot to say goodbye to Jax.

"I'm sorry, I got panicked!" she giggled, "Thanks for everything, see you on Monday!" Then she rushed into the jeepney terminal.

Patricia was already gone. Jax is still frozen, with a wide smile at that moment. "Best night ever!" he exclaimed and accidentally glanced at the mirror.

"Wait, I can explain--"