His Forever 2-His girlfriend

7

Alisa

The Veyron roared through the quiet woody route as we made our way back. With the roof down, the wind blared in my ear giving both a refreshing feeling and enough distraction so I did not have to think about our conversation this morning.

Louder than the sound of the engine was the silence that had stretched out between Drey and me all morning. The only conversation we had was of me telling him I would visit dad first before returning to New York. The conversation had ended with me simply nodding as he offered to take me to New Jersey.

He still cared about me after this morning. God, I did not deserve this man.

There was no protest, no arguments, no bickers, nothing. It was the least I could give him after this morning. More than half of the trip had been spent in intense silence, thick enough to cut through. Apart from the sick feeling in my stomach for hurting him, I was also trying to imagine what he was thinking as he gripped the wheels, knuckle white, eyes ahead and unmoving.

I had quite a good idea though.

My hair was in a whirl from the wind attacking it and I held I to the side, clutching it from going all over my face.

"Do you need me to pull it back up?" Drey asked, nodding towards the open roof.

"No, I'm good," The wind rushing in my face was oddly comforting. Or would I rather say there was barely any room to think about anything else when I was fighting my hair all over my face?

He gave a simple nod as his eyes straightened back to the road. The nonchalance in that expression scared me to shits. I swallowed hard as fear constricted my heart, "I'm sorry—"

"How is your father?" he asked before the whisper broke free completely.

"What?"

"Your dad?" he regarded me with one brow raised, "you're on your way to see him, is he recovering?"

I gave a slow nod, unsure if I was ready to share that detail with him just yet. Talking about dad's health always managed to bring me to a sad mood.

After Stella's threat, I had made it a point to spend more time with dad, and that included extending my visits past just the weekends. The longest I had spent at a time was four days. Most of which I had spent on the hospital couch. Drew and Ron would not say it but I knew they had grown tired of having to remind me that dad was not running away and that I did not have to take the long trip every week to Eddison. Even dad sometimes pretended to get bored of seeing my face.

But they did not know the truth. At least they thought it had to do with my fear of Stella and what she would do if I were not there to protect him. It was a lot more than that. My heart bled with pain, watching him deteriorate every day, growing weaker and weaker every time I saw him. But by seeing him often enough I could hold on to the hope that I was not losing him even though every day that felt like a bigger lie.

"He's responding well to his treatments these days," I said, forcing a smile. I chose to hold on to the hope that one day that would be the truth. Dr. Leah was working on a treatment for him, and hope was the one currency I could not afford to lose now.

He looked like he had more to say as his eyes drifted to my face, but after a few seconds of just looking at me, he simply said, "I hope he gets better soon." Which was not exactly a bad thing to say about a hospitalized man, yet a part of me wanted him to say more. I did not want him to stop talking because the silence would only bring back reminders. The reminder that I had hurt him, that I did not deserve his love, and if I was being more honest I did not deserve anyone's love.

***

We reached Eddison sometime at noon. A familiar feeling of dread filled my chest as we approached the hospital. Up until two days ago, I had successfully deceived myself into believing I was existing just fine without Drey.

Scoff.

The truth is I was hopeless without Drey. Hopelessly in love with him, yet having to be away from him. Surviving but not really living. And even all I had achieved in the last two months would not fill that void that only Drey could fill. But I could not forget that the point where we stood now was more complicated than my feelings. 

So I bit back the urge to ask him to stay as he pulled up at the parking lot. 

Drey held the door open for me, and I placed my hand in his, climbing out of the car as gracefully as my legs would carry me. "Thank you for bringing me here," I murmured, smoothing the hem of my dress. This was the part I hated most. Having to say goodbye, only to go back to the mess I was before.

"Don't thank me. I'm not leaving yet."

I lifted a brow, trying and failing to look unbothered at the fact that he just might be staying after all. He took a step closer, trapping me between the car and his body. His fingers trailed slowly over the loose locks from my ponytail, swirling it in his finger. "I promised your friends I would bring you home safe, you are my responsibility until I drop you off with them in New York."

He was only making an excuse to stay, and I could see right through it. Yet, relief swarmed low in my belly. He was not leaving after all. Resisting the urge to throw myself in his arms, I nodded. "But I intend to stay in here for the rest of the day."

"Good thing I have no other plans for today beautiful." he pushed the loose loc behind my ear. 

I would never grow tired of hearing him call me that. Hiding away my burning cheeks, I gave another slow nod. "But you can't come..." my words trailed away at the feeling of his hands leaving a light brush as it traveled from my neck down to my collarbone.

As much as I wanted dad and Drey to meet, I was not sure that was a step in the right direction yet. Dad had only brought it up a few times, but I was sure he knew quite enough about Drey. Apart from the details he had made me give him, I would not put it past his sidekick Ron to have told him about our break up in the last two months. Knowing how Ron and Dad and every man in my life got worked up over me, I naturally expected some rivalry between them. Although he had not asked me about it or showed any signs that he knew, that was the one thing I could not have on my plate. Not yet.

"I know," Drey said in understanding as his eyes fell to my lips. "Would it be crossing the boundaries if I kissed you again here?"

I could not have asked for anything otherwise having his lips on me again. But from where we stood in front of the hospital, I was pretty sure, anyone looking out the window could see us—dad included. I pushed back the urge to lick my lips, putting some much-needed distance between us, "Dad must be waiting, I'll see you soon."

"Sure, of course." With a small smile, he retracted his hands back to himself, taking a step back so I could leave. "I'll be right here waiting."

***

I pushed the room door open quietly, careful not to make any sudden movements, just in case dad was asleep. Instead, I was met by the sight of him in his wheelchair, sitting next to the window as he tended to his flowers. There were only a few times when dad was awake and even better with enough energy to do some activity. 

Throughout the few years dad had spent here, his tall and broad physique had largely diminished to thin and mostly lanky. His hairline had receded significantly and the salt and pepper of his hair were now more dominated by more salt. It broke my heart to meet a new version of him every day.

Willing my emotions to stabilize, I folded my arms across my chest and leaned on the door, watching as he had the wordless conversation with the plants. It was a friendship of some sort, the way he would run his hands through them delicately, the way his eyes glinted whenever as he watched them blossom in the sunlight like they weighed the entire world to him. It gave me hope, because if he still found joy in the little things such as a simple plant, maybe I was not so crazy for hoping one day he would be walking out of here a healthy man.

The nurse standing next to him noticed me standing by the door. She had been replaced recently and I was still having some trouble recalling her name. Thankfully, she took no offense whenever I asked for a reminder. She offered one of her sweet smiles as she gestured for me to come in.

Rubbing my hands together, I took a few slow steps into the room and gave dad a gentle, warm, and silent hug from behind. "Hey,"

"There's my sweet little princess," he placed a frail hand on my arm, his version of a hug as he chuckled lightly. "I was wondering when I would see you again."

"She was here last week Mr. Emmerson," the nurse said with a little amusement.

"Hi..." I trailed off with a small smile, searching my brain for her name again.

"Antoniette." she completed for me, "you'll get used to it with time."

As good intended as that statement sounded, I did not want to get used to knowing her name. When dad was first hospitalized here, I did not want to get used to the feeling either. If it were up to me, I would have him coming back to New York with me today.

"Thank you. How are things here."

I could tell she knew exactly what I was asking. She gave a sad smile as her eyes drifted to the plants lined on the window frame. "Improving. I'll leave you two to some privacy, just buzz me up if you need anything,"

I could not be more grateful. "Thanks."

As the door shut in the wake of her departure, I took her place next to dad watching as he continued checking on each of the plants until he reached his favorite flower. The ones I always got for him. I had always wondered why they were his favorite.

He drew the question right from my mouth before I could voice it. "Do you know why I love these?"

"I was about to ask the same thing," I chuckled, leaning down and dropping my chin on the arm of his wheelchair.

He smiled softly, running his hands through the bouquet. The edges had started to wither and I made a mental note to send some fresh ones over when I got back to New York. "They remind me of your mother. They were her favorite."

I swallowed hard, knowing full well what that topic did to me. "I can see why, they're beautiful."

"More than that, they light up any room they're in, just like her." I knew the last part was not directed at me.

Guilt made my heart clench, I blinked back tears at the reminder that I had torn our family apart. And unlike many other mistakes, this was irreversible, "I'm sorry dad." I whispered. "I'm sorry I took them from you."

I could not see his face through the tears swarming in my eyes, but I could feel the love radiating from him as he smoothed his hand over my hair soothingly. "Oh my sweet little girl, you did not take them away."

"It was my fault you lost control on the wheel and..." my voice trailed away in a soft sob.

"It was not your fault Alisa. You were eight and I could never blame you for what happened that night. If anyone is to be blamed, I am. I was driving and should have had better control."

"Do you blame yourself for it sometimes?"

"I did. I used to. But then I realized that neither your mother nor Heather would want us living our lives in the shadow of a mistake that happened so long ago. Bad things happen, every day. Some have more lasting effects than others, but I choose to believe that time heals those effects. And quite honestly Alisa, I think you need to let time heal this wound too."

"It's not that easy."

"I know princess, trust me, I know. I also know you have heard this a thousand times before, but I do hope you will take it from me this time, maybe all you need to help you heal is to let go of that guilt."

He was right, I had heard that a thousand times through the years. it was much easier said than done though. But after what Drey had told me, I dared to hope for once that maybe, just maybe everyone had been right all along. It was inconclusive though, at least until I met with his private investigator.

"I wish I had the powers to bring them back."

Dad's chuckle made me realize I had said that out loud, "I wish so too sometimes. And while that is not possible, I am thankful every day for what I do have which is you. Your mom and sister would always be in my heart..." he leaned down and added in a whisper, "...but you will always have the biggest and most special portion princess."

His words revved a smile upon my face, and I sucked in a shaky breath, digesting them. "I love you, dad."

"Good," he grinned, "because I'm about to be very inquisitive and ask who the young man is."

"What young man?" I raised my head sharply, looking around the room.

"That one," he nodded toward the window and I realized I was right earlier because the spot where Drey had parked was in line with dad's room window.

"You saw us?" Of course, he had seen us. I had underestimated this man's sense of vision.

"I was expecting your visit and decided to wait at the window today," he chuckled knowing he had caught me. 

"He's um.." I searched my brain for something and ended up with the vaguest explanation, "a friend." 

"Good," Dad nodded like he didn't believe me, "So do you want to invite him in or would you rather take a walk to the parking lot with me?"