Favored by Indivia

12

Chapter Twelve

In which he is working hard.

-

[Ross Pagette Monstine.]

“Am I hallucinating or does this look good?”

I offered a smile, nodding gently at him. There are still some rough places that needed to be altered, but I could see how hard he’s working to achieve what he wanted to. Matthias still needed more knowledge into proportion but unlike before, his current skills are workable to say.

“You really are improving, I am glad.”

His eyes moved to mine, wide and surprised by the words. “Really?”

“Should we compare it from the first sketch you made?”

Carefully placing the white sheet of paper beside the one that he just made speaks a lot of difference. Unlike from before, one could see that the new one had more depth. He was slowly having an idea of perspective and the right proportion of things. I think the guideline and reference photo helped him visualize what he needed to sketch.

“That’s some difference,” he grinned, eyes slowly looking back at me. “You really are a miracle worker, Ross.”

I shook my head. “I simply task you on what you need to do. This is all you, Matthias. Learn to appreciate every effort you have put to achieve this level. Many are bad when they start, but at the end of the day—hard work will always pay off.”

“You do have a point,” he says, a smile now printed on his lips.

I did feel a tad happy to see him so accomplished. Even with the small improvements, he couldn’t help but let out a smile. His eyes were twinkling in excitement, and I am sure he would be quick to show it to his friends the second he headed home by tonight. Even if it wasn’t my success, I do feel proud.

A feeling that I often do not feel to myself.

“You must feel accomplished to manage to create masterpieces,” he mentioned, still focused on his drafts. “I only have this as my own, but I already feel like the months that I had spent doing this have finally sprouted. It isn’t that tall yet, but it’s growing.”

Maybe being involved with him does help me a lot to my own disadvantages. The small moments that I spent with Matthias makes me feel like I am being reminded of the small pleasures that I had forgotten about. Way back then, I didn’t even think about using my skill in painting to be above my sister.

I just enjoyed the process.

When I painted his portrait, I didn’t feel forced. The whole process didn’t give me pressure, because I knew that I was doing it for myself. All my life, I often see myself successful because I could make things when I wanted to.

I disregard the process.

How I starve myself to complete it, lose sleep to make sure it was perfect, and slowly kill myself whenever I couldn’t see what I wanted to in the piece. For years, I told everyone this was my hobby.

I am starting to believe that it feels like a responsibility now.

“Frankly,” I muttered, offering him a smile. “I couldn’t even remember feeling this proud of any of my art pieces,” there was a second of him fixing his expression, as if slowly losing the serotonin that he had just a second ago. “Truth was, I needed help because I feel like I am losing my touch of something I onced loved. Only recently did I come to realize that I never did any of those through passion.”

I was never happy with my art.

I was happy with the compliments offered to me. When people give me words of acknowledgement, I was quick to eat it up. Things that were offered to me, without anything backing it up with a comparison made me feel alive. It was the years that I was repressed by such emotion, that I drowned in it.

Now that I know that it could happen again—I panicked, and then slowly drowned to my own demise. Everything had always been me. I often rush towards the end goal, not realizing that I am burning myself in the process.

“Well, maybe you can discover them with me.” Matthias smiled, slowly handing me a blank paper. “I don’t know how you’ll get in touch with something that you lost, but I genuinely liked what you made. I know that I would be one of those people who would like to see them again. Maybe I could help you.”

He’s kind.

Maybe I am weak to words of affirmation, that’s why I had done everything I could to receive them. Hearing such words from Matthias made it harder to carry, as I had been using him to get back that same feeling that I have with my art.

“Yeah,” I nodded, slowly walking towards the table, eyes facing the blank paper. “Maybe I could try to discover them with you. I do not see the reason why not.”

.

.

It was easier said than done.

My hands couldn’t even do anything, and the only thing that would pop to my head was painting him. It was impossible, as I do not want him to be aware of that side of me. Not only that, but I had enough of his face plastered all over my art room. The last thing I needed is to have a practice pad full of him.

“You looked really troubled lately,” Elizabeth mentioned, her forehead creased as she did. Leaning forward to the table, she asked. “Is there something going on, Ross? You would leave earlier than normal, and would hardly go out with us these past weeks. Did Samantha do anything wrong?”

Sam frowned, looking at Elizabeth with a scowl in her face. “Do not start with me, Eli. I have my period today, and I might just stab you if you continue pestering me.”

“Did she threaten to stab you too, Ross?” Elizabeth added, not even the least worried about Samantha.

I do understand why. Samantha might be a future lawyer who would drag anyone in the stand, but she’s a softy when it comes to us. She’s usually just verbal with her thoughts, but could never even inflict pain to any of us. Frankly, she’s the one with the softest touch.

“Clara just wanted me to train, since I agreed on attending the next contest,” I answered, clearly dismissing anything that could make Elizabeth and Samantha talk me out of it. Vivian might let me do what I wanted in the pretext of making me learn from my mistakes—but these two wouldn’t even let me step closer to that landmine. They will try to save me before I get hurt. “So I am having a hard time fitting everyone to my schedule.”

Samantha paused from her food, tilting her head to the side. I could feel her eyeing me, as if checking the reason for the sudden change in my plans. I had always been someone who openly talked about not wanting to be in a space where my art would be included in a contest.

So I am sure she was confused.

“You agreed to join the contest? Why?” She asked, the tone of her voice growing thick. It was hard to reply to this, as I knew that she was sizing me up. Samantha wanted to get to the bottom of it since it did look suspicious. My friends knew me well and my view towards the contest. For me to suddenly be interested in one—just at the same time that Ryli was attending art class is indeed seriously suspicious.

I shrugged, wanting to appear like I did not seem to mind informing her. “I think it’ll do good to my ego,” when she c****d her brow, I knew that the answer f****d everything up for me. I have anxiety, so the last thing I would do is do something to raise my own ego. Why the f**k do I do this for myself? In need of a situation, I laughed. I did so to sidetrack her before I panicked some more. The key to properly handling this is to not let Samantha have the second to think about things properly. “I’m kidding. The whole thing did seem to make me bothered from before, but I did get curious about how it all goes. I just wanted to experience it. Not only that, but Clara did seem desperate to have me in the team.”

Elizabeth nodded, now seemingly believing my words. Maybe it was how I had phrased it. “Well, I could only guess the reason why. From what I heard, Neigle, who is usually the one who attends the contest, got into a terrible accident recently. He probably won’t be competing anytime soon, so I reckoned that Clara would be running to you. After all, you are known for your skills.”

“I didn’t know that,” I muttered, unaware that someone from the team is injured. Neigle is two years older than me, so it was understandable why I hardly even knew about this. If he was in my class, I would have already known about it. Clara did seem really worried, and now, I understand why she had searched for me out of nowhere.

She was out of options.

Samantha seemed to be appeased by that, not having enough time and energy to see loopholes in my reason. From what it seemed like, she must have heard about the incident. “I heard about it, and I think nobody is talking about it since he mentioned that it was a traumatic experience for him. Everyone is just giving him space.”

“Ah.”

Am I the only thing that isn't aware of that?

“We’ll be cheering you on,” Elizabeth grinned, as Samantha nodded in agreement.

While I do feel bad lying about the whole thing, I couldn’t just ditch this whole operation. Of course, the whole situation is true. Teaching Matthias and him being my model still guarantee me as the new competitor in the next competition. So, I did not technically lie, just simply altered some information.

That being said. I still have not seen what my sister could do. She does not really take any art back home, and I am aware of the reason why. Even back at home, Ryli never had a trace of art on display. For her to suddenly learn all of this just because she was fascinated by it seemed suspicious.

And doesn't sound like my sister.

Then again, I knew that I am not one to speak. It was not like I knew her well enough. For now, all I ever want is to remain in the same spot that I had made for myself. I would hate to be the one standing behind her again. It does not look like she wanted to inform others of her new hobby, at least that is what I get. Even Ryder is not aware, so I reckoned that it was a personal thing for her—or maybe she is just scared that I will notice.

Not only is that my reason to continue all of this, but Matthias is currently my student. He is diligent. If these two made me back out—he will have a harder time managing his time and attending art classes in the atelier.

In a sense, I see it as helping both me and Matthias.

Only mine has a sprinkle of selfishness, while he is affection.