Favored by Indivia

11

Chapter Eleven

In which she learns snippets of his past.

-

[Ross Pagette Monstine.]

“I apologize if my friends spooked you.”

Matthias was tasked to bring me home—or at least close to my dorms. Page was excused because of an emergency, so I had no other choice but to humor them. They all did seem really fun friends, and while they were a ton louder than my own—I could see that all were having fun. It was easy to get comfortable in their space, as they were welcoming and kind.

Frankly, I could understand why people envy their group.

“No,” I shook my head, clearly dismissing any odd thought that he might have. “They seem pretty fun to be around. I did enjoy the conversations.”

“They are loud, but all of them are good people,” he mentioned, a smile spread on his face. Even if he is the oldest, I could still feel how everyone seemed to worry about him. It wasn’t like they were making fun of him, but rather checking if he was still doing fine. “People often see them in a bad light, and I would hate for you to do the same.”

“You all had been friends for a while, right?” I asked.

He agreed, flashing a small smile as he did. I could see why he was proud of that fact since it was rare to retain friends for a long time. Not only were their connection real and genuine, but I could also see that everyone treated each other well. “Since we were kids, yes. Lucas gathered us in a manner that none of us could remember anymore, but we followed him regardless. After that, we all continued hanging out until we reached in the spot where we currently are. We all know everyone’s dirty laundry, or what we all wanted in life—so it often feels like an extended family.”

Frankly, they do look like a family.

They have more connections than I ever had with mine. When others were talking, I could see how everyone knew exactly what was going on. It seemed like everyone knew how the others would think about the situation, or how to handle it better. Either way, it was easy to spot that all of them knew each other like the back of their hands.

Even when Page did invite me, I was still surprised that they have the whole floor. She mentioned how all of them would try their best to spend at least one day a week with each other, and yet they all found themselves spending almost every day together. I could not say that was the reason they were close—for I lived with mine for years, too.

“They seem really protective of you,” I mentioned, remembering how most of them were looking after him in their own ways. Matthias seemed to realize it, and would often reprimand them. However, none of them were stopping. They genuinely wanted to make sure that he was doing fine.

“They worry a lot since I take a number of services on campus. Lucas mentioned that he doesn’t usually allow that, but he still gives me some slack. I do have the best friends that I could ask for.”

It made me wonder why he does so. Matthias is popular for helping around the campus. He would also be involved in a number of services that provide aid or monetary compensation. There were many students who mentioned that he simply was added for attention, but I could see that Matthias genuinely wanted to be in a number of those. Even Clara mentioned that Matthias had been having a hard time keeping everything at bay.

Was he just that nice?

Page never mentioned her taking service, and I could not see anyone else at the table doing the same thing as him. Matthias had always been hardworking, and I often question the reason for it. While many would applaud him for everything he is balancing despite the pressure of his course, many did question it.

“Why…” the words felt stuck as if I didn’t know if I had the right to even question it.

“Why do I need to do that?” He asked. I fidget. Maybe I am overstepping my bounds. As much as we have been acquainted because of our situation, I do not think I have the right to question that. “Calm down,” Matthia says, hands carefully patting mine. Only now did I realize that I was shaking, enough that he quickly noticed it.

“I… Uhm…”

“It’s okay. I do not mind telling you. You do not have to look so scared,” he smiled, face straight ahead as he let out the words. “Unlike my friends, I do not have financial freedom.” the words weren’t the ones that I was expecting. Maybe it was because of my privilege that I often forget that people had these problems. Not only that, but knowing the price tag of being a student here—I think almost everyone would be surprised to hear that. As if knowing my train of thought, Matthias continued. “I think the main reason why I was offered a scholarship here is simply because Lucas’s family owns the place. Of course, I made sure to give the grades that are expected of me. After all, I am representing my friend.”

I didn’t really know how to reply to that. Frankly, I am one of those students who have financial freedom because of my parents. We often received an allowance and were granted credit cards on my 16th birthday. My friends weren’t that well off, but not enough that they were juggling work and school.

“I accepted the room and the benefits of the scholarship—but that is all that I am willing to take. Nothing else. Lucas knew that everything beyond that would make me feel offended, so nobody even tried. That being said, I am doing my best to achieve what I wanted.”

Hearing that made me quiet, as I think the right words to say without offending him. I know that he was touching the surface, and wasn’t telling me everything—but even then, I knew that it was enough to explain his situation well. He might not have a good life, but he is working his best to get there.

“I’m fine,” Matthias chuckled, his hands ruffling my hair as he did. “You don’t need to look gloomy. While it’s hard, I do enjoy the social skills that I managed to gain while doing so. I am learning a lot with every service that I do.”

To his words, I found myself nodding. “I often hear that you are good, so maybe there’s that.”

“I don’t want people to see me as pitiful. The whole situation isn’t that hard as everyone thinks it is. It’s just for the sake of money, and means to support myself. Even then, Lucas already provided enough for me.”

I wonder if it’s not hard—or if he’s just used to it.

People often say things without being aware of reality, because they are used to each other. Even still, I couldn’t have the heart to even question him. It did make me feel guilty remembering that he was doing everything he could to squeeze the lessons—and I was an asshole back then, rejecting him without being aware how hard he had worked to make it possible.

“This is your place.” Matthias' words jolted me to reality, making me see the familiar building. He offered a smile, as if assuring me that he is fine. “Take care back, and thank you for your time today.”

I nodded. “Be careful, too. Thank you for bringing me back.”

“See you next time.”

Matthias waited for me to enter the door before turning back to head on his way. The guilt tugging at my heart felt much intense now. I was basically using someone who is already having a hard time himself. The whole thing felt like a warning from the world, urging me to stop all that I had planned.

While it was true that Matthias shouldn’t be involved in this, he’s the only one that I can paint right now. I find it hard to even do anything that doesn’t involve him. I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing, or not. Even still, everything made me feel like I suck.

“I’m home,” I announced the second I came in the door. Ryder and Ryli were in the living room, both were watching a movie that I am not familiar with. Ryli has a face mask on her face, focused on the film as if her life depended on it. “I bought some food.”

Ryder peeked at the announcement. “Thanks, little one. Do you want to watch the movie with—uhm…”

“Sure,” I agreed, taking the single chair on my own. There was popcorn on the table and a few soft drinks that we could drink. I could feel their peering gaze at my side, as if surprised that I was willing to be in the same room as Ryli. “What are we watching?”

“Lawbreaker,” Ryli answered, which just urged my brother to not respond.

Frankly, I was just making excuses so I could not see the art in my room. I know that I would remember the same guilt that had been bugging me for a while now. Seeing Matthias in the same view that I had seen him for a while now wouldn’t do well with me. Of course, I still feel a little s**t with Ryli in the same room as me.

“Did something happen, Ross? Do you need something?” Ryder asked, nudging me to the side.

I offered him a look, shaking my head to deny all the thoughts that were probably playing in his mind. Ryder knew that this was weird. I am involving myself in a space where my sister is present. Of course, it did make me realize that I am the only one backing away. Ryli never packed her s**t and went inside her room, one thing that I would always do when she was invited.

Why the f**k is this such an emotional night.

“I just feel like I need to take a breather. I have been holed up in my room for a while now.” I answered, looking at the screen. My eyes could hardly make sense of anything, as my mind was louder than the speakers.

“Whatever it is, I am just glad to have you here.”

Ryli is leaning on the couch, watching the film with intense concentration. I wasn’t sure if she just didn’t care about this, or she just liked what we were watching. Frankly, I didn’t even know what I wanted to achieve. A small part of me wanted to question her why she was taking lessons, or if it was okay to use her boyfriend as material.

Both were bad ideas, which just urged me to keep quiet.

For once, maybe I wanted to kid myself and act like we were a normal family.

After all, that is all I ever wanted in life—a family. The world was kind enough to offer me one, but I was quick to deny all of those emotions because of all that had been between my sister and me. We have pulled our brother into the mix, enough that no one of us knew how we could fix something like this.