Favored by Indivia

16

Chapter Sixteen

In which reality sunk in.

-

[Ross Pagette Monstine.]

I did feel a tad stupid.

Instead of coming with my friends after school hours, I still stayed despite having nothing to do. Maybe it was because I needed time for myself—or quite frankly, it could be because Vivian knew my situation, and I didn’t want to hear another verse of her advice today. I could probably be having fun with my friends, maybe even start the movie early—but no.

Right now, I was given the needed time to reflect everything.

“You look tired, Ro,” Samantha greeted the second she spots me walking to her car. She was already dressed in her casual clothes, and I could see the packs of food sitting at the back. Knowing Elizabeth and Samantha, they should be preparing everything in the dorm—specifically, the drinks. “Yeah, we’re drinking tonight,” she quickly informed me, winking slowly. “Tomorrow is a free day for everyone, so I do not see the faults in drinking ourselves tonight.”

She was right about that one.

“I need to call my brother, then,” I mumbled, whipping out my phone for the first time in those lost hours. Most notification came from my brother, mentioning how I should be careful tonight and that he’ll fetch me tomorrow. “...or you already told him.”

Samantha shrugged. “Whatever gives me the reason to talk to Ryder Monstine.”

“You guys are impossible,” I sneered.

Of course, I would know that they would inform him as soon as they took everything in consideration. It wasn’t like he would forbid me to come, but it was a sense of respect to atleast let him know. After all, he is taking care of me. Ryder would have panicked if I just didn’t come home one day.

“Hey, did something happen?”

I panicked from what Samantha wanted to unravel. As much as I did not want them to know, I knew that I could never trust myself when talking to her. Samantha has a skill to press people without being obvious—or without even wanting to. So when she actually wanted to know something, she could be quite persistent.

“Vivian looked worried about you, and it is easy to spot when you lie. I could very much guess that you hardly done anything for that loss hours you excused yourself. Whenever you practice painting or anything revolving that—you would massage your hands for atleast five minutes and you didn’t even bother doing that,” as the car starts to decedlarate in the intersection, Samantha offered me a look. “What’s happening?”

Fuck.

“Are you sure you want to be a lawyer? How about a detective?”

“Do not even try to change the subject.” She warned, and I count the remaining number that flashed through that light. Every second that I try to dismiss her words seemed more heavy on me, enough that I knew that I will break soon. “Ross, are you in trouble?”

Trouble?

I sighed, resting the back of my head. “That depends on the level of trouble.”

“Do you need my help?” She asked, slowly focusing her attention to the road. Samantha continued to stay composed, as I knew she would. Unlike the drama that happened in my life, I knew she had worse than any of our friends combined. Her past is the very reason why she always wanted to be a lawyer. “...or is it something that involves Ryli?”

“Is there anything else you’re not opening up to me?” I asked.

“Do you even know me, Ross?”

I do admit that it wasn’t in her character to be frank about situations like that. Samantha might not have trouble speaking her voice, or standing up for those who had lost theirs—but she knew how to be careful to other’s emotion. Especially those who are special to her. Samantha is the type to cause harm to others for trying to cross us.

“What did you do, Ross?” She asked again, giving me the platform to personally give an explanation to what is happening.

Of course, I succumb. “I am trying to find the spark that I had lost. After seeing Ryli enter that atelier, I had lost all the inspiration to paint. I could hardly finish a piece.”

“And the means that you had found is?” She urged.

“Matthias,” the words were heavy, enough that I could feel the weight it had pulled in the car. Samantha didn’t say anything, letting me aware that she was slightly been informed of some rumors going around Matthias and Ryli. It wasn’t that hard, as I am now being informed that it wasn’t that rare to see them so close.

“And by that… what…”

“I couldn’t paint anything or anyone else but him.” I confessed.

The thoughts had always been in my brain and for weeks now—I wanted to believe that I wasn’t do anything bad. Of course, I knew that I was. For some reason, I could understand how f****d up everything is. Hearing it so loud, and for it come out of my mouth seemed so wrong.

I feel like the words burned me, enough that I feel conflicted to how I’ll phrase it when Samantha finally managed to picked herself from where she had paused.

“That’s…” she hesitates, not because she didn’t have words to form in her mouth. I know that Samantha is making sure that she was looking after her words, in fear that it would drive me away. She tilted her head to the side, slowly shrugging the thoughts. “Give me a second, I just need to park the car.”

Of course, I followed what she instructed me to.

It wasn’t like I would walk out of her car as she tried to form what she wanted to tell me. I knew that while they wouldn’t hate me for this—they would be disappointed, nevertheless. While I am not doing anything borderline wrong, the thought that followed through this was wrong in the first place.

Because I could see that both Vivian and Samatha knew that Matthias isn’t aware of all of this. He is simply someone who is stuck in a situation that not even Ryli has a clue of.

“Let me get this straight,” Samatha started, slowly putting the car at parking. Her eyes moved to mine, now informing me that I have her undivided attention. “Actually, there isn’t a straight thought that could follow that. Are you telling me that you’re interested in your sister’s boyfriend.”

My eyes grew wide, shaking my head. “No!” I said, with full conviction. “It isn’t like that. Maybe it’s because of his face. I don’t know, but it isn’t emotional based.”

“Then why are you hiding it like you know you’re doing something you’re not supposed to?” Samantha questioned.

“I…” I don’t know.

To hide it from them? But now that they know—I feel like the only thought that followed that question is my sister. A small voice inside my head knew what to make me fear, and I always have an inclination that she would know what I was doing. From what path she takes there, Ryli would hurt someone.

Whether that would be me—or Matthias.

“I doubt that Matthias knew about this, as he would never have involved himself to you if he was.” Samantha mentioned, slowly puffing a sigh. “What is your game plan here, Ross? You—”

“This isn’t about affection! I don’t like him!”

Samantha nodded. “Then, humor me this. If I tell him—”

“Don’t you dare.” She wasn’t even surprised to my reply. In fact, I was the one who seemed really troubled. Before she could implicate something else, I was quick to defend myself. “I can’t draw anything else if it isn’t him. Atleast give me time to figure out why, or to find the reason why.”

“By then, you’ll be f****d,” her brow slightly raised, bobbing her head to the side. “Probably not literally, since I doubt he’s that type of guy,” slowly meeting my eyes, she sighs. I know that it was automatic though for her, but it was rather a heavy discussion for that added comment. Slowly coming back to the atmosphere, she started. “This is already a bad idea as it is. You don’t have a stable end game here. Figuring things out with him when you’re vulnerable already speaks trouble, Ross.”

“I am just finding the inspiration.”

“From what?” She asked, her body now fully facing mine. “Listen, I could give it a pass if it’s anyone else. Hell, place any man there is. But we’re talking about Matthias, which is your sister’s.”

“It’s only for my painting.”

Samantha sighed. “I saw them earlier, and they looked like they had been together ofr a while. If you claim that it’s only for your painting, why are you bothered that he didn’t come today?”

That was the million dollar question.

I needed the space to think about it, since I felt like I was pulled above the surface and was forced to breathe on my own. Looking at the reference, and everything we have worked through made me feel so conflicted. Seeing different sides of him was expected—since he should be acting different when he’s with someone he likes.

But why did that bother me?

Why did it felt like I was affected?

“I just felt guilty,” I answered, although I knew that it was something deeper than that. No matter how much I thnink about it, I couldn’t have the answer that I needed or at least, wanted. “That is all. I needed the time to collect myself.”

“Then why do you look defeated?”

Samantha wanted me to answer something specific, one thing that I could never give her. No matter how much she press on the issue, I knew that I would never succumb to what she wanted to hear. Even if I was confused with anything, there was not a chance that this was deeper than i wanted it to.

Not a chance.

“Ross,” she breathes, and I could see how she wanted to compose herself. I know she was having a hard time processing everything, especially when she is controlling her words properly. “Please think about this through. I could also see the end result, and it isn’t good for everyone—especially you. This is the kind of situation you shouldn’t play around with, you know?”

I know.

“Ross.”

Despite my thoughts, I did found myself nodding. “Alright. I understand what you wanted to say, Samantha. Unfortunately, I couldn’t cut it as easily as that.”

“Listen—”

“I’ll talk to Clara, and then we’ll have lessons until next week.” I informed her, closing my eyes as I felt a sense of relief inside me, as if I already knew that I was doing a good thing just by thinking all of this. “I’ll stop the lessons after that. After all, I did what I could with the situation.”

Samantha looked relieved, and I knew that she was just worried. It was true that being tangled with Matthias would make things harder for me. At the end of this supposed situation, I will be the only one who’ll have a hard time. I could say that I hate the friction that I have against my sister—but at the end of the day, she’s still family.

I didn’t want to bear that kind of guilt.

“I am glad you’re making the right decisions,” she complimented, feeling contented. Eyes following the bags from behind, her facial expression changed. “Well, we should head up. If we leave Elizabeth longer than we did, my dorm could get burned.”

“Isn’t Vivian there to look after her?”

She scoffed. “She’s already drunk.”

“We should head up,” I quickly muttered, picking myself up.

Vivian might be dependable on a number of things, but her aries ass would usually come crawling in the surface when she’s drunk. Not only that, but I doubt that we’re all in a position to think that someone like Elizabeth would try to dial down that craziness. Rushing to carry all of the stuff that Samantha bought, we both found ourselves pulled to an elevator. Our breaths were heaving due to the panic and our swift movements, enough that we could see our shoulders going up ad down. When he had enough seconds to gather ourselves, and easily spot our disheveled faces in the mirrored elevator—we both burst into a pearl of laughter.

“Don’t even try to hide such things again, Ross,” Samantha reminded me, her face still stoic and in the midst of catching her breath—but I could sense the worry laced through every word that pass through her mouth. “You are usually impulsive, and in the end, it had always made things harder for you. While it is always good to learn from your own mistakes, I hope you’ll let us in.”

My friends were the best people that I could have. It was pure luck that all of us ended up attending the same university—or else, I don’t know if I would have found anyone that even come close to them. Despite the loud voices that I would hear from my head, my heart had always been conscious of how genuine our friendships is.

Samantha, Vivian, and Elizabeth truly want the best for me, and I could not deny that.

“Thank you,” I mumbled, offering her a smile. “For always looking out for me.”

“That’s why we’re friends, Ro.”

As much as the world is unfair to me in a number of aspects, I was always glad that I had a group of people who fully supports me. Those who always guide me in the best direction, and would offer me the words that I always needed. While I knew that it will be hard to pick myself up after this—knowing that I have them keeps me a tad happy.

For I knew that I could lose everything else, but not them.

Never these group of people.