Behind Drawn Curtains

Chapter 15

I didn’t know where I was going or why I was running. I should have been glad. I should have been satisfied. This wasn’t what I had originally wanted, but it wasn’t a bad thing either, or was it? I just know that I needed someone. Someone who knew about everything. Someone who would maybe in some way understand where I was coming from.

Before I really knew where I was going I was standing in front of Chris’ building, right in front of the stairs that led up to the apartment that he shared with his mother. Before it however dawned on me to go up and knock I realized that it was a week day, and that Chris would probably still be at school. I grabbed myself a seat on the cold cement stairs in front of the building that looked like it was falling apart, took out my phone and made the decision to text him.

E.J. : Hi. U @ school?

I watched as some bum walked by and quickly pushed my phone back into my pocket, only to pull it out seconds later when it vibrated in my pants.

Chris : Nope. Ditched.

E.J. : Where r u?

Chris : The park.

E.J. : Which one?

Chris : Why?

I sighed. There was no way I could tell him what happened over the phone. I didn’t want there to be any evidence, just in case.

E.J. : I’m @ ur place.

Chris : Wait there. B there in 15min.

With a sigh of relief I pushed my phone back into my pocket and looked over at the bum that was staring at me. Shifting myself for a more comfortable position did not help at all. I was still feeling uncomfortable, and it had nothing to do with the step I was sitting on. How on earth was Chris not paranoid living and walking around in this part of town?

Luckily I didn’t have to wait long, because within ten minutes I saw Chris running as fast as he could in my direction.

“Chris! Why are you skipping class?” I asked, but he just held up his hand toward me, indicating that he needed to catch his breath first.

After a minute or two he said: “I broke if off with Andrew. Didn’t feel like school after that.”

“You broke up with him? Why?”

“Inside,” he answered. “That bum is checking us out.”

After being led into the building, up the stairs and finding ourselves in the apartment and in Chris’ room I finally begun feeling more at ease.

“So, what’s the prob? What are you doing here?” Chris asked. “I thought you never wanted to see me again. Not that I mind you being here off course.” Chris held up his hands as if asking me not to attack him.

“I did something horrible,” I answered, looking down at the carpet with the holes in. Probably rats in the apartment.

“What did you do?” His face was serious.

“I need to get out of town. But not today. I still have something to take care off. But I need a place to sleep tonight,” I said, still not looking him in the eyes.

“E.J… What did you do?”

“My mom left last night. She left me with James.”

“f*****g b***h!” Chris exclaimed.

“No! It’s not like that. I asked to stay,” I answered.

“Seriously? After what he did to you?” I could hear the suspicion in Chris’ voice. I could only imagine what was going through his mind. That I really was in love James and decided to stay because of that.

“Look… I had a plan. I needed to do something and then I want to disappear. I don’t want to be found.”

“And where are you going? How are you gonna get along on your own? Where’re you gonna live?” Chris asked.

For a moment I thought about not answering him, and then I pushed my hand into my pocket and retrieved…

“Holy s**t!” Chris said loudly as I opened my hand to show the roll of cash in my hand. “That must be thousands of dollars!”

“Around three grand,” I agreed as I pushed it back into my pocket.

“Where did you get it?”

“James… He got this idea that it wouldn’t be rape if he left a fifty dollar bill on my pillow every now and again.” I wasn’t proud to admit that I took the money, and I hoped that Chris would not be judging me for it either.

“Look, I get why you want to run away. I would have done the same thing. But why don’t you just call your mom. Tell her you’re staying with me and my mom for a few days, and then you decide what you want to do.”

“I know you mean well… But I just can’t… I did something terrible…”

“Like what E.J.?” Chris asked.

“I can’t tell you,” I answered, and after all the calm I could finally feel the tears that I had been biting back forming behind my eyes.

“Why not?” Chris asked again. I could feel his hand on my shoulder, prompting me to speak.

“I just can’t okay?”

“I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s going on,” Chris exclaimed. “I’m your friend. You know I won’t tell.”

I knew that he wasn’t going to just leave it. I knew that there was no way that he would stop pestering me until he knew what was going on, so I did the only thing that I could think of to shut him up and get his mind occupied on something else.

Before I even had time to actually think about it I was on top of him, pushing him down into his green sheets, my lips pressed against him.

“What the..?” he tried to say, but I took this as my opportunity and started exploring his mouth with my tongue. His mouth was warm, kissing me back with an almost tender, but still compassionate way. I could feel his arms going around my neck and his one hand coming down to cradle my cheek. His hands were soft and felt so good against my skin. He wasn’t grabbing me. He was caring for me. It was then that I had to break away from the kiss.

“Wow…” Chris said as I rolled off him and found a place next to him on the bed.

“Sorry…” I answered.

“I thought you said you weren’t gay?” Chris asked, the smile on his face growing bigger with every passing second.

“I thought I would give it a try,” I answered trying to tell myself that I was doing the right thing.

“So you want to try like… being my boyfriend? Or is it too soon for that?”

Chris had his in-love voice on. The one that sounded like a little puppy that wanted to follow me home.

“No.”

“But you just…”

“I gave you a kiss. It’s not marriage, okay?”

His smile faded as quickly as it had appeared.

“Want something to drink? Eat?” Chris said as he got up from the bed.

“Yeah,” I said and I watched him walk out of the room. What I did might not have been the best idea in the world but at least it worked. It kept him from asking any more questions that I wasn’t comfortable with answering and hopefully he would let me stay the night as well.

Chris’ mom got home drunk as usual, but it didn’t bother me since she did not bother us. We didn’t even have to listen to all her stories about her past and why her life was such a terrible thing to have. She went straight to bed and left us alone as Chris continued watching some dumb movie that made him giggle every few minutes, and I sat in the window sill, waiting for the night to fully consume the light of day; the same way that the darkness took me over and consumed every piece of dignity I still had left.

“Do you want to choose the next movie?” Chris asked as the end credits rolled over the screen.

“Nah,” I mumbled, still staring at the lights that sparkled in the distance of the busy city.

“Sure? We could watch The Perks of Being a Wallflower if you want? I think you have only seen it like a million times by now,” Chris urged me, trying his best to make me feel better.

“Nope. I’m over it.”

“You’re over Charlie? He still makes me think of you in a way,” Chris said with a grin, moving over to the wind. “You’ve also been like that. Quiet but cool.”

“Things change Chris,” I answered, wishing that the city lights were eyes that kept watch to protect children like me.

“Why did you kiss me?” It was serious this time.

“I don’t know,” I replied.

“You’re sure you’re not gay?” Chris probed again, making me regret the kiss more than ever.

“I’m sure…”

“But you’ve never even been with a girl,” Chris said. “So how would you know that you’re not gay.”

“Men are disgusting. They are pigs. I hate them,” I answered honestly. I could feel my lips pulling down in a bitter way.

“You think I’m disgusting?” I could hear the hurt in his voice.

“That’s not what I said.”

“I’m a man.”

“But you’re different.”

“How?” Chris asked as he walked away from me, disappearing out of the room, leaving me owing him an answer.