It's difficult to choose

5

I came out of my room in a hurry, dressed in a school uniform. The thing was obvious, I was always late for school and there was my mom standing with the lunchbox ready in her hands and the breakfast was kept on the table as always. I ran towards the table to have it, just to gulp all in once I folded up the ‘paratha’ and pushed hard into my mouth. “Slow down, eat it properly, how many  times have I told you to not waste your time on shower”, my mother scolded. I was not able to reply to her as my mouth was full and chewing the whole ‘paratha’ at once was not an easy task. The lunch was thrown in my bag like A grenade ready to explode. My father was sitting in the hall on the sofa like always, having his tea and continuously talking about the news he was reading in the newspaper. He usually raised his voice on the news which had to deal

with great loss or contain negativity. He didn't want to spread any hate or fear but just tio create a sense of caution within others' minds.

“Another boy committed suicide, the reason on the note he stated was tghe pressure on his head about the studies and the bad marks he obtained on rthe mid term marks”, he spoke loudly. “And you know what, he was in class 12th, what is happening in the world? Education in our times was not this hard”, he continued. The news grabbed my attention. I was eating the whole bunch of food in my mouth, unable to move my jaw and there my father kept speaking the things which were constantly distracting me from the fact that I was late for school again. I heard that news and thought, What is there in these board exams that had forced him to take a big step like this? How does this exam create so much pressure on a person? How does a person go into this much depression? by reaching such a place where they had to choose the wrong path or wrong way. Maybe it was probably the decisions in life that we took which led us on the wrong path. I had to control my thoughts, I grabbed my bag with a struggling mouth, I said goodbye to my parents, stormed out of my door and started the engine of my bike. The things were roaming around in my mind like, why the guy did that, why he had the fear of exams, why he was worried about his exams, why he was not mentally prepared for his exam and why he didn't find any reason to stay alive, does an exam is more important than a person’s life. I had so many questions in my mind. That news was frequently creating questions in my mind.

Something just ran into my mind, it was the thing which I had already experienced a few years back. The time when I took the stream that totally changed my life. The time when I had to choose the subjects  with which I was going to create my career. When I was choosing a PCM (Physics, Chemistry, Maths ) subject in past years. The nostalgia of that event when I cleared my 10th boards started to flood my mind.

I remember the time, when I was more innocent and creative. I was great at creating questions in every context I studied. I was that boy who was always trying to impress his parents on his marks that he obtained in examinations. 

I tell myself that I got up in the morning to brush and I saw myself in the mirror when my eyes were red and there are dark circles under my eyes. I had no sleep in the night. Something like this was my 10th board's result was going to come. I am very excited and I was a little bit nervous also. But after this, I was not talking to my mom or my dad. Like every day my mother gave me a cup of coffee in the morning, she gave me as usual. And my father is sitting on the chair in the hall and reading a newspaper. No one is talking to me. I Went to the sofa and sat on the sofa Mummy surveyed my coffee. I started thinking that these people were asking for the result till last night. But now no one is asking me about the results. Maybe these people are thinking of settling me down.

I finished my coffee. My doubt was right. As I finished the coffee, my dad stayed in his newspaper aside and the doubt that I had was completely true. My dad said to me what is your roll no. tell me. I came with roll No. And tell Dad. Here is it.

My mom's eyes were on me. She was constantly seeing me. She was wondering what the result would come. And then slowly she started praying in the mumbling sound. As soon as Dad opened the site, he was not open yet because the site crashed because of the rush. I think the site crashed because of the traffic. After that, his father asks him what is this. I told him there are some server issues because of traffic after a minute we can try then the site will open.

His father and mom are too desperate for her result. I was also too desperate to see his result but he couldn't say anything to anyone. I was quiet and nervous. I was thinking that I would see the result in the morning, but here this site crashed. Then suddenly Calls will start on mom's dad’s phone. My phone was on a table, it would also start getting a f*******: notification again and again. I checked my f*******: shell, then my 2 friends had put their posts; they had taken a screenshot of their results and posted it on f*******:.

I Was quite happy to see their results and those people were also good at studies. Now I was very nervous about my result and at the same time, phone calls came to mom and dad telling everyone that the result of his son is still not open. All relative’s family members were just asking the same question as to how it was the result of your son.

I kept constantly trying to open the site but the server was down. Half of the people were able to see the result, some people were not able to see the result. And those who had seen their own results were uploading their own posts to f*******:. Seeing all this, I thought I need to calm down a little while the result will be open in a little while I was just thinking about it And it was 12 o 'clock and the server of the result was not open till now. I will get frustrated and think that I will check in the evening only when the server has been ok and the result will also open at that time.