It's difficult to choose

4

I wanted to go back to my room to study, but I can't say it to them. I knew that they were quite interested to know about my plans after the 12th. I had planned so much but I didn't want to disclose those with them, Because I knew that those were the people who would call on the result day and tell everyone that I was preparing for that and I didn’t want that.

My presence in the hall was a nightmare for me. On one hand, my clock was running very slowly such that I could feel the time being wasted, and on the other hand, I was scared about the guests as they could ask me anything. And there we go, “So, what’s your plan after 12th, are you preparing for some college or something?”, my aunt asked. It was obvious that I didn't want to share such confidential information with any of my family members. Because such people do not support me, rather they always criticize the efforts that I put on everything. My mouth was shut, but my innocent mom was ready to ruin my day, “oh, he is preparing for IIT-JEE, that's really tough know, he is always studying in his room for that, very busy and very hard-working”, she chuckled in her innocence.           

I was silent and tightly grabbed the hand. I wanted to punch my hand on the Sofa, I did it like that so no one could see me. I felt that if they knew about my entrance and competitive exam then they would call me on the result day and call my father-mother and ask about my result. I didn’t want that. Suddenly, my uncle asked me "What is this IIT?" My aunt replied, “these are the competitive exams for entrance into Engineering college”. My uncle laughed and said, “engineering, seriously! There are so many of the engineers who are doing nothing with their degree, some of the engineers are sitting in the shops and some are standing on the 'Thela', there are so many of the engineers there. You should have chosen commerce after 10th then you could become a professional Businessman like me”.

His words just got through my chest like an arrow shot from a bow. The words just ignited the wildfire of anger inside me. Why the hell was he talking about that topic now? What does he want from me? Where was he when I was actually choosing up my stream after 10th? Why didn't he come then? Why is he telling me all that now? Choosing a stream was totally my decision, it was my interest in science which led me to choose that subject. My aunt replied, “it is a very good and popular exam and universities that make a good engineer and that also gives good jobs with excellent salaries and they also have the most respected curriculum in India”

After listening to this, I felt like Thank god there is someone who is mature and can understand affection towards my examination. “But it is a very tough examination as I heard, are you sure that you will be able to c***k it?” my aunt words demoralized me “I am trying my best to c***k it” I replied. “Well he keep studying all the time, he is so determined you know” the words of admiration for my study was flowing through my mother’s mouth like a high stream river. “Yeah that’s what my nephew also used to do” my aunt continue to speak “he was also so determined in his study, he used to study for at least ten hours a day, he had also joined the Bansal classes in his drop year but still he couldn’t c***k IIT.” Her words were so discouraging. “He even got himself sick due to weakness as he didn’t eat properly due to his study schedule.” That is one of the reason I don’t like the guest in my home - her demotivating words were pressurizing me. “You should also care about your health if you are going to prepare for it.” My aunt said to me. I can totally feel a sense of disbelief of her about me cracking IIT-JEE which made me both angry and disappointed. I was angry because she believed that I would not be able to c***k it as because her nephew couldn’t. I mean who are you to compare me, whether I am able or not. She even does not know anything about PCM and engineering. I know that cracking a national level exam like IIT-JEE is a very tough deal, every year almost ten lakhs of students appear in JEE out of which only eight to ten thousand students are selected in IIT. This means that around hundred students compete for one seat of IIT. But that doesn’t means that you can compare two different person, every student is different , everyone have different abilities, different good points and bad points and it only depend on the calibre of the student whether he/she can c***k it or not. The cup of tea and the tray of biscuits were almost finished and the time was going very fast now. I watched every 10 minutes, 1 hour had passed. But the general conversation was going so long. After one and a half hours, the guest finally stood for it and went back to their home. I said in my mind that finally. I also thought that they would give me some money. But the guest had gone outside of the house without giving money to me. I felt disappointed. Because when I was little they were to give me money but now why they haven’t. These were those people who only call at the result time and disturb my mother and father by talking about my result. It is so interesting to see that some people don't have any business with us but still they are so enthusiastic about our lives, what is happening in and what's new. This is because they got a new topic for gossiping and having an excuse for interaction with society. My marks and ranking in the coming examination will be a topic for them to discuss. If I would get some good results then they would make me popular in the whole world, and if they found me failed, they would destroy me and my family’s reputation. The threat was real because now I had to deal with expectations of two more people that I would succeed, so yes the pressure on my head for the examination was increased. After all, this happened, I finally went to my room and changed uniforms, and got ready to study. The time of mathematics is gone. I was thinking that now for 2 hours I should complete my chemistry.