Beautiful Catastrophe

Chapter Thirteen:

After that night, Kim refused to break down in front of Nathan again. She was a strong young woman and although crying didn't make a person weak, it certainly made her feel weak. That was the exact opposite of how she wanted to be perceived by him or anyone else for that matter.

Nathan had noticed her cool exterior and how she had been holding back a little in their recent conversations. She hadn't opened up to him again since then, and that had been almost a week ago. He was confused and disappointed, although he would never let it show. He could sense something was off with Kim but remained indifferent in front of her. He reckoned a reason for it was because of the growing tension between the pair of them that neither wanted to talk about.

They were so close to Las Vegas by then. After that night Nathan made sure to get there fast. He limited their breaks, drove until later in the evening and got up earlier to start driving again every morning. As much as Kim wanted to complain about it, she couldn't because she knew he was doing it for her, in order to make her feel safe.

She seemed to be on edge constantly when they were driving and even in the safety of the hotel rooms they shared together. She got little sleep every night and although she had never told Nathan, he knew it was because she was troubled and apprehensive about everything. Kim was living in fear that more people may come to get them but that fear hadn't become a reality just yet. Nathan was the only thing that took her mind off of it,even just a little sometimes.

"I don't want to talk about my friends." Kim said with little emotion behind her words.

She had been staying away from him for the past few days. Well, as far away as she possibly could considering they had to live and sleep in the same bed together. Although keeping physically away from him was difficult, mentally, she was steering clear of most personal conversations until right then, when she could avoid it no more.

They were sitting down to a quick dinner in a small diner they found just off the highway. Both had ordered and Nathan was trying to learn more about Kim's life back in Chicago.

"Why not?" he challenged her, knowing there was something particularly fishy about the way she had refused out straight. Other topics were a little harder for her to turn down. Why would one not want to talk about their friends?

"Because they aren't my friends anymore. There's no point in living in the past."

"So Shane is still your fiancé?" he quirked an eyebrow at her, trying to prove a point but she managed to find a way to worm her way out of the discussion he wanted.

"Why? Are you planning on popping the question to me Nathan? How sweet of you." She couldn't help but joke with him sometimes, she felt like she needed to think it was the wrong thing to do but she couldn't help it. Kim smirked but Nathan stared blankly at her for a moment in return.

"Answer me."

"No. Of course not." She rolled her eyes, knowing exactly what he would say next.

"Well, you said it yourself. Shane isn't your fiancé anymore, so why didn't you mind talking about him?"

"Because I wasn't thinking when I told you about him." Because I lied to you about him, she thought to herself.

"Well why don't you just stop thinking now and tell me about your old friends?"

"You're intolerable sometimes Nathan." She rolled her eyes. The way she spoke left a hint of honesty behind, like she was about to open up and that she did- as much as she felt able. "In the end, none of them would come away with me." Because you didn't want any of them to, her subconscious butted in.

"Why is that?" he quizzed her but she shrugged in reply.

"I told some of them about my father and what happened, I said I had enough and I was moving. They all reacted the same, as sympathetic as ever but not really giving that much of a shit." Sympathetic because they felt sorry for what your pathetic life had become and what your pathetic fiancé had done... she couldn't stop her thoughts.

"You can't really expect people to just jump up and leave with you Kim, regardless of whether they were your friends or not."

"They owed me." Kim tried to hide the anger erupting inside of her but it was a challenging task to do. He sense her discomfort but couldn't help but ask one last question.

"For what?"

"They lied to me, like everyone else." She had said too much, she was aware of that. And so when he opened his mouth to speak she jumped up from the booth they were sitting at and spoke again. "I need to find the bathroom." Her tone was dark and full of emotion. It made him feel terrible then.

"Kim-"

"Forget it." She cut across him and went on her way.

Tears pricked her eyes as she walked with her head down into the bathrooms. It wasn't until she was inside the safety of a cubicle, alone, that she allowed herself to burst into disconsolate tears. She didn't want to think about Shane Parker, she didn't want to think about her friends and she definitely didn't want to think about the betrayal from both sides that fell down on her like a tonne of bricks when her life had already spiralled out of control.

Everything was a train wreck, one that she wanted to give up on completely in that moment but she reminded herself that she was strong, she was tough and she could also get through all of this. Despite being aware of the fact that ignoring everything that had happened five years ago wouldn't help her at all, she still wanted to try and do so.

She wiped away her tears after a couple of minutes of crying and splashed water in her face once she exited the cubicle. Kim looked at her reflection in the mirror and tried to give herself a pep talk. She was ready to go back outside and face Nathan.

He was relieved to see her smiling face reappearing at the table in front of him but then noticed it was plastered on with great effort. A part of Nathan ached for her. She had been through a lot, so had he but their lives turned into disasters for very different reasons.

For Nathan could not control the death of his parents, it was something that had just happened and he had some family members to help him after all of that had happened to him at the young age of sixteen. Death, in his parents' case was not a choice, but the betrayal of Kim's family and friends was something they all had control over and chose to do so regardless of how Kim would feel afterward.

Her own father had decided to lie to her, her fiancé decided to betray her by working with her father and her friends- he didn't quite know what they had done but understood it was something that Kim would never forget. Nathan's parents loved him, and if given the choice would not have left him to live a very lonely life, sorrow following him around for what felt like forever.

Kim never told him about what happened between Shane and her friends that day. She just couldn't. And she was also glad that he hadn't asked about it again. Instead, he reached his hand across the table and took hers. He rubbed his thumb over her soft skin, an attempt to comfort her. But his touch was too much for her to handle. Such a small gesture had left tingles on the areas he had touched. Nathan could sense it too, but she was the first to pull away.

There was tension for the rest of the day in the car. Being in such a small place for such a long time made it unbearable for Kim. The fact that she knew Nathan wouldn't try anything with her was killing her. She knew it would be difficult to get him to give in, a lot more difficult than it would be for her if the roles were reversed. Kim wanted something to get her mind off of everything and a night with Nathan seemed like the perfect idea.

His gaze flickered from the road ahead to her multiple times in the car. The guilt from the pain he had caused her earlier over dinner had made him agree to play eye spy. Her face lit up when he said yes. They played until Nathan decided to call it a night and found a hotel room.

Kim's heart began racing once he opened the door to their room and threw the duffle bag on the bed. They had cleaned their clothes a few days ago so Kim fished around to find her pyjamas, she could feel Nathan's eyes on her for the entire time. She had her back to him, trying to stay as far away from him as she possibly could in a small hotel room.

"I need to shave." He mumbled to himself before he too began looking in the duffle bag and finding the things he needed.

"Hurry up." Kim rolled her eyes as he entered the bathroom. "I need to shower soon."

"I know you do." He replied, she could hear him from the other side of the closed door.

"Dumbass!" she called back.

He chuckled loudly and took a very long time in the bathroom. He decided to have a shower and shave. Nathan was met with Kim's face up close to him as soon as he opened the door. She had been waiting outside for a very long time waiting for him to be finished.

"Well you took your sweet time didn't you?" she said in a vexed tone, remaining in her spot.

Kim knew Nathan wouldn't give in to her, but she thought trying would be fun. She enjoyed seeing him frustrated.

"Kim..." he warned, their lips just inches away from each other.

"What?" Kim acted innocent, her eyes lingering on his lips.

"Get out of the way."

"Why?" she leaned a little closer, a giggle escaping her lips. He knew exactly what she was doing, but it took him some time to move away and stop himself.

"Move." He grumbled before pushing past her. Kim was the one laughing then; she took her clothes and headed in for a relaxing shower.

As soon as she got out, she dried herself off and got into just her underwear before exiting the bathroom. Kim pretended to fish around in the duffle bag for something when she opened the bathroom door and stepped into the room again. Nathan's breath hitched in his throat at the sight of her, he was sitting on the couch facing her and could see every part of her on display, head to toe.

"Kim..." Nathan spoke again that same cautious tone, but who was he warning? Kim or himself?

She turned her head and waited for a reply, still acting as innocent as ever.

"Stop."

"Stop what?" she asked, rather smugly.

"Put some clothes on."

"It's too warm, I'm going to just skip wearing clothes tonight."

"God damn it Kim." Nathan muttered under his breath before standing up and walking towards her and the bag.

"You're such a stick in the mud."

"Because I don't want us doing something we'll both regret."

"I won't regret it." She stated truthfully. Nathan on the other hand, knew it he would regret it.

Although a part of him was telling him no, another was telling him yes. He wanted Kim there and then, more so than all of the other days or nights they had spent together and she wanted him too so what was the problem? She had clearly stated it was just s*x, he knew that was all he could deal with too but it was good to know they would be on the same page.

Kim had this pull towards her, swallowing him up. She was powerful, her mind and body, Nathan felt as though he was at war with himself for a couple of minutes while he stood in front of her. She looked intensely at him, trying to figure him out. She took a step closer and brought her hand up to his chin. Her fingers ran softly over his jaw line and then she leaned in to place light kisses around his mouth.

Nathan closed his eyes for a moment, unable to take it all. Her touch was like fire, he craved more and more of her. His hand went to tangle in her hair as he pulled her closer to his lips for a passionate kiss. Kim took his hands and placed them on her bare waist. He felt her soft skin and moved closer to ravish her mouth again, this time with a kiss full of lust and complete want.

But then Nathan pulled away and looked at her. He shouldn't do this, he couldn't do this, but he wanted to.

"Put something on and go to bed." His voice was husky and low. She looked up at him before speaking.

"Or else?" she daringly said.

"Or else I won't be able to stop myself." There was a short silence until she spoke again, neither had pulled away yet.

"Then don't." she whispered. Her words stirred something within him, they gave him the ability to let go. And so within a matter of seconds, he had picked her up and began to kiss her senseless. Kim was getting what she wanted, and what she knew he wanted too. It was a win win situation, or so she thought.

Nathan was everything she had been expecting and more. She did not regret anything she done that night which wasn't a surprise. He was enjoying a cigarette and held her close in his arms afterward, wondering why it felt so nice to have her so near. Nathan couldn't think straight, he felt strange because what he was thinking was unexpected. He could not find an ounce of regret in his body for what they had both done together. Instead, he wanted more.

Nathan fell asleep first, his arms wrapped tightly around her. Once he finished his cigarette he settled down and drifted off quickly. As soon as she knew he was asleep she shrugged out of his firm grip and slept on her own side of the bed with her back to him.

Men were assholes, she reminded herself, even Nathan. Kim didn't need to over think anything in that moment. She just needed to remember despite how sincere and caring he had been towards her over the past couple of days, she couldn't grow to like him in any way. Instead of being used, she would be the user.