The Love I Never Had

The love I never had It was a lazy Sunday afternoon when I broke into my Bestfriend's apartment, I looked around her four walled roomand it seemed that she has not jump out of bed yet--madilim at malamig sa kwarto niya, naka full blast ang aircon at animoý parang walang taong naka okupa dito--Im guessing why it's like this, I rolled my eyes as imagination occurred my thoughts, malamang isa nanaman ito sa mga depresyon na dulot ng walang modo niyang boyfriend. I switched the lights on just to see her helplessly lying on her bed--she's awkwardly curling her body while shaking and trembling. I ran towards her and felt her forehead with my dorsum. "tot.. You're hot"..I whispered calmly. She stirred a bit and groaned. She squinted her eyes and forced a smile on her lips "I know" she murmured in a croaky voice. I leaned down and lie beside her. Dumasog siya sa akin at sumiksik, bumuntong hininga ako at muling nagsalita "bakit hindi ka nagpunta sa clinic kanina? Kuya Andrei was dead worried that you didn't come for your check up" Muling sumilay ang pilit na ngiti sa mga labi niya habang nakapikit ang mga mata, iniyakap niya ang isang braso sa beywang ko at idinantay ang mga paa sa paa ko "I am a nurse. I am good in nursing other people, why would I not do that to myself. See? You are not even worried" napanguso pa siya. At muling ngumiti. "I'm not worried because I know you can take care of yourself. Im mad at you" bumuntong hininga ulit ako at inabot sa bedside table ang thermometer na nakapatong dito, tsaka inipit ng marahan sa kili kili niya "I was there, I waited for you, but you never came. I was there.. Counting every raindrop.. You never showed up. You silly bratt. Why did you chose him over me? GOD! I am your bestfriend! Now look at you! You look pathetic!" Singhal ko. I sighed because even if I hate her, at the end of the day Hindi ko rin siya matitiis, kahit na ilang beses na niya akong iniindyan, kahit ilang beses na niya akong ipinagpapalit sa boyfriend niyang sira ang tuktok, mahal ko parin siya. "Haaaachoooo!"she sneezes and gradually opens her weak eyes"why are you still here then? Tampo tampo ka pa" aniya habang dinudutdot ang tagiliran ko. I hate her doing this to me. Palagi nalang ako ang talo. Palagi nalang ako ang hindi nakakatiis. Mula yata kasi ng ipinanganak kami ay magkadugtong na ang mga pusod namin. Lahat ng gawin niya okay lang sa akin, lahat ng kalokohan niya napapatawad ko. Pero iyong katangahan niya sa lalaki--hindi ko maintindihan. I never had a boyfriend. Siguro nga wala akong basehan kung bakit siya ganoon kadeads sa boyfriend niya, pero hindi rin ako tanga para hindi maipagkamali iyong obssession sa love. Iyong katangahan sa kabobohan, iyon case niya kasi--purong katangahan ever since the world begun. "Nakakainis ka kasi Tot! Nagkakasakit ka ng dahil sa lintek na jowa mo! Did you spend another rainy, cold night waiting for that idiot, but then he stood you up like he never had an obligation to fulfill? Ang tanga mo naman kasi tot! kailan ka pa matututo? Halos lahat na ng masasakit na salita narinig mo sa akin.. But then" bumuntong hininga ako at muling nagpatuloy "you always choose to be hurt and neglected" malungkot kong turan. I heard her gasped. "I love him" mahina niya usal. "He doesn't love you. He is selfish" "Mahal niya ako tot.. Mabuti siyang tao. I cant see the point why you hate him so much. Hindi niya ako niloloko" Napatanga ako sa tinuran ng kaibigan ko, kailan pa siya matatauhan?