BATTLING FEARS

The Hard Choice

 I arrived at the meetup location 5 minutes before the agreed time. I was a really time conscious person. The idea of going there later than normal would really cause me a huge anxiety attack especially with the thought of whether he had left there or not or whether he was furiously waiting for me with a bat to attack me for not keeping to time. Okay, all jokes apart. I hated going anywhere late. Lateness wasn't my thing and it was one of the bad habits I hated so much in life. 

"There is a restaurant close by. Let us sit there" He had suggested as soon as we exchanged a brief hug. I nodded and walked with him to the "BelleandFell Chicken Restaurant". The name of the restaurant alone was enough to prevent me from even stepping into this building. What were the owners thinking before choosing such a less attractive name. I mean there were more better captivating, juicy names they could have used. Right?

"So you dated that Drake guy?" He had asked again but this time with a really shocked look. 

"Yes. He asked me out a few weeks after we broke the friendship.. I thought he was a nice guy so i went ahead to accept his proposal" 

"I assure you that he isn't a bad guy. Not at all. He is just insane. I am sorry i know he is your ex but, he is a crazy guy" 

"Call him whatever you wish. I don't care. He always made fun of my anxiety" 

"What? So he does that to you too…" He was interrupted by a waiter who walked up to our table asking if we wanted to order anything. He declined politely and asked me. I had already eaten before leaving my hostel so i declined as well. "Did Drake really do that to you?"

"Yes but I just think he feels those with social anxiety use that to cover up for whatever evil they have inside their wardrobe. I have no idea what makes him think that but all those time he called me shy and coward just got me so angry and upset" 

"He hasn't changed. He will never change…" Vixen scoffed with a weak laugh. I stared at his lovely brown eyes. They still shun in the daylight as they always did. His dark hair was very curly and neat. I thought of most guys i saw with curly hair and remembered their greasy look. His wasn't greasy. It looked different. His face looked glassy. I was sure he was applying something for it to look that radiant. He was definitely applying something. His hands looked manly and muscular. His lips were so small and… wait, what were we suppose to talk about? This is getting really intense now. 

"Hmm… What did Drake do to your sister? Tell me how your childhood went with him" I brought my mind to the conversation realizing the reasons why i feel for him in the first place. He already had a girlfriend. There was no way i was doing this again. Damn the feelings!

"Drake's parents are filthy rich as everyone knows. He gets everything he wants during Christmas, especially those times my dad could barely get me, Sketchers" 

"Were you ever jealous of him?" 

"Nah! Not at all. He was a close buddy. There was no way I would be jealous of him. We shared basically everything he got together. That's before my dad got promoted and began to earn more than he used to. If you're wondering how our parents got close, they are both business partners in the company. The only thing is that Drake's dad has been in the business long more than my dad has. I mean he started this company two years before my dad brought his proposal for partnership. My dad is a really intelligent man as you can see from his intelligent son here…" He winks at me, making me roll my eyes with a laugh. 

"Intelligent indeed" I joked. Don't take that joke seriously. Vixen was a really intelligent guy and this was one of the reasons why I had fallen for him initially. 

"Drake and I used to be close until he began accusing my sister for using drugs and abusing alcohol. He kept claiming my sister tried seducing him and kept sneaking out with friends to a private club where they booked. I assure you that my sister isn't like that. She has never been like that. She is too calm to do all those stuffs…" 

"If you're sure your sister is innocent as you claim, then why are you scared Drake will ruin her? If she really is innocent, Drake won't find anything against her and will eventually leave your family alone" 

"That's the problem Maureen. I don't know what to believe anymore. I don't want to believe she is doing drugs or being wayward out there but on the other hand, i actually feel Drake is kind of right in as much as I don't want to believe this. I had noticed she doesn't pick up my call most times, she locks herself in the room for no reason and she spends so much time on her phone. I thought she was just been an extrovert, i mean anxiety shouldn't stop that right but i don't know…"

"Look Vixen, to honest...Anxiety cannot change one's personality or change anyone's mindset. If they choose to go down the wrong path then they will go down the wrong path, no matter what you say to them. You can advise them but your morals in them. It's still their choice of whether they want to listen or not…" 

"Geez! I really did so much for that young girl...this would have been the last thing i thought she would ever do" 

"It's okay. She will change. I mean she has a hardworking wonderful brother who loves her so much. She will definitely change for your sake" 

"Life isn't that beautiful, Maureen. Snap out of your lala land" 

"Whatever. So what did Drake do to make you so scared to death like this?" 

"He has an evidence against my sister and has threatened to show it to the police if my dad doesn't end the partnership with his father leaving 50% of the liabilities to his family" 

"What? That's really cruel. What will your family have left after that?'

"I have no idea. My dad also worked so hard on that company as much as his dad. My dad built companies, brought so many ideas which made the company flourish to this extent" 

"He is a rich man kid. He will never understand. If he leaks that video though, I bet your sister's reputation will be ruined and your dad's business will be at loss due to investors. The investors might withdraw…"

"They will withdraw. You don't even know what's in the video" 

"What did your sister do that's so big?"

He was quiet for a while. It was as if he wished to say something but wasn't sure how to begin. I took his hand in mine. 

"Come on Vixen tell me, what did he capture?" 

"He captured her doing drugs in her room" He finally spoke up. 

"Drugs? Well, now that seems really bad. If the police catches her, she will stay long in jail" 

"Look, I have no idea what to do. Perhaps, since you were his ex you could talk him out for me" 

"Me? I wish I could but he doesn't even get me anyway. How are you sure he will listen to me concerning your drug addict sister?"

"It's worth trying please. We have registered her into a rehab center. We do hope that helps her a lot but aside that, i don't want the police to be involved" 

"Vixen, Drake has done more to me other than just depriving me of my emotional peace. I still feel a kind of connection with him. I don't wish to feel all those overwhelming  emotions rush back at the sight of him again" 

"Maureen, i don't know how that happened or what he did to you but could you just talk to him for my sake? I promise, i will help you out of any emotional distress you must be facing lately"

"You can't help me out with this one. I am sorry. I can't help you" I apologized and walked off immediately feeling really uncomfortable now. How did Vixen expect me to go back to that i***t and start acting nice and sweet and pretending I had no grudges against him. No matter how much i tried to cover it up i couldn't clear from my mind the fact that i lost my virginity to that dude and all the emotional feelings still overwhelmed me. I just couldn't forget no matter how hard I tried. Seeing Drake's face reminded me of the afternoon we did it together. The afternoon I felt overwhelmed, safe… I just can't describe it at this moment. Seeing Drake's face reminded me of that moment and the fact that I had to go back to him despite our break up and act so calm and sweet as if he hadn't been traumatized and make fun of my whole anxiety situation just makes me angry. How could Drake have done this to me?! Who does he even think he is?