The Unwanted Marriage

Chapter 4: The First Big Fight

Aimee's POV

"Please leave..." I pleaded in almost a whisper. I forced my hands to free from him and placed them on my chest in an attempt to calm myself. 

God knows how hard I endured this marriage. Since then, he never showed he cares. He didn't even propose to me. He bought our wedding ring through his secretary and then one day, "Here," he said. I stared at the plain gold ring between his thumb and pointed finger. My eyes crawled up to his bored face. He is slouching in front of me with the ring still hanging in the air while his other hand is inside his pocket as if giving me the ring himself is lame. 

His expression and action speak louder than his voice.  Since I don't want to further irritate him, I gave him my hand. I was never been stabbed in the chest before, but at that moment,  I felt like I was. 

He used his free hand to reach for mine and faced my palm upward. He then placed the ring in it and said, "I won't propose anymore. You'll say 'yes' anyway. That would be a waste of time."

At that point in time, I should have known... I should have known how this marriage will go down. I ignored the fact that he didn't even ask me if I want to marry him. He only handed me the ring and that's it. He didn't try to settle down. All he wanted is to be free. 

It sounds petty. We have an arranged marriage and proposals aren't a thing. Those are only for people who did plan to get married. Those are for the real couples who faced different challenges and hit milestones. 

In our case, we didn't plan it. We didn't love each other. We didn't have a relationship before entering this marriage hence, there's nothing worth proposing for. Unlike other couples, we are moving a step backward. We started in marriage when it was supposed to be the last. The situation that I'm in is the result of my choices. Why did I even expect something good with this? 

"This is our house, Aimee," he uttered. The subtle tone of persuasion in his voice is noticeable.

I wiped out the tears blurring my vision and looked at his face to answer. But my lips were left parted when my eyes caught something on his shirt. At the zipper part of his trousers, I notice a red stain on it. "Oh, God..." I whispered to myself. I can now imagine him and his girlfriend in his car, in that specific position. I darted my line of sight straight to his face."Was it good?" my voice cracked and it sounded like I whispered in the air, nevertheless, I continued. "Was s-she good?"

The heaviness in my heart tripled. He met up with her right after we had s*x! He chose to eat lunch with her after he ate me in bed. He refused to grab my hand and slid the ring on my finger, but how come it was so easy for him to hold her hand in public? I do make him hard but why do I feel like I couldn't make him soft? 

"You never h-hugged me... n-nor k-kissed me..." without lust. I closed my eyes to stop my tears from rolling down. I feel so worthless... begging for love from the man who should provide me with one. I am so desperate... 

Reflecting on my past actions, I have never wronged someone before. They why is this happening to me? What did I do worst to deserve such a life?

"What do you mean, Aimee? Damn!" I can hear the frustration in his voice. I know he won't get it. I shook my head. The amount of hope that I have for this marriage is slowly draining out. I am not certain how long will this last. My eyes were glued to the floor. I can see my tears dropping on our beige marbled tiled floor which by the way, I chose the design myself. I raised my head and look around the room. I cried harder when I realized that I did it all. This house... I was the one who chose this design. From its exterior down to the furniture and to the small details. I am the only one looking forward to treating this as our home. He never paid attention. Never exerted an effort. 

I felt him move and sit on the bed beside me. I refuse to stand when he once again tried to pull me up. In the end, just like what he always does, he gave up and let me slump down on the floor. "What Pearl said... it should be none of your business. We already talked about this, right? I thought you agreed?"

I bit my lower lip to stop myself from cursing him. I can feel the taste of blood in it but I could care less. It's nothing compared to what I feel. 

"I don't wish for you to love me, Clyver! All I want is for you to respect me and this marriage!" I wailed and hugged my knees. This is too much. He is too much. The whole world knows we are married. But he is an insensitive assh*le! Carefree flaunting his mistress, not minding what others would think of us... of me. Without thinking clearly, I blabbered, "I shouldn't have agreed to marry you..." I halted after the words unexpectedly slipped out of my mouth. Even I was surprised by what I said. However, I don't feel like backing out. I am hurt. All I think right now is to hurt him back with the hopes of him begging for me... just like what I did every day in our marriage life. "I want to be free..." I said with quivering lips, continuing to utter lies that I will soon regret saying. 

I am not looking at him but I can sense him stunned in his seat. I wanted to take back what I said but I have no energy to do so. The room went silent and the only sound I hear is my own voice crying of pain and the beating of my heart out of frustration. anger, disappointment, and restlessness. 

After a minute of pure agony and regrets, I notice him move on his place and stand from his seat. What he said next shattered my already crushed heart. 

"Don't worry. I'll work hard..." I lifted my head and saw him looking down at me. His eyes are dark and expressionless and his lips are on a thin line-- contrary to his usual bright and grinning face. "I'll work hard to earn more money and help boost your family's company. Right after that, you're free to go. I won't stop you." With that, he turned his back and walk straight out of my room. The door slammed close, leaving me on the floor, asking myself why do I deserve this. 

I wasn't the one having an affair. I wasn't the one who broke the holy promise that we made right in front of Him. He was the one in the wrong but why does it feel like I am? 

The sound of the breaking vase in our living room made me flinch. The next thing I heard is the main door opening and closing harshly. I felt like my heart wanted to jump out of my ribcage. I close my eyes to help myself escape my reality for a second.

His car's engine roared and the sliding of the gate's garage followed. I waited for it to fade. And when silence devoured me, I hugged myself tighter, realizing that no matter what I do, no matter how heavy my tears would be, a man will never be a man if he doesn't want to. 

I was so weak to get up and transfer myself to bed. Instead, I let myself lay on our cold floor, curling my knees up to my chest and resting my face on them. I felt a hard rectangular thing in my pocket which makes my uncomfortable situation more uncomfortable. I reached to pull out my phone and instinctively opened it. The blinding light of my device and my eyes filled with wet tears hurts my sight. I immediately closed my lids tightly, asking for a little comfort. When I felt that it might be okay, I opened my eyes again. The unread messages of Janine flashed on my screen. 

'Did you get home safe?'

'Reply to my message if you're already at home.'

'Aimee, it's been an hour and a half since you left here. I just want to know if you're safe. You didn't hit the gas and exceed the speed limit only to go home to your husband, right?'

'He's not worth breaking the laws, you know.' I chuckled after reading her messages. She's friends with my husband but she never thinks twice about taking my side. 

My phone slipped out of my hold. Luckily, it fell right onto the floor. I stared at it for a second, contemplating whether I'll pick it up or not. I am so weak right now that even replying to my caring best friend is too hard for me. Slowly, my lids are getting heavier every second. I can already feel the comfort of sleeping. Maybe I'll send a message to her after I rest. Plus, I don't think I can force myself to tell her I'm fine when obviously, I'm not.

I let myself lay down on the cold floor, staring at the ceiling and watching than fan's blade slowly spinning. My thoughts swayed, replaying the scenery in my head. 

My husband decided to eat with someone after we make out in bed. He left me after our fight instead of comforting me. He rather dismisses my feeling than admit he was wrong. I wanted to sleep to escape this inevitable reality. 

'Just a couple of hours and after you wake up, you'll be fine,' I whispered to myself.

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Unedited. Expect typo, spelling, and grammatical errors.

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The Unwanted Marriage

by: Joanne Cristel

©2021

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