The Empire Series: Von Liam

They say that you should follow your heart but what if your heart can not even muster its beats? ---------- Gusto kong kumawala… Gusto kong humulagpos… Pero paano ako lalabas sa hawla, Kung ang puso ko nama’y nakagapos? ---------- Nakaupo si Von Liam sa waiting area sa labas ng emergency room habang sapo ang ulo. He’s trying so hard to calm down but his heart felt like breaking into bits as the clock ticks. Hindi nito alam kung ano ang uunahing gawin. Naghahalo ang pangamba, pag-aalala, sakit at galit sa nangyari. “Kayo po ba ang asawa ng pasyente?” tanong ng doctor na kalalabas lang mula sa emergency room. “Yes. I am Von Liam Filan,” agad na sambit ni Liam. His heartbeats raced as he stood up. “I am Dr. Eryn Valencia. Please hurry up and follow me at my office.” Napalunok si Liam pagkarinig sa sinabi ng doctor. Mas lalong lumakas ang kabog sa dibdib nito. He’s silently praying that everything’s going to be okay though his instinct and the doctor’s tone tell otherwise. “Please take a seat,” saad ng doctor nang makapasok sila sa opisina. Itinuro nito ang upuan sa harap ng table. Mabilis itong nagpunta sa maliit na sink sa gilid at nagtanggal ng gloves bago bumalik sa kinaroroonan ni Liam. Liam stared at the engraved name of the doctor. He’s a heart surgeon. “I’ll have to be very honest, Mr. Filan,” umpisa ng doctor. “May natamaang ugat sa puso ang bala na tumama sa asawa mo. It’s a good a thing na nadala siya agad dito, otherwise she would have died right there and then.” That statement made Liam static. He felt like guns are pointing down at him and ready to shoot him dead. “She needs to be operated right away to remove the bullet.” Parang umakyat lahat ng dugo sa ulo ni Liam sa narinig. His entire being tries to deny everything that he heard. It can’t be happening. Napatingin sila sa may pintuan nang may pumasok na isa pang doctor. “She’s Dr. Princess Mae Magallanes, an OB-Gyne. She also checked your wife,” saad ng doctor. Umupo naman ang isa sa kaharap niyang silya. “We need to remove the bullet from your wife right away.” Dr. Valencia stated. Liam knew it wouldn’t be that easy. He tried hard to appear strong in front of the doctors. “But it is not as easy as that, maaari kasing tumigil ang t***k ng puso niya habang inooperahan,” dagdag ng doctor. “The baby in her womb needs the life support from her mother’s heart.” Dr. Magallanes, the OB-Gyne, butted in. “Ngayon kung uunahin nating operahan ang asawa ninyo, maaring hindi kayanin ng baby. Kapag naman inuna nating ilabas ang baby maaaring hindi rin magtagal ang buhay ng misis niyo dahil kailangan ng agarang pagtanggal sa bala.” Dr. Valencia explained. Liam’s lips pursed as he gazed at the two doctors. Hindi nito alam kung tatanggapin ang mga sinasabi ng mga ito. He’s trying to convince himself that everything’s okay. He’s telling his mind that everything will be okay. Kahit alam niya sa puso niya na HINDI naman talaga. “You have to choose kung sino ang una naming isasalba.” Those words cut through Liam’s entire being. Hindi siya agad nakasagot. He tried to free his mind and think straight. “What are the chances that my wife will survive if you operate on her first?” Halos ayaw lumabas ng mga katagang iyon mula sa bibig ni Liam. Pero kailangan niya ng opinion ng eksperto. He knew that the hospital employs the best doctors in the country. “Any operation has 50-50 chances of survival, but I am positive she will survive it. Marami na akong tinanggalan ng bala sa puso na katulad nang sa asawa niyo but they had survived,” the doctor stated. Nakaramdam ng pag-asa si Liam ngunit nanghina ulit ang tuhod niya nang dagdagan ng doctor ang naging pahayag. “Pero ang mga iyon kasi ay walang baby na nakasalalay.” Napahawak siya sa bibig. He’s trying so hard to stop himself from tearing apart. “If I’ll choose my daughter first, what are the chances that the baby will be okay?” He couldn’t fathom where he took the courage to ask the question. “The baby will surely live. Kailangan lang ma-incubate ng ilang weeks dahil 7 months pa lang siya. The baby is healthy based on the tests so I think she will survive it,” the OB-Gyne answered. Liam brushed his face and held his cheeks. His mind wants to shut down from everything. He forcibly closed his eyes hoping that everything is just a dream. But the moment he opened his eyes the doctors are still staring at him. He wasn’t able to control his tears. They fall down without any accord. Kahit pala sinong matapang kung mahal na sa buhay ang nakataya, maiiyak na lang bigla. He brushed his eyes and stared at the doctors. “What can you suggest?” Liam asked. Nagkatinginan ang dalawang doctor. “Kahit sino ang unahin naming iligtas sa kanila paniguradong may pag-asang makakaligtas pero hindi kami ang magde-desisyon kung alin sa kanila ang uunahin. It’s your prerogative, Mr. Filan.” It was the heart surgeon who spoke. “But rest assured, we will do everything to save them both. We will be at the OR together with an attending physician to see everything,” dagdag ni Dr. Valencia habang sinusulyapan si Dra. Magallanes. “We don’t have so much time, Mr. Filan. Kapag pinatagal natin ‘to both of their lives will be in jeopardy,” mahinahong saad ng doctor sa puso. “My wife’s already in jeopardy, fvck it! Iligtas niyo silang dalawa!” Liam uttered. His jaw’s tensing. His heart beating fast. His tears are running down profusely. “We will do our best to save them both. The only thing you need to decide on is who we are going to save first.” There was a nurse who came in and gave a document to the doctor. “Here’s the waiver Mr. Filan. You need to sign and state who we are going to save first,” saad ni Dr. Valencia. “Are you seriously asking me to waive my loved one’s life?!” nailing niyang tanong sa mga doctor. “You have the best doctors here. Save them both!” Madiin niyang saad. Hindi na niya napigilan ang sariling emosyon. “We will do our best, Mr. Filan, but you have to make a choice.” Dr. Magallanes stated. “Bibigyan ka namin ng limang minuto para mag-decide. Let us know when you’ve already decided,” pinal na saad ni Dr. Valencia. His tears run down again. Why does he need to decide for his loved one’s life? Fvck it! Pinunas niya ang pisngi. “Alam naming mahirap ito para sa ‘yo pero hindi ito ‘yong tamang panahon para isipin ang lahat ng sakit. You need a sound decision, Mr. Filan,” Dr. Magallanes said as she tapped him on the shoulder. That tap meant a lot. Siguro dahil babae ito kaya hindi nahihiyang ipakita ang simpatya. “Four minutes.” Dr. Valencia reminded. Marahas na dinampot ni Liam ang papel at lumabas ng opisina. He immediately went to the ER where his pregnant wife lie unsconscious. Iba’t-ibang tubo ang nakakabit rito para sa life support. He can’t help but wipe a tear seeing her. His sunshine, the love of his life is lying helplessly. How did all of this happen? Liam swears he’ll find the culprits who did this to his wife and make them pay real hard. If he needs to drag them to hell with his bare hands, he will. Hinawakan niya ang tiyan ng asawa. His tears fell when he felt the baby’s soft kicks. “I’m sorry, baby,” he muttered before moving out of the room. Nanginginig ang kamay niyang ipinatong ang dokumento sa mesa ng doctor. His tears fell as he signed the waiver. The doctors immediately called some people. Agad silang lumabas ng opisina at mabilisang nagtungo sa ER. Lutang at wala sa sarili siyang napasunod sa mga ito. Hindi na niya pansin ang mabilisang galaw ng mga nurses at doctor na lumalagpas sa kanya. Napadausdos siya ng upo sa gilid hallway nang makitang tulak-tulak na ng mga nurses ang stretcher kung nasaan ang asawa at ipinasok sa OR. His tears run profusely. He felt so alone. “I’m sorry, baby…” sambit niya nang paulit-ulit habang nakayuko at nagkakarehan ang luhang namalisbis sa pisngi. Today, he felt like the man he has been for all those years was gone. Gone is the strong Von Liam. Hindi pala siya matapang. Hindi pala niya kayang pigilan ang luha. “Vanna Lei, I’m sorry…” he muttered as he hugs himself hoping that the words would reach his twin sister.