Haden Merrick

Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten - God Save Us All

          ''Can you drive or not?''

          ''Y—yeah.'' I stutter, seeing him handing me his car keys before walking out of his bedroom with me trailing closely behind him.

          My head turns to face Greta who appears to be understanding of this whole situation as she nods, gesturing for me to take Haden out of this house. It's better to have someone around him rather than him going alone. I immediately run towards Haden who is already standing beside his familiar matte black BMW i8 but as soon as I see him hesitating on whether he should enter the car causes me to stand and mimic his action. ''Get a different car,'' He says.

          ''What?'' I ask, confused.

          Our eyes meet in an instant and by the looks of it, he's this close to throw something straight towards my face but he ignores me by grabbing onto another pair of car keys near one of the cabinets before pressing onto it. Another car lights up, a Ford Mustang and this time, he doesn't seem to hesitate as he enters the car. I follow after, sitting in the driver's seat just seconds before he hands me the keys. ''You want me to drive this car?''

          He scoffs, ''No, we're just going to sit here and stare at one another.''

          Maybe, it's the intensity in his eyes or the amount of anger radiating from him but it's like as if everything he touches would burn into ashes. The way his eyes are currently piercing deeply into my own is causing me to stare back yet I fear he might see through me, all of my secrets and all of my flaws seeping through. ''Yes, for god's sake, I want you to drive this car.''

          ''What if I run into something?''

          ''You won't if you're a good driver.''

          ''I've never drove a Mustang before—''

         ''Belle, just drive!'' He exclaims, pinching the bridge of his nose before turning to look out the window.

         ''Just so you know, I won't take any responsibility if I—''

          He cuts me off, ''—f**k, just drive the f*****g car or I'm going to lose my f*****g mind!''

          Within seconds, I'm already starting the engine and pressing hard onto the gas pedal. The car accelerates fast with my hands gripping hard onto the steering wheel and my eyes focusing on the road but occasionally glance towards Haden's direction, seeing him looking out the window without being bothered by the speed we're going. My mind wanders off to the place Joanne, Seth and I used to go when we were a freshman and going through a hard time; it'd be best to bring him there.

          Both of us befriends the silence, not wanting to start a conversation.

          I make a quick turn, going down a different road before accelerating in order to reach the exact spot in less than ten minutes. It doesn't take me long to slow the car and park it near the edge, causing Haden to look at me. ''Why are we stopping?''

          ''I used to come here all the time. Maybe, you can too from now on.'' I reply, tucking a few strands of hair behind my ear. ''You want to get out?''

          After stepping out of the car, I close my eyes to breathe in the fresh air before turning to see Haden doing the same minus him closing his eyes and actually breathing the air here. My eyes remain focusing onto him as he looks around, wanting to see his surroundings and by the looks of it, he seems fairly satisfied. ''What am I supposed to see?'' He asks, looking at me.

          ''The sunset.''

          I make my way towards him in order to lessen the distance between us but keep it professional as he turns to look at the sun. His brown eyes and hair are lightening due to the sunlight and his already tanned skin appears to be glowing, making me realise just why I managed to fall for this man in front of me. Even standing facing the sun with his eyes closed can be seem as beautiful to an extend that it's making me smile. Our bodies are nowhere close to one another but for some reason, it feels as if we're already skin to skin even though it's just my thought.

          How can I stand and stare like this? With the wind blowing onto our bare skin and letting it push his hair towards the back, actually seeing his expression growing soft rather than how he was earlier, filled with rage and blinded by anger. Right now, right here, at this exact moment, I'm the luckiest girl alive.

          ''How did you find this place?'' He asks, turning to face me.

          ''My friends and I were out that night, honestly I was a little bit tipsy and they had me to use the GPS.'' I chuckle, remembering back when Joanne and I were just recently friends with Seth. ''I wasn't even focusing or even looking down the route it showed and I just started pointing out according to my gut—they were a bit mad at first but as soon as they saw this . . . at night, at that exact spot you're standing, you can see the whole city with lights on. It felt like the three of us and against the world. We swore to never come here with anyone else but each other or by ourselves.''

          I trail off, ''I just broke that for you.''

          Both of his eyes are focusing onto me before he leans his head back to chuckle, ''You're a terrible friend.''

          ''I know.''

          We both continue to look at each other as we laugh, enjoying the warmth of the sun and the wind blowing on our faces. When we first found this place, I was more interested in the sun more than anything. I'd force Seth or Joanne to come along with me to watch the sunrise or sunset but right now, I'm more interested in looking at the man in front of me more than anything.

          ''I'm sorry you had to see me like that,'' He looks straight as the sun continues to set, yet I'm still focusing onto him.

          ''It's okay.'' I respond.

          ''And, thank you for bringing me here. You had to break your promise—that means something,'' He adds, a small smile plastered on his face which causes me to smile back at him. The two of us looking back at one another and just smiling, not the kind of situation I imagined myself in but if I remember correctly, we were once in this situation; back on Valentine's Day, the night at the party where he couldn't stop smiling at me, couldn't step away from me and he couldn't even stop talking to me.

          He laughs, ''You're drunk.''

          I squint my eyes at him, leaning close. ''No, I'm not.''

          ''Yes, you are.'' He replies, leaning even closer before leaning back. ''Can't we have a nice encounter where you're not falling or drunk?''

          ''I'm not drunk!'' I scoff, raising the bottle to my mouth but only to find it empty; upsetting me in the slightest. The blurry figure in front of me continues to look at me as he smiles, both of his hands are shoved into his jeans' pockets, letting me eye him down—finding him standing tall, probably around 6'2 and casually just hovering down my height. ''You find me entertaining?'' I ask, my eyes droopily closing for a few seconds.

          ''I find you adorable. Why did you drink so much?'' He takes away the empty bottle from my hand, putting it down on the ground.

          For some reason, the person in front of me seems oddly familiar with his eyes staring back at me. The way his features are highlighted in the dark under the dim light, it makes me wonder if we might have met before. Probably once or twice. As I continue to stare at him, he takes his time to do the same without being bothered to hide it away and it's no doubt I look like a miserable drunk at the moment—not that I'm admitting I'm drunk but it sure does feel like the world is moving slow.

          ''You look really familiar,'' I squint my eyes, using my index finger to poke onto his cheek before dragging it down to meet his lips. ''Eh, have we met before?''

          He pays no attention to my hand touching his face, ''What do you think? Have we met before?''

          ''I don't know. Let me think,'' I frown, massaging both of my temples. My eyes continue to wander up and down his figure, the look on his face shows just how much he's interested in me as I am interested in him but as soon as my eyes land on something in his hand, I immediately point at it. ''What's that? Can I have it?''

          ''It's—''

          I cut him off by immediately raising the bottle near my lips, letting the liquid travel down my throat which causes me to frown in disgust. ''Yuck! It's water.''

          ''That was what I was trying to tell you,'' He chuckles.

          Why couldn't I turn back time? That moment was perfect to me, the first time we ever talked that much, the first time I was ever comfortable around him. Why couldn't we go back to that moment and relive it? Why can't I reveal myself to him right now? Why does it have to be complicated? Why can't we just be together? The questions are filling my mind and it's causing me to feel a slight pain in my chest, knowing I'll probably always be near him and talk to him but not being able to tell him my true feelings.

          I don't even realise I've been staring at him until he turns to look at me again but this time, he appears to be frowning as soon as he sees my face. ''Hey—you're crying? Did I say something wrong?'' He asks, taking a few steps closer towards me.

          In an instant, my hands are always wiping away the fallen tears before shaking my head. ''Of course not.''

           Haden leans in towards me and within seconds, our faces are inches apart. My eyes meet his immediately as he places a hand on the side of my face before slowly using his thumb to wipe away a fallen tear but it has already been absorbed by the face mask, causing him to run his fingers up to my ear, wanting to take it off but I manage to come back to my senses; taking a few steps back in order to remain concealing my identity from him. ''I'm not crying, it's the wind.''

          ''The wind?'' He raises an eyebrow.

          He seems to notice how I'm uncomfortable talking about it which causes him to nod his head before turning to face the sun again, keeping quiet without uttering a single word. The both of us just stand still at our spots.

          ''People say that I'm a good listener,'' I start up a conversation, not liking the silence.

          ''Is that so?''

          ''Mostly because I don't know how to respond.''

          He chuckles, ''Is this your way of asking me to tell you about what happened?''

          The warm colour of his eyes find their way back to my own, reading me like an open book. Maybe I'm too easy to solve and there's nothing unique about me—that's why Haden can see right through me even when I'm wearing a mask and coloured contacts to conceal my natural eye colour. ''Kind of, sort of, in a way. If you want to tell me . . . no pressure,''

          ''You want me to tell you what happened?'' He questions, ''Even standing here talking to you feels surreal and you want me to tell you what happened. Wow, just wow. I have no words,''

          ''Hey, that's just . . . rude.''

          ''I don't think it is. It's what—your third day here? And, we're already having this conversation as if we knew each other before. My sister hired you to take care of me, not to be my friend.'' He replies, coldly as he can to pause me. It's like the man in front of me is a different man, a man I've never laid eyes on before, a man I never tried to kiss.

          I clear my throat, ''Then, it's clear how you see me.''

          ''What does that supposed to mean?'' He turns to look at me, frowning. My respond seems to bother him more than it should and I'm standing here, careless and somehow vulnerable in a way. Thinking back of my confidence fading just because I thought this man is the same man I talked with at the party but I'm mistaken. The man in front of me is someone who had lost, a man who is trying to heal himself and by doing so, he's pushing others away.

          He's almost pushing me away.

          ''It means what it means, Haden.'' I reply, my voice stern as I stare at his reaction.

          ''I just don't get you,'' He mutters under his breath but unfortunately, loud enough for me to hear.

          ''You know what? I don't get you,'' Shaking my head in disbelief. ''One second you're nice and funny and talkative but then, you're just the exact opposite of how you were. Five minutes ago, you literally thanked me for bringing you here and apologised for letting me see that side of you. That angry, rage-filled side of you. Now, you're just—''

         ''—you don't know me. You don't get to speak as if you do!'' He cuts me off, clearly annoyed.

          We continue to stare at one another without a word. My heart is beating fast and clenching in pain, making me wonder why the hell am I feeling this way when I know I'm a nobody to Haden. The girl he seeks is Jasmine, the girl he met at the party. Not the girl standing in front of him right now, not a girl named Belle and definitely not a girl who had spoken as if she knows him.

          ''You're right. I don't.'' I breathe.

          He runs his uninjured hand across his face and through his hair before sighing, ''I'm sorry.''

          ''What for?''

           ''I don't want to talk about it anymore. Let's just head back,'' He doesn't spare a second glance towards my direction as he enters the car, leaving me to stare at the empty spot that was previously occupied by him. My hand is clenching in fists because I know I'd burst out in tears right at this moment if I don't comfort myself to stay strong, to believe this man is hurting and unintentionally decided to hurt me. Besides, he doesn't know me.

          The drive back to his home is like a curse. Having to deal with the silence and not being able to break it because neither of us wants to talk. My eyes would occasionally glance up towards the rear-view mirror and look at him, seeing him focusing out the window and sitting as far away from me as possible; it's almost like I'm a virus. A virus leading him to his death. A virus slowly but surely to kill him.

          I park the car behind a familiar one, realising it wasn't there when we left—knowing instantly it belongs to his sister.

           As soon as we step out of the car, Halley pulls the front door open and make her way towards Haden who has already taken a few steps towards the front door itself while I remain still at my spot, near the car. Haden towers over Halley due to his height but the look on Halley's face is enough to show that she's angry, ''Where the hell were you?!''

           Angry is an understatement.

          ''Out.'' Haden replies, looking away from his sister as he tries to head in.

          ''I was worried sick, Haden. You were nowhere to be found and you didn't pick up your phone—Greta told me you were causing a scene in your room. What is wrong with you? What the hell is wrong?'' She asks, blocking his path by grabbing onto his arm which tenses him a bit, noticing his jaw clenching.

          Haden pulls his arm away roughly, ''What is wrong with you? I'm not a kid anymore. You don't get to control my life!''

          ''I'm not controlling your life. You have to understand that—''

          ''—that what? I'm not fully healed? I might trip and fall? Stop it. Just stop treating me as if I'm f*****g vulnerable. You think I don't know that you ask Greta to work overtime when Belle's not around? As a matter of fact, why did you think it was necessary to even hire Belle in the first place? I lost my leg, I didn't lose my mind.'' He replies, making his way straight towards the door before slamming it shut behind him.

          My eyes wander to look at Halley, seeing her trying to control her breath as she holds back her tears from falling.

          ''I'm sorry, Belle. I think you should leave,'' She says, seconds before heading towards the door and stepping in without glancing back at me.

          Maybe I should put myself in his shoes to fully understand what he's feeling. Everyone around him is trying to alter his life, fixing it up and organising the things he wouldn't want any part in. Maybe it's time for me to stop thinking about myself, about my feelings and start to be there for him more. He needs it. He needs someone to be there for him, not to manage his life.