Haden Merrick

Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine - The Colour of His Eyes

          ''This is it.''

          My eyes wander up to meet a beautiful blue eyes, understanding why Joanne keeps falling in love with the man who possesses it. ''You're not leaving forever, are you?''

          Ever since Joanne laid eyes on Seth, she was head over heels but after discovering his sexuality, she decided to move along and be friends with him. Then again, it's hard for her to look at him and discard any feelings. Joanne is not only drawn towards his beauty but she's more attracted by the way he's treating her. The way he would tuck strands of her hair behind her ear when they're talking or the way he would wipe away the whipped cream smudged on her lips whenever they have a sundae . . . it's the things he would do whenever they're together. It is what drawn her.

          Seth chuckles, ''How could I when I have two beautiful women right here waiting for me?''

          ''What a dream come true,''

          ''You have no idea.''

          Truth be told, if Seth was straight then he'd be one hell of a distraction; even I might've fallen down to my knees but thank god for his preference in men. Besides, the spot's taken.

          He continues to look around and it's no doubt he's currently looking for Joanne when she's nowhere to be found. She left early this morning with only a note behind saying 'Safe trip, Seth.' stuck on the fridge. Seth kept quiet ever since we left home and I don't need to ask to know he's already missing her presence. Sometimes, I'm the confused one in between—it's like they're hiding something from me and I'm just oblivious.

          ''Joanne told me she was busy,'' I say.

          ''Don't kid me, Belle.'' He replies, ''She doesn't want to see me. She hates it that I'm going. She wants me around and she hates it knowing I'm not going to be around for a couple of weeks. She's used to me being with her,''

          I frown, ''Can you blame her?''

          ''No. I just expected her to be here with you,''

          ''Seth—''

          He cuts me off, ''—it's fine, Belle. When you see her, just tell her I love her. I mean it. She needs to know that,'' His eyes remain focusing onto my own as he runs his fingers through his hair carelessly, ''And I love you, you know that right?''

          ''You told me for like a billion times,'' I smile.

          This is what it's like with Seth. He's not afraid to let people know how he feels or what he thinks. Sometimes, it's like he speaks his mind without thinking whether it's worth it or appropriate. Seeing him wanting to go to London just for the sake of sorting and figuring things out seem like a surprise because the Seth I know; the Seth both Joanne and I know would just speak what he wants. That's how I know it's important to him, because he has to go all the way out.

          ''Because I mean it.''

          Our eyes continue to stare into one another and for some reason, it feels different. The way he holds his gaze—makes me wonder about.

          ''Seth?'' I ask, raising an eyebrow.

          He blinks a few times, ''Yeah? What?''

          ''It's time for you to board.''

          ''s**t, yeah. You also have a class with Professor Rodriguez,'' He glances down at his wrist watch to check the time. ''While I'm gone, make sure you lock the door whenever you're leaving or as soon as you get home. Remind Joanne to always take her pills on time and—''

          I cup onto his face which causes him to stop talking, ''—you're a twenty-one year old, not a fifty year old dad. Don't worry about us and be there for yourself. I want you to come back feeling better instead of being caught up in things you're unable to settle here. Promise me that,''

          His lips slowly curve up into a smile as he pulls me close towards him, wrapping his arms around my waist for a hug. ''I promise,''

          When I said Seth has been acting a bit different lately, I meant it. Especially right now. The way he snuggles closer towards me in order to breathe by my neck and the way he presses his hand on my lower back to make me lean forward, this hug seems passionate. For me, it's just two people hugging one another and liking how nice it feels but I know it means different for Seth. Then again, I wouldn't want to push him.

          He leans back to peck my cheek which surprises me slightly, ''Love you, B.''

          Just like that, we're no longer touching one another. My eyes are following his every movement as he continues to walk straight towards the gate with him glancing towards my direction for a few seconds until he's out of sight, leaving me standing on my own to remove the unwanted thoughts from invading my mind.

          What is wrong with Seth? What is on his mind? The questions I'd want him to answer but I know it would only stress him out more. Giving him a chance to settle it on his own rather than being surrounded by Joanne and I would be best. I've never seen Seth like this which explains why it's slightly bothering me—it's bothering Joanne even more.

          My eyes widen as soon as I turn around to find Joanne looking back at me, a small smile plastered on her face.

          ''Joanne? What—what are you doing here?'' I ask, making my way towards her.

          ''I wanted to see him go.'' She replies.

          ''You could've come with us. Joanne, I know you're upset—''

          She cuts me off, ''—I don't have the right to be upset, Belle. I'm not his girlfriend. I'm just his best friend who has always been there for him through the times when he was down or when he was happy.'' Her eyes gaze deeply into my own and for some reason, I'm somewhat in her shoes. ''I know that I seem like the happiest girl on earth but I'm not. I'm sick and tired of my life, of my family and of my feelings towards Seth. He won't ever fall in love with me but why do I want 'us' to happen when it won't? I sleep around, sure because I look for him in someone else.''

          ''Joanne . . . '' I breathe, sighing.

          ''I'm sorry. I'm not supposed to let it out at you,''

          ''You're my best friend.'' I immediately pull her in for a hug, ''You can always let it out at me. If you feel like you want to punch someone, you can use me as your weak punching bag. If you want to yell, yell at me. I'm sorry you have to go through this but I'm here for you. I'm always going to be here for you, Joanne.''

          ''Aw, s**t. You ruined my mascara,'' She chuckles, wiping away the tears from falling down her cheeks.

          ''You're still pretty,'' We both walk side by side with my hands wrapped around her arm as she continues to fix her makeup, letting me laugh along with her.

          Like I said, no one's life is easy. Everyone is living their lives with secrets to keep, whether it's their own or others but it's a secret. We appear happy on the outside as if nothing is troubling us but on the inside, we're slowly fading away and dying. We're all broken. Broken pieces and we're finding that someone to help us put the broken pieces together—there may be scars, may not be perfect but having someone to mend the pain while we help them heal as well, it's what we're searching for. A soulmate.

          ''Ms. Collins and Ms. Serrano, it's very nice to have you both join us.'' Professor Rodriguez turns to look at us as we stand by the door, our eyes continuously glancing towards our classmates. ''Why don't you two come in so I can continue what I was teaching up front on the board?'' He gestures us to take our seats and we immediately walk inside, not wanting to look back at Professor Rodriguez but it appears that he has not stopped looking at us ever since we arrived, late.

          ''We're doom.'' Joanne whispers beside me.

          ''Let's recall about nematology since our two important people weren't here earlier,'' He speaks out loud which causes the whole class to groan in annoyance in having to listen to him repeat the same thing again. I slowly turn around to see a few students are already glaring at us, making me mutter 'sorry' under my breath. ''Nematology as an independent discipline has its recognisable beginnings in the mid to late 19th century.'' He continues, making me take notes.

          ''Nematology research, like most fields of science, has its foundations in observations and the recording of these observations.'' Professor Rodriguez continues to walk around as he talks, his usual way of teaching and like most of the time, the girls would always drool at him. It's either he's too oblivious to notice or he's very good at hiding his expressions. ''Kuhn is thought to be the first to use soil fumigation to control nematodes, applying carbon disulfide treatments in sugar beet fields in Germany. Carbon disulfide is a colourless volatile liquid with the formula CS2. The compound is used frequently as a building block in organic chemistry,''

          ''Ms. Serrano?''

          All eyes are on Joanne as she clears her throat, ''Yes, sir?''

          ''Is carbon disulfide highly toxic?'' He asks, his eyes focusing onto her after glancing at my direction.

          ''Yes?''

          ''Are you answering me or questioning me?''

          ''Both?'' Joanne closes her eyes, clenching her fists before looking at me to ask for help.

          ''It has been linked to both acute and chronic forms of poisoning.'' I interrupt, grabbing Professor Rodriguez's attention. ''To identify the effects of carbon disulfide, it is necessary to confirm exposure, compatible signs and symptoms, and exclude other health conditions, as its effects are non-specific.Typical recommended TLV is 30 mg/m3, 10 ppm. Symptoms include tingling or numbness, cramps, muscle weakness, pain, distal sensory loss, and neurophysiological impairment.''

          The whole class remains silent and it takes me to awhile to process what I was saying, whether it was right or wrong but according to the look on Professor Rodriguez's face, I'm far from wrong. He seems a bit surprised but he manages to hide it well, only letting us see the slight smile forming on his face.

          ''Very good. Class dismissed except for you two,'' He replies.

          Everyone else begins to stand up and pack their stuff before quickly walking out of class, leaving only Joanne and I to pick up our stuff and head towards Professor Rodriguez's desk. He's currently eyeing us as he sits on the edge of his desk, both of his hands entwined in the middle of his crotch. ''You both know I don't tolerate lack of punctuality. So, why were you two late to my class?'' He asks.

          Joanne and I exchange glances, ''We were at the airport.''

          ''What for?''

          ''Seth, our friend—''

          He cuts me off, ''—ah, Seth. The one who sent me a letter and an email to be excused from classes for two weeks. Is it that Seth? The brilliant one in class?''

          ''Yes.'' Now, it's Joanne who responds.

          ''The last time you were called upon, Ms. Collins was because you didn't pay attention in class. Don't get me wrong, you're a good student and I appreciate how you participate in your assignments but if you don't keep up, we both know you're going down the road you don't want. You're graduating next year and it's best to stay on my good side—I don't want you two coming late to class or talk in my class or even let your thoughts wander. When you're in my class, you look at me, you look at my board. Understood?''

          ''Yes, professor.'' I nod, trying to look away from his piercing gaze.

          ''Good. Now, get out. Both of you,'' He replies, walking behind his desk while Joanne and I quickly step out—wanting to get out of here as soon as possible.

          ''I think we need to start praying.'' Joanne says, grabbing my hand as we run.

          --

          The disappointment sinks in as soon as a different figure appears by the door, making me quickly clear my throat to introduce myself. It's no doubt from a single glance, the woman standing in front of me is Greta—Halley told me about them having a housekeeper around the house. She appears to be in her fifties and it's also easy to tell just how sweet she can be, even from seeing her smile. ''I already know you dear. Come in,''

          ''Halley must've told you?'' I ask, stepping in.

          ''As a matter of fact, she did. I'm Greta,'' She extends her hand, smiling.

          Just as I'm about to shake her hand, the loud noise coming from upstairs causes both of us to look up in shock. It feels as if my heart is going to thump out of my chest as I run up the stairs and straight towards Haden's room, where the noise came from. I keep knocking on the door, finding out it is locked from inside but the noise continues to get louder mixed with the sound of his groans and him cursing. It doesn't take me long to realise he's inside, throwing things on the ground.

          ''Haden? Haden, open the door.'' I knock, louder.

          Greta places a hand on her chest as she mutters prayers under her breath, wiping her fallen tears. The sight of her itself is breaking my heart, knowing if she was alone in this situation she would've panicked more. ''Haden? Can you please open the door? Let me in.'' I try to persuade him, lowering my voice because I know he can hear me—the noises have stopped, there's not a single sound coming from his room.

          To my surprise, the door is slowly being pulled open and my eyes wander up to see Haden.

          Haden slowly makes his way to sit on the bed as his hands shake in anger. His dark brown hair is tousled messily in different directions, his face red and covered in sweat, his chest moving up and down from trying to control himself. My eyes wander down to see blood dripping onto the laminated flooring coming from his palm which causes me to immediately make my way towards him and grab his hand, seeing he has a deep cut in the middle of his palm.

           The room itself is a mess, a catastrophe. It doesn't take me long to notice pictures of him and an older woman laying on the ground along with the shattered glass, knowing he must've thrown them onto the ground or push them away in order for it to break. Drops of blood can also be found on the edges of the shattered glass, making me look up in order to search for his eyes but they seem to avoid meeting mine. ''Don't,''

          ''Let me help you,'' I mutter.

          ''Just get out.''

          ''You're bleeding. Let me help—''

          He cuts me off by pulling his hand away from my grasps, ''—I said get out. Get the hell out!''

          We both stare at each other, my eyes widening in shock at his voice while his eyes are looking back at me in anger, tears forming but he holds himself back from breaking down at this exact moment. Even I can feel the tears forming and clouding my vision but I blink them away, controlling my breaths before glancing at Greta to find her still in shock outside of the room, making me mutter 'I'll handle this.' under my breath, letting her run down the stairs.

          ''No.'' I grab onto his hand, opening it to see the cut.

          ''What?''

          ''I said no! I'm not getting out of here!'' I stand up, making my way towards the bathroom to find a first-aid kit in one of the cabinets before immediately putting on the bed beside him. My hands manage to grab the antiseptic along with a few cotton pads and a bandage to wrap his hand in order to stop him from bleeding. ''Deal with it, Haden. I'm going to help you whether you like it or not so deal with it.''

          As soon as the antiseptic hits his cut, he lets out a curse. ''f**k,''

          Luckily for him, the cut isn't deep enough to be needing stitches but the blood seeping through from it shows just how much pain he'll be in until the wound heals. Putting as less pressure as I can on the wound, I quickly place the cotton pads and wrap the bandage around his hand even if he's wincing in pain. ''Hold still,''

          My eyes look up to his but instead I find him already glaring back at me with his jaw clenched. As soon as I'm done wrapping the bandage, I stand up straight and I don't know what overcame me but my fingers go through his hair, slowly running through them and pushing them to the back which surprises him slightly but he doesn't flinch or move away. He's only staring back at me with a softer gaze, letting me get a clearer view of his face rather than letting his hair covering up the beauty he should show.

          ''Done.'' I mutter under my breath.

          Just as I'm about to move away from him, he manages to grab onto my hand. ''What is it?''

          ''Can you drive?''