Beauty from Ashes

CHAPTER 38

CHAPTER 38

“How was work?” I ask as soon as Jake gets home.

“Not bad.” His voice is uncertain, like he doesn’t know why I sound so cheerful. He glances over my shoulder, and I peck him on the cheek.

I’m all smiles. This is exciting. Like handing someone a surprise Christmas present. Jake doesn’t know about this change in me. I’m glad he’s a little off-guard. It means my metamorphosis is dramatic enough for him to notice.

He’s looking at me sideways, like he doesn’t trust me. “Where’s my mom?”

I almost laugh. Is he afraid I strangled her and dumped the body in my perfectly bleached bathtub?

“She wasn’t feeling well today. She’s coming down with a cold or something.” Which is amazing, given how many hundreds of dollars she spends a month on health supplements. That’s one thing Patricia’s got going for her. She married into money and hired a good lawyer when she got divorced.

Both times.

Jake frowns, and I wonder if he’ll be on edge until he sees his mom alive and kicking. Or at least alive. I’ve never witnessed someone succumb to a common cold that dramatically. Like she’s Wonder Woman one day and Madonna in that musical Evita, wallowing on her deathbed the next.

It was perfect timing, which is partly why I think God might have noticed my desire to be a better person and he’s blessing me for it. I mean, I’m not happy that she’s sick, but I went into the day hoping for the chance to prove that I can care for Natalie by myself, and that’s exactly what came about. I got all her tube feedings in on time. She never had a soiled diaper for more than five or ten minutes before I was there to clean her up, and I even got lunch ready by the time Jake got home. It’s chicken soup from cans, but I did add a few frozen vegetables. And guess what? I’m serving rice, but I actually put it into the soup.

I also added salt.

Let’s watch Patricia’s blood pressure jump fifteen points after the first bite.

I follow Jake into the kitchen. “You still didn’t tell me about your day.”

He takes the lid off the pot and gives it a confused expression like he’s never seen brown rice in broth before. Then again, maybe he hasn’t.

“Work was fine.”

“I’m glad to hear it.” Any other day, I would have pressed him for details. Assumed that since he wasn’t talkative, there must be something he was trying to hide from me. Not today. Today is a fresh start. A New Year’s resolution a little bit early. I’m not going to be the sulky, nagging wife I’ve been. I’m not even going to complain about Patricia living with us, at least not until after Christmas. But by then, my husband says she’ll be gone anyway.

I grab the spoon and make myself look busy. “Hey, can you tell your mom that lunch is ready?”

Jake’s still staring at me like I’ve just morphed into one of the mutants from the X-Men, but he leaves the kitchen and I hear him knocking softly on Patricia’s door.

Natalie’s breathing is a little gunky, so I leave the soup simmering to suction her out. I’m glad that Jake and his mom come down the hall while I’ve still got the Yankauer in my hand. If this doesn’t prove to them that I’ve got what it takes to care for my child, nothing will.

Patricia looks awful, like she’s gotten into a fight with a hair dryer and lost. I understand now why she spends that forty minutes putting on her foundation and concealer every morning. I’m sure I would too if that’s what I looked like without any makeup. I don’t know how to describe her hair. It’s not exactly frizzy, because I don’t think many Japanese women have that problem. All I can say is it gives me some small satisfaction knowing that my mother-in-law gets bedhead and tangled hair just like the rest of the world.

“I made you some chicken soup.” I force humility into my tone, reminding myself of my resolve to finally become the person God would want me to be. The kind of person Sandy would be proud to call her daughter. I give Patricia a smile.

A real, literal smile.

I can tell Jake’s on edge because he’s shifting from foot to foot like he expects me to turn myself into that attack bunny from Monty Python, jump across the room, and sink my teeth into my mother-in-law’s neck. Before long, he’ll be used to the new me. We’ll look back on our first few months of marriage, realize all our problems were due to hormones and all that anxiety over Natalie, and we’ll laugh about it, thanking God those days are over.

We’ll be regular churchgoers too. And not just the kind who show up every so often on Sundays. When I set my mind to do something, I do it all the way. I’m talking about prayer meetings, Bible studies, the works. Heck, people can even come here for a home group if they don’t mind being cramped. Patricia’s scrubbed the trailer spotless, so when she leaves it won’t be too hard keeping it presentable.

I serve up the soup and take the bowls to my husband and mother-in-law at the table. I smile at my daughter, who’s asleep in her bouncy chair and doing fine now that her throat is clear. I steel a quick glance at the ceiling, hoping God notices how good I’ve been. Hoping he sees how hard I’m trying.

Hoping it will be enough for him to overlook all the mistakes I made in the past and choose to save my daughter.