Endless love

Chapter 5

I have been in my office for about thirty minutes. My Secretary has been updating me on my schedule and what is lagging behind. I have not seen Steph Merrick yet. I am really dreading seeing them together. That is if they are together. 

My life has made a three hundred and sixty turn in a few days and it's a good experience.

It's hard to cope with everything that is going on. Merrick is determined to let go and give up our years of a relationship due to some unbelievable s**t. He is giving up and that's one thing I will never forgive him for.

Working is the only thing that will keep me sane so I indulge myself. I need to sign a permit for buying other winemaking ingredients. The fruits that were brought in today will start the post-harvesting process today. 

I am going through the transporting schedule to see how it is. I know this is Merricks work but I need to be aware of everything. I know he goes over what I do so, it's not a big deal.

By lunchtime, I have done a quarter of the paperwork that was handed to me. I need to be done with all this by Wednesday before the board meeting. I need to be at per with everybody at the company.

"Hey, Alina, are you going out for lunch or should I bring you something?" Elena my secretary queries from the door. She is the same age as me, doing her internship here. I really like her. We got along very well in the morning and after her internship is over, I might hire her.

"I don't know, what do they sell at the cafeteria?"

"Everything, I guess. I usually have veggies, pickled onions and turkey sandwich."

I love that!

I smile widely at her, "bring that and an energy drink of your choice."

She smiles back at me and turns to walk out. 

You see that girl you share secrets with, have a movie marathon with, be there for you all the time. That's Elena. She is so nice and smiling all the time. I wish she could share some of her happiness with me. 

The reports that I have been going through show how our rose wines are not making any profits as much as red and white wine. The sparkling wine is good but not that good. 

We need to do something about these rose wines. I  am sorting out different spreadsheets when Elena comes back with the food. She sets it on the table ready to walk out when I stop her.

"Join me, will you please? I need a break, after all, so do you."

"Yeah sure." She walks out to go get her food.

She got me a coke energy drink. I not a fan of coke, I prefer Pepsi I guess but there is a first time for everything.

This sandwich is delicious and Elena is so cool. I have never gone out of my friend's circle to try and make new friends. This another first. 

I used to say I was content with the friends I had. Now, one hates my guts, the other two are having their happily ever after,  Vince is travelling the world with his wife too. Steph betrayed me and the best of my best friends is, I don't even know what to say. 

It has been four days since Merrick and I talked. I have never gone for that long without talking to him. A day has never passed. 

It feels like forever.

Elena tells me about her friends that she misses so much. The way her eyes shine when she talks about them tells it all. She adores them all. 

Just as I did mine, but some things are just temporarily I guess.

"Can I tell you something?"

I nod for her to continue.

"Your husband is so hot and handsome, like super hot. When I first saw him I had a huge crush on him but now that I am getting used to working here it's slowly fading away."

Her words make my heart clench in pain because I remember Steph telling me the exact words. It feels like I can't trust anybody. It's not their fault that Merrick looks like he walked out of a playboy magazine, the fault is Merrick for not acknowledging that he is married. 

I should have kept her at arm's length maybe this wouldn't hurt as much but I know it would still hurt. Merrick is the one who betrayed me the most. I don't care about the DNA, what matters is that he cheated on me, period.

"Alina? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I am fine," I reply trying not to sound bitter or angry.

"You zoned out. I hope what I said didn't bother you."

"No, not at all. I get that a lot." I lie

Actually, it's not a lie, I get your husband is so hot a lot. They tell me as if I don't know or have eyes to see for my self. Elena leaves when she realises that I am not in the mood for chit chat anymore.

Once I am done with this paperwork I will be over the moon. Grandpa told me the paperwork is usually tedious.

By evening I am done with almost half of it. Tomorrow there won't be much to do. I take my laptop and some papers to do work at home. 

I decided to permanently stay at the Windsor penthouse. Merrick's and I house is not a solution and staying at the Windsor mansion is still not. I need some time alone.

Most of my clothes are there so I will pass by and pick some. I have not asked Elena if she has seen or heard about Merrick around. He doesn't want to see me or talk to me so I will ignore him like he is doing to me.

I always thought I was independent. Now I know I am not. I was so dependant on him that its taking toll on me and making me feel weak. He was my strength, I have never imagined my life without him. It's very scary how life can change within a matter of hours or a few days.

The big mansions stand proudly around the neighbourhood that we live in. All types of houses are in this place. Big mansions, modern houses. 

This house where Merrick and I usually stay was left to him on his dad's will. I know I am the one who has to move out. The gate opens automatically after recognizing my fingerprints. I park my Audi at the usual place and walk out. 

The door is opened when I walk in, it's not like we close it when we go out. I have so many memories in this house. Good ones and ones. Every corner in this house reminds me of the love I once shared with Merrick.

I miss him so much its hurts. The pain is too much to continue living with. At this point, I know I will never judge those who commit suicide. It's hard to live in pain and reliving all those memories.

"You finally came home?"

His voice brings me back to the cruel reality that I am in. That's when I realise that I was crying. I quickly dry my tears because I don't want him to see me like this. I don't want to give him the pleasure of seeing how much he has hurt me.

I can feel his presence behind me. His straight from the shower since I can smell his shampoo and aftershave from here. 

"You didn't come to work today?" I ask after I have pulled myself together.

"I had a meeting out of town so I came home straight. I hope your first day was good."

"Mmm,"

I am rummaging the fridge looking for nothing in particular. I am so nervous around him, in short, don't trust myself. I am afraid I will go running into his large warm hands. 

He makes me weak and all I want to do is cry all the time. I can't help it. I am an emotional mess.

"You are nervous."

"No," I replied too quickly for my own liking.

I can hear his movements towards me. I don't want him to touch me because it will give me away. 

Walking out of this living room is the way out but Merrick has other plans. He grabs my elbow forcing me to the look at him.

One look is all it takes to know that I am done. I was right, he just got out of the shower. His brown hair is still wet. He looks so handsome that it hurts to look at him. His hazel eyes are staring back at me as if looking for something. The black tight t-shirt that showed his well-toned abs and fitting grey sweats.

Those eyes used to sparkle and lighten up are so dull and dark. They used to gaze at me with lots of love and adoration. Now they are just empty.

"You were crying." He is stating it not asking a question.

The softness of his fingers touching my cheeks is a feeling I want to savour forever.  We never always get what we want, that fate

"Don't touch me." I hissed.

"Ali, I am sorry." 

I just stare at him not moving. Does he think that saying sorry will fix everything?

 "You cheated on me with my friend. You slept with her." I accused bitterly.

I cut him before he talks. "Don't you dare say you didn't sleep with her. You lied that day when you said it was just a kiss."

"It was a drunken mistake."

"And that makes it better?"

"That's not what I meant. I can't take back what I did no matter what I try but I will try my best to prove to you that I am sorry."

"Were you even gonna tell me?"

"I was but didn't know-how. The guilt was eating me alive and I was so frustrated."

"You are not helping."

"I know and I am sorry."

"I have had sleepless nights asking myself so many questions. Was I not enough? What did I do to push you to her? What does she have that I don't that made you sleep with her?"

"None of the above."

I scoff. "Easy for you to say."

"I came to pick up some clothes."

"Don't leave, please." The way he looks at me makes me to never want to leave this house. His voice and face tell it all but I am not gonna fall for that. 

I need this, I need some time alone. 

So does he.

"A lot of things have happened in the past few days. We need some time away from each other. I need space. The so-called DNA..."

"f**k the DNA, you yourself said you feel it. Only we know what we have is real."

"Are you listening to yourself right now Rick? You say what we have is real yet you slept with that b***h!"

"You don't have to keep reminding me of it, okay? I know what I did is wrong. I feel like s**t so please don't make me feel worse."

"What if you really love her and what you feel for me is just the sibling bond?"

"Lina, please don't torture yourself with such questions. Everything will be cleared up."

"You don't even believe that your self."

"I will try and fix everything."

"By fixing does that mean I will not see that b***h in my company from tomorrow?"

"There are some things I can't go against Lina. She signed a contract, I can't go against that."

He is covering up for her. I can feel all the anger and bitterness I have been holding ready to explode right at this moment.

"Does it look like I care?" I growled.

He is getting worked up I can see, that's good.

"I want that b***h out of that place before this week is over. You hired her, find a way to fire her or I will think all you were just saying is bullshit."

"I can't be able to fire her Lina, you need to understand. Everyone who works there had signed a contract. Hers is not over yet, she has not defied it yet."

"Is having an affair with your colleague in the contract or yet your boss in the contract?"

"No."

"You are a despicable man Merrick. You are making me go through hell, but I have one thing to tell you. I won't cry over you forever. I will move on, forget all the pain you have put me through and all will be left of you will be memories. Memories that won't hurt to remember, do you hear that Merrick Pinault?" I raged.

"You think I am enjoying this? I hate myself for hurting you. I hate what I did that night. I wish I could turn time and stop myself from making such a huge mistake. One thing I am sure of Alina Pinault is that this thing beating in your chest belongs to me. I owned it the day I fell in love with you and you fell in love with me. And I will be damned if I let anyone take you away from me."

The way he was pointing my heart with his finger claiming my heart belonged to him made my heart swell with happiness. His eyes showed determination and longing. All that I said was so get him worked up and it worked. I won't ever let him in easily, never.

"You don't own me or my heart, Rick."

"You sure about that?" I nod my head not trusting my mouth not to betray me.

I knew he owned my heart. That's one thing that made me so afraid. I have never been insecure when it came to his love for me, but now things have changed. 

Steph is a very beautiful woman and an attractive one also.

I was so occupied with my mind that I didn't notice he had me trapped between him and the wall. The way his cologne hit my nose, it made me miss him more. It also made me feel weak.

"You are mine, as I am yours, Lina. I love you and l am never giving you up without a fight."

He seals his words with a kiss that makes me go weak on my knees. All he had to do was touch me and I was done.