If You Leave Me Now

Chapter 3

SIA

Two Years Ago

I'm sure I'm just imagining things. The house was dark, with very dim lights on in the kitchen, it was already past midnight, and my imagination was overactive.

I was about to grab Daisy's room door handle and get in, when I heard a sound again.

Maybe I am not really imagining things?

And if I wasn't wrong, the sound came from Cole's room, since his room was just opposite. It sounded like something fell, followed by a hiss.

Should I check?

Maybe I shouldn't. What if he had a girl with him?

We were just sixteen, but Cole was the bad boy. Parties, hookups, and alcohol was a regular part of his everyday life, and maybe I wouldn't be as shocked to see a girl in his room too.

Mr. Wilson was out from business almost every other month, and the twins were alone all the time with the house caretaker. But now that the house caretaker is also off for a few days (which is why I was here), I wouldn't be surprised if Cole had a girl over.

Maybe I should just leave him to himself. The moment this thought crossed my mind, I heard a panicked groan again.

Unable to help my curiosity and feeling an undying need to help him, I cautiously opened his room door. I didn't knock, because if he was actually busy with someone, I would just peep in and slip off and pretend I didn't see anything ever.

Thankfully, there was no girl. The room was dark, and pitched so.

"Cole?" I called, but my voice came out hoarse and low. "Cole?" I tried again, in a higher voice, "Are you alright?"

"Daisy?" He asked, confusion in his voice, and I  could make out he was slumped in the right corner of the room, almost adjacent to me.

"No it's–" I began explaining but he cut me off.

"Thank God you're here Daisy. Could you– could you please switch on the lights for me? The dark– it's intimidating me. It's too dark in here," He begged.

I sighed, the ghost of a smile lingering on my lips as I stepped ahead, walked to exactly where he was, and switched on the light. It wasn't hard. Daisy and Cole had identical room structures, so I knew my way around.

"Th– Thank God," He hiccuped, and then his eyes finally met mine. They were red, and now that I was closer, I could make out the slight scent of alcohol in the air.

He was most definitely drunk.

"Oh, it's you?" He sounded surprised as he instantly got up. Cole was a few inches taller to me, though Daisy was almost my height. I noticed how his shoulders straightened and he gave a poker face, as if trying to radiate confidence. I figured he didn't like getting his walls down.

"Yeah," I smiled, shrugging, "I heard noises and just came to check in if you needed help, guess you did. And you're welcome."

I was about to leave when he stopped me, "I– I'm sorry I didn't recognise you before. It was dark in here and when you opened the door, all I could see was light and a silhouette. I assumed it was my sister."

Though he hiccuped and his red eyes told the opposite, he didn't sound drunk. He sounded like he was tipsy, but still in his senses.

"That's alright," I said, smiling again, as I turned to leave.

"Uh– Uh," he called again and I figured he was trying to remember my name. We didn't really talk before this, just an acknowledgement glance here and there.

"Sia," I said, "Sia Brooks."

"Sia...," he scratched his forehead, "Ofcourse I knew that, your name is just difficult to remember."

"Is not," I chuckled, but my stance was defensive. If there was one thing given to me by my mother, it was my name. And it was literally just three letters, easiest to remember than most names I come across these days. Last summer, I met a girl named Bumblebee. Is that even a name?

"Right, sorry," He gave a sheepish smile. "But I'd rather call you something else. Sia is... boring."

I c****d my eyebrows at him. "I'm going to call you....," he scratched the back of his head, thinking, "Sunshine. Yup, you're sunshine now."

I'm sure he could come up with a better name when he was sober. I didn't call out at him, because I was an eighty percent sure that he'd have forgotten this by the sun rise already.

"So sunshine," he gave me a smile, "You know, I'm not usually scared of darkness, right? It's just that, I very recently broke up with a psychopath girlfriend, and I'm almost sure she's practising witch-craft to get me back. So the darkness just creeps me out by the witchy vibe."

"I know, Cole," I gave him a tight lipped smile. I doubt if he was even making sense to himself, and it amused me of how pathetic of a liar he was when he was drunk.

"So, uh–," his voice trailed again, and I assumed his next few words.

"Yes, I wouldn't tell anyone," I agreed. I get it, he had all that bad boy reputation and stuff. I'd read just the right amount of badboy stories to know how this whole thing works.

"No, I wasn't saying that," he replied instantly, "I mean, that would be great, thanks sunshine, but I was wondering if you could stay with me tonight?"

"What?"

"Stop shouting," he over-dramatically pressed his hands to his ears. "I meant, could you stay for a little while longer? Like, maybe until the sun rises, so that the witch hours are over and my ex girlfriend can't get to me anymore?"

I wanted to laugh, really. Why did he ever date a girl he was so scared of?

"Okay," I whispered, trying to suppress the grin. Well, I had agreed already, but what the hell were we going to do?

His eyes lit up, "We can sit outside and see the stars!" I never knew Cole had a soft side behind him, and that he'd like to see the stars or be scared of the dark. I, on the other hand, loved darkness– maybe just not the witches or the ghosts.

I followed him into his balcony and he sat on the large mattress spread and indicated me to sit with him. I hesitated, but did as he told me to. I didn't want him to be embarrassed the next morning, which is if he remembers.

"Do you know that's the Leo Minor?" He pointed at the sky and I looked up with the same enthusiasm in my eyes. It wasn't Leo Minor. I don't think it was anything, but I went along with it.

"Wow," I smiled, "You know a lot about the stars, don't you?"

"I love stars," his eyes widened with happiness as he told me. He was cute when he was drunk, and very scary when he was sober. It's not really difficult to guess which side of him I preferred talking to.

He smiled, bringing out a packet of cigars from his pocket in one hand the lighter in another. He opened the box, and offered me first. I nodded negatively furiously, my eyes a little wide, uncomfortableness written all over my face.

I didn't know he smoked. I didn't know a lot of things about him, but such things usually travel fast when he was the hot topic in every girls' room.

He chuckled, leaving the cigarettes and the lighter aside and I left the breath I didn't realise I was holding. 

"Where's Daisy?" He asked, turning to me with his intense gaze and I suddenly felt conscious of my hair that were messily tied in a bun and the oversized knitted sweater I was wearing.

"Sleeping," I replied. I was bummed about that. Today was supposed to be a Marvel marathon night and she slept halfway through the first Captain America movie.

He murmured something under his breath that I didn't hear, but I didn't push him to repeat it.

"I don't know you at all, do I?" He asked, "Tell me, what's your favourite colour?"

"Black," I replied, "Yours?"

"Red." 

I was never fond of red, I didn't know why. It was a lovely colour, but safe to say, it wasn't made for me.

"Black is such an odd colour to love," he chuckled. 

"Is not," I defied.

"Is," he shrugged.

"Daisy loves black too," I quietly pointed. They were twins, so similar choices had to come along with sharing the same womb, right?

"And so? Everyone's supposed to love black because Daisy does?" He snapped. And, he was back to being the rude, annoying, cocky him. What just crawled up his a*s?

He stayed silent for a moment and I was honestly considering to get up and walk out, when he murmured something.

"What?" I asked softly.

"I said I'm sorry," he said, a little louder. I hadn't heard for the first time, but Cole Wilson apologises to me twice. Wow. 

"What for?" I asked.

"For snapping at you," He said, "It's just that, I'm tired of everyone favouring Daisy always."

He was... jealous of his own twin sister?

"What?" The shock escaped my lips, because for all I knew, Cole loved Daisy. Although he was just elder by two minutes, he loved playing the protective, elder brother, and every boy at school knew: no messing with Cole Wilson's sister.

"She's perfect, my sister. Have you even looked at her?" He sighed, lying down beside me, both of facing the sky instead of each other, "She has perfect grades and perfect dance moves and she's perfectly poised and everything. She's that ideal daughter my mother loves showing off everywhere. I love her, I really do. I'm just– I'm just tired of being behind her. I know I'm not as good as her, but everything good I do, it just gets hidden in the shadows of everything she's accomplished, you know?"

He turned to me for a brief moment.

"That's not true," I said in a whisper. Daisy had her... imperfections too. She had her flaws, her insecurities, she just found a way to live with them.

"It is," he said, giving a weak smile, "My parents want everything perfect in their life, and I'm anything but perfect. I drink, I create havoc for them. That is why I think they prefer Daisy more, she's so perfect... my little sister."

I was about to say something when he cut me off.

"And– And, you know what's the worst part?" He looked at me and I looked back at him as he shifted his head from the mattress to my lap, and I tried my best to cover the shock in my face. I think I must've failed badly, but he was too drunk to notice that.

"The worst part is, when I drank for the first time, I did it to get their attention," He whispered, "I thought... if everything good I do gets outweighed by Daisy's, I could do bad, right? Because Daisy does nothing bad. Maybe if I drank or I smoked, they'd finally turn their heads towards me."

He was just whispering but I could feel the disparity in his voice, the sadness.

"But that never happened. The probably just hate me more," he sighed.

"They don't hate you," I tried coaxing, as my fingers involuntarily played with his hair.

"They do," He said. This time, there was not even a sad smile on his face, his voice just a heartbroken whisper, "If they didn't, they would never tell me that I was a burden to them, and nothing but a curse."

I looked up at the sky, trying to drink in the tears that were arising. I knew exactly how it was like, to be felt unwanted by the person you want the most in the world.

Every moment that I was with my mother, she wouldn't stop taunting me. I was nothing but unloved, unwanted, and a burden to her new life.

I think I knew exactly how that felt.

As I looked back at the boy fallen asleep in my lap, I wish there could be a way I could take away everything he thinks he did wrong, and make him see how amazing he was.

He might be broken, but broken crayons still colour, and only broken artists paint masterpieces.

I wish I could there was by which I could show the world that he wasn't as bad as they have painted him to be.

✿

Cole was very, very bad.

Presently, I stared at Cole, half annoyed at how he kept silent since the past ten minutes, and half annoyed at why he chose me of all people to come with him.

And now that we were here, did he really want to kill me?

I coughed again, the smoke of the cigarette between his lips make me feel suffocated. The air around was so cold and fresh, and yet, he chose to smoke.

Why? Just to annoy me.

"Why don't you just ask me to stop smoking if it's making you so uncomfortable?" He chuckled, finally paying attention to the uncomfortableness drawn across my face.

"Because I didn't want to talk to you," I replied. I wasn't usually so blunt, not even with Cole. I could swear it was the alcohol talking. "And, if I did tell you it was annoying me, you'd do it more. You love annoying me, don't you?"

"Touché," He smirked, yet threw the cigarette on the ground and stomped it with his feet.

"So you don't mind if I light up another one right?" He confirmed, and I knew from his expressions that he was trying my patience.

I nodded negatively, giving him the sweetest sarcastic smile ever, "You're killing yourself, who am I to object?"

"What is this little cigarette even going to do to me?" He c****d his eyebrows at me, removing another one from the pack and I scrunched my nose in disgust.

"It'll kill you slowly," I shrug, "But unfortunately, you are the kind of guy who'd say love kills, while smoking does no harm."

"Again, touché," He gave me a lob sided grin, "Some people smoke and drink, other's love; yet all of them reach the same fate– death. Take my advice, love kills faster than a cigarette can."

He offers me the pack and I roll my eyes, nodding negatively. "Smoking is a classic way to die," I reply with a slight smile, "But I'm not suicidal."

"We still have half an hour to kill," he sighed, "We can go to the waters here, if you want? It was pretty earlier, and a lot less creepier than sitting in the middle of nowhere. What say?"

"Uh, sure." His offer had caught me by surprise, quite honestly. It's been more than six months since I and Cole have had a normal conversation and I'm sure we've broken the record today. I know Daisy would have given me a wide grin had she been here, reminding me that there was still a chance things could fall back to normal.

But could they?

I don't think so.

"Cool," he replied with a small smile, "I know where. I'll lead." I nodded, as we got up, and he started walking, and I walked behind him, letting him lead.

It wasn't far I knew, I just didn't know the way from this route. But, how did he? Did he come here often?

In a matter of minutes, we were there, and I was pleasantly shocked. I was happy we were there, but somewhere deep down, I think I expected him to make us lose our way.

"Wow." I smiled. This felt better, opener, and just standing a little away listening to the water waves crash against the rocks was like music to my ears. It was crazy how the air we were breathing changed from having the cold, fresh mountain smell to a warmer one, almost like I could taste the salt and sand from it.

"You expected us to get lost, right?" He smirked.

"I'd lie if I say I trusted you with directions," I rolled my eyes. Letting him walk us was a risky gamble, owing to the fact that Cole was once driving me and Daisy back from a concert, and we ended up getting lost for two hours.

"That was once!" He scowled.

I shrugged, ignoring the cross look on his face. He shouldn't have asked if he didn't want to hear the truth.

"Do you come here often?" I asked again as he removed his shoes and stepped ahead, letting the water touch his feet. Nah, I wasn't going to follow him. Firstly, it was too cold; and secondly, these boots took too much time to wear.

"No," he replied after a while, "But I've been here once a long time ago." His eyes, although staring ahead, were distant as if some memory played in his head. I didn't pry.

"Okay." I said, not pressing ahead as I sat where I was sitting earlier and though I didn't want to stare, my eyes somehow found their way back to where he was standing and how his eyes were close while the air touched his face, making his hair move.

"Take a picture sunshine, it'll last longer," He smirked, opening his eyes and turning towards me and I felt the warmth rushing to my cheeks on being caught.

"I– I wasn't staring," Did I tell you I was a pathetic liar? "And, why do you always call me sunshine?" 

I clearly remembered the first time he called me sunshine, and since he was drunk, I thought he was just being cheesy. But that term never changed after that. He has very, very rarely ever called me with my name. I've asked him several times before, but he always played it off. We were on very good terms then, but now, he had no right to call me anything except my real name, and no matter how many times I rudely corrected him, he always came back to Sunshine.

"I'd tell you someday," He looked at me for a brief moment before looking away again.

"When?"

"When I think you're ready to hear the reason."

Now this confuses me. I answer nothing, but don't press on it, letting it go. We're doing amazing today, and I did not want to start some fight for a petty reason. Well, my name isn't a petty reason, but as much as I hate to admit it, the endeavour kinda grew on me over the time.

"You're not really that drunk, are you?" He asked me.

"What makes you think I am?" I was quickly defensive. I wasn't even feeling dizzy anymore, and the constant nausea I was feeling had subsided too, then what makes him feel I was drunk?

"Well, you're going soft on me, sunshine," he gave me a lob sided smile as he walked to me, standing just a few feet away, his hands crossed across his chest and his grey-green eyes set on me intently.

"Am not," I corrected as quickly as I could.

Me? Going soft on Cole? Again? Never.

"Oh you are," He tucked a few loose strands of my hair behind my ear and I flinched, jerking his hand away. He gave me a lob sided smile, putting the hand back in his pocket, "I wouldn't be surprised if–," he stopped mid sentence when I suddenly flinched in panic as bright white light was flashed on my face, and then on Cole's.

I instantly got up in reflex, shielding my face from the sudden brightness and Cole, in one move, grabbed my hand and pulled me behind, stepping ahead to face whatever– whoever it was.

The brightness reduced and then ended quickly, and I peaked out from behind Cole. 

"My bestfriends are alive!" Caleb exclaimed putting the torch down and Seth's wide with relief eyes met mine and then Cole's.

I was contemplated to roll my eyes but I did not, curious to see what the havoc was about. Why were Seth and Caleb on a quest to find us?

"You almost scared us," Cole glared at his bestfriend as we walked towards each other.

"Yup, I didn't miss the way you leapt ahead to protect Brooks. What a perfect gentleman," Caleb teased, giving me a smirk. I glared at him. What's with the bestfriends and never calling me by my first name?

"What're you doing here?" Cole asked, ignoring  the stupid smirk across Caleb's face.

"We were finding you obviously," Seth replied.

"Huh?"

"Dude, none of us expected you both to actually be able to spend an hour without murdering each other. Seth bet you'd be back within twenty minutes," Caleb said, as Seth threw an arm around my shoulder lazily and we walked ahead, back towards the camp, with the shorter route this time.

"Yup, I lost hundred dollars to Caleb because of you both. Couldn't you be back earlier?" Seth frowned.

"Honestly, even I'd thought they'll come back before the hour ends," Caleb snickered from ahead. The hour was over already?

"You bet on us?" I asked, with slightly wide eyes.

"Atleast better than betting on what you both would do for an hour like Austin and Noah," Seth replied.

"Yup, Austin went with murder, Noah went with make out. Tell me Cole, who won?" Caleb informed casually and I was contemplated on rolling my eyes. I wondered where this question even came from? If I were allowed to bet, I'd bet on murder too.

Today was a miracle.

Cole's eyes met mine for a brief second before he turned away, facing Caleb with a smug expression.

"I won."

What did he win? I c****d my brows at him.

"What did you win?" Caleb asked, his expression matching mine.

Cole smiled, then turned his face to me, his smile becoming smug, as his eyes looked straight into mine and he raised his hand, which is when I realised I was still holding his hand from when he held it in fear.

He smirked, "Like I said, I won."

I instantly let his hand go, smacking his head when he showed me his tongue and ran ahead, as I ran behind him, chasing him to the campsite.

Yup, I'd definitely bet on murder.