One more time : Where Oblivion meets Obsession

#26 – I DESERVE A CLOSURE

After a few hours, Shahmeer opened his eyes and clutched his head. He looked at himself and he was lying comfortably on the bed, his shoes removed, comforter wrapped over him. He placed his feet on the ground and sat like that for a few minutes. 'She left. This time, he wasn't restless, confused and worried about it like he was last time. He was peacefully content. Even though he had messed it up. Dammit how could I pull her and kiss her like that?

The night before he told her that his love is forgiving, patient, trustworthy and strong even though she kept repeating...

That men's love is filled with possession, jealousy, desire, ego, lυst, demands.

And he showed her she was right! How could I just lose myself so badly? What was I thinking? She must be hating me for that.

but something in his mind told him that would not happen. The way she asked him to stop was like... she was under some compulsion, a helplessness. How she dispersed? The feeling on his lips was the only proof that it was real.

I want no woman but you Myra, I want nothing but to kiss those lips again.' He told himself. For the first time in his life, he wasn't going to go after what he wanted but to wait for destiny to play its game.'

***

Myra looked at her almost healed injuries and they reminded her of him. She took a quick shower and changed into something casual. While putting her previous clothes away, she caught sight of something peeking out of her jeans pocket. She pulled it out in her hands.

It was a peacock feather that Devraj gave her while they were waiting in the helicopter.

After a long talk, he gave it. "This Mayur Pankh (Peacock feather) symbolizes friendship. Now onwards we are friends." She weirdly took it and asked him, "You always carry this in your pocket?"

"Yah. One or two. It's really lucky for me."

She wasn't expecting it to be there. There was a knock on the door and she opened it to find Bryan with a phone. "Here."

"And Dev called to ask about you. I told him you're fine. Expect his call any minute." He said leaving.

She closed the door and said to herself, 'I have enough friends. I don't need anymore.' She honestly didn't want Devraj in her life to remind her of her past all the time. The farther he was, the better.

***

"How long are you planning to stay like that Hassan?" Myra asked when Hassan placed himself in her lap while she sat there caressing his hair.

"Until I believe that this is not a dream." He said encircling his arm around her belly. "I thought I lost you." He said emotionally.

"And who said this to you right before your final exams?" She asked angrily. He needed to focus. How could they burden him with this?

He looked up into her eyes and said, "I'm not stupid Appi. I can see everyone's eyes, observe their actions."

She smiled, "Hassan I am fine. I don't want you to be my weakness but my strength."

"I know but I get worried. I'm so afraid to lose you. You are my family."

“Hassan please dear. You're meeting after so many days. And don't be so bothered. I can take care of myself. And honestly, fears are not meant to scare us. They are there just to make us realize that there is something more important."

He smiled. "Okay let's drop this dry topic. And tell me adventure stories about how it happened." He said excitedly and she couldn't help smile.

She started telling him the whole incident in Indonesia and watching his surprised expressions until he fell asleep peacefully.

***

4 months past in a Blur. Myra went on with her life still thinking about him in lonely nights. Her days passed convincing herself that he doesn't matter while nights passed clinging to his words, his voice. Why was the 'Out of sight, out of mind' thing not working now? Maybe it wasn't the person she was missing, but the feeling of security, warmth and affection that his presence wrapped around her. In this life where she was a protector, a leader, a planner. For a few days, he gave her the comfort of being like a little baby, not caring about anything, just eating and sleeping. Now she realizes something… her strength had weakened her own heart.

Many times, those memories brought a sad smile on her face. And many times, she wondered why? Why did he make her question her Sanity? Why did he make her question her lifestyle?

'I hate you Shahmeer! The woman who had the world at her toes yesterday is lost and lonely in the same world because of you!

My accomplishments, my power over my pain, my strength, nothing seems to satisfy the restlessness and emptiness inside me. Why?

I don't cry. I don't miss anyone. I don't get hurt. But you changed it. How?

He had seen the mess I could be, how short tempered I was, how moody I got, how stubborn and hard to handle I was but still wanted me in his life. Despite knowing nothing about me, he proposed to me? Why?'

She had made up her mind and agreed with stubbornness on the fact that love isn't a real thing. It doesn't bring happiness. On the contrary, it's a constant state of anxiety, slαverγ, a mental battlefield; it's an insomnia of nights, suffering of the days, and after enduring all this asking ourselves all the time if we're doing the right thing.

Real love is composed of ecstatic agony that makes you feel happy to have it.

This time, everybody could see how Myra is quieter than the usual quiet and a bit distracted even though she tries her best to keep up with the cold demeanor but whatever runs in the brain ultimately shows up in your words, on your face. She drinks and smokes more than usual to mask her feelings but it gets her team worried for her.

***

Shahmeer had a hard time living with her memories but he had some twisted confidence in his love. Many times, he asked himself, 'Does she miss me too?'

He was sitting in the hall scanning some files when he heard a loud voice, "Sham!" His head snapped in that direction and his eyes widened in surprise and astonishment.

"Nani Maa?" (Maternal Grandmother) The words left his mouth and his happiness knew no bounds. He walked to her quickly and Salam her, bending to her height and hugging her tightly. He needed someone. The lady laughed and wrapped her hands around his tall frame.

"Mere Allah! So happy to see you." She cooed with a glint in her eyes.

"Come inside." He said happily, pulling her in.

After his mother's death, his Nani Ma was his only sustenance. She loved him like her son, ever since he was twelve years old, at the time of his mother's death. She was in her seventies, with wrinkled face, grey hairs, slightly bending stature.

"How is my grandson?" She asked, caressing her face.

"Just the usual. Busy." He said.

She shook her head with a naughty smile, "Aaj to Chehre par Kamal Ka Noor Aaya Hai. Pyar vyar Ka Chakkar hai kya? (There is a special glow on your face. Is there a love thing going on?)"

'Nani maa, you can see right through me.' He said in his mind. "It's nothing like that."

"Where are my other two grandchildren?" She asked, looking around and his face paled. "They are not your grandchildren Nani maa." He said in a dark, low voice.

"Don't say that beta. This is their home; we are their family. When you have given them a place in your home, why can't you give them some place in your heart too? It's not their fault, you know."

"Oh my God! Sasriyakal Nani ji." Rajat said walking there while Fiza irritatedly tried to match his fast footsteps.

"Hello. Mrs. Sheikh." Fiza said with a formal smile.

"Beta call me Aunty or Nani." She replied, returning her smile. Nani pulled Shahmeer's arm closer and whispered in his ear, "You sure don't like her? She is sweet." Nani drooled looking at Fiza.

"Nani stop!" He said irritated. "Come I'll show you your room. Ayeza is at the college and Ammar is at the ground. He has football rehearsals." He walked with Nani to her room, asked her to sit on the bed and poured a glass of water. She looked at Shahmeer with a sad smile and said, "Shahmeer... there was a time when I wanted a perfect girl chosen by me for you. But now, that ship has sailed. Now... you bring any girl, get married to her. I wouldn't mind. I just want to see you happy." He could feel the exhaustion and disappointment in her voice.

"I am happy with myself Nani Maa." He said, placing his head on her lap. "And since when is the criteria for being happy, being married hm? Can't a person be alone and happy?"

She shook her head. "Beta, you don't-

"Take rest Nani. I'll catch up with you later. We will go out, have dinner and talk about lots of things. He completely ignored the topic and slowly walked out. He closed the door gently and leaned on a side wall. He was losing his patience.

Despite being so powerful, a ruler, how powerless he felt against fate.

***

—Shimla—

—Terrace—

"Are you alright Mye?" Shermon asked standing beside her. She was never fond of stars. But she has started coming here too often nowadays.

"What can go wrong with me?" She said with the same proud, cryptic smirk.

"I've been noticing for the past few months; you have been distracted. This has never happened before."

"You don't need to worry about its Sherry."

"I thought the same at first. I wasn't worried because I believed you would share it with me but you didn't." He said with disappointment clear in his voice. If she knew everything about him, he expected her to share everything with him too. She felt like breaking his trust.

Myra shook her head. "There is nothing to share in the first place Sherry." She said as if assuring herself not him.

"Okay. But try not to let it overpower you. Mye the last 2 Missions were short and simple but I guess it wouldn't be like that always. You being so unfocused can land us in serious trouble."

"I will see to that." She said with a nod and walked out of there. She took the rubber ball from her room and walked to another room downstairs. She began throwing it swiftly back and forth to improve focus and kept on doing that until she was sweaty. 'Why does nothing make me happy now? This is exactly why I shouldn't take vacations. They make me lazy.'

She walked back to her room and the rest of her night passed in the same restlessness, not knowing what tomorrow will bring.

The morning rays crept into her room as she opened her eyes and descended from the bed.

She freshened up and found a note on the dresser. She sighed. They have to go to the Islands today. This happens when It's a highly confidential mission and can't be transferred over the phone or video call, a matter of International Security. She hated such missions. They came with a timeline, after that there was destruction. She got ready, packed a small bag for a day or two and headed to the hall where Sherry was already waiting. And together they walked outside the house. Sherry had a letter in his hand to post on the way to the airport.

Seeing Sherry's silence, guilt pricked her heart. She remembered Bryan's words, 'if you ever decide to act on it you will find me and Sherry by your side.'

She lowered the windshield and let the fresh morning air hit her face.

'Am I allowed to be weak in front of my friend for One more Time? Am I allowed to drop the walls I've built around myself One More Time Am I allowed to break my own rules One More Time?' She asked herself.