Pregnant with the Bad Boy

27

I opened my eyes in panic, I had been squirming uneasily for a while now fighting the nausea that was pushing up through my stomach, I squinted at the bathroom door, I prayed to God that I would make it the short distance as I breathed loudly a couple of times before pulling off the covers and taking two big leaps and throwing the door open, quickly closing it behind me, it burned in my throat and I clenched my jaws tightly as I tripped my fingers on the damned toilet lid before it finally opened and I hung myself over it.

I was left tired as I felt like I had vomited up everything I had ever eaten, I happened to look down and vomited once more before my body decided I was done.

Fucking chicken. I swore and flushed, hoping that Dylan wouldn't get bad too, so I'd feel even worse than I already did.

I stood up shakily, now freezing from sweating, and pulled on one of Dylan's t-shirts and looked into my chalky white face, just what I needed, food poisoning. I quickly pulled water over my face and grabbed the toothbrush; I had no idea what time it was but I managed to see it was dark outside, so I assumed it was night.

I finished brushing and wiped my face once more, I wouldn't eat that much before I fell asleep next time, my stomach wasn't cooperating.

I switched off and went back out to the bed where Dylan was sleeping on his side now, I smiled wearily at his sleeping face, he looked like an angel as I lay down next to his side and closed my eyes grateful that the nausea had subsided at once, I would throw away the rest of that damned chicken in the morning.

I looked at the ring quickly, I smiled again and closed my eyes, I was the happiest girl in the world.

It was morning when I woke up the next time, I must have slept a whole day soon, Dylan was in the bathroom, of course he refused help still the proud fool.

“Jen!” His voice sounded scared and I threw myself up from the bed as he opened the bathroom door and pointed at the vomit that had spilled out the side of the toilet seat, I hadn't been nearly as quick as I had thought last night, I was embarrassed that he would have to see my vomit and I quickly went to get a cloth as he stopped me with his hand and I looked up at his worried face, I blinked stupidly back, why was he looking at me like that?

“Jen, did you throw up last night?” His voice trembled loudly as I nodded unconcernedly at his upset, what was he so upset about?

“I'll clean it up” I tried to turn away from him as he spun me around again and held me with both hands on my arms.

“Babe, are you sure you're not pregnant?” His eyes were looking at me inquiringly now, I was going to laugh but I looked mostly confused.

“No Dylan, no I have the birth control.” I held up my arm in my defence, but he didn't look convinced.

“Stranger things have happened…” He sounded a little calmer when I tried to laugh this time.

“Stop it now, I ate too much food before I went to bed, or the chicken was bad.” I shivered as he released me slowly and breathed in and out quickly a few times half forward.

I just looked at his what appeared to be some kind of panic attack in milder form and patted him calmly on the back.

“Take it easy now tough guy.” he looked at me sourly as he stood up again and became his full height again as I was about to go back to bed.

“Are you standing up by yourself?” I looked at his feet in surprise, he had taken the bandage off now and he looked at me nervously as I examined his face, he was pale, but he didn't seem to be in pain, it was probably more because he had been scared out of his wits by seeing my vomit. I sighed; he was too worried about something that wasn't even possible.

“Yeah, it feels okay now...” he stopped and took my hand suddenly and pulled me into his arms, I enjoyed feeling his head above mine, I had missed it.

“f**k… im sorry... I was just caught off guard.” He ran his hand over my hair like he used to do when he was upset, I looked up at him silly, his face was tense and the lines around his eyes were especially visible when he was stressed.

“I didn't know a little vomit could make you so worried.” I smiled mischievously but he didn't seem to be in the mood as he stopped with his hand and looked down at me with his deep grey eyes that seemed endlessly troubled now.

“It's not that Jen, I don't care that you threw up, it's why you did it...” he fell silent, and I looked at his serious face in wonder, he was really worried.

“Dylan, please. I'm not pregnant. I promise.” I put my hand up and he smiled faintly at my compliments.

“Like you would know that...” He smiled a little more now as I put my hand on his shoulder and dragged it along his flat stomach.

“if you're that worried, I can buy a test later.” I smiled encouragingly at his doubting face, which sighed and pulled me in once more.

“Please do that.” He sighed into my hair again before kissing me quickly on the head as I closed my eyes, he was so ridiculous, there was absolutely no way I was.

“Okay, I'll fix it later, but now I'm hungry.” I opened my eyes and let go of him.

“Yeah, come on, my vomit monster.” He took my hand and we walked carefully out into the small kitchen, he looked relieved to be able to walk shorter distances and I was glad he didn't have so much pain.

“You're doing fine” I rummaged in the cupboards for something as he grunted away from the table, he let down again and I sighed as I took out the cereal, it was probably okay, and I set it out for him and took out the milk that I had bought yesterday and put it in front of him with a bang.

“Please Dylan give it a rest now.” He waved his spoon around the empty plate, and I groaned loudly at his dejection as I sat down opposite him.

“You know if I were knocked up, I'll let you know, I'm not a big conspiracy stuff.” He looked up but didn't smile as I tried to make him happier with my bad humour.

“I know.” He looked down again and I ignored his grumpiness, if he wanted to sit and depress over something that wasn't even true, that was his problem.

I quickly poured the milk and cereal, it tasted amazing as I shovelled it all in while Dylan just poked around, and he complained about me.

“Yeah, I'm leaving.” I got up without waiting for him who looked up surprised now after me.

“Where are you going?” His eyebrows rose as I shouted from the front door where the car keys were, and I rattled them loudly.

“I'm going to get that damn test, so you'll be happy again.” I didn't slam the door behind me, f**k him. We had had amazing s*x yesterday and he had come in me, why did he have to ruin everything, I jumped in the truck and looked angrily in the rear-view mirror.

Then if he was so damn scared of knocking me up, why did he even come inside me all the damn time? I quickly backed out and drove a little too fast for the speed limit.

Typical men they want to have the cake and eat it too. I quickly turned into the nearest shop, which was just before the motorway and went in, it was quiet in the morning, and I was grateful for that as I grabbed some pregnancy test with a smiling woman on it, what did she have to smile about? I looked mad at the package before quickly paying for it, the woman behind the counter looked twice at me as I cranky took my one item and walked back out, I was going to show that sourpuss I was right.

I had just come out of the doors when the nausea hit me full force and I quickly stumbled behind the quiet shop and threw up the cereal behind a container.

Fuck. I looked down in surprise at what I had just eaten. f**k. What if he was right? No, no we hadn't even been together long enough for that to be possible? Right? I started counting quickly and the blood drained from my face, Dylan had come in me the first time, the second night. f**k. He'd even told me about the condom, but I'd been so sure of my stick I'd ignored it, I rolled my eyes at myself, I probably would have ignored it regardless at the time.

I sat down on the ground for a while in the shade, the heat had started to rise considerably, and I was tired from having to vomit again, I sweated into Dylan's t-shirt and quickly pulled myself back up. There was only one way to find out. I looked scared at the test in my hand now, it scared the hell out of me that I would be pregnant. We were getting married yes, but this was my worst nightmare, having to be like mom. I breathed a few times as I walked slowly back to the car, I lifted myself wearily up and closed the door.

All the energy that angers had given me was gone as I sat with my hands on the steering wheel and leaned my head against it heavily.

What the hell would I do if that were the case? I didn't have a job, and I had two semesters of school left, I figured I could put it off, but that would put my whole life on hold.

Dylan was earning okay but not enough, then I knew he was also helping his irresponsible sister who I had never even met.

It occurred to me that I hardly knew anything about him or his family, or his friends? Did he have friends? Why hadn't I been allowed to meet them? He was on the phone enough for me to figure out that he at least had a few he talked to.

I opened my eyes, whatever the outcome was I had to decide it with him, we had both been through it all and I wanted to know what he thought first but judging by his panic attack this morning I assumed there would be no happy faces.

I quickly took up the cross, maybe it would be okay anyway, we wanted to be with each other anyway, he had asked me to marry him, so why would a child be so damn scary? I quickly looked at myself in the rear-view mirror, I was pale and had dark circles around my eyes, I certainly didn't look like someone who was happy about anything at all.

“Come on Jennifer.” I started the car and drove out, back to him.

I sat there for a little while as I arrived and slowly took the test in my back pocket, all the confidence I had had was gone now as I locked the car and slowly walked up, each step felt like my feet was made of concreate as I walked the last bit in and put my hand on the door handle and breathed in deeply a couple of times.

I was okay. I was going to be okay. No matter what happened. I opened the door and stepped inside without saying anything, he was still sitting in the kitchen when I walked in and placed the test on the table in front of him.

“I threw up again.” my voice was so small, and I quickly wiped away the tears that had come up from walking in and seeing him there, afraid he would get angry.

“Babe.” He pulled me into his arms, and I was now crying loudly and shaking in his arms, he had been right and now I was just like my mother, who was just going to be a housewife for the rest of my life.

“We don't know yet, one thing at a time Jen.” His face was so warm now and his eyes shone lovingly at me as he drew his hand tenderly over his head.

“We do know.” I snorted hard at his shirt and tried to get my voice back somewhat.

“If that's the case ... well, we'll fix it later. He hugged me tighter, and I suddenly looked up at him.

“Fix it later?!” I didn't know what I wanted to do if I was pregnant but if he sat there and thought I was just going to have an abortion like it was a dentist's appointment, he thought wrong.

“Well, we'll decide later when we know...” he picked up the test and put it in my hand as I suddenly looked up sharply into his face.

“God, it must be nice to be you right now, you just give me this and say it's my problem, I'll just fix it so you can live your life undisturbed later.” I was angry again and frustrated angrily at his nonchalant attitude.

He didn't answer now but I could see right away that he was pissed, the way he only was when I said or did something he really hated.

“Who the f**k do you think you are to say that to me?!” his voice boiled with anger as he growled out the words as I choked on my own anger.

“I'm just as f*****g involved!” He screamed now and I winced as he barked loudly.

“Have anything I've said so far since we met even hinted that I would let you do anything yourself, or that I expect you to just "take care of it"?!” he angrily slammed his fist down on the shaking table and I just looked at his anger in surprise as I stood there shaking.

“But you're so stupid Jen, I would never abandon you, and if you were pregnant now, I would accept that too.” He stopped when I hadn't replied yet, I reached for his hand, not wanting him to be angry with me anymore as he angrily pulled it away and I watched in despair at his rejection.

“You looked like you were about to pass out this morning when you saw the toilet.” I whispered the words as he started to calm down now and looked at me wildly like I had said something stupid again.

“So, I don't have the right to be scared too? Or is it only you who can be?” He looked accusingly into my eyes, and I was ashamed, of course. I was selfish as usual.

“No... I don't know I just got so angry that you were so calm and that you really felt like I was going to ruin your whole life when you asked me this morning.” I was crying again now as he took his hand and held me again, we were both exhausted from the morning's events.

“you're not ruining my life Jen; you are my life.” He kissed me hard on the mouth and I smiled now, Dylan had said exactly what I needed in the usual way.

“And you are mine.” I leaned my head on his shoulder and sighed, it was just as well we faced the truth.

“I'll ...” I took up the test and he nodded at me as I dragged myself off to the toilet and closed it behind me, I quickly read the instructions, it didn't seem to be rocket science as I pulled out the stick that looked like a bent half spoon in my eyes and pulled down my pants, I hadn't peed yet and I awkwardly put the strange stick down and waited a few seconds and put it the sink and got ready. I didn't look at it as I set the alarm for the three minutes it needed. I opened the door and walked back out to him and sat across from him. We sat in silence for the first minute until he finally said something.

“I know it's stupid Jen, but if it is... I'd like to keep it.” I looked at his worried smile in surprise, was he joking with me? First he'd had a panic attack and now he was sitting there saying he wanted the baby if that was the case.

“is it that simple?” I looked worriedly into his eyes, nothing felt so simple right now.

“Why not? I wanted to have a baby with you anyway, maybe not so fast but if it is I'm not going to say we should take it away just for money, it will work out.” I saw that he would really want to smoke right now if I hadn't thrown the pack away.

“You know most guys run for the hills right now?” Jags smiled now as his eyes darkened and I remembered what his father had done, I assumed it was his nightmare.

“I know, and I have no plans to become part of that statistic.” He nervously pulled his hands in front of his face as I took one of his hands and held it tightly in my own.

“Whatever happens, we'll fix it, right? You and me?” My voice was shaky, and he smiled wider at me where I sat shaking.

“of course, babe, you and me.” We both jumped to the loud alarm of the phone that revealed that three minutes had passed. I swallowed and we stared nervously at each other as I finally let go of his hands and slowly walked back into the bathroom where it lay, the stick that would show us what future awaited us.

“Please.” I said a little prayer as I picked up the oblong stick and looked at it quickly.

Negative. I drew in a breath; I was relieved and a little disappointed to be honest as I stared at the single line on the white piece of plastic.

Why was I disappointed? It was wonderful that I wasn't pregnant, then nothing would upset my whole future with everything I had planned. I took it and put it quietly on the table in front of him, he looked at me nervously as I sat down without saying anything and just looked down at the floor.

“Jen, I don't know what this means?” He looked at me worriedly as I woke up from my own thoughts and looked up at him sadly.

“It is negative.” I looked down again, why was I sad, this was insane I didn't even understand myself anymore.

“Why do you feel like you're not happy about it?” his face was soft now and every angry line in his face had disappeared now.

I sobbed, I didn't want to cry any more, I was so stupid sitting there, sad that I wasn't pregnant with a guy I barely knew, I was probably the biggest i***t in the world.

“I don't know...” I fiddled with a piece of paper in my hand, and he put his hand on mine.

“I know it's weird, but I'm a little disappointed too...” his words made me feel a little better, that I wasn't all weird myself.

“It would have been crazy Dylan, we barely know each other, I don't even know what friends you have, or met your sister...” I smiled sadly now as he squeezed my hand tighter.

“You know me better than anyone else by now.” He pulled my hand to him and kissed it hard and longingly I closed my eyes for a few seconds, trying to stop crying the best I could.

“I opened my eyes, yes, we didn't know what the other's favourite food was or what the other's grandmother's name was, but we knew each other on a deeper level, he knew me in a completely different way than anyone else had ever done before.

“I promise you babe, we'll have a baby one day, we might not have to wait that long either if you don't want to...” he looked at me romantically and I laughed to myself, what was the plan anyway?

“Will you wait long?” I looked at him inquiringly, we had talked about this before but not like now.

“I don't know, I was going to wait a few years really but now that we were sitting here thinking, I feel like why not, I wasn't going to let you go anyway. He held my hand tighter, so it drowned in his big fist.

“You, me and a baby here.” I looked around, I figured it was possible if you wanted to, it wasn't the first time it had happened.

“If you talk more like that, I'll take you into the bedroom and do you right now.” He laughed out loud, and I was warmed inside by his words, it felt good to tell him how I felt.

“So not so long ago then?” I looked at him shyly, it felt strange to be talking about such serious things already, something that would turn our lives upside down.

“Saying that we try to get married first and then we'll just see.” He shrugged happily and I smiled through the tears that remained in my eyes.

“Okay.” I got up and kissed him tenderly and he returned the same tender kiss.

“I don't know what you're saying but I'm going to get some more sleep...” I pulled myself up tiredly as he nodded at me, this night and morning had taken its toll on me.

“Sleep, I'm going to stay up, I have to make some calls to work.” He smiled wistfully and I sighed, of course, these never-ending jobs.

“Fine….”. I replied sourly as he waved at me as I walked back to bed.

What a day this had been, I was going crazy, Dylan made me crazy in every way, he made me feel free and loved but also confused about many things. I still hadn't met anyone he was hanging out with, and I was bothered by the box on top of the cupboard.

I lay down in the unmade bed, when I got up next time, I would tear it out, I promised myself dearly as I fell asleep again.