TEARS IN RED STRING

I AM LOVELESS

LOVEFUL

WAKING up every day with no companion is very dull---for you. But for me and to me, it is normal. No family and friends. Well, it is my choice because the last time I have those, I ended up crying. Crying because of sympathy, longing, and... guilt.

And because of those things, I decide to change and choose to be alone because I don't want that to happen again.

"Miss Glavidin. Stand up." I averted my attention to the teacher in front. It took first a second before I obey what he said. I just stared at him which made his forehead creased. "What? Aren't you going to answer my question?" he said with a challenging tone.

"How should I answer if you haven't thrown a question?" I responded coldly. He doesn't have thrown a question, does he?

Whispers suddenly fill the classroom.

"Where on Earth did your mind flew this time, huh? Didn't you saw what's written on the board?" After he said those things, I did not reply anymore. Just a waste of saliva.

I read what is written on the board then constructed my answer.

"Mitosis is a process of cell division in which the cell will undergo stages and after passing those stages, two identical cells will be produced. After the process of Mitosis, Meiosis may then occur in which the product of the Mitosis will undergo the same stages and then produces four unidentical cells." After I said those things, I immediately sat on my chair.

Mr. Gloma did not say any words to me but instead, he called another student to answer the same question.

Then after how many minutes, the Biology class ended and my classmates are all heading to the cafeteria because it is already lunchtime. Well, except for me, I am not fond of joining their lunch. I always bring food for me every day.

"C-Chi, you can j-join us." Chelsea, my seatmate, invited me. She's with her friends. Of all my classmates, she's the only one who has the urge to approach and talk to me.

And I don't like it. I f*cking don't.

"No thanks. I can eat by myself." I said coldly, without glancing at them. I focused my attention to pick up my lunch box from my bag.

"O-Okay." she only answered and then headed outside of the classroom.

My classmates are very hesitant to approach me because of the coldness that I, myself, knew. I don't like hanging out with them.

After I finished my lunch, I immediately headed to my office. Even though my attitude is like this, I still won as the school's Student Council President. It was not my choice to be in this position. It was because of that stupid nomination. The students are free to choose whoever they wanted to be nominated for a specific position. And either you like it or not, you cannot say no.

So here I am, having no choice but to embrace this position.

After a minute, I arrived at my office. I immediately sat on my chair and look at the papers that are placed above my table. I scanned it one by one to know what is it all about. Then I figured out it was about the upcoming Intramurals.

Seconds have passed, I heard three knocks on the door. "Come in," I responded. Then after that, the girl with blonde hair entered. She is my secretary, Hanah Deh.

"Uhm, Ms. President, the committee is calling for a meeting. They are now waiting at the hall." she immediately said causing my forehead to fold.

"Why they didn't inform me ahead? I'm busy with these papers and I still have classes." I irritatingly said while reading the papers.

"T-They said it is urgent. It is in connection with the upcoming Intramurals," she said while looking at the floor, playing with her fingers.

"How many minutes will it take? My class this afternoon is very important." I said while looking at my watch and to her.

"They said it is only 45 minutes," she said quickly.

Duh. Why they didn't inform me ahead or that I can prepare and adjust my time? If it will take exactly 45 minutes, then I am sure I will be 10 minutes late in my first afternoon class period.

"Let's go," I said then heading to the said hall.

Soon as we arrived at the hall, I saw that everyone is now settled in their chairs. Only two chairs in front are vacant which, I assume, for me and Hannah. We immediately went to the chair in front. On my right side is Lawrence, the Student Council Vice President. In front of us is a whiteboard.

"Proceed to the agenda," I said soon after I sat on my chair. Then the Executive Officer, Vinice, went in front.

"August 23 is Questi High's Intramurals. And for us, it is time to introduce booths that can somehow increase our budget for the upcoming big event," she said. "So, I r-request Miss Loveful to raise her voice in this meeting," she added while looking in my direction.

Tsk. I hate calling by that name.

"What is the point of this 'urgent' meeting?" I asked highlighted the word 'urgent'. "Is it about making booths or about the whole concept of Intramurals?" I went on.

"Uh, for now, it is all about booths. We will set another meeting about the Intramurals," she replied.

I leaned my back and folded my arms. "Okay. Common booths will do but it is much better if we introduce a new booth." I suggested.

"Like what?" Lawrence asked.

Before I can utter a word, someone in the group spoke. "A Red String booth!" she giggly said. And something inside me wanted to burst. "We will be using red string and we will tie it to the couple---!"

"Scratch that!" I said loudly causing her to stop. "Don't you dare utter that word again or else, I will be the one to tie you to that string" I coldly said and after that, I walked out.

I don't know what I felt after hearing those words. Those words are the ones that I hated the most.

I immediately went to our classroom for my afternoon class and fortunately, I am not late because I walked out from the meeting before 45 minutes came.

"Chi, can we be partners?" Chelsea suddenly spoke beside me. Our teacher instructed us that we should find a partner for the activity. I looked at her for a while. Why is she doing this?

Before I can reply to her, the teacher then instructed what to do. So I don't have any other choice but to pair with her because, excluding her, no one else approached me.

"Since our subject is Personal Development and we are already done discussing the topic for this grading, by your partner, say what are his or her strengths and what you wanted to say to him or her." Sir Galem said and after that, I saw my classmates faced their partners.

"Ehem." I heard Chelsea clearing her throat that's why I faced her. "So who will go first?" she then asked.

"You go," I responded and she smiled at me a little bit.

"Strengths, hmm... You are intelligent. You are undeniably beautiful." she said to me. "You are my idol and my friend---that I, only knew." she went on. I sensed bitterness in her voice. "I want you to become my friend that's why I am trying very hard to approach you. But it was very difficult," she added looking straight into my eyes. "Can we be frie---?"

"Don't." I stopped her and I succeed. "Don't be too trying hard to make me your friend because that won't gonna happen." After I said those words, she slowly bowed her head. "I don't want someone in my life, Chelsea. I want to be lonely." For other's sake---for her sake. I need to be alone, forever.

"But... I am willing to be that someone who can make you feel what is life to have a friend," she said that left me dumbfounded for a while. Those words hit me so much. I want to experience it but I can't and I don't.

"I already experienced that one before but end up nothing." I bitterly said.

"I am different from them." she insisted.

"Hmm." I smiled. "You can say that for now," I said that made her just stare at me. "You don't know my situation," I added, looking plainly at her. "I am not as loving as my name, Chelsea." then I looked intently into her eyes. "I am loveless." After I said that, tears are then forming in her eyes and she prevented it to escape.

I am not worthy to love and be loved.

##