You Will Be Mine (New Horizon Book 3)

Chapter 21: Jeannie

It kills me to be so harsh with Gabe when I can feel Simon’s distress, but the fact is, they’re the same person. It’s not even just the life that Gabe has lived or the way he’s treated people, it’s the way that he started treating me once he realized I had caught onto it.

He went full-on defensive mode, even going so far as to make me start to question myself. He let me sit there and feel guilty the whole time we were at the theater. He brought me here, letting me still go on thinking it was me that owed him an apology.

Once the truth started coming out, it was clear that he expected me to see it his way and brush it aside like we could just leave it in the past and not worry about it anymore. I understand that he made some poor decisions because he was hurting and couldn’t see any other alternatives or whatever excuse it is he’s trying to feed me, but still. He can’t seem to recognize or feel all that sorry that he hurt people. He seems mostly worried about what I’ll think of him now that I know, and he’s doing what he can to frame it a certain way.

And then he goes off on me about how I can’t possibly understand what it was like for him. He’s right that I couldn’t even pretend to understand if I tried, but he’s wrong that I couldn’t possibly know how I’d react in his shoes. Whether or not he’s someone who can hurt people and use them for his own selfish reasons is a personality thing. I’m not that sort of person, and he is. End of story.

What makes it worse is that he’s a werewolf, one who claims to value his fated mate and want only her, and yet that’s how he’s conducted himself in the time that he’s been waiting to find her. Does he really think she’ll so easily forgive that because he was lonely without her? If the roles were reversed, I suspect he wouldn’t be too pleased to discover that she’s been sleeping around in his absence, so I don’t understand why he thinks it’s excusable for him either.

I’ve made it clear that I don’t approve of his choices and I don’t appreciate how he’s talking to me now, but what’s shocking is how he abruptly shifts from defensively trying to convince me that he hasn’t done anything that he didn’t have good reason for, to suddenly focusing more on how it’s all in the past and he’s not like that now.

“How do I prove to you that I’ve changed, and I’m not that guy anymore?” he asks, hints of desperation and frustration in his voice.

“You don’t,” I tell him the simple answer, which to me seems obvious. “Because you haven’t changed. This whole conversation is a testament to that.”

He’s been all over the place, trying in any way that he can think of to convince me to see things his way, to argue that he was wounded and aching, not wrong, until now when he’s decided to just drop that and admit that he was wrong, but he’s different now. Why is he trying so hard to win me over? I guess maybe because I’m a bit different than other girls he’s dated. Unfortunately for him, I am different because I’ve been taught better than to fall for this sort of thing.

“Yeah, maybe you’ve put in a little extra effort with me, but maybe that’s just because I’m a bit of a novelty to you,” I give voice to my suspicions. “And my grandpa taught me better than to ever let someone like you break my heart. I won’t be your next victim. I don’t want you.”

“Jeannie-please-don’t-say-that,” he pleads in a desperate rush. He even goes as far as dropping to his knees to drive home the point that he’s literally begging me not to turn my back on him.

What I hate is that there’s real emotion in his haunted eyes, a vulnerability and pure panic I haven’t seen from him before.

“Please. Don’t reject me,” he goes on begging me breathlessly, and I can see there are tears in his eyes. “I can’t take it. Simon can’t take it.”

I might even be starting to believe it, except it was only a couple hours ago that I fell for a similar display of emotion, now that I think of it. He convinced me that I was wronging him by jumping to conclusions, but the conclusions I jumped to turned out to be spot on. In fact, I was underselling it.

“Cute,” I answer him, deciding that what I feel is annoyed by his mind games. “Nice try, bringing your wolf into it.”

Which I’m sure he only did because he knows I have a soft spot for Simon, whose distress is genuine. I can feel it, but I’ll have to make it up to him later. Right now, Gabe needs to be put in his place and discouraged from trying to play with my emotions like this.

I want to take a moment to reassure Simon, but this conversation is moving too quickly. I don’t have time, and I know if I hesitate, Gabe will pounce and take advantage.

“He was always in it. You’re my mate, Jeannie,” he insists, doing exactly as I feared and going for the jugular while he can sense my defenses faltering. And obviously, he already knows exactly how to get to me.

“That’s why it’s different with you, and why he’s responsive to you and only you,” he persists in trying to convince me. “It's why now that we've found you, he can't bear spending even a single night without you.”

And damn it if that doesn’t make perfect sense. I want to believe it more than anything, but I’m also horrified to hear it. He couldn’t have thrown that out there at a worse time.

But it can’t possibly be true. If it was, then he would have told me sooner. He’s been trying to win me over for days, so it makes no sense that he would have withheld the thing most likely to do the trick. If he expected me to believe it, he should have told me the other day when he and Garrett were first educating me about mates.

“I’m not falling for it,” I claim, though my certainty is wavering. I can sense Simon stronger than ever, as if he’s in there trying to convince me too.

Damn it. It’s the truth, isn’t it. He really is my mate.

I can’t stand here and deal with him any longer. With my head spinning and my mind racing, a sense of panic churning somewhere deep inside and threatening to spill over, I take a step back and start considering my options. I can’t go to dinner with him like we planned. I can’t even get back in the car with him right now.

Simon’s panic is becoming so intense that it’s starting to overtake my senses, and I feel a need to do or say something that will help him feel a little more at ease and give me a moment to take a breath.

“But I’m not rejecting you,” I assure Gabe, though since I’m not actually talking to him, I add, “Not all of you, anyway. If you want to hang out again, you better come to me with four legs and a tail next time. Simon, I like. You, I’m not so sure.”

My sense of Simon almost immediately calms down. He got the message, and he knows he’s still welcome to come sleep with me despite everything that’s transpired with Gabe.

And now that he’s faded into the background a bit, I’m sensing something else. Some protective, comforting presence is calling out to me. It’s coming through as a sort of humming or buzzing, and as I pause to tune into it, I feel it tugging my attention slightly to the right. When I look that way, there’s a nearby tree that’s practically glowing at me.

It’s almost as if it’s whispering, “Come to me. I’ll take care of you.”

And I believe it, trusting it far more than I do Gabe right now. Without a second thought, I turn and start running my way over to that tree, knowing that once Gabe catches on, he’ll freak out and try to stop me.

Like I’ve learned to do with the roses, I conjure up an image in my mind, trying to tell the tree where I want to go. I’m picturing the yard and the woods behind the packhouse, hoping that what Gabe’s mage friend told him about my connection to trees will help me right about now. I suppose if it doesn’t, at worst, I’m about to run smack into a tree and make a fool of myself, but I’ll take that chance.

The tree is vibrating like a tuning fork when I get close enough to touch it, and soon enough, I seem to be vibrating right along with it. I feel a warm, tingling sensation coursing through me, and then it feels a lot like I imagine it would feel inside a vacuum cleaner. There’s a pull and a whooshing, followed by a moment where I’m not sure where I am anymore or which way is up, but it’s not entirely unpleasant. And then I’m standing on solid ground again, though my surroundings have changed.

“Whoa,” I exclaim softly, taking a moment to get my bearings.

I know I’ve done that before, though I’ve always been asleep during it. I’ve never made the conscious decision to use trees to transport me until now.

It’s incredibly dark wherever it is that I’ve ended up, but I can sense all the life around me stirring to come to my side. I know I’m safe, no matter where I’ve gone.

“I could use a light though,” I remark aloud, the way I naturally seem to do without really even thinking about it whenever I’m alone outside like this.

I suppose I could pull my phone from my pocket and try to figure out how to use that as a light, but I can sense something far more familiar already hurrying to my aid. Lightning bugs. Perfect.

It turns out that I didn’t make it as close to the packhouse as I’d hoped, but I’m not all that disappointed for it being a first attempt. I’ll just be sure to be more specific next time. Maybe I should make a point of picking out and getting close to a certain tree ahead of my next ride to see if that makes a difference.

Although now that I think of it, where I ended up is good for one important thing. No one saw me. Maybe my protector tree even factored that in when it decided where to send me.

I receive a few curious looks as I’m making my way through the packhouse, but no one tries to stop me or chat me up, which I’m thankful for. The smell of dinner in the dining hall tempts me for a moment, considering that I haven’t eaten yet, but I think I’d rather just head upstairs to be alone so I can think.

This whole Gabe thing is so much bigger of a problem than I ever realized. It should be a relief to discover that he’s been my mate this whole time so I don’t have to keep feeling so guilty about stealing some other poor girl’s mate, but now I’m realizing that I am the poor girl.

That whole conversation from earlier aside, the fact of the matter is that he’s made quite a reputation for himself around here. There are probably tons of women like Nora out there, and I don’t enjoy the thought of how often I’ll have to face them. And what will they all think of me if I just move on and pretend like none of it matters? I have to have more respect for myself than that, right?

Everything I said to Gabe about his “future” mate is what I really feel about it. I don’t like that so many women have had him before me. I don’t like that I’m this inexperienced, ignorant young girl with nothing but firsts for him to look forward to, while all his firsts are long gone. There’s probably nothing left for us to explore together, and quite honestly, I’m having difficulty seeing how he’s supposedly so perfect for me.

But on the other hand, I have been enjoying his company all week. There are things about him that I already like, and I barely know him. I also have to keep in mind that I do barely know him, and that’s part of the issue. Everything he confessed to me tonight, that’s just one small part of him. I specifically remember making some remark to the guys about how stupid it would be to throw away a chance at something like a fated mate, and I wasn’t wrong then.

Actually, maybe Garrett is who I should be talking to about this. Not only is he the closest person to Gabe, but he’s been through the whole rejection process. Maybe he’ll be able to help me figure it all out, assuming he’ll even want to talk to me after what I said to his brother earlier.

With a heavy sigh, I put my key in the door to the Bentleys’ apartment, all the while hoping that once it opens, there will be nothing and no one stopping me from just taking myself to bed for the night.