You Will Be Mine (New Horizon Book 3)

Chapter 22: Jeannie

Hours later, I’m still awake staring into the darkness when I hear the squeak of my bedroom door being pushed open. I roll over and look to the doorway, spotting the large, shadowy form of a wolf slinking his way over to me.

He doesn’t approach the bed with his usual air of confidence and enthusiasm. I can tell even with the lights off that his ears are drooping a little, and he seems a bit upset. But even so, he makes his way around to the end of the bed and hops up to join me, his eagerness to be near me much stronger than usual.

Once he comes and lies down next to me, I cuddle up to him as I normally would. Even with everything Gabe told me about himself earlier, he didn’t say anything that has me feeling any differently about Simon. In fact, I think I might even be more impressed with him now. He may not have had the control or any power to prevent Gabe’s bad behavior, but he did what he could to make sure his disapproval was known.

I can sense his anxiety and uncertainty, and not even my reassuring pets and back rub seem to make a dent in it.

“We’re okay, Simon,” I decide to let him know for sure. “I’m still processing everything, but I’m okay with you being here with me.”

In fact, it feels pretty good for me too, and I’m sure that’s partly because we’re mates. I don’t know everything that entails yet, but I do distinctly remember Gabe telling me about the physical connection from the mate bond that makes being near your mate feel so soothing and rewarding.

And after a few moments, I feel him relax a bit too, and it’s not long before his breathing becomes deeper and steadier. I must fall asleep not long after that because the next thing I know, the morning light is streaming through the window of my bedroom, and I wake to quite a rustling beside me.

I open my eyes just in time to see the last bits of the dark fur disappearing from Gabe’s smooth complexion, and it’s his face staring back at me uncertainly. His face, but still Simon’s eyes. Even so, I can’t fight my instinct to back away from him.

He reaches down to throw the sheet over his lower belly and waist, covering his nakedness before he rolls onto his side and reaches out for me.

“I’m sure this is the last face you want to see right now, and if I had any other option, I’d take it,” Simon explains. I know it’s still him from how Gabe’s voice sounds, the same as it did that first day I met them. “But I want to talk to you, and he’s the one with the human mouth to do it with.”

“Okay,” I agree, uncertain of what else there is to say about it.

He’s right that him using Gabe’s body bothers me a bit. I’m not ready to face him again, not after last night, but I also know that making me face Gabe wasn’t Simon’s intention, and I see his point.

“He also has the optimum form for everything else I wish I could do to you, but I’m going to try to fight back all those urges,” he promises, smirking at me in much the same way that Gabe always does. “It’s the talking that’s most important right now, because there’s a lot I feel I need to say after everything that happened.”

I’m still undecided about whether to allow this. Four legs and a tail, that’s what I told Gabe last night. Not two legs and a smirk.

But apparently, I’m taking too long for Simon’s comfort. He moves quickly and forcefully, pushing me onto my back and pinning me beneath him so he can bury Gabe’s nose in my neck and inhale my scent. I know that’s comforting for werewolves, especially for the wolves, so I’m really trying not to freak out.

Simon does this to me even when he’s in his wolf form, and knowing that we’re mates now, it makes a lot more sense. But it’s still weird and borderline uncomfortable, especially after his comment about wanting to do other things to me.

“Simon, you really need to get off me,” I complain a bit breathlessly, growing increasingly more uncomfortable about how close he is, and how much of Gabe’s body is in contact with my own.

“No, I need to kiss you,” he argues, pulling his face away from my neck, his smirk firmly back in place as he gazes down at me, studying my lips and licking his own.

“But you’re a wolf.” I feel like I don’t even need to make any further argument against letting him kiss me, though there are plenty that could be made.

I’m not about to become romantically involved with a wolf. That, plus I’ve never kissed anyone before, and I don’t think this is how I want my first time to go. Not after the night I’ve had, and not before I get a chance to really think over how I feel about everything. Supposedly, he’s in Gabe’s form so he can talk to me, not flirt with me.

“And you’re a wolf’s mate. My mate.”

There’s a bit of a growl to his tone as he reminds me of that fact, as if I could forget it. And it’s a fair point. I suppose the romantic involvement is sort of implied with that, though it doesn’t change the part where I don’t know how I feel about it yet. Mate or not, the timing of this is way off.

And I do kind of feel like I’ve been duped a little as far as the whole mate thing goes. I’ve been letting this wolf share my bed with me, not knowing that there was anything more to it than simply enjoying each other’s company. That’s despite the direct link I have to his thoughts and emotions, which begs the question of how he even managed to keep that from me in the first place. Maybe he’s more like Gabe than I thought, or at least more influenced by him than I realized.

“You like me. I know you do. I can feel it,” he insists, an edge of uncertainty and vulnerability creeping into his voice. “That’s why I come here to be with you every night. I can feel you missing me, and I miss you too whenever we have to be apart. I don’t like it. I’ve waited too long to find you to let you spend so much time away from me.”

The cocky confidence from a moment ago seems to be fading, and he peels his body away from mine to resume his position lying beside me. I’m still mostly speechless, struggling to keep up with his emotional mood shifts and decide whether to insist that he shift back to his own form or leave.

“If it had been up to me, you would have been the only woman for us, ever,” he begins what seems like is going to be an intense discussion, not waiting for my response or approval. “And I’m so sorry that your mate is such a disgusting disappointment to you.”

That’s harsh. As much as I’m still struggling to come to terms with all Gabe confessed to me, and as much as I hate the thought of all those women touching and enjoying parts of him that weren’t meant for them, I wouldn’t go that far with it. In fact, I have a lot of compassion and empathy for the struggles and feelings he described himself enduring all these years. If anyone can understand the desperation that comes from loneliness, it’s me.

I just have a hard time accepting the route he chose to cope with it considering all the friends and family he has around here who he could have turned to. But I’m guessing he was too proud and too afraid to show any weakness to find it in himself to do that. No, he chose to take comfort in the arms and beds of random women instead.

And yes, it disgusts me. But I don’t think he disgusts me. Not really. Or maybe the jury’s still out on that.

“I am disgusted as well as disappointed, but it’s not him that disgusts and disappoints me,” I feel a need to clarify. “And it is somewhat upsetting to find out that he’s been my mate all along and didn’t seem to feel a need to tell me that sooner. I didn’t even want to believe it at first, it made me so angry, but I could also sense the truth of it through my connection to you. I don’t know why you were blocking me from discovering that earlier, but I would guess he had something to do with it.”

Simon sighs, closing his eyes as he seems to be finding the right words to say.

“I hate to have to be the one to tell you this, especially since I never agreed with his decision, but he did have his reasons,” he assures me. “And let me ask you this. If you had known about him being your mate from the beginning, would it have changed how you interacted with him?”

“Well yeah. I wouldn’t have felt so conflicted about getting close to someone else’s mate,” I tell him the first thing that comes to mind. “And him touching me probably wouldn’t have seemed so weird.”

“But would you have been receptive to him, or to being his mate?” Simon questions.

I don’t really see the difference, but I try to consider it thoughtfully and find one anyway.

“To being his mate, I guess,” I answer after a moment. “Because then it would have made more sense why he was trying to get close to me in the first place. I was mostly just confused the whole time and couldn’t figure out what interest he had in me.”

“And you’d have been okay with that? With me pursuing you only because you’re my mate, and not because I’m interested in you as a person regardless of being my mate?”

That’s Gabe’s normal voice, and when I look, I notice that Simon’s eyes are gone.

“Get out,” I demand, quickly sitting up and moving away from him, pointing to the door. “I’m fine talking to Simon, but we’re not okay, Gabe.”

He closes his eyes and breathes in and out a few times, and then when he opens them, it’s Simon’s stormy blue ones looking back at me again.

“He respects your wishes, and won’t do that again,” Simon promises me, his eyes pleading with me to allow him to stay. “But I hope you’re coming to understand that it was because he wanted to give you both a chance to get to know each other first that he hadn’t confessed the full truth yet. I disagreed with him, but despite what he believes, I don’t seek to undermine him at every turn, and I went along with it.”

I’ve been settling back into my spot lying beside him, taking in what he’s saying and trying to make sense of it and maybe see it from Gabe’s perspective a little, though I still feel so angry and betrayed that it’s hard to do. It might even be too soon to be having this conversation with Simon, since so much of it seems to be about Gabe.

“I do wonder one thing, though,” he adds, looking over at me expectantly.

“What’s that?” I ask, realizing he won’t say anymore until I do.

“If you had known we were mates and then found out everything he told you last night, do you think it would have changed anything?”

I exhale forcefully, considering his question. I’ve always hated considering hypotheticals like this. Pondering all the “what-ifs” isn’t going to change what happened.

“I don’t know. Maybe,” I admit uncertainly. “But I almost wonder if it wouldn’t have made it worse. Ever since the moment that I first learned about werewolf mates, I’ve envied them. I wanted that. And granted, I’ve only had a few days to think about it and I’m sure there’s far more that I don’t know about them than what I do know, but I got this image in my head of how magical it would be to have a person who’s perfect for you out there somewhere waiting to find you and make both of your lives complete.”

Simon’s smiling warmly at me, and he reaches out to toy with my hair in much the same way Gabe always does. It gives me pause for a second, but I decide to allow it.

“Gabe really did seem like that sort of guy at first – charming, thoughtful, attentive, affectionate,” I go on. “I think if he’d told me we were mates the first day, I’d have been pretty excited, but then to find out who he really is would have crushed me. I mean, it did crush me, but at least I hadn’t been holding that fairy tale about him in my head when it happened.”

Gabe’s nostrils flare, and Simon pauses his twirling of my hair as he fights some internal battle, whether with himself or with Gabe I can’t be certain because he has his eyes closed again.

“That’s not who he really is,” Simon says softly after a moment. “Flawed, short-sighted, impulsive even, I’ll give you all that, but his mistakes are not who he really is. I only hope you can find it in your heart to consider that and eventually come to forgive and accept him. But one thing I can promise you is that those other women, they are firmly in the past. He only wants you now, and he’ll wait however long it takes to have you.”

I feel a surge of mixed emotions rushing through me as I listen to his proclamation. Some I don’t fully understand, like the anger. I know I’m not angry with Simon, but I suppose since he’s linked to the man I am angry with, things are bound to get a bit mixed up. I’m angry that he’s just now feeling determined to save himself for his mate. For me. It feels a little bit like it’s too little and too late.

And then there are the shivers of excitement coursing through me, making my toes tingle and butterflies flutter in my belly. And the hurt, which I think comes from feeling a bit betrayed that Simon is defending his human counterpart like that. The embarrassment from how close he is, watching me blush and squirm like this. I don’t know how I feel ultimately, and I don’t know what to do or say either.

“I know you probably need to get up and tend to your chickens now, and I don’t want to get in the way of that,” he tells me, leaning over to place a gentle kiss on my cheek and bury his nose in my neck one last time.

I still haven’t found my words as I watch him wiggle his way out of my bed, keeping the sheet wrapped around his waist as he gets up. He disappears into the hallway for a moment, not coming back to return my sheet until he has his sweatpants on. Pants, but nothing else. No shirt or shoes. I don’t know why it bothers me, but it does.

“Maybe you could borrow some clothes from one of your dads before you go,” I finally speak.

He’s standing over me, grinning down as though that request pleases him immensely, though I don’t know why.

“Is my little mate feeling a bit territorial?” he teases me, that infuriating smirk reappearing on his face.

“Bye, Simon,” I dismiss him, disappearing into my bathroom to listen to him laughing at me from the other side of the door.

Although I’m wondering if he’s not right, even if I don’t want to admit it to him. Now that I know he’s not just another handsome, flirty man that women enjoy ogling but he’s my handsome, flirty man, I don’t think I like the idea of other women seeing any more of him than they already have, whether I choose to accept and forgive him or not. And I don’t know what to think about that.