Between love and nation

7

Neha :

I don't know what to do, I am hurt, I am angry, I want to yell on someone, I want to fight with my parents but I can't, I can't say anything to my papa maa, they supported me whenever I want them, they love me unconditionally, and I know my decision hurt my papa so badly. But I can't do anything, Nikhil words remind me I am nothing but an ugly fat girl. Many times my maa, papa, Taashu, and panchi called me fatty but their words never hurt me like Nikhil's word, his hurtful words broke my heart into tiny pieces.

The first-time papa asked me something, and I only disappoint him again .my marriage was his dream, I remember those days when I was 8 years old, my dad made a plan about marriage.

No one can understand my parents but only I can, only I know how much I hurt my father, only I know how much I hurt my father that's why he threw me out of his home, first my little sister panchi broke his heart and left the home and now I, I hurt him so badly, I humiliated him front of his friend, god he always treated me with so much love and care and I become the biggest disappointment of his wife. I should kill myself for doing this with my parents. I hope no father get my kind of daughter who insulted him like this, I know he was hurt when he threw me out of the home but I thought when his anger become calm he'll come and take me back but no, nobody comes to rescue me.

I sit on the couch and start crying badly, I never cried in front of anyone but today I am crying since morning. Thank God Raghu helped me, I can't thank him enough for his courage. He protected my modesty from those cruel bastards. He gave me home when I don't have money but I have to do something, I can't let him waste his precious money on me.

I stand up and start looking at the flat, dam this place is gorgeous, this flat is incredibly beautiful, o God there is a balcony also, I quickly run towards the balcony and saw the breathtaking view of Mumbai, whole Mumbai is looking so beautiful from the top, the sea sound made my heart relaxed. Dam this place is beautiful. After spending an hour I came back and saw the beautiful kitchen, I walk near the kitchen and start looking at everything carefully. Then I start looking for other areas, dam this flat is so big and I can't live here all alone, dam I hate big places, I quickly run towards the switchboard and opened all the lights of the hall. Darkness scare me, at my home I don't feel scared because I born up and grew up there and my family never leave me alone because of my childish acts. They always consider me as a child, but I don't know, why they threw me out.

God if I think about my family, ill cry all day, I should think about this beautiful place which Raghu offered me.

Dam I can't leave here all alone, I have to find another place for me, but Neha you don't have money, this is all you have, just accept it he showed enough kindness on you, you remember right how papa insulted him.

I again sit on the couch and start thinking about my life, I tried to call my little sister but her phone is still switched off. I know only she can help me but I am unable to reach her.

I don't know when I doze off while thinking about my life.

In the morning when bright sunlight fell on my face I woke up, I yawned in sleep and rubbed my eyes. When I fully opened my eyes and saw the reality of my surroundings hit me, then my gaze fell on my phone, there are 200 miss calls from my sister maasi, maaso, Taashu and maa but papa didn't call me.

I called maasi and told her that I am staying at my friend's flat, she asked me thousands of questions about my whereabouts and I told her everything except the Raghu's part it's not I don't like raghu, I trust him but I don't want to make my maasi worried about me. My maasi told me to come to her home and stay with her and I agreed because last night I was hell scared in that big flat. But now I'll inform Raghu that I am leaving his beautiful flat I remember last night he gave me his phone number. Should I call him at this time? I think I should or he'll be worried about me.

I saved his no. On my phone last night and about to call him but the doorbell ring, I walk towards the door and saw a huge beg there, my name was written on it.

I grab the trolley beg and took inside it, it contains lots of groceries, fruits, and cleaning stuff, but who sent this.

Suddenly a chit fell from the beg, I grab the chit and start reading it.

" angel I don't know anything about you, except one thing ' your love for food ' so I send all these groceries, the maid will come soon to make something for you "

Raghu

God papa treated him like a criminal and he is treating me like a princess, what's wrong with this man. He is calling me an angel, me an angel a big fat elephant, god. Neha at least say thank you to him. I said to myself and dialed his no. But he didn't give me any response. After calling two-three times when he didn't receive my call I put the phone on the table and went inside the kitchen to place all the stuff. He sent almost all the things which I like. He really knows my likes and dislikes. I am excited because my brother is coming to receive me from here.

I changed my clothes and grab my phone, I called my brother and told him to receive me, I again tried to call Raghu but he is still not attending my any call. I joined my hands in front of Bappa and walk out.

When I walk out I saw my brother, Nik he walks near me and hugged me so tightly" Di we all were so worried about you, let's go home and where is your bag " asked my brother and I put my palm on his mouth " I am fine and I can't come to your home, you know papa wouldn't like it, how is maa papa " I asked him and he told me how much my mom is worried about me. Tears welled up in my eyes and I blinked them away. My brother cupped my face and kissed my head, he wiped my tears with his thumb and give me a small smile. " everything will be fine, mom said you are the strongest girl. Don't worry Mosaji will forgive you soon.  You know we all love you so much and no one can stay angry with you so long. Now smile Di, maa made your favorite traditional Rajasthani Food.

(Dal Bati Churma, Mohan thaal, Laal ( guys it's the traditional meat of Rajasthan) Maas, Mawa Kachori, Mirchi Bada, Mohan Maas, Kalakand, Pyaaz Ki Kachori)

Automatically a huge smile appeared on my face and I hugged him tightly. " god you are seriously the biggest glutton in the world.  Look at your beautiful smile di, food really makes you happy and I am so happy to see this smile on your face. " said my brother and pulled my chubby cheeks, god my baby brother loves my chubby cheeks so much. And he told me this thing many times.

I sit inside his car and close the door. " by the way di, which friend of yours lives in this flat, they are the most expensive flats of whole Mumbai, you know papa is trying to buy penthouse here from a long time, but the property owner said that he has no more flats. He is a retired carnal and a very strict guy " asked my brother but I kept my mouth mum. I don't want to tell him anything about raghu.

" you talked too much Bhai, drive fast, animals are dancing in my stomach, I am so hungry and the name of food made my mouth so watery. " I told him and try to distract his attention, he is not that kind of brother who asked everything to his sister. And Nik trusted his sister, he knew his sister can handle any situation. But she needs proper guidance.

I reached to my maasi's home and she asked me thousands of questions, like where I am staying, what is my friend's name, she also gave me some money which I accepted because right now I don't have any money. After eating and talking to my mom, I took to breathe in relief. I laid on the couch and start thinking about my father, my life, and my upcoming future. I wanted to start something of mine, but I have no proper education, no degrees, no expressions.

But yea I see dreams to become a successful girl, I wish god fulfilled my dreams soon. Today I am regretting, on my wrong decisions. Every second I cursed myself for leaving my education in the middle, I never cursed myself before for this.

I mean come on, if I don't like studies then why ill do studies. For me degrees are nothing, one paper can't decide my future nor my IQ level.

Since my childhood I told only one thing to myself. I am the best and i'll always remain the best.  Because I don't give up. And I have to find any job for my survival. I cant become the burden for raghu.

In the evening I begged my maasi because she is not letting me go back to my home, yes my home, but after my lots of requests, she agreed with me.

My little brother dropped me at my flat. But my mind is still thinking about my family, my papa. Maaso told me how sad he was when he threw me out of my house but I know my papa is too stubborn to forgive me.

Suddenly I heard a loud voice of the glass, I quickly turned around and saw very drunk Raghu, Raghu? Yes, he is Raghu, he is carrying two bottles in his hands or I said three because one bottle fell down from his hand. But what's wrong with this man .why he is drinking so much.

I quickly walk near him and him. He was about to put his feet on glass pieces but I pushed him away, dam his hand is also bleeding so badly, and he has a deep cut on his shoulder. Years welled up in my eyes when I saw him in pain but he is watching me like I am his savior. Dam he is bleeding " Raghu what's wrong with you, are you trying to kill yourself," I asked him and grab his biceps to make him stand on his legs, but he is starting me like, I don't know. " come on Raghu get up, you are bleeding " I said and he stands up .dam why I am feeling so emotional. " I think....... I should... Go..." He said and tried to free himself from my grip. Is he mad no way, I am not letting him go like this, he is drunk and walking on a road like a trump. But he is too drunk to understand anything, and the deep cut is bleeding so badly. " Raghu I am not letting you like this, let's go inside," I said and drag him inside the building, everyone start staring me with widen eyes but I don't care.