Between love and nation

6

Raghu :

It's almost midnight, no one is here to receive her, I know no one is coming here to receive her and I can't leave her here, her fat tears are making me so helpless. I don't know if she will take my help or not but I can't leave her here all alone.

her tearful eyes are making me so restless, no I can't leave her here, she is too innocent for this cruel world. I don't why parents always test their innocent kids. How can they threw her out at this time, when they knew how poor and innocent she is.  without thinking I grab her hand and bag, I thought she will slap me but no she is walking with me without uttering a single word. I told her to sit on the bike and she did . but where I take her now, in the middle of the night. I think she doesn't know how to sit on the bike, so I slowly hold her both hands and wrapped them around my torso, I don't want her to fall down.

I hope no one sees us together or she'll come in danger. She is holding, there is no fear in her eyes when she hugged me and talked to me. According to this society and her, I am a criminal but still, she has no problem, she is not feeling disgusted around me, instead, she is resting her cheek on my back and crying for her family who threw her out without even a second thought.

I want to ask her why her father threw her out but she is already sad and I don't want to make her sadder, that's what I told my heart but the truth, I Raghu, the head of RAW has no guts to ask her what happened between her and her family.

Everything about her affects me so badly. Her tears, her pain, her innocent smile. I wish I could make her mine but that's next to impossible why she'll accept me as her husband.

Fuck what I am thinking, am I really thinking about me as her husband. Dam I have to stay away from her before I put this innocent girl in danger and hurt her in I worst way.

But I don't know why my black heart is telling me that, one day she'll be mine and ill be her.

All this is so wrong, I have no normal life, my past is filled with darkness, I have no future because I have no idea when someone shoots me and I'll turn into a dead body. I should stop thinking about her and me in that way. I have no right to snatch her happiness because of my selfish reasons.

I don't know why, but I took her to my world flat, I never came to his flat before but today I am ready to give this flat to her. I again grab her soft hand and drag her inside the flat. finally, we reached the 47th floor but still, she didn't utter a single word. I very slowly cupped her face and wiped her tears with my thumbs. f**k, f**k, f**k she is still sobbing silently.  I was so scared to touch her what if she pushed me away, her behaviors will hurt me so badly, but no, she hugged me so tight like I am her salvation, her favorite cuddly bear, she is crying on my chest, my team called me a monster because I have no emotions inside me but when I come in front of her I start feeling like a human who feels emotions, love, and sadness. Her pain affected me so deeply and sometimes I felt like I should burn the person who is the reason for her tears.

thousands of butterflies erupt in my stomach, I felt like I am in heaven. dam she is so stupid, she came with me after knowing that I am a criminal and I can hurt, how can she trust me so easily. her tears made my shirt wet, and I am scared, what if she hears my fast-beating heart. she buried her face in my chest and hugged my waist more tightly like I am her angel. I very slowly and carefully wrapped my hands around her and kissed her hairs " shshshshhh my angel you are fine, this is your home, no one come here and threw you out of here, and please don't cry ( yea I am saying please to her, ) you are the strongest girl and you'll deal with this situation " I said in a very gentle tone, I am shocked to hear my gentle voice I don't know when I used this tone with anyone. I think I should keep myself away from her before I destroy her in the worst way. I am really very dangerous for her and I have no right to put her life in danger " i.......don't......have ......money and what ........you tell......your family ..........what if they ......scold you .....because of me ........" she asked with tearful eyes, I hugged her more tightly and rubbed her back . " this is your home and you don't have to give any money to anyone ok now stop crying and go inside, I ordered food for you it will arrive soon ok," I said, poor girl, she has no idea that god snatched my family from me a long time ago. and she released me from her embrace. Dam I miss her warmness, her puffy eyes making my black cold heart bleed in pain. I want to kiss her red eyes and sing lullaby for her.

"I really don't have money and how can I stay in your home, if I stay here then where will you live," she asked me very innocently and brushed her hair from her face. " don't worry right now go and have some rest ill meet you tomorrow, and I don't want to see tears in your eyes, ( she is looking worried, about me)" I said and walk away from her because I know if I stayed there more she'll refuse to take my help. " I have no problem if you stay here, after all, this is your place," she told me and I wiped her tears from her cheek with the help of my finger. " I don't stay here, this is your place and from now on only you'll stay here and stop being a mother, I am a big man and I can take care of my self. You take care of yourself" I told her and she starts looking at me with her big innocent eyes.

Why my dead heart is jumping in joy, why her touch is lingering on my skin. Dam her closeness is making me insane. Stop right here Raghu before you crossed all the limits and put her life in danger, you are too harmful to her. are you really forgetting your profession and from where you come. If you really love her, leave her right here.

Love? Do I love her, no I don't love her, I just like her innocence, I saw my bad childhood in her?

But dam my heart, no I have to stay strong around her, she is breaking all the walls around my heart, she is melting me once again. I leave her apartment and reached back to the place which is very darker than the darkest night, which is very horrible than death. When I joined this life I have no hopes, I wanted to die, my parents and society abundant me they said I am a murderer of my best friend. Yea my best friend, my Sugar. They never let say anything, they didn't hear me out. They just assumed and accused me as murder but I wasn't a murderer.

In six months I got relief from the detention center because I proved them I was innocent but my family didn't accept me. They knew how intelligent I was, they thought I manipulate the court. f**k I was only 15 years old kid. and they all made a murderer.

But things start changing in my life when carnal sir come in my life. And he made me what I am today, he believed me and helped me to come out of my depression, he cleared my name and gave me a new identity. I never like this life but that time I wanted to prove the world I wasn't what they called me, but army life changed everything. My thinking, my behavior, and me.

If I get the power so I want to go in the past and changed that horrible night of my life where they made me murderer, they don't even ask me anything after seeing the dead body of sugar, they accused me as a murderer.

I reached to my training center and start training a new gang, but dam my mind, it still thinking about her. Dam I don't even have her no. , what do I do. " bhai where are you coming from, " asked Rahul and sit beside me, he wore his guards and start looking at me with narrow eyes. " why are you asking this question to me, " I asked him and tied my shoes. " bhai you are looking so different today, tear stains are clearly visible on your shirt and you are smelling like a girl," said Rahul and I quickly look at my shirt, dam yes her tear stains are present on my shirt when I roam my gaze everyone is looking at me. I quickly walk away from there and went towards my room, I changed my shirt and put that shirt in the special cupboard. After that shirt has her fragrance. She hugged me, she touched, she made me feel those things which I never felt before and first, this is all making me worried.

I sit on the chair and took out my wallet, I look at my best friend picture and grace my fingers on it.

She is not there anymore but her memories are still there. She is the reason I joined this profession. She told me one day ill get the best girl and after meeting that girl, ill get my reason to live this pathetic dangerous life.

In my profession, I have no idea when someone comes and shoots me between my eyes. But yes when I look at my neha, I felt.

I stopped when I realized what I said, my neha, seriously raghu are completely doomed.

" you are in love with her, agree or not, you can't lie to your heart, stop hearing the voice of your mind. The day when you saw her first time, your eyes were searching for her. You also have a right to love, you can also fell in love with anyone. That girl neha, she is your light, let her lit up your darkness " said my image to me, which appeared in front of my eyes.

This image appeared when my mind and my heart both have different thoughts.

" don't hear him, he is an i***t, you don't get anything till now because of him. You cant drag that girl in this life, that darkness will vanish here somewhere. If you want to see her happy and find, just forget her. You know about your life, you know where are you standing right now. Anyone kill you anytime " said my mind.

And both the images disappeared. I picked the glass of water and start chugging the water. I don't even remember when I last saw them together.

I cant hear the voice of my heart and put her life in danger. I'll hear my mind so she'll stay safe.

But Raghu has no idea destiny bound them together that day when they met. No matter how much he tries to keep himself away from her but at the end of the day destiny will definitely bring them together.