The Wedding Scammer, Part 4
1896 Words
Lingat Plain, is, for the lack of a better word, plain.
Other than some slimes and bat-like flying creatures, this location is nothing but grass, grass, and more grass.
Finding the hideout, therefore, can be an excruciating task, even with the map.
As my childhood friend, my younger sister, the two adventurers who have been had, the husband of an abductee, and I scour the plains for the entrance to the hideout of the scammer...
A huge battalion of scimitar-wielding thugs comes out of the woodwork.
And by “woodwork”, I mean the tall patches of grass.
Also, the instigator of the wedding scam himself, Kabuzu Quattuorze, emerges from a makeshift door not that far away from where those thugs are, just as they slowly encircle us six. The door is made to camouflage as just a part of the plain.
“BWAHAHAHAHA!!! Welcome to die!”
That is the scammer's opening statement.
“How does it feel to be surrounded by these minions of mine who are more than ready to turn you into mincemeat, you two? I don't care if your sob story disguised as a sphaeramnis clip reached more and more people; because all the same, I'll stamp out all opposition! I will become the ultimate wedding coordinator, that even those in the capital will bow down to me!”
Tibbie responds, “That's it? You'll build a monopoly, doing nothing but extort money from other prospective newlyweds? You've definitely went too far.”
Filio follows, “You! I know you're hiding my wife! Please set her free, and we'll all back off and call it a day.”
In response, the scammer indeed brings out Filio's wife, Gwen Anne, all bound up and gagged.
“Alright then. I'll follow your request. But on one condition... you must walk towards me... alone.”
“Fine.”
We'd better stay on our toes, then. This could be a trap for all we know.
Treading carefully, Filio makes his way towards the scammer, not minding the thugs who are ready to slice and dice him at a moment's notice.
Once he and his wife are ready to have their little reunion...
...the scammer kicks them both in their stomachs, knocking them out.
“BWAHAHAHAHA!!! You think they'll go home in one piece? Not a chance!”
I knew it! It's a freaking trap!
I call out Mr. Quattuorze, “You and your cheap shots will never work against the combined might of three cadets and two adventurers! We'll bring you all to justice!”
In response, he brings out the same boisterous, cackling laugh, before stating the following, as the thugs are still encroaching us...
“Ah, so you three are the cadets my moles are talking about, huh? Well, then. You instead should be called 'low-life wimpy beings'. You know why? 'Cause you are stupid idiotic ignorant nitwit TROLL DUMMY SOLDIER WANNABES WHO CANNOT EVEN HANDLE SWORDS PROPERLY!
“BWAHAHAHAHA!!!
“How many of your brain cells are now operating at this moment?
“What's your contribution to this kingdom, fools?
“Have you read all those sleazy tabloids? That according to you are your legit unbiased media sources? Well, guess what? They should've been classified as rolls of toilet paper posing as newspapers instead!
“Have you been sniffing dolomite lately? Why yes, your mental health is terribly lacking.
“BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”
Ugh. The nerve of this sicko and his equally sickening laugh.
Laika then whispers to my ear, “Keenan, I've counted these thugs in my head. They all number exactly 100.”
So right now, we're facing these crooks, who number ten times more that we've fought in the last encounter!
Marla cuts in, also in a whispering way.
“Ah, this reminds me. There was once a constabulary officer of legend. He who had the fierceness of the so-called 'guard dog of the netherworld'. His motivation to fight was fueled by the apparent loss of his wife when a criminal gang plundered his hometown...”
Ah, I've also read stories about him, too, in my downtime.
In one battle, this constabulary officer took down 100 foes in just under three minutes.
Yulissa answers in return, also with a whisper, “Well, if one could defeat a hundred, why don't we five do the same?”
I agree with a single firm nod.
“Hey! What are all yapping about?!”
The scammer belts out his brashness.
“Enough of this charade! My trusted minions... DESTROY THEM ALL!”
We five ready ourselves for hopefully a massive onslaught as the thugs all charge at us.
It's go time!
“Miraculous rays, shine upon vile fiends! Lightwanag!”
Marla opens the battle with the standard light-elemental spell, blinding and knocking out any enemy unlucky enough to be within its area of effect.
Enemies left: 85.
And yes, we also have to ensure Filio and Gwen Anne's safety, too!
I instruct, “Tibbie! Marla! Hold the fort while we rescue the two!”
“Agreed!”
We three then charge towards a group of stragglers, slashing and dashing until we get the unconscious couple to somewhere safe and sound.
Enemies left: 75.
Meanwhile, the scammer is running towards the entrance of his hideout, like a rat scared of a huge cat.
We'll deal with that cur later.
“I seethe with mystical choler! Awareness Beast Edge!”
Eleven of these minions are caught up in Tibbie's one-hit supersonic sideways s***h.
Enemies left: 64.
On our end, we wisely pick off anyone daring to attack us, while we three stand back to back.
With our tried and proven methods, we take off a huge chunk of these stragglers.
Enemies left: 37.
Tibbie and Marla further guide the still-unconscious Filio and Gwen Anne to a much safer spot in this plain, until they're almost ambushed by the minions.
Fortuitously, they know how to sense monster ambushes, so their heroic auras manifest once again.
“Taste the savagery of us newlyweds scorned! Rogue Art: Smooth Cut Sigma!”
With their combined link attack, everyone who dared to ambush them are knocked out cold.
Enemies left: 21.
With the number of enemies down to less than a quarter, and empowered by the couple's combined link attack, we three are ready to unleash our own combined link attack, formulated from months of training and years of tight-knit bonds.
As we ready our sabers for the hopefully decisive move, we chant the following.
“We chase our collective dream.
“We have a vow to uphold.
“We have a wish to fulfill.
“And we'll all see this even beyond the end!
“Haaaah!!! Trifecta Flurry!”
With our sabers pointed forward, we dash straight into the horde, and then sheathe our blades, as an invisible vacuum makes short work of the last of the stragglers.
Enemies left: 0.
There are no more of the scammer's minions left standing, and thus their leader announces his outburst.
“AAAARRRGGGHHHH!!! You'll curse the day you were born, you meddling kids!”
“Meddling kids, huh? Right back at you, scummy scammer.”
A constabulary officer sneaks up on Kabuzu Quattuorze and puts the quintessential cuffs on his hands.
“Kabuzu Quattuorze, you are under arrest for multiple counts of fraud, illegal detention, multiple counts of defamation, and multiple counts of attempted murder. You have the right to remain silent.”
And once he's dragged off to a constabulary patrol carriage, he whines like a little child, his scheme already dismantled.
Another constabulary officer then tells us three.
“And congratulations to you three cadets! We have just informed the superintendent of the completion of your mission, so you can all rest easy!”
Alright!
In response, we perform our victory pose once more.
“Thanks for the victory pose, by the way. We might adopt something similar someday.”
While the five of us triumphantly march home, the constabulary reinforcements that arrived to arrest the scammer and his minions are doing some clean-up work, including retrieval of pieces of evidence, the stashed money the scammer left behind, and several bunches of roses that are still fresh and are wrapped in white ribbons.
The next day. 12 post meridiem. Back at the military school.
“Excellent work, cadets!”
Lt. Gen. Caralde opens his evaluation of our freshman final examination.
“You have accomplished this mission in just a day! Efficiency is essential in the battlefield, as we proud soldiers of our kingdom aim not to kill more, but to save more. You thus pass the entire freshman year with flying colors. As the junior year is fraught with tougher challenges, you must not rest on your laurels; instead, continue aiming for the top as always! Am I making all this clear?”
“Sir, yes, sir!”
“Excellent. And before I forget, the clients contacted me beforehand, stating that their dream wedding will take place this 3 post meridiem. And best of all, you three are invited to that momentous occasion! Here, I'll hand you invitations.”
The superintended hands over three exquisite-looking envelopes, with our names printed on each of them.
Before we three receive the envelopes, we all give him snappy salutes.
He smiles at us as we open the envelopes and see not just the general invitations, but also individual messages.
“To the knight with fiery fervor...”
“To the graceful maiden of the sword...”
“To the energetic lady of the blade...”
“Once again, congratulations for passing the freshman year. Well then... see you again in two months' time, and enjoy your well-deserved summer break! Dismissed!”
3 post meridiem.
Hoobibowm, Mielong Prefecture.
Still clad in our cadet uniforms, we attend the real wedding ceremony of Mr. and Mrs. Tiburcio Villamor Nithercott at the local Temple of the Most High.
It's nice that even with simple decorations (which are the roses retrieved from last night, for convenience's sake), we all still feel the pleasant auras of the adventurer couple who will hopefully be together for a long, long time.
And there's even better news!
Besides having the couple's money back (as well as the money of the other victimized couples brought back into the right hands – plus the fact that Mr. and Mrs. Assou are still alive and kicking as guests for this wedding after a morning of recovery)...
Nellie Miranda Wiśniewski, the wife of Edgar's Parish front man Chito Wiśniewski, also offers to give the couple extra pocket money, a cake, and an emcee – right out of her and her husband's tremendous war chest.
The band, which is based in the capital, is already loaded from their many sold-out concerts, anyway.
Which means... we gorge on all the food and drinks we want at The Acceptable Ad restaurant, the location of the wedding reception.
And as for that scandalous sphaeramnis clip...
In the name of transparency, we also informed the superintendent of that discovery.
He stated that even though this may be unrelated to the case of the wedding scammer, he advised us to hold on to it, as he had a hunch that it would be one of the many keys to discovering something even more sinister.
Our freshman year ends.
But as stated many times in other stories, this is just the beginning.
- Writer
