She is Alpha, not Luna

7 - Let it all out

Sophia

The last two days have been a continuous nightmare, a perpetual vortex of sorrow and misery. Burying your parents, both at the same time, would do that to anyone, Alpha or not.

I felt his presence at times, mostly during the night, but I refused to even acknowledge him.

The Reaper. It could take me now for all I care, I’ve already proven that I can’t keep my pack safe seeing as my own parents are dead because of me.

Alpha Keith left straight after the funeral, but his warriors have stayed. The only ones that know the real reason as to why we have a small army from Shadow pack within our territory are the same ones that know an attempt has been made on my life as well.

My advisors all say that I was too strong, that’s why the attempt on my life failed, and the developing theory is that my parents have been targeted as a means to weaken me. I don't disagree.

No one dared to say it, but the words were there, lingering in the air just like Death lingers around me. They killed my parents to weaken me, because I don’t have a mate.

Not having a mate, always being so stubborn about it, I’m not convinced it has been my smartest move. If only I had a mate, my parents would be alive now. That means that he would have most likely been targeted, but right now, I miss my parents so much that I would have gladly traded my mate’s life for theirs.

Blaze nudges me with its little head, the pointy whiskers pricking my skin enough to wake me up from the dark thoughts.

“I’m thinking nonsense, I know.” I pet the cat and it purrs in return, easing my pain with the sound and vibrations it emits.

Gracefully seeing the last of the guests out of the pack, because news had spread about my parents’ demise and a lot of old Alphas and Lunas wanted to come and pay their respects, I returned Blaze to my room before going for a much needed run. No one dared to say anything at the sight of a stone faced me carrying a cat everywhere, which I’m grateful for, but surely rumours will start spreading that I'd gone insane.

Right now, I need to be away from everyone so I can react the way I feel like reacting at the loss of my parents. Parading my cat around is one thing, but letting it all out is a whole other which I can’t afford to do in public. I can’t be composed and held together anymore. I can’t lie and tell anyone else that my parents were the victim of a tragic accident.

At Keith’s suggestion, we decided it’s best for the details of the murders to be kept from everyone else, both pack members and outsiders, as not to weaken us in everyone else's eyes.

Bless Lenox for having Keith as a mate. I hope they get a litter of pups as kind and smart as they are. Meanwhile, I can’t even provide a f*****g heir to my pack. How f*****g stupid and selfish have I been?

I ran to the deepest, most dense part of the woods that we have on our pack’s territory. I run until my feet are bloody, rage consuming me because I can’t even shift into my wolf. But that sheer anger must have been a trigger, because my body starts vibrating, signalling a shift.

I should be at least grateful that I am back to being my whole self, united with my wolf side once again, but the emptiness left in me by the loss of my parents trumps that.

I howl, I howl a long, ear piercing, mournful cry, and I’m soon followed by hundreds of other howls, all mourning the loss of their beloved former Alpha.

My father was a fair man, well loved by our pack members, and even if I took over a few years ago, he was always greeted by this title. I never minded, if anything, I was proud to be his daughter and heir.

And now they’re gone, taken from me. Killed without mercy like they were only weaklings.

I howl again, and again until my howls are replaced by screams, then cries and eventually sobs. I’ve shifted back into my human form, my wolf retreating to the deepest and darkest corner of my mind, suffering for the loss and mending her soul.

I’m naked and shaking, still crying out despite the raspiness in my throat. I’m so angry, so hurt, so weakened.

The leaves rustle and my shaking gets worse, the temperature suddenly dropping and everything darkening.

I flinch when something skids across the ground and it stops right next to my leg. Picking the item up, I see it’s a shirt. A black, large cotton shirt that I pun on without even thinking about it. The now familiar scent that chills my bones engulfs me. And then I feel it. I feel… him.

Turning around, still shaking but from pyre rage rather than anything else, my eyes zero in on the same man I saw when I was at Lenox’s place.

Immediately I take a step towards him, my shoulders squared, my whole body tense like a spring that’s coiled too tightly. My sudden move seems to surprise him, for I notice his eyebrows rising slightly, an intrigued look dancing on his chiselled face.

I take another step, but the closer I get the colder I feel. By the time I’m almost within reach, my bones threaten to break from the iciness of the cold around me. It doesn’t take me long to understand it’s his doing. He’s doing everything on purpose, allowing me to get close but not cross a limit. Well, he doesn’t know that I have s**t to lose, does he?

A tiny voice inside my head reminds me that I still have the pack that depends on me, but damn it if I don’t deserve a moment of selfishness.

“You!” I spit the words in front of the man. “My parents are dead.” What started out as rage filled words, quickly went downhill and I’m sobbing again. The Reaper looks puzzled, his eyes keep scanning me with curiosity.

After what felt like ages of me awkwardly sobbing in front of him, the Reaper breaks the silence.

“Where’s Blaze?” I stop and look him in the eyes.

“I left him in my room before I came for a run.” I say, but quickly scold myself. Why the heck am I explaining myself to him?

“And he stayed there?” I don’t miss the surprise in his tone.

Dismissing the talk about the cat and focusing back on the more important things, I whisper, full of hurt. “You took my parents.”

"Yes, I took them. It was their time." Comes his cold reply. I know he’s the Grim Reaper, but the lack of emotion in his voice is soul shattering. How can anyone be so cold?

"Their time? Their time?" My own voice is now rising to a shrill. "They had a good 20 years left. 30, if my father decided to watch his food. What do you mean it was their time?" I seethe.

"You seem not to understand that I don't actually take people's lives, Sophia.” I’m stunned a little by him saying my name. It sounds so… wrong and absolutely right at the same time.

“I take their souls, it’s as easy as that. And if I was there, it means they were meant to die. Don't get me wrong, I can sometimes delay the soul reaping…" He stops, appearing a little horrified that he shared that information. I bet he doesn’t overshare often. He schools his face rather quickly, but I know what I heard and I’m already opening my mouth to curse at him.

"Before you get too ahead of yourself, by delaying I mean those who end up in a coma or something. It's not like they have been killed but then recovered enough to go and say goodbye to their families." Surprisingly, the Reaper takes a step back, his hands and open palms are raised towards me, like he’s scared I will attack. I doubt I can do much damage to the undead, or whatever the hell he is, but it’s nice to know I haven’t lost my touch.