Alpha Ragnar

"Come on, man. I know it sucks, but it's been two months. I can't cover for both of us much longer." Lifting my downward gaze, I eye my leanly muscular beta with fury. "Do you honestly think that ANY amount of time will fix this?!" I can't help how loud my voice gets, but at least it doesn't crack anymore. I used to look, act, and sound like a broken man. Now, I only look and act like one. The dirty blond shakes his head sadly and drops down next to me on the bed. "Ragnar, we all lost her too. She was YOUR mate, but she was OUR Luna. The pack needs you. There's a meeting tomorrow and only alphas and Luna's can attend." My stomach twists and I ball my hands into fists to calm myself. "I can't go Jonah. They'll all give me that look. I can't face them without Stormie." It's bad enough to see sympathy in my packs eyes when I leave the house, but to see that on all the alphas faces? It will only remind me of my mate. Jonah sighs heavily and scratches his neck awkwardly. "I'm not implying I knew Stormie better, but we all knew how... Paranoid she could be." "For good reason," I quip remembering her saying she had a bad feeling when she woke up that day. I had told her everything was fine, but she insisted there was a bad feeling in her stomach. Being playful and with my mind on my morning wood, I'd joked that I could change that feeling. We had gotten carried away and before long, my gamma mind linked me that we were being attacked. I should have listened to her. "Yeah. She never was wrong about that stuff. Anyway, since she always took bad instances into consideration, don't you think she would have left you a journal or a book? Anything? Have you looked around? You've been in here for weeks. I thought she mentioned something about a 'wisdom letter' once." I scrunch my nose, but internally smile. That sounds like her. "There isn't anything. I finally... I went through a few of her things yesterday, but other than candy stashes I didn't find anything. And for your information, I was out all day yesterday. My wolf was getting antsy." My friend let's out a forced chuckle before turning his eyes to me hopefully. "So maybe you could start getting some closure? Maybe meet with the other alphas tomorrow? Talk to some of Stormie's friends?" Holding back a sigh, I come to the realization that Jonah, my pack, and probably all the other alphas are expecting me to get over this. I won't, of course, but I still have responsibilities. I should get a handle on this. My mood. Stormie is a good example of this. She was true to her name, angry beyond belief. Moody. She would never show anyone that though. She'd never let them know. If there was even the slightest chance she thought she could say something she didn't mean, it was like she flipped a switch. Her darkened features would squint and dim as she closed her eyes tightly, and when she opened them again, all would be clear. Everything but her dark blue orbs. She was good at taking initiative. At being a fearless leader. Before anyone got to know her, they were actually afraid of her. That determined gaze and straightforward attitude made by own beta tremble in fear. It's only after she made sure to have a one on one with all 709 pack members that they all came to love and trust her. A hard-unbreakable shell on the outside for sure, but Inside and in private, she was as goofy as she was loving. I could learn something from her. I could've, but things are different now. These wolves don't know what it's like to lose the most important thing in their lives. They don't understand and they never will, but I need to be strong for them. It's time to put on a mask and take back my duties as alpha. It's time to harden my heart.