Guarded heart

Chapter 12. Emotional songs

LISA'S POV

I was cuddled up with Emma, Skylar and Dennis on the sofa watching ice age.

Summer and Sean where on a date night. Ryan and luke where still in the garden in the swimming pool while my dad snoozed in the chair and my mum was having a shower.

PING

Chris

Your not the only person with annoying friends. Seems weather its yours or mine today they all think we should date.

To Chris

Ha, good luck with that. Lucky for me I'm cuddled up with Emma, my niece and nephew watching ice age so much better than annoying friends.

Chris

I think you had the better idea! I figured a drink with Nathan before others from work would rock up. However Nathan has ditched me for two blonde women and it's a few minutes until others arrive.

To Chris

I'm sure your be fine once your other friends show up. Enjoy your evening you deserve it after these past few days.

Chris

Yeah om sure I will. I just thought I'd let you know your not the only person with annoying friends. Have a good night Lisa.

To Chris

You to. Goodnight.

When the movie finished Ryan and luke had already joined us. Luke was all up for karaoke and me and the kids where game as well. After the kids all had a turn Ryan helped me over to a seat next to the karaoke machine. I decided to sing

Iris from the goo goo dolls. Always one of my favourite songs to sing.

CHRIS POV

I was three pints Down and a few others had joined me. We was talking about one of the lads upcoming weddings next year when i felt my ohone vibrating. I take my phone out my pocket to see Lisa is calling me. "Sorry lads I need to this this" I say excusing myself to take the call outside as I answer it.

"Hello?" I say but I don't hear any response.

"Hello Lisa are you there?" I ask again. Lisa doesn't talk but I hear "Mummy be careful you don't fall" and I know it's Emma.

"Aunty Lisa what are you going to sing for us?" I hear a little boy say and I can't remember his name. I'm sure it's probably summers son I met the other night though. "I'm going to sing iris by the goo goo dolls" Lisa says.

"Yeah aunty Lisa always sings it so nicely" I hear a bloke say and I think it might her brother maybe it sounds a little like one of her brothers if I can recall right. I then realised Lisa had kiss dialled and didn't realise I was on the phone. I was going to hang up but then the music started and I was then curious what Lisa sounded like singing so I stayed on the phone. After a little intro to the music I hear

"And I'd give up forever to touch you! Yeah right Lisa quickly says as she quickly continues singing. Cause I know that you feel me some how. Amazing voice I think to myself. Your the closest to heaven that I'll ever be and I don't want to go home right now. I don't want to go home right now either I want to hear the whole song sung by Lisa I think to myself. And all I could taste is this moment. And all I can breathe is your life, and sooner or later its over. I just don't want to miss you tonight. There's a little pause in music and I'm hooked listening to Lisa wanting to hear more. I can hear her emotions poured into this song.

And I don't want the world to see me, cause I don't think that they'll understand. When everything's meant to be broken, I just want you to know who I am.

Then there's a break in the music again and I can tell she doesn't want the world to see her struggles. She just wants someone to see her and understand her although I don't think she knows who she wants that to be. So powerfully sung I think to myself no sooner Lisa starts singing again.

And you can't fight the tears that are willow, oh the moment that truth in yours lies. When everything's feels like the movies, yeah you bleed just to know your alive. As Lisa sings that last few lines I felt the power behind it how she felt like she bleed deeply emotional in the past. I felt it within me just by her sweet heartbroken voice in that line.

When I don't want the world to see me, cause I don't think that they'll understand. When everything's meant to be broken, I just want you to know who I am.

Then the music plays and I wonder why Lisa is singing this song. So powerful as if she has still got something eating away at her. It makes me want to hug her until she feels happy again to face this world she doesn't want to see her I think to myself. Yet here she is in the lime light thanks to my crazy Idea. Am I doing the right thing I ask myself. But then I'm quickly distracted as Lisa starts to sing again.

And I don't want the world to to see me, cause I don't think that they'll understand. When everything's meant to be broken, I just want you to know who I am. And I don't want the world to see me, cause I don't think that they'll understand. When everything's meant to be broken, I just want you to know who I am. I just want you to know who I am, I just want you to know who I am, I just want you to know who I am.

Each last few lines get quiter sung and I barely hear the last line, I just want you to know who I am".

Wow I think to myself.

"Your so amazing aunty Lisa" I hear a little girl say. "Yes mummy you have a good voice" I hear Emma say. I couldn't agree more she is amazing at singing. I really felt that I think to myself as I hang up the phone. I knew it was a accident phone call but I'm glad I took it even though Lisa didn't speak she sung beautifully. I decito send Lisa a text.

To Lisa

You accidentally rung me. I must say I definitely know you are. Your an amazing person and the world should see you because your great. P.S I loved the song you sang one of my favourite all times songs.

I then headed back inside to finish my drink before I said goodnight to everyone. I no longer felt like drinking. Some how I just felt like going home a d having a quite night. I needed to work out if putting Lisa into the lime light was actually the right thing for her. I suddenly felt awfully bad. When I left the pub I grabbed a taxi home. While in the taxi I decided to ring summer. Maybe she would know what was best.

RING RING RING RIN

"Hello" Summer says answering the phone.

"Hi summer, it's Chris are you free to talk?" I ask.

"Hi Chris, me and Sean are just pulling up to Lisas parents house after a dinner date so of it regards Lisas surprises now is good but it will have to be quick so she doesn't suspect anything" Summer says.

"It does regard Lisa but not the surpised well it kind of dose I suppose" I say.

"Is everything okay?" Summer ask.

"Well I'm not sure. I never really thought before how Lisa may really see it. Not until she accidentally rung me not long ago. She was suddenly singing iris by the goo goo dolls. However she had no idea I was on the phone. Yet I felt the emotions deeply when she sang that song. Is having Lisa in the lime light causing her distress? I mean it's all good things on social media and people are saying nice things. The community is coming together lovely. But am I doing wrong by Lisa? I don't want to distress her" I say.

"Wow, Chris carm down. That song she sang alot when she was going through stuff in the past. If she is singing it tonight I think it's because she is thinking about the past again. I know it's not because of the media side of things. Its because she probably doesn't realise she wants the family to back off. She is feeling broken still from before yet we have all been teasing her. I think maybe we are going over board. It's not you at all. Don't worry I will speak with Lisa. You did nothing wrong. If anything we all see Lisa is suddenly trusting a new person. That happens to be you we see she smiles when she messages you. She smiles when you walk into the room. There's a little light in her eyes again. Beth said she can't remember the last time she saw Lisa laugh so much over waking you up with the water bomb. So don't you dare think your bad for Lisa you are good for lisa" Summer says.

"Really? You think I'm good for Lisa?" I repeat.

"Yes even if it is just a friend but Chris if you want more and really want Lisa more than friends be patient we all reckon you could be the one to change Lisas heart on the idea of a relationship. But that being said we will all beat you ass if you hurt our Lisa. She has suffered so much which you know off" Summer says.

"Yes I know don't worry I wouldn't hurt Lisa ever friends or not she is a nice person and I like Lisa. She deserves to smile" I say.

"Okay, well I need to go. I won't tell Lisa about this phone call. But please don't give up the daily gifts I know Lisa is secretly loving it. And it's not because she wants the gifts she could buy her own gifts it's because your coming by with them" Summer says.

"Okay, thanks Summer. I appreciate it and I'm glad I'm not distressing Lisa" I say.

"It's okay. Of you need advice again feel free to ring" Summer says.

"Thankyou. Goodnight Summer" I say.

"Goodnight Chris" summer says then I hang up the phone. And it was good timing to as the taxi was just pulling up to my house.

LISA'S POV

I was singing Kelly Clarkson stronger as Sean and Summer walk in. Summer see me singing and walked over and hugged me straight away as I was singing the lines what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I hugged summer back and stopped singing.

"What's wrong?" I ask as summer pulls back and looks at me worried.

"I just wanted to hug you" Summer says.

"Ryan and luke have taken the kids up to bed. Mum has gone to get us drinks. Dad's gone up to bed" I say.

"That's good so tell me little sis what's wrong?" Sean asks.

"Why would something be wrong?" I ask confused

"Because you look sad when singing" Summer says.

"I'm not sad" I say.

"Then why you singing songs that got you through your hard period?" Sean asks.

"There good songs and help me let out my emotions" I say shrugging it off.

"And whats bothering you?" Sean asks sitting next to me taking my hand in his as my mum walks in with a glass of wine for me and her each.

"Nothing" I say.

"What's nothing?" my mum asks.

"Lisa is singing her upset songs so I want to know what's wrong" Summer says

"Yeah I did notice that. I think I know why as well. With Chris showing up its made us all wonder if Lisa likes Chris and maybe we have pushed a little to much. I feel bad" My mum says passing me my wine with guilty eyes.

"It's okay, don't feel bad but your all right the more you all question the more I'm remembering what happened. I hate remembering it and I hate that it's ruined my life. Your all right I should be able to love on find love again. But I can't" I say.

"Why can't you?" Sean asks.

"Because I don't trust anyone. I'm damaged good" I say.

"Your not damaged goods" my mum says.

"It's true. Your a warrior" Sean says

"I'm sorry, I will back off" Summer says.

"I am damaged goods. What bloke will want a women who still randomly wakes up screaming or crying on odd nights. I know it's rare now but it still happens. Who would want a women who is scared to be touched? Who would want a women who has no trust? Is a relationship meant to have trust. I don't trust men so a relationship would never work. And your all forgetting I have a child by the bloke who raped me. Some men can't take on other blokes children let a lone a rapists child" I say as tears are threathing to escape.

"That's what's holding you back?" Summer asks.

"Partly" I say.

"Any bloke who wouldn't understand wouldn't deserve you" my mum says.

"Yeah any bloke who wouldn't understand and treat you how you deserve to be isn't a real bloke there a boy pretending to be a bloke" Sean says.

"I don't know" I say.

"Tell me do you like Chris?" Sean asks.

"Yes that why I've accepted him as a friend. The amount of times he has saved me from falling on my ass this week I'm now use to his touching me to save me. Hell even when he offers to help me up the stairs or stand up I'm no longer scared to touch his hand. So I'd say I like I'm as a friend" I say.

"Just a friend?" Summer asks.

"Fine I will admit he is hot as hell. He has a great personality and if I did relationships I'd be happy to date Chris if he wanted to date me. But with my past it can't happen" I say.

"I knew it" my mum says.

"Mum" Sean says in a warning tone.

"What I know she likes Chris therefore I'm just saying" my mum says rolling her eyes at Sean.

"I think you should get to know Chris over these next few weeks. If you still like him then you should really consider dating. Give it ago you could be surpised. Failing that I will take him out if you need me to" Sean says

"I don't know how to date and its scary thinking about it. I just can't" I say.

"Your scared of getting hurt. Don't shut your heart off completely. I reckon if you give it a chance you could be really happy. I reckon Chris would treat you right. Hell that bloke likes you I can tell. He is a good man liss give it some thought. In the meantime we will all back off. I will even have the girls back off so you can figure it out yourself. But know if you need advice or need to talk we are all always here for you. We just want to see you happy" Summer says.

"I second what Summer says. But I will add when Chris comes round you smile he is already making you happy" my mum says.

"Okay I will think about it. But I'm not promising to change my mind" I say.

"That's all we want is for you to be open minded and happy" Sean says.

"Thanks" I say.efore downing my drink.

"Okay let's have a happy song. Hand over the mic" Summer says. She then sings 5,6,7,8 by steps while I sit and think over everything they just said. Could I be happy one day. Could I fall in love and get married? Would someone actually love me and all of me, could they love Emma like there own? I'm not sure about it. I've longed for it but I also hold no hope and can't trust it would ever happen to me. I then wonder if Chris does really like me like everyone says. Can they really see it?. Ahh so much to think about. I decided to check f*******: but I saw a message from Chris.

Chria

You accidentally rung me. I must say I definitely know you are. Your an amazing person and the world should see you because your great. P.S I loved the song you sang one of my favourite all times songs.

Oh my god he heard that? Jesus christ I think to myself embrassed. I checked my call log and he had stayed on the phone for eight minutes. I quickly texted back.

To Chris

Oh my god! I'm so sorry about that. I can't believe you heard me singing over the phone. How embrassing. I totally agree it's a good song.

"You should add on that I'm the better singer" Summer says and I didn't realise she was looking at the phone since she was stood next to me.

"In your dreams" I say laughing as I press send.

"Your right we are both amazing singers" Summer says winking at me.

"I feel so embarrassed I must of knocked my phone when getting up to hobble over here" I say quietly so only summer can hear me.

"I'm sure found the funny side in it. And he must of liked your voice to stay on the phone a whole eight minutes" Summer says

"You reckon?" I ask.

"Yeah, definitely. So stop fretting about it" Summer says handing me the mic again as my phone PINGS

Chris

No worrys. I hope your enjoying your evening

To Chris

It's going good with the old karaoke still going. How's your evening going?

I then decided to sing Celine dion think twice. Not because it had any meaning I just loved singing the high notes and getting into the song I always feel good after singing that song.

CHRIS POV

I was laid in bed watching TV when Lisa replied. I couldn't help smiling.

To Lisa

I'm glad your having a good night. My night is going well. What are you singing now?

Lisa

I am singing some celine dion now. I love how powerful her songs are and there usually give it all you got songs to sing. I'm also glad your having a good evening. Sorry again about the phone call. My phone must of knocked buttons ect when I stood up to go to the karaoke machine.

To Lisa

Well I think you have a nice singing voice, so please don't be sorry. Celine dion is a powerful singers be good to hear you sing some of her songs maybe one day.

From Summer

I had a word with Lisa and she opened up to us as a family. She was singing all her old heart break songs and it wasn't your fault its mine and the family's fault. Us teasing her brought back memory's on why she doesn't trust me and want a relationship. Needless to say we all feel bad. But on a better note she has agreed to think on maybe changing her mind on not having a relationship full stop. She hasn't promised she will change her mind but she will think about it. That's a first and I think it's because she likes you more than she is willing to admit.

Wow I didn't see that coming. And I'm shocked. I feel bad Lisa is think over last memories and it's no wonder she feels sad I could hear it in her song earlier. Yet on the hand I'm surpised she will re consider a relationship at some point but is that what she really wants? She is just saying that to please her family? Or is summer right does she maybe like me more than she is letting on.

To summer

Thanks. I'm glad Lisa is okay.

Lisa

Thankyou. We'll I will let you go enjoy your evening with your friends. Have a good evening you deserve it.

To Lisa

I'm already home. I didn't fancy staying out late so your not keeping me from my friends. If anything I quite enjoy talking with you these past few days. The more we talk the more I realise your the type of person I'm proud to have as a friend. So please feel free to continue messaging me unless I'm disturbing you from your fun evening then I don't mind if you say night either.

I look up to the TV to see the program has finished and a film looks like it is about to start. I wonder what film it will be as I feel my phone vibrate on my leg.

Lisa

No your not keeping me from anything. To be fair I just had a chat with the family between singing songs. The kids are already in bed and I'm on my second glass of wine with my mum. Ryan is sad I can't dance so he has summer dancing with him while luke is singing one of Ed sheerans songs atm. I have enjoyed getting to know you these past few days as well its been surprisingly interesting so far.

I look up to the telly to see its 'stop or my mum will shot' just starting and it's a good film to opt to keep it on.

To Lisa

Sounds like a fun evening. It won't be long before the cast comes off. In the meantime your stuck with seeing my face everyday. How come it's been surprisingly interesting get to g to know me?

I watch the film until Lisa replys..

Lisa

Because you went from a regular customer I was curious about. Some days you seemed happy others you seemed sad. I wondered what would make you sad. But now I know it was the hard shifts at work that made you sad. But anyway since then Ive learned your a policeman, you have a good personality and I've enjoyed getting to know you more these past few days. Even if it's for this daily gift thing its been interesting so far. P. S it's a good job your not bad to look at otherwise I'd of might not of survived these next few weeks ahead.

I couldn't help smiling as I started to reply

To Lisa

What else would you like to know? And I'm glad I'm not bad looking. However I think I'm lucky when it comes to my looks. And since it's coming from you I shall take it as compliment. Its a good job to since you love taking my photo to post online.

The reply came quickly again

Lisa

I told you I was taking you down with me. And don't act like you don't like it you smile for the photos and even like my posts online. I get the notifications you know as well as read the comments of people saying you have liked it or liked there comments.

To lisa

You can keep taking me down with you I don't mind taking the hit along side you. Of course I like the posts I think there funny how your keeping your word on taking me down with you. And I do like some of the comments there nice.

I think we are at the point of keeping messenger open now.

Lisa

They are nice comments from people. It's a little strange having so many people being so nice. The last time I was this popular online it wasn't a good time and I couldn't hack it. So I was a little afraid of how being put in the lime light again would go down. But I'm surpised how people are being nice. I've seen the odd comment regarding the past where people have linked me up. Yet there's been no horrid comments just people saying how it's nice to see me going through something good minus the broken leg and csr accident we was in

I didn't think Lisa would open up like that but I'm glad she did otherwise I'd of not understood why she was so against it to start with. Yet here I am now understanding it more and I'm glad she is seeing the positive side of social media this this.

To Lisa

I'm sorry I didn't realise you would be worried about social media and all the attention after what happened before. I should of thought of that. However I'm glad your seeing a positive response this time. And everyone is right you do deserve to have good things happen to you for once. But if things get to much let me know and I can stop it. I wouldn't want to upset you that I can promise.