You Win Some, You Lose Some

s**t happens

talons pov

it's been nearly two years since claire gave me her v card and I ended up getting her a saint Barnard aswell as a sausage dog, who are now called duke and Lady, for her seventeenth she got a white cat she called Casper (as in the friendly ghost) she's also for the last year gotten into keeping fish and we now have a 15 000 gallon aquarium in our room, full of discus fish along with a couple of other types. and we've been going great (our relationship that is) we've been having hot s*x and more recently been getting into some kinky s**t like cuffs and blind folds. but over the last few weeks Claire's been kinda distant and not with it lately. the other day she got so flustered and freaked out when I was rubbing her belly when we were in bed. then again when we were out for dinner and I was joking about how much her appetite had increased since we met which I hadn't noticed till recently anyway she got quite upset about that even though I don't care or see why she should, I mean it's just food. and she's just been zoning out alot during conversations and the last week and a half she hasn't even wanted to have s*x with me. I'm at my wits ends I have no f*****g clue what's wrong I've been trying extra hard to get her chocolates and flowers and telling her I care and I love her. the only thing I haven't done is ask her directly what's wrong. I just don't wanna push her, I wanted her to come out with it when she's ready but it's been a while now. I turn the TV off and look at her staring into space, it breaks my heart. "babe?" she doesn't notice I grab her hand and she jumps "huh wha-" her eyes start to focus on me and she blinks "I'm sorry, what were you saying?" I sigh, dammit I'm so scared right now. "baby, you've been acting all weird lately, what's going on with you. with us?" she looks at me and her eyes water, s**t I've made her cry. "umm nothing" she says stroking lady's fur. "please just tell me I need to know how I can fix this!" I say desperately standing up "there's nothing going on, nothing's wrong" she whispers not looking at me. "BULLSHIT AND YOU KNOW IT CLAIRE" I yell at her "oh my God please don't yell at me talon" she starts crying even louder, one of my men, Max, comes in to see what's going on "f**k off Max we're working out stuff" he looks at claire "you treat her right boss, remember what your mother said about her" I sigh and look at him, he leaves us and I kneel to my knees infront of claire "baby I'm sorry I shouldn't have yelled it was wrong, I'm just so worried about you, your not right, somethings happened I can tell but I don't know what. you need to tell me so I can help or at least to understand." and God f*****g help me I start to cry too. "babe please we can't go on like this" I tell her and she stops crying and nods "you should sit down" she says calmly "okay" I sit down next to her and pull her into my lap, for the first time in weeks she relaxes against me and it felt like I was finally able to breathe again for the first time in a while. she takes a deep breath "promise me you won't be mad at me or anything." she says shakily. f**k I hope she hasn't cheated on me with one of my men cause it might just break me "okay I promise" I will keep my s**t together for her. "okay, umm well don't know exactly how, as we've always been careful but" she stops and looks at me tears rolling down her face "but..." I prompt her waiting "talon, I'm pregnant " she sobs my minds blank and it takes a few seconds to register in my brain. we created a baby, a tiny, human, ours, we made it, together. holy f**k I actually feel relieved, I laugh "oh my God are you in shock should I call a doctor?" claire says to me. "no babe, I'm so relieved, I thought that you'd cheated on me because I couldn't think of what else could possibly be wrong, I'm sorry I'm so f*****g stupid this is like the period thing all over again, wait how the f**k didn't i notice you haven't had your period for a while" I look down at her and at her belly. I'm gonna be dad. holy s**t. "so, your going to be a mama?" I say softly to her and then she smiles "yeah, talon we're gonna be parents, I love how you said that instead of asking me when I'd get an abortion, that's why I've been thinking about this without telling you first. I was worried the way you always shut down your mum really quick everytime she brings it up and I, well I thought you didn't plan on having children and it made me scared you'd want me to get rid of it" she says in a rush. "well I always shut her down because I didn't know how you felt about it, for all anyone knew you could've been infertile and then it would have made you feel like s**t or maybe you might not want to have kids. and since I thought talking about it might freak you out and make you think I care weather or not we have kids now or when we're fourty, I honestly don't mind, I also didn't see this coming so. yeah" she looks at me and snuggles closer "I should've told you earlier I guess I rationally knew you wouldn't be mad but I guess tjats what baby brain does to you" she says "wait so how long? um or how far? s**t I don't know anything about babies at all" she smiles and holds my hand "I'm six weeks along and I'm in the first trimester which basically means first third of the pregnancy, there's 40 weeks in the 9 months so we have 34 weeks to be prepared and we need more gherkins and peanut butter" she says, wait what? gherkins and peanut butter. "why do we need more gherkins and peanut butter?" she looks at me like I caught her with her hand in the cookie jar. "err well I've been getting cravings the last week and a half but I didn't want you to notice so I only ate it when you were sleeping" she says and I smile gherkins of all things. "do mind if I tell my parents?" I ask her getting excited and she looks like there's something she doesn't want to say "well, usually people don't tell anyone about it until the first trimester is over because that's when miscarriages are most likely to happen and since this is the first time I've been pregnant it's even more likely that it could happen" she looks away then back at me "does that mean you'll probably miscarriage?" s**t maybe I shouldn't have gotten excited. "well judging by how strong my periods usually are and that I don't drink, smoke or do drugs and I'm fairly healthy it's not likely but just don't get your hopes up" okay cool it's kinda too late but what ever. "so like how did you find out have you taken a test or what?" I ask her she smiles "well yeah I took a test and then to be extra sure I had your doctor check me out, he's 100% positive I'm pregnant and he's been giving me pills to take to aid the pregnancy which should also reduce the risk of miscarriage, but still" she watches as lady walks away from us "I'm pretty sure it's a boy by the way" she says smirking at me. "what have I been left out for a scan?" I ask kinda hurt that she left it so late to tell me "umm no actually I was meant to get a scan done earlier this week but I rescheduled it to this weekend, it's the frist scan I haven't been to one before, do you wanna come, also I'm just guessing it's a boy" her eyes twinkle, "of course I wanna come I'm gonna be there for all of them, and I want a DVD of each one and photos, we're gonna go to a art shop tomorrow and pick out some photo albums and all that other s**t and then we can start working on a room, or do you want a whole nother house, I could have smaller cozier house made further into the mountains or something" I suddenly hot a million ideas "woah, this is what I meant by don't get too excited okay just remember there's a small but possible chance I could miscarriage" she says her hands on my shoulders, I love this women.

like I wanted to we go and buy a heap of albums and little bits and bobs to add and what not, we decided to get all white and silver, it was mostly Claire's idea about the colours. then the day after that we go to the ultrasound. "you look pale are you ok?" claore looks at me in the waiting room, f**k she can tell."ahh I guess it's too late to lie, I mean it's not like I can fail this or anything I don't even know why I'm nervous" she smiles at me and I fall even harder for her, if that's even possible. "hey it's okay really, Honey it's all good" when she says honey it sounds right "I like honey it sounds right when you say it" I tell her but before she can say something else we're called by the doctor and we go to see my doctor, the same one I called about her cramps. "hey doc" I shake hands with him when we go in "good to see you talon and congratulations on the baby" he says "claire can lay down on bed" he says and I stand next to her as she lay down. after he puts some jelly looking s**t on her stomach then prods her with a roller looking thingy "hey doc does it have to be that rough won't you hurt them?" it's actually making me uncomfortable to see him doing that to my girl. "I'm sorry boss but this is how it's done look" I hear it before i see it, the smallest little heart beat in the world, claore grips my hand and smiles looking at a screen. there's a tiny baby in black and white. I look back at Claire's stomach, I can't believe she's growing tjat inside her, I've never thought of pregnancy like this before, it's like a crazy f*****g merical. claire crys but I hold it together while I'm infront of other people apart from her "well the baby looks well developed and perfectly healthy as long as you keep taking those foliate tablets and vitamins it should go well" doc says "after another six weeks you have another scan booked. apart from that is there anything you want to know?" I look at claire and then back at doc "umm are there like classes or maybe online tutorials we can watch so we know what we're doing, maybe some parenting books?" I ask. he ends up giving me three books one for the before birth part, on for when the babies born and then one for toddlers, he also gave me a list of websites and a few classes to take claire to later on in the pregnancy. once we get in the car I look at her stomach again and this time my eyes water "are you okay?" she says. "yeah I guess I just didn't realise how amazing your body is, no one could tell by looking at you that you're growing an entire human right now" I say smiling up at her "also I need to start looking at getting a more practical car for when the baby's born." maybe I'll get a different model Tesla. for the next three weeks everything runs smoothly. untill one night I wake up to claire screaming. "Aaaauurrhhhh! TALON WAKE THE f**k UP!" I I immediately sit up and pull back the cover to get her out of bed only to find the sheets covered in blood "what the f**k!" she's crying as she pulls down her underwear to reveal a very underdeveloped baby to be outside it's mother. nik and Max burst through the door as she screams again this time I can tell it's not from physical pain. "what the f**k is going on little miss!?" nik says looking at all the blood I dont think there's anything they can do. "get the f**k out now!" I yell at them as claire crys they don't leave I turn to them crying now to "please leave us alone" I ask and they finally leave. I ring doc and he picks up the fifth time I ring him "hello?" he says half asleep "I need you to come over right now I think Claire's had a miscarriage, there's blood everywhere and I don't know what to do should I treat it like cramps and run a bath.?" I ask him. "yes but only if all of the fetus is out it would be quite traumatic if she found a body part floating in the bath with her." he says and I almost vomit. "I'll be there as soon as possible" he says and hangs up as I start the bath. Claire's only sobbing now not moving from the spot she can't stop looking at the bloody alien like baby between her legs. I pick up one of my shirts and wrap it up "nooooo! your hurting him stop it!" she screams even though he's clearly not in this world anymore. "baby come on, let's go have a bath I say holding out the hand that dosent have blood on it. "I can't walk" she says so I lean down and scoop her up, f**k the blood. then I sit down in the tub with her and strip us both off. I look down and see my kids blood on my hands, this is so f****d up. I've had alot of blood on my hands before but never has the blood been so innocent and pure, my baby's blood. I sob and wash the blood off with the rising water and bubbles. claire leans her back into my chest and stars straight forward into space. f**k I did this if I were more careful this wouldn't have happened. after about 20 minutes the doc comes in with a few bags. "do you know if she's still bleeding heavily?" he says "umm not sure what you call heavily but it didn't look like she was bleeding at all anymore once I picked her up but there was blood all over her so I couldn't tell, you can go and look at the bed, the baby's wrapped up in a t-shirt cause she wouldn't stop looking at it." I tell him he looks at me from the bed. "well it looks like a clean unexplained miscarriage, I can er dispose of the fetus for you if you'd like and give her some pain killers. I'd also recommend counselling for the both of you." he says and he shortly gives me the meds and a few phone numbers and tells me that if anything changes I need to call and tell him and his she starts to haemorrhage I need to call an ambulance but she said that's not likely to happen after washing myself and claire I get her out and help her get dressed I even manage to open a pad and put in her most comfy underwear for her to wear I also give her one of my hoodie to wear cause I know she finds it comforting to wear my clothes especially when it smells like me. her eyes are red and puffy as she crys herself to sleep in my arms on the couch in the game room.