LOVE PROBABLY

17.

When she opens the front door of her apartment, two things jump out at me: the smell of soup that invades my nostrils and the dog.

“Romeo, stop! Let Maddie in! He’s full of energy, this dog. Probably too young for me!”

“Yes, I see that. Well, that’s not what I meant. You don’t look so old, he’s the one who looks well… very, erm, energetic,” I tried to explain myself by getting my tongue even more tangled.

She doesn’t seem offended by my clumsiness. She smiled kindly, closed the door behind us and invited me to follow her with a wave of her hand. Immediately, the interior seems warm to me. The floor, shiny and freshly polished, encourages me to take off my shoes. I leave my shoes on the carpet, hoping my feet don’t stink. The poor things have never been locked up for so long. Phew… Even if they feel hot, they’re fine! I hang my coat on a wrought iron hook. The floral wallpaper reminds me of my own home in Norfolk. It’s calm and soothing. The hustle and bustle outside already seem far away.

The narrow hallway leads us into the kitchen. I won’t get to visit my apartment just yet… Although that’s not what matters to me at the moment. On television, a soap opera serves as a soundscape.

“Sit down, make yourself comfortable, I’ll serve you a plate of soup, you tell me the news. I’m experimenting with a new recipe, with gluten-free organic vegetables that I bought at the market this morning.”

“Uh… There’s no gluten in vegetables…”

“Yes, you’re right! Oh, dear… I’m starting to lose my mind. So, Maddie, how’s your mom? I haven’t had any news for a long time.”

“Ah... That is to say that... Mom is dead,” I said after a moment of hesitation. “Start of the week.”

“…”

She remains speechless, the dog between her legs, the plate in her hands, suspended halfway up. Looks like someone pressed the pause button. Only the aroma escapes in waves towards the ceiling. No one says a word. I decided to break the silence.

“She was sick. Did you know each other well?” I said.

“Mary and I used to be best friends. And then time took its toll.”

“How come I’ve never heard of you?”

“Mary has always been very discreet. Of the two of us, I was the outgoing one and she was the shy one. She didn’t talk much. What exactly do you know about your parents’ past?”

“Not much, in fact... I didn’t know the existence of the apartment! Dad died in 93 and mom and I stayed in the house, in Wheatacre. We’ve never travelled. We were very lonely.”

“Such a waste!”

She leaves the room followed by her doggie. I take advantage of the lull to start eating the soup. Yum, it’s good, this soup. Not as good as the one I made with mom, but it’s not bad at all. I have to admit it.

A few minutes later, when she returns, her face appears to me in broad daylight. She removed her mask, revealing the signs of time. Her small midnight blue eyes are surrounded by small furrows. Her lips are thin and pink. I have the impression of seeing mom, in a more flirtatious way, however. They could have been sisters. My heart tightens.

“Sorry, I started eating,” I said. “I was hungry.”

“You did well. It’s late. Do you want more?”

“Yes, with pleasure.”

After serving me again, she sits down at the table opposite me, takes a deep breath and begins her story while I continue my meal. In the end, it’s she who tells me about her life, not me. And that suits me perfectly.

“Your mother and I are baby boomers. We were neighbours when we lived near Clacton. We grew up together. Our parents worked on the land of wealthy farm owners. We were simple folk. Back then, you needed very little to be happy. When we were fourteen, in 58, our ways parted. I remember it well. I was already a young girl when your mother didn’t even have a bra. Flat as a breadboard that she was, your mother,” she said, her eyes unfocused with a small smile filled with tenderness. “Despite our differences, we were so close that… our separation was heartbreaking. My parents had the opportunity to join a couple of real estate developers, to be their handymen. A boon. They didn’t think long. Their employers offered us a roof, a real job, an education, everything became possible… Despite the distance and even if London wasn’t the end of the world, Mary and I kept in touch. We corresponded by mail. The phone was too expensive. It wasn’t like today, huh! Our letters took several days to arrive, but who cares! What mattered was to give each other news. And what a joy to receive it! I’ll spare you the details, huh! Otherwise, we’re here until dawn. So, long story short, a few years later, I was nineteen to be exact, I married John, God bless him where he is,” she adds looking at the light. “Where was I? Ah yes, marriage! My parents had invited your grandparents because they knew very well – I had warned them – that they would never have accepted your mother coming to London alone. They have always been very strict. But she had no choice; she alone would be my witness. And she did well to insist on coming because that was the day she met your father. A real crush on your mother. Jacob was older. At the beginning of the day, he pretended not to be interested in her and then, at the end of the evening, with a few drinks in him, when your grandparents had left the party, your father dragged her into the woods to boil some cabbage. You look lost, my dear. Do you still follow me?”

“I’m trying, I’m trying…” I said, sincerely stunned by so many discoveries, feeling the blush rise to my cheeks.

In her meagre confidences, my mother has always maintained that she was a virgin on her wedding day and what do I learn? That she would have slept with papa the first night!”

“Still, it’s not me who teaches you?”

“Which means…”

“Oh, I’m surprised at your mother!” she bellowed. “All the same! You’re not ten years old as far as I know! She’s impossible! If you don’t share this kind of thing with your daughter, what’s the point of making kids? She has always been exasperating about these things… It’s not for lack of having suffered from it when we were young… And then, it wasn’t just any man, either! It was your father!”

“Yes, sure. Well, boiling cabbage on the first evening, it’s not so bad if it’s with the man of your life,” I say, blushing.

She looks at me strangely, as if the message had trouble getting to her brain.

“And even if it’s not the man of your life... where’s the harm? Remind me what century we live in!” she asks sarcastically.

“The twenty-first,” I say in a whisper.

“Don’t tell me that you’ve never…”

I pretend not to hear the pseudo question. A big wave of fatigue came over me. I would like to go home to finally rest. We could resume this conversation at another time if she wishes, but now, I want to leave. I get up.

“Say, I’m very tired. Would you come with me to my apartment, please?”

“To your apartment?” she repeats, surprised.

“Yes, the one my mother rented out in the building.”

“But... it’s not free. Someone is renting it right now.”

“What do you mean? But that’s impossible, the notary told me that he…”

I don’t understand anything anymore. I’m not crazy. The notary told me that my mother had dismissed the tenant several months ago so that I could… How did he say it? Oh, yes! So that I can enjoy it as I please! Talk about enjoyment! I fall back into the chair.

“Listen to me, Maddie! If you want, you can sleep here tonight and tomorrow we’ll talk to Jacky to try to clear this up.”

“But it doesn’t make sense... And then, first of all, who are you? I don’t know you!” I say dryly.

“You’re right, I didn’t introduce myself,” she said with a contrite look. “My name is Rosie Butcher. To be honest with you,” she said lowering her voice, as if someone could hear us, “my real first name is Rosette but I don’t like it too much. And then, Rosette Butcher, it’s hard to bear. You keep it to yourself, okay? And that’s not all, Maddie, I’m your godmother.”