LOVE PROBABLY

18.

I feel like I’m in the fourth dimension. I thought I had no more family, but now I discover the existence of a godmother. It’s not nothing, this, all the same. A godmother! It’s not the family but it’s just like that, anyway, for me who no longer has anyone. My mother’s best friend from childhood, what’s more! It’s hardly believable!

I roll up a sleeve and pinch my arm vigorously to make sure I’m not dreaming. It hurts! A slap, maybe? No, on second thought, that won’t be necessary. I’m not dreaming. It’s certain, since Rosie, in front of me, smiles at my mental disarray. If it had been a dream or a nightmare, I would have woken up already, gasping and sweating.

“I understand that it can be a shock,” she said. “I thought your mother told you about me. We’ve always written to each other, she and I. I have boxes full to bursting with our correspondence. And then, when emails replaced letters, we exchanged more irregularly. New technologies create more distance than one might think.”

“But why didn’t she tell me?”

“I don’t know,” she said, sincerely sorry. “Your mother was special.”

Romeo comes to distract his mistress. Rosie glances furtively at the clock hanging on the wall and says:

“10:30 p.m. already! My dog has to do his errand before dark. What will you do then?”

“I don’t know... I don’t know,” I said, distraught.

“Well, come on!” she retorts, jumping up. “We’re going to ring at Jacky’s. He’s a good little guy and at this hour, he’s not sleeping, that’s for sure! He’s a night owl. After all, he’s at your apartment and from what you’re saying, he shouldn’t be there anymore. Depending on how it goes, you can decide. Is that okay?”

“Yes, okay. Thank you so much. You’re kind.”

“Okay, Maddie, why don’t you come to help me first? I’m old, okay! But I’m not going to die tomorrow! Oops, sorry! I’m sorry,” she said, probably referring to Mom’s passing. “You see, we both have something in common. I too am clumsy sometimes.”

In response, I smile. I have a sudden urge to be hugged. She must have read my mind as she approached me. I feel the emotion invading her gaze and me, to see someone moved, well, that moves me too.

“I’m glad to see you again, my child. You were just an infant when I baptised you.”

Without my being able to do anything about it, tears roll down my cheeks. She draws me towards her. I feel all my tense muscles relax little by little in contact with her thin and frail body. I let my head rest on her shoulder. Her dressing gown is very soft and smells of laundry. It’s comforting, so soothing. I close my eyes to better enjoy the moment. Our embrace feels like an eternity. I would almost forget the curlers that pierced my skull. Time seems to have stopped, except for Romeo who starts yelping around us, extricating us from this sweet truce. His urge to urinate is becoming more and more pressing, it seems.

We go out into the yard. The dog runs towards his mistress’s planter. Rosie sighs. She probably hadn’t expected him to relieve himself so close to her potted geraniums. She shakes her head and then raises it to point to a second-floor window.

“It’s there.”

“Oh. How did this happen? The notary told me that this was my father’s first real estate purchase.”

“That’s right. Your father bought it long before they were married. He was older and worked like crazy to save money. Back then, it wasn’t worth as much money as it is today. It was John who put him onto it.”

“Did my parents live there?”

“Yes, a few years. They hoped that a baby would come to complete their happiness. But nothing. The Londonian air didn’t suit your mother. They said to themselves that in the countryside, things might return to normal. And then, it went well. Your paternal grandparents were getting old. They asked your father to take over the family farm. And they kept this apartment, which they rented out. I’ve always had my eye on it. I took care of the paperwork. The little one grew up in this apartment, for a long time with his mother, then alone for a few years already.”

A figure appears behind the curtain. I panic. What if he saw us? Rosie is already fidgeting, waving at him, but the man walks away, without having seen us.

“Let’s go, it’s getting late!” she says. “Romeo, you stay there and wait patiently.”

The dog sits up and tilts its head. I found it almost cute. Almost. I’m not necessarily a friend of animals. For me, a dog serves to guide flocks of sheep and cats to eat mice; the hens to lay and the cows to produce milk… and of course, everyone there has to live in the open air. As you can see, I have quite fixed ideas on the subject. I find it hard to believe that we can get attached to these beasts and worse that we can go out in the middle of the night, to take them to pee.