These Fragmented Parts

CHAPTER TWO

“oh, how we all carry much lonely and wild things inside us.”

-Christopher Poindexter 

                INSTEAD OF ASKING HIM what he is doing here in my apartment, I stood by the doorframe watching him seated on the couch as I waited for him to finally put to his senses that he is inside someone else’s unit. The man was probably a few years older than me, I can tell by his corporate look- chocolate brown hair pushed back with beard that appeared to be well groomed and his white long sleeves and slacks. I don’t remember having a roommate. “Excuse me?” My voice shattered the silence between us. Perturbation was evident on his eyes that seemed to be wandering in a parallel universe as my presence erased the evidence of its existence. I don’t know what to feel. I just want to be alone.

            His head tilted on my direction, tensed with his eyes just as exhausted as mine. “s**t,” He muttered, sounding so frustrated. He rubbed his face and stood from the couch and walked towards me. “I’m so sorry; I thought no one was supposed to be here until next week,” I looked at him, quite confused. My father was the one who took care of all the things I need without my knowledge- the next thing I really knew is that they want me out of the house and gave me the address, the key and the room number with the solid assurance that I have a new place to stay. I really have no idea when I am supposed to arrive here, what I am supposed to expect all I know is that one goddamn event happened at home that made my father and my sisters explode- intense enough to make my departure abrupt.

Still standing by the door frame, I bit my lip quite unsure on what to say. “I don’t really understand, I-“ I don’t know how to explain the whole goddamn thing since I was never as vocal and as snappy as my sisters especially on situations like this.

“I shouldn’t really be here; I’ll just find another place to stay.” He said, quite lost on what to say too. Before he could make his next move, the storm that has been saving its energy the whole day finally had the audacity to make its graceful landfall which made this man mutter more profanities. I wonder how abhorrent his day is going so far for him to cuss this hard upon fate rejecting his thought of going somewhere else

I looked around, to finally notice the details of this place, it was a small studio apartment, and with a grey couch near the patio windows that makes the place more breathable, two chairs and a table and a very small kitchen. The door next to it is probably the bedroom and it seems alright to me although I got so used with a very spacious home but I guess I have to be contented with this now. I was wondering about him, he looks really neat and doesn’t seem to be faltering off the line of his finances to have no place to go and not stay inside the home that belongs to somebody already.

“There aren’t any vacant units left in this building and James told me I could stay here for a while since you were supposed to arrive here in the next two weeks.” Who is James and why does James keep on tweaking the system here? But I got the explanation I need.  The man paused and looked at me; probably noticing how was being reluctant on moving further. He expelled a deep breath, preparing to speak. “Look, this apartment is yours. I just have nowhere else to go now and I really thought you’ll be moving in next week, and I’m not a bad guy or something,”

The rain grew more vehement. 

“You can stay for a while, whoever that James is and for putting you here by mistake. It’s fine. It’s dangerous outside anyway, better than being stranded on the road.” I told him with exhaustion embracing me further.  He raised both of his eyebrows in disbelief. Maybe he was expecting me to swat him away or call him a stalker, but honestly I’m just so tired and the last thing I care about is to think of ways on how to carry on.  A stranger in my apartment doesn’t make any sense and if he’ll kill me, then he better get moving for I no longer give a damn about anything. He did not reply or hesitated; I’m glad he sees that there would be no point of a lengthy discussion.  I just dragged my suitcase to the bedroom, leaving the boxes near the door and immediately lied down the mattress while letting my ears become deaf upon the sound of rain. I started crying, and it was the worst because every inch of me was trembling- I could feel how gruelling it is to hold on for another day most importantly when you are holding onto nothing, just some abstract form of saturated image they say you’ll see in the future, where everything will finally align by the way each sigh escaped from the deepest chambers of my chest.

-

I didn’t realize that I fell asleep until I got startled upon a thud on the wall. The rain was still upset at the moment and it was hard to tell what time it is but I don’t want to know. Waking up is the hardest part when your entire soul is weary from grieving and its constant process of breaking apart as it feels as though each time my eyes open from a deep slumber, I get welcomed again that it’s another stretch of agony. I softly lifted my body from the mattress and placed the soles of my feet on the ground excessively hesitant to function but another thud demanded me that I should go and look at where it came from. From my wildest guess, it was just probably minutes after six in the evening; the sky was oddly rendering a violet shade, as it crept on the window, touching the floor and it was even more depressing. I opened the door, and see the man still there, tensed while breathing hard. There was a moment of anticipation as my eyes landed on his bruised knuckle. He punched the wall. I’m sure as hell. I wonder if this day could get any more emotional and strange.

“What happened?” I asked him as if I knew him, I don’t even know his name yet but he looks as though he’s going to explode further in any minute now. This person could be a psychopath, but again I no longer care. I took a few steps towards him with his breathing still erratic, like there was so much aggression and rage in his eyes. “Are you okay?’’ He nodded seemingly relaxing out of shame but he was looking at my eyes as if his eyes were in plea to be understood but the absence of words wasn’t giving me enough space to really decipher what was going on. This is what I am beginning to hate as people grow older it is as though we are trying so hard to build walls that trap us inside with our pasts and previous mistakes with the fervent turbulence of our emotions impeding anyone to ever pass through the walls. We never lay the things that are destroying us inside naked; we keep them to ourselves and let it destroy us alone.

“Sit down, let me fix that.” I told him as I walked to the fridge to check if there are some ice cubes available luckily there was tray was filled with hardened cubes which I assumed that he was the one who put it. I have no idea how long he stayed here. I took them off the tray as the cubes fell on the sink; I wrapped it with the clean kitchen towel I found on the counter.

I expected him to be repulsive on the help I offered but he was already sitting on the couch, left hand resting on the arm rest of the couch. He most likely realized that punching the wall could be very painful. 

“Does it hurt? Do you want me to get you some painkillers?” I asked him, as I placed the towel on his left knuckle he placed his right palm on top of it for support. His eyes looked different compared to how it appeared a while ago, the aggression dwindled although it was merely obvious that there are so much behind the way his eyes land on objects with so much depth.

“No, it’s fine,” He said quietly. I sat on the other side of the couch, just watching him stare at his knuckles. “Why are you being nice to me?” He glanced at me.

“I don’t know, am I doing the wrong thing?” I said with my response taking me aback. It wasn’t supposed to sound that way, seemingly mirroring my overflowing uncertainty on my decisions.

“Today is just really f*****g horrible, and I bet for you too, now that there’s this stranger who just punched your wall.” He said.

“I just- I think that’s painful and it can spike up serious injuries if left untreated.” I softly said, as I heard him expel a deep breath.

“Why don’t you have any place to go?” I asked him, hoping I’d have a clear answer as to why. 

“Lost my job today,”

“Lost your place too?”  He looked at me once again, desolated. “Well, in shorter words. Yes.”  He sighed.

“James is my friend, the owner of this place and he told me I can stay here till I figure things out, turns out that there isn’t any unit available, and you moved in really early…it’s really urgent,” I nodded although it doesn’t suffice that much- well, at least for me.

“I’m Adam by the way,”

“Charlie,”

He tried to smile and I did too, but there was so much brokenness behind it.