Pregnant with the Bad Boy - Second Book

Chapter 2

I waddled fast the last part to my bedroom and locked the door. I could still hear my parents fighting downstairs, swiping the phone slowly like I was afraid to answer because the reality is that I am. Scared to death that he would hear my voice and hang up, nothing would hurt more.

I did the same routine, accepting that call and paying for it. I didn’t care; I would pay anything to hear Dylan's voice, listen to it when I took a deep breath waiting for him to connect with me.

“Amanda… so how is she doing?” I gasped at hearing that familiar voice; it was like I had never heard him speak. At the same time, I was so used to that demanding tone that he sounded tired, like he wanted to know the report Mandy had given him and go about his day.

I couldn’t speak, my tongue was in a knot, or I thought I had swallowed it when he made an annoyed sigh on the other side like I was wasting his time not speaking.

“Alright, if this is some kind of prank, then I’m just going to hang up now.” It sounded like he meant it when I made a rough cough like I was trying to speak but couldn’t, my heart was pounding against my chest, and my head was dizzy; I just missed him so much!

“Dylan, wait… don’t hang up…. It's me.” I said it fast and was holding my eyes closed, scrounged when he didn’t answer like he was just as stunned as me on the other side when we both seemed to be blown by the fact of hearing the other one’s voice like it had been a lifetime since we talked.

“Jen?” he just said that. My name was when I smiled and just let the air out. Yes, it was me; it was really me speaking to him.

“I just wanted to say…. That I’m not getting married to Grant anymore…. And…. s**t… Dylan, please, I want to see you, that’s it. Just let me see you one time….” I was sniffling, hearing his breaths on the other side of the line, and seemed to be still as taken back that I had set a trap for him, making him talk to me and not my backstabbing sister.

“Jen, I signed the divorce papers. It's over.” He sounded cold again when he wasn’t caught off guard when I started to cry. No! I didn’t want that, and I wasn’t going to write my name on that paper. He had to take me to court if he wanted to get a divorce!

“But I love you! Please, please listen to me, Dylan, you are no better than me, and I forgave you, right!? I f*****g forgave you when you cheated on me with that blonde w***e when we got engaged!”

“I didn’t f**k Lorraine back then, and what the f**k are you talking about?! Not marrying that rich bastard!? I thought that was your whole plan all along; as soon as you saw him again, I was out the f*****g door, just like last time!” he sounded angry now, like that was really pissing him off when my heart sank, had he made up his mind about this? Was I supposed to be alone for the rest of my life just because of one mistake? That was not fair!

“I’m sorry, okay?! I’m f*****g sorry for doing that, but you are not being fair! You pushed me away first! You said that you were coming back to me; that was one of the last things you said, that you were coming back! You lied to me again, Dylan!” I didn’t care that I was screaming. It was probably as loud as my parent's shouts when he didn’t say anything back, just the cold dead silence coming back to me on the phone that I had been guarding with my life for the past two weeks, just praying that he would call me.

“Fine. Come and f*****g see me. I don’t know what good that is supposed to do, but if it will give you the closure you need.” He just hung up when I was staring into the emptiness of my bedroom, the bed, the desk that was gone and replaced with a crib, and my dead heart that was beating in my throat.

Closure.

What the hell did he mean by that?! I was still his wife. Nothing could change that, and if he thought I would give up on us, not even trying to get a second chance…... f**k! I threw the phone hard into the wall, making it almost crack, and just started to cry. I hated him! Why did he do this to me!? I loved him, and he knew that and loved me too! Asshole!

The loud banging on the door made me stop crying when I sniffled and opened the door seeing mom and dad standing there, faces worried like they had forgotten about their own fight when they heard my cry.

I just stepped back and sat on the bed again, so nothing had changed. My parents came as soon as I started to scream at problems that I knew were my own fault; in the end, I couldn’t fix this, and I was so pathetic.

“Leave… please…. Please stay away….” I was holding my head in my hands, begging them to let me wallow in my own misery. I didn’t have the strength for more pity or pointless efforts of them trying to comfort me, I was alone, and I hated it; Dylan still wanted a divorce, and let's face it, I was in no position to refuse him. the thought of even being in a courtroom, or even going there was making me want to cry harder from the exhaustion that went throughout my body.

“Maybe it’s for the best… I mean…. He is still in prison and….” Dad stopped mom when she looked like she wanted to cry too. That was the worst part, I hurt them too with my problems, and now I was dragging Lilly into them too…. I was going to be the worst mother; I knew that already.

“Maybe I should just put her up for adoption?” I was rubbing my eyes when mom made a shocking gasp, and dad’s eyes narrowed like he didn’t want to even hear me talking about it when I looked up broken. Was it such a bad idea, then? I couldn’t be trusted, Dylan didn’t want her, and I could never trust myself to be alone. I wasn’t fit to be a parent, and they both knew it even if they never would say it.

“What kind of s**t is that?! Adoption?! You never said a word about that, and now all the sudden, because you can’t be with that fucker that knocked you up, you are giving up on your baby?!” dad was gritting his teeth, making me cry even more when he looked so pissed that I wanted to crawl into a hole and die, I didn’t know what else to do, I was alone!

“I can’t do this! Don’t you understand that I can't take care of her! look at me, I mean really look at me! are you ever going to trust me to be alone with her!?” dad was about to say something when he didn't, Dad knew the truth, and he didn’t want to see it, no… no… maybe it was for the best…. I mean… that was the least I could do. Give her a family that loved her, not me, that seemed to make the worst decision on earth and was sick in my head!

“Is that really what you want to do?” mom kneeled down to my level and just looked at me, sad when I made another bawling sound, yes!? No!? I didn’t know! All I knew was that I didn’t want her to live through the s**t of me being like this; I wanted her to have a better life that wasn’t constantly having me crying over everything.

“I …. I don’t know…. I want to do better…... I don’t want her to know that she has a dad that doesn’t give a s**t about her, just gave up when s**t got too hard, and me…. I mean, mom, look at me; I am not getting better… I have been taking my f*****g meds, and still… I should be better by now, just the slightest, shouldn’t I?” I was saying hopeless; I was worried about that. Mom and dad kept tabs on me so that I couldn’t just skip taking those fun pills that were supposed to make me feel better.

Mom looked at me for a few seconds like she finally got what I was saying. I was scared that I would stay like this forever because that’s how everything felt right now, darkness forever.

“Alright… okay…... baby…. Listen… if you want to adopt Lilly to another family, then I will help you, baby….” Dad made a deep scowl hearing that when he was just about to take a deep breath and starting to scold me over what I was thinking when she put her hand up, stopping him before he could say a single word, sitting on the floor holding my hand making me feel better, it did… it felt better the slightest when she was looking at me like she hated seeing me like this, every second breaking her heart.

“Jennifer…. You are heartbroken… baby, there is no pill for that….” she made a sad smile making me start to cry again when dad looked guilty when he looked down at moms face, still looking at me as she got it. I bet she did, her heartbreak standing just behind her like he wanted to die from the hard guilt that came with her simple truths.

“… I don’t know about the meds…. Maybe they need to change them? I've been reading, and well… it's not magical Jennifer, baby; it takes time, and it's hard… I have been wanting to pretend that you are not sick since that was hard for me, my baby being sick and …. “She stopped whipping away her own tears when dad stopped down to taking a knee behind her, making her smile when he was squeezing her shoulder.

“I want to do anything to help you…. I know you hate dad and me for always being on your case, but we love you, baby. I still remember like it was yesterday when we walked inside this house with you in my arms, just a few months old…. I love you, Jennifer….” She was sniffling when I was having harder breathing seeing mom being so choked up, she really was trying, and I knew it…. I was a hard daughter to have, the worst.

“I hate Dylan for what he did and…. I will never stop hating him, but I know it’s my fault…. It's my fault for just not caring enough, getting caught up in my own pain and…” she stopped crying more when I was staring at her, not being able to speak, my mouth was sticky and my nose stuffed, my face was destroyed from the scorching tears that never ended.

“I don’t want to do it, adoption, I mean….” I felt sick of myself, but it was true…. I was desperate, scared to death to have a baby on my own, it seemed so complicated, and here I was, all alone in the world. No Dylan, no Grant to save me, the baby that would be so dependent on me, oh God, I was so scared of that….

“I’m scared…... I’m so f*****g scared….” I was holding my hands over my mouth and rocking slightly back and forth when dad stopped me having his big hand on my shoulder, still not letting go of mom when she was leaning back to his chest, making me feel the slight sting of jealousy, I was never going to have that again was I? that was the worst part, I was never going to be able to lean my head against the chest to the man I love and have the support I needed, I was alone.

“That's okay, Jen. We are still f*****g scared of having a new baby; it’s going to work out. We are a family….” He looked up when I saw my sister standing in the doorway, obviously hearing the commotion and leaning like she didn’t know what to say or if she even wanted to, having her arms crossed over her chest, looking lost. Oh God, it was all a mess.

“He is still divorcing me, Mandy,” my voice was dead when she lost her anger like she was waiting on me to start yelling at her for standing there when I cried more; there it was. The hurtful truth. I had lost my chance with Dylan.

“Yeah…. okay… so that means you are a free woman then, f**k him if he wants a divorce, he is the one that is going to be sorry in the end, Jen….” Mandy stopped like she was thinking way more than what she was saying. I don’t know if she was angry at me anymore, and honestly, did it matter? I was single for the first time since I came back home, with no husband or boyfriend to cling to…the intense shame burning on my cheeks, I was so f*****g desperate on that part, wasn’t I?

I took a deep breath, alone. Looking back up at them. Or… no… I wasn’t. Just not having a guy in my life for what seemed to be a lifetime, I guess…. I wanted to give my baby a happy family, and all she was getting was me, a useless, depressed girl that was nowhere near ready to do this.

“Yeah…. Well…. Looks like we are all sorry…. And I am going to be the worst mom in the world….” I said it, still feeling so embarrassed and destroyed, I was going to blackout again, and I knew it. Knowing that it was just waiting for me to happen was scaring the s**t out of me.

“The worst mom in the world?” Mandy made a snicker when I gave her a frown, and mom made a sigh like she knew that we were going to start to fight already when she got up and took dad along when he made curses getting up and still being pissed at my sister that was still looking smug that b***h.

“You are so not going to be the worst… top ten maybe, but not the worst…” she made an even smugger face when I gritted my teeth, and dad gave her a warning stare she didn’t even acknowledge, she was still pissed at him, I knew she was.

“Alright, that’s it. I can’t take this anymore. Amanda, you are going to help dad out just like Jennifer did in high school, don’t even try looking at me like that, you know I mean it!” mom was staring her down, making Mandy back down the slightest when I made a small smirk, look at her, she was scared of a mom just like me in the end that pretty barbie doll, she was the worst.

“In hell, I will, mom, no!” she was looking even more stressed out when dad made a smirk, too, like he was letting mom take this fight, and I looked at them, my family.

They tried.

We all did.

I started to smile from nowhere… oh this was going to suck so much… it really was when I was leaning myself back and just started to laugh, to the surprise of my parents and sister, that heard me laughing like a maniac on my bed that I was not getting up from when I still was laughing, getting harder to breathe before getting help up from dad that was chuckling too, he was happy I was happy, and that’s all he needed when I hugged him hard, making him look even more shocked like he was not expecting me to do that, nobody was.

“I’m free.” I just said it casually when Mandy smirked from the back, and dads smile was making his green eyes glitter like he finally got what I was saying.

I was free. I wasn’t alone. I needed to get that into my stupid brain. I was really going to start living for Lilly and me; I was going to take the new meds… I knew that it was going to be hard and that I probably would fail, but I would try.

“Yes! You hear that, Gracie?! I told you; we are a family, and we are going f*****g make it, you all hear me? We are the Thompson family, and there is nothing we can’t do!” he sounded way too enthusiastic, making mom do smile and Mandy a face that she thought he was being cringed, and I laughed more, yeah. It was time for me to do that. Get a f*****g divorce and be a Thompson again. No more Hopper or Stone. No, I was a Thompson, and so was Lilly; screw anyone else.

“I heard you, Ed…” she was snickering too when he kissed her, and I didn’t feel the same jealousy as just a few moments before. He was here, and he tried. That was the difference between him and the guys I loved. They gave up on me too, when s**t got too hard, and not everything was my fault, not everything.

I let go of dad when I knew that everyone’s eyes were on me when I picked off the papers from the self-walking over to my room and taking a pen before signing my name fast over the marked lines, knowing that this was it. The end of my marriage.

I closed my eyes for a few seconds making a small smile when a tear fell down from my eye. I was still going to love him, but I was never going to force him to be with me. He was free.

Authors note

Hello everyone! So, this is the second part of Jennifer’s story. I hope you like even if I have written it in English, so the language rhythm may not be totally the same as before. I want to know what you feel about these first chapters? Good, bad? Tell me.

Oh, and Happy Birthday, Nelia, since she has been the one that has been wanting me to finish this story; you are a great supporter. I love you all! Big thanks for all the kind words; as always, love, Sarah.