Pregnant with the Bad Boy - Second Book

Chaper 13

I was cursing, reaching down into the crack; that part about this being really hard for me to even bend down and taking the damn keys hidden inside wasn’t something that Marnie had even considered when I finally got them in my hand, feeling dizzy and leaning at the wall, trying so hard not to see Dylan being bent over the railing, smoking and telling me that he loved me on the fourth day we had gotten together.

My chest was hurting even when I turned my head away, not wanting to give my heart more sorrow than what was already inside. Seeing the door that was all that was left between me and Dylan’s apartment that already took me back to last summer when I was standing here and being so in love with him that it was ridiculous…. I sighed, trying to get a grip, feeling my hands shake when the keys felt heavier every second. I was so afraid that I would black out and die with Lilly still not being born the second I opened.

I was holding my hand with the other one trying to get calmer, gulping hard, feeling the key slide inside the lock and not even struggling once, like faith was telling me that I was supposed to be here, but that was ridiculous; I was here because my mother had thrown me out of the house, again.

I was fine… I was fine… my breaths were still shaky when I slowly turned the lock over and waited for… I don’t know… something? For Dylan to stand in the doorway and give me a hard stare like he had been waiting for me all this time, and I never showed up?

The empty place made me start to cry, I couldn’t stop it, and I hadn’t even walked inside the messy apartment before me.

He didn’t clean; nothing was in order since we just had rushed out when he went to prison and… I didn’t even remember what happened last time I was here, only that I was so hurt and scared, same as now, even If I was taking deep breaths trying to slow down my heart rate that was going through the roof seeing the familiar scene of a beat-up couch, an older tv, and just clothes everywhere. He even had his boots still on the shelf, half fallen from just kicking them up when he was tired.

“Oh god… oh god… Dylan…” I didn’t know what to do when my tears still were falling over my face, wiping them away with the back of my hand, taking the first step back inside time, back when I had been happy and not just clambering on by my nails, trying not to go insane from the life I was living.

I picked up the shirt thrown onto the chair that was against the wall by the opening, not being able to resist it, closing my eyes and smelling the faint scent that made my body start to tremble from how it was making me feel, just like he did, back we were good.

Lilly kicked me when I started to laugh. Did she know I was happy right now, even if it was just for a second when my mind had forgotten all the bad stuff that had happened, and I was here being safe again for how long? Somehow, this place was giving me some room to breathe, and I really needed that, like my oxygen had run out a long time ago.

I strolled further inside, the door still opening behind me in case I needed to make a quick exit, and my hand still gripped firmly around the shirt that was Dylan’s; I missed him so much; this life, even if it was poor and not the best place to have a baby, but I was alone and where would I go? No, this would be where I would change, or at least try to live alone since there was no way I was ever going back to that cursed house!

“What do you say, Lilly? You want to find out how much money your father was hiding from us?” I was going inside the kitchen, this time, taking the chair and sitting down before opening the cabinet that was below me, showing me the stack of papers that I didn’t understand why I wasn’t allowed to throw out when I lived here to my smirk, well now I knew.

“Oh, look at that….” I was whispering to myself, eyes big, when I saw the bundles of cash stacked neatly underneath the stupid newspapers that I had taken off, there must be thousands of dollars, and he was having them lying just right underneath the sink; who did that??

“Dylan, you goddam i***t….” I was cursing his name some more, even if I wasn’t angry, sitting on the old kitchen chair; he probably had saved them since he was so cheap. He didn’t trust me or anyone else.

My fingers reached out, grazing on the bills lying there, and I felt confused; what did he need all this money for anyway?? He lived here and was happy doing it; I know he was since he hadn’t made a big fuss over even living here with a baby back at the beginning of all this madness.

Lorraine was right. Maybe I did deserve the money that Dylan never told me about, but what did he tell me about himself and his life? Nothing.

My hands were still shaking the slightest, collecting the money that I still legally had a right to; I just felt like I was doing something wrong, and still, this was for Lilly and me, wasn’t it?

“Oh god…” I was complaining again, getting up with the filled plastic bag with more cash than I had seen in person; Grant didn’t use cash; it wasn’t his style.

I stepped out of the apartment, not knowing what to do with the shirt I still was holding in my hand, not being able to let go when I was locking the door and keeping the keys, this was my place too, and I was not going back to my mother.

I googled the available locations on my way down the stairs, still trying to figure out what to do with all this money! It felt different just having them in my hands, and not like a ring or… something else that Grant would have given me; this was just Dylan’s money that he earned… I was slowing down, hating myself even more; I was taking his money and spending it on me, just like I said I wouldn’t do.

My phone was buzzing when I had about to turn around, walking the long trip up the stairs again that had already killed me the first time of being pregnant and out of shape.

“Take the damn money already; it's yours!” Marnie was writing more when I couldn’t believe she had just told me to take her brother's money and run. Didn’t she care for him at all? How did she even know that I was going to take it anyway!??

“Don’t think about it so much; I’m coming back sooner; I want to see you, and… Dylan is still an idiot.” She made a lot of emojis when I still was staring at the messages, unsure.

This wasn’t my money; I didn’t earn it, but then again… what choice did I have? I couldn’t really have my baby out on the street, and the amount was ridiculous under the mattress; I needed this banked yesterday.

“I’m going to open an account… and…. I don’t know, I need a place to stay, Marnie… is it bad if I use them to get something??” I was chewing the inside of my mouth, wanting some guidance and not caring if it was the opposite of Dylan that was answering; she wouldn’t say no to me.

“No! I would have taken them last time if I wasn’t sure he would kill me, and I’m his sister; it’s all yours for being married to that d**k!” I snorted, seeing that, yes… that was for sure, losing my smile, but Mandy was right about that part; I was the one that cheated, not him.

“I was a d**k too, Marnie….” I didn’t write more; that was it. I had been stupid, but that hadn’t changed; I was still stupid, oh... and crazy.

“aren’t we all?” she was probably laughing on the other side; she had no morals for taking someone else’s money; she sure wasn’t like Dylan. I smiled again, amused at her carefreeness; I wondered where she was; it must have been a long since she didn’t want to call me….

“Okay, but don’t tell him; I want to do that….” I stopped typing, tell him what? that I had taken his money and he was happy with some girl named Bliss? I hated that name just because it was hers.

“Oh, don’t worry, hun, not going to even try going between you too; I’m smarter than that….” She laughed again when I gave up, looking down at the plastic bag filled with cash; I wasn’t smarter, and that was a proven fact.

“Let’s do this…” I was walking by the parking lot and trying not to see the old pizza place, wanting to cry again. This time it was me missing him, the old him and not the person he was ever since he had gone to prison, that Dylan loved me.