Beautiful Mistake

"I supposed you should stay away from her Alfred" it was calm yet so authorative voice of my twin sister Venus. I Know exactly that I am not good to her so was she to me, but my freaking mind wants her. Is that even possible to want someone that is not supposed to be allowed to have? "I know Ven, no need to remind me for over and over again, as if I'm not listening." she look at her side to see her child clinging on to her, she was also pregnant for the fourth time: the third child they had is still a toddler and the other that is in first grade and kindergarten "I'm just saying Al... you can't" it was so low and so authorative and also pleading; is that even possible? She was talking at me as if she was the one who came out first in our mother's womb. "Mathias, baby please mommy is having a hard time with your sibling in her stomach, play with your dad, I'm also talking to your uncle" she pleaded to her child; her fucos was in my nephew so she didn't notice my reaction about her opinion to what I am going through now "I have something to do too, talk to you later sis" I pressed the end call without even giving her a chance to speak to me after she get rid of her stubborn child She's living in our mothers country with her husband in Vietnam I used to live in there also but when I realize that I could live in my own when I studied college in England, I become more obsessed in my freedom and independency. It's like a drugs of my own and I can't stop it. "Kailan ka nga Kasi uuwi Dito?!" The voice was came out from the other room beside my hotel room, probably my cousin talking with his girlfriend again. "Ashley please babe, I would go home oky, I just need to do some work on here with my cousin. You understand right" his voice was calm but I know he also miss his girlfriend. If freedom is my drug, Ashley was his downfall literally! "Oky, nagaalala Lang ako mag ingat kayo diya-". The voice been cut off when I put my earpods on playing heat waves song of glass animals When I first heard this I thought the music was vibing the beat is good the singer did a great job for putting all the best beat in just one song but now .. there is something else the lyrics was Sad. The lyrics just got me this past few months 1..2..3...4 months I guessed. Sometimes, all I think about is you Late nights in the middle of June Heat waves been faking me out Can't make you happier now The lyrics got me, it was so stupid of me to realize it now but late night in the middle of June I think about her... Late night in the middle of June I wish I could talk to her .. I wish for her attention. But she's not allowed to have for god damn sake! I harshly turn off the connection from my phone and angrily throws the earpods in the wall. I sat down in the floor trying to stop the urge to break more things just to let go of the feeling of anxiousnes or it is madness what ever you call it! "Are you fine?" After a knock I heard my cousin outside the door in my hotel room. Asking me if I was oky. I am not oky, But I don't want to be a burden or to be someones worry about "I'm fine!" I shouted back even though I'm in my peak of having a freaking mental breakdown, I'm freaking 30 but I can't control my temper! "Oky just tell me if you need help" he said as I heard his foot step vanished. I stared at may casted right feet, this sucks! To be a burden to someone is sucks ! I reach my Bible book and started to read, I almost enjoy reading that I didn't even care if my messenger been notified me with a message It got me around 7:50 pm to stand up to use the comfort room and also check the almost forgot phone I had. Em Yêu: Unsent message Em Yêu: Unsent message Em Yêu: Unsent message It was send today an hour ago the notified messages that I didn't notice. I slowly walk at the Matress support my body by holding unto the wall. I sat on the Matress and type my reply Me: What's that again? I didn't realize that I was smiling the moment I was looking at the unsent message, she doesn't really want to be rejected. She's like mountain lion never be tamed when she wants something, but scared puppy when can't get the answer. She doesn't want to wait too long and I don't even know why I want her that way. I like every bit of her ... But so illegal to like her for god damn f*****g sake! Em Yêu: Wala. May itatanong Lang dapat kanina To not see her face answering my question, is really frustrating so was the truth that I can't figure out what she unsent. It's so frustrating that I let my Brother Jupiter hack my messenger account so he could see the message. In that moment I know for a fact that I wanted to know what she said. That's why I put my f*****g self in a laughing stock for our family I know! I know that my freaking brother talk about it to them but I didn't care at all. So what if Venus got mad at me again about liking her so what if she scold me again about liking God damn girl that is way way more younger than I am. Is it bad to like someone? If I was not interested at her this early of year I wouldn't even think about her in the middle of the night of June. Curiosity always leads you to a way that you could no longer escape through. Me: What is it? I still asking about the unsend message even though for a fact that I know already what is it. Then I remember her plan for today Saturday, a date of her and her friend a girl friend Me: How's the date? We Run through with a topic that I find boring before I don't even know why I am so entertain with her company all I think is that I want her free time and mine spent together. I could go to jail because of this. I could be sued as a freaking child abuse but I still risking... I still hope that there's a way Me: David Alfred Neptune Guitterez Y Santos. Me: This is how it is supposed to be hahaha But sometimes happiness doesn't last forever, everything you want will be vanished, something should be put on priority list, there is more lot things to be put in first, something to consider and thought about first, something that you just wish you had but it will never be. "We're living earlier than the plan Kuya Al it's oct 28 Friday the flight is on oct 31 we should be in air at Nov 1." "This gonna be the first and last time you would see her, I won't mind if you go out in this car and introduce yourself to her" I was here in Leyte watching her laughing with her friends, I wanted to come closer to ask her out even just for the first and last time to explain my reasons.. but my feet can't move my body was frozen and as much as I wanted to introduce my self to her in person. I just can't. She's too young for me so elligal to had. Something that would be just a Whilom of mine. "Let's go."