Million Words

Word 05

Staring blankly at the ceiling, Neil realized what he had just done. Everything has just sunk in to him. He couldn’t move his body due to the arms embracing him, and the leg locking him under the same blanket he woke up covering him. A tear fell from one of his eyes.

“From now on, you are only mine, Neil,” Shawn whispered kissing his right cheek. “I’m exclusively yours.”

Napalingon si Neil sa kanyang katabi. Shawn was smiling genuinely like he did nothing; they just did something they both like in agreement. Hindi maitatanggi ang tuwa na nakapinta sa mukha nito. He got confused. Ang bilis ng pagbabago ng pagtrato nito sa kanya sa loob lang ng isang oras. He questioned himself of who Shawn really is.

Nakatingin lamang siya rito habang pinaparamdam nito na para bang isa siyang espesyal na kagamitan. Mainit ang yakap nito sa kanya at tila sinusuyo pa siya nito sa pamamagitan ng paglakbay ng mga halik nito sa kanyang mukha at ulo. Ayaw siya nitong bitawan.

“S-Shawn,” finally, his voice made its way out of his vocal cords.

“Hmmm,” Shawn mumbled as he played some strands of Neil’s hair.

“I need to go,” shyly, Neil said biting the inside part of his lower lip. Nagdadalawang-isip siya kung ano ang sasabihin niya. He’s afraid of what Shawn might do next to him.

“Can we stay like this for a while? I waited a long time for this to happen; with you under my arms sharing the heat of our bodies,” Shawn whispered canorously.

“But-“

“Please!” Shawn pouted as he looked at Neil with puppy eyes.

Napabuntong-hininga na lamang si Neil sa inaakto ng lalaking nakayakap sa kanya. Wala rin naman siyang magagawa dahil mahigpit ngunit may pag-aalaga ang pagkakayapos nito sa kanya. “Fine. Five minutes. Pagkatapos ay ibigay mo na sa akin ang susi ng kotse ko. Kailangan ko pang bumalik doon sa bar para kunin ang kotse.”

“Alam mo, ibibgay ko na nga sana sa ‘yo ang susi kanina pero lumohod ka na sa harapan ko,” Shawn teased. “Ayon tuloy, nabitawan ko ang susi at ibang susi ang naibigay ko sa iyo.” He chuckled naughtily.

If looks could kill, Shawn will be dead now as Neil sent daggers by simply sharpening his gaze. He pinched one of Shawn’s n*****s which made him gasp, holding himself to shout out loud from the pain. He took the chance to break free when its embrace loosens. Ngunit hindi ito nagtagal, maagap siya nitong nahablot. Napahiga siyang muli sa bisig nito.

“Okay. Sorry. Huwag ka nang mahiya. Ginusto ko rin naman ito.” Shawn wiggled his eyebrows as he smiled innocently.

“Shawn,” Neil warned in a serious tone. “I really need to go.”

“Papakawalan lang kita kapag sinabi mo sa akin ngayon na simula sa araw na ito ay akin ka na. Akin ka lang,” sagot nito sa seryoso ring tono.

Neil couldn’t believe what he just heard Shawn uttered. It’s only their third meeting and the first time they had a conversation. How can Shawn say such things to him? He opened his mouth but closed it again after a second. Hindi pa rin siya makapaniwala.

“Ano ba gusto mong mangyari?”

“Be mine,” Shawn replied without any hesitations. Seryoso ang mukha nitong nakatingin sa kanya habang nakatagilid na nakahiga.

“Why?”

“Basta. I just want you to be mine and only be mine.”

Neil sighed. He got no choice but to agree to him or else he can’t get out from this room. “Fine. I’m yours. Pwede ko na ba kunin ang susi at umalis?”

“Yes, babe.” Bumalikwas ito sa kama mula sa pagkakahiga. Humarap ito sa kanya habang nakapamewang. Nakabuyangyang sa harap niya ang harapan nito. Lumapit ito sa banda niya’t tinulungan siyang makatayo. “Careful. Baka malaglag ang anak natin.” Tiningnan niya ito nang may pagtataka. “What?”

“What what mo mukha mo. Pinagsasabi mo? Makaalis na nga.” Dinampot ni Neil ang kanyang mga damit. Ngunit napaupo siyang muli nang sumakit ang pang-upo niya.

“I told you. Be careful,” Shawn reminded. He sat beside him, helping him get dressed. “Hintayin mo akong makapagbihis. Sasamahan na kita na kunin ang kotse mo.” He stated and he went into his closet taking some decent clothes to wear.

“What are you doing?”

“Helping my boyfriend,” nonchalantly, Shawn said, full of confidence.

“I’m not your boyfriend.”

“You’re mine. Kaya ganoon na rin ‘yon. Boyfriend na kita.”

Napahawak na lamang si Neil sa kanyang sintido. Ano ba itong napasok niya? Now, he got a boyfriend even though it’s really not what he meant by saying the he’s his. For him, Shawn is not his boyfriend. He is just someone he met and shared the night with. Nothing more. He’s there to feed his needs, not only once, but twice already if nothing really happened last night.

“Let’s go, babe,” aya nito. Napalingon siya rito. Nasa may pinto na ito at nakatayo. Hawak nito ang susi na tanging sadya niya upang pumunta rito. Yet, he realized something in just a snap of a hand.

Neil doubted that it just happened in the right place and at the right time. He thought it was all planned by Shawn. From last night, the moment their eyes met, him waking up on his bed, him asking for his key which led him to Shawn’s house and as if these coincidences aren’t enough, Shawn was even waiting for him in front of their house.

Pinakiramdaman muna ni Neil ang kanyang katawan. Nang wala na siyang maramdamang sakit sa pang-upo niya ay tumayo na siya. Hahablutin na sana niya ang susi na nasa kamay ni Shawn ngunit itinaas agad nito ang mga kamay at inilayo sa kanya upang hindi niya ito makuha.

“Ano ba? Give the god damn keys, Shawn,” irritated, he hissed.

Itinago nito ang susi sa bulsa ng pantalon na suot nito. “No, babe. I’ll go with you. Kaya tara na.” Pinulupot nito ang isang braso sa kanyang baywang. Tinanggal niya ito ngunit ibinabalik pa rin nito ang mga braso sa katawan niya. He’s losing his patience. Kanina pa siya nagtitimpi rito. Kung makaasta kasi akala mo kung sino sa buhay niya.

At the end, he found himself riding on a big motorcycle bike. Hindi siya nito tinigilan hanggang hindi siya pumapayag. He held the back handle at the end of the seat.

“What are you doing, babe?” Lumingon ito sa kanya. Tinanggal nito ang pagkakahawak niya sa handle at pinilupot ang kanyang mga braso sa katawan nito. Nagpumiglas siya. Not again. “Ngayon ka pa ba mahihiya sa akin, babe? Ilang beses mo nang pinagsawaan itong katawan ko. Yayakap ka lang naman for safety purposes.”

“Safety purposes. Safety purposes. Hindi ka nga nagsuot ng condom,” mahinang himutok niya. Naramdaman na lamang niya ang pagtaas-baba ng dibdib nito kakatawa.

“Bakit? Ayaw mo ba na magkaroon agad tayo ng panganay?”

Neil didn’t bother to answer. He remained quiet. Ayaw na niyang patulan pa ang pinagsasabi nito at baka kung saan pa umabot ang pinagsasabi nito. He was planning to jump off from the motorcycle. He loosened his arms around Shawn’s body yet he hugged it back tightly. Pinaandar bigla nito ang big bike na ikinagulat niya. He was left with no choice but to hold at him.

Madali nilang narating ang bar. He immediately took off the moment the motorcycle stopped in front of his car. Another question popped out on his mind. How did Shawn know that this is his car? Hindi lang naman ang kotse niya ang nandito sa parking area. Hindi niya ito binigyan ng ganoong pansin. Ang nasa isip niya lang ay makalayo na sa lalaking malaki ang pagkakangisi na nakatingin sa kanya.

He lent his open palm in front of him. “My key,” losing his patience, he commanded. Agad naman nitong binigay sa kanyang hinihingi. He walked towards the door beside the driver’s seat. He glanced at his back checking if Shawn was still there. And it did disappoint him. Shawn was still there waiting for him to hop in his car.

“Puwede ka nang umalis. Anyway, thanks for the ride.”

“No problem, babe. You can ride me anytime you want,” Shawn grinned.

Napapikit ng mga mata si Neil. Hindi niya talaga ito makausap nang matino. “Puwede ka nang umalis. I can handle myself home.”

“No, babe. Sasabay kita. I’ll make sure na makakauwi ka nang maayos. Baka mapaano ka pa at ang baby natin sa tiyan mo.” Inatras nito ng kaunti ang motorsiklo nito paalis sa pagkakaharang nito sa kanyang kotse.

Nauubos na ang pasensya ni Neil sa lalaking nagngangalang Shawn. He never encountered someone who treats him like this until this jerk named Shawn came into view. He must have made the wrong decision to meet him a week ago. Kung hindi lang talaga naghanap ang kanyang katawan noong mga oras na iyon ay hindi siya nakipagkita. Hindi rin sana umabot sa ganito. He blamed himself, his body, for meeting this person currently wearing a black helmet waiting for him to get inside his car.

Padabog niyang sinara ang pinto ng kotse. Hindi ba siya titigilan ng lalaking ito? He inserted the key and twisted it making the engine growl. He stepped on the pedal slowly leaving the parking. He sped up the moment he got out of the parking area. Dumaan pa siya sa daan na maraming sasakyan ang dumaraan upang mailigaw ang sumusunod sa kanya. He expected that he lost him already but he was shocked when the big bike ran side by side with his car. Naloko na. Wala nga talaga ata itong plano na pakawalan siya. Shawn must not know where he lives. It will be the end of him if he’ll know that they only live in the same subdivision. He feared that he won’t be able to avoid him anymore. Or worst, pupuntahan siya nito sa bahay nila. Kahit nga ang best friend niya ay hindi pa nakakapunta sa kanila. Well, Xavier is not an outdoor person. Hindi ito mahilig lumabas ng bahay kaya hindi pa ito nakakarating sa kanila. But Shawn’s personality is way different from his best friend’s. For just a day, he already saw a lot from him. Mapilit ito sa gusto nito na siyang kinaiinisan niya rito. Shawn won’t leave him at peace.

Bumaba siya ng kotse pagkarating niya sa harap ng kanilang bahay, sa tapat ng garage gate nila. Binuksan niya ito’t sumakay muli sa kotse. Hindi niya pinansin si Shawn na huminto sa may tabi ng kotse niya. Nakatingin lang din naman ito sa ginagawa niya. Bumaba siyang muli at lumapit sa gate upang isara ito. Ganoon din ang ginawa ni Shawn.

“I never thought we just live in the same neighbourhood, babe,” Shawn commented scanning the outside view of their house.

He did not bother answering him. Instead, he turned his back and left him watching him walk. He thought it is better this way. Hindi na lang niya papansinin. Titigilan din siya nito kalaunan. He hoped so.

His phone beeped with a vibration. He checked and opened the message.

“See you later, babe!”

He sighed. Kakasabi pa nga lang niya.