Million Words

In the middle of the quiet and peaceful darkness of the night, there are a lot of things we didn’t know existed. These things are hiding in the blind spots of moon light; silently crawling its way to one’s hidden desire. Kasabay nang paglingon ulit ni Neil sa ikalawang palapag ng bahay nila ay ang maingat na pagbukas niya ng gate ng bahay nila. Slowly swinging the gate, he made sure that it will not make a creaking sound. It’s already past eleven in the evening. Everyone who lives at their house was already sleeping except for him. And here he was sneaking his way out. He sighed in relief after he stepped out of their house premises. He gently closed and locked the gate. Tumingin siyang muli sa bintana na nasa ikalawang palapag ng bahay nila. Ito ang silid ng kanyang mga magulang. Nang masigurado niya na hindi niya nagising ang mga ito dahil wala siyang nakita na pagbabago rito ay humakbang na siya patungo sa may gilid ng sementadong kalsada. Nakapatay pa rin ang ilaw at walang bahid ng paggalaw ng mahabang kurtina na nagsisilbing panakip sa floor-to-ceiling glass window. His mobile phone vibrated inside his black short’s side pocket. He snatched it in a second, tapping his right index finger on the sensor at the back of his phone. His eyes squinted a bit as he faced the screen of his phone. Inilayo niya ito nang kaunti at hininaan ang brightness nito bago niya ulit ito inilapit upang tingnan. Gumuhit sa mukha ni Neil ang isang malaki at may pagkasabik na ngiti. In an instant, his fingers opened the message notification from the application he’s been using for a while now. And when I say for a while, it means for a year or two already according to his vocabulary. “Saan ka na?” the message reads. Mas lalong lumawak ang ngiti sa kanyang mga labi. He bit his lower lip in a gently thinking of words he will reply. Ilang araw na rin niya itong nakakausap sa nasabing mobile application. Palagi siya nitong inaaya na makipagkita at ngayong gabi niya lang ito pinagbigyan. He was busy in his studies from the recently that which stressed out him. Kaya ito ang nag-udyok sa kanyang pagbigyan ang binata upang makapag-unwind din siya. Neil stopped on his feet. Tumingin siya sa kanyang likuran. He felt that someone was following him. With his eyes roaming from one corner to another, he scanned the place making sure if there’s someone. Ngunit, wala siyang nakita. All he could see was the empty street lit up with light posts at the sidewalk. Binabalot ng katahimikan ang kalsada kung nasaan siya ngayon. He looked back to his phone. He typed his reply-“I’m on my way.” Pinagpatuloy niya ang kanyang paglalakad patungo sa napag-usapan nilang lugar kung saan sila magkikita ng estranghero na nakausap lamang niya online. He found himself in front of a seemingly abandoned building. He examined the place, looking for the person he’s going to meet. Hindi talaga ito abandonado, kundi isa itong dini-demolish na gusali para gawan ng panibago. The building was covered with darkness in which you can’t even see a thing in between its walls. Nang walang mahagilap ang mga mata ni Neil ay hindi siya nagdalawang-isip na buksan ulit ang kanyang telepono. “Nandito na ako. Asan ka?” Agaran niyang pinindot ang send icon pagkatapos. Hindi pa man niya naiiwas ang tingin mula sa screen ng telepono ay nakatanggap agad siya ng sagot mula rito na ikinangiti niya ulit. “Nasa loob na ako. I’ll be flashing my phone. Sundan mo na lang ito.” Neil faced the building once again, searching for a flashing light. He instantly saw it. Hindi ito sobrang liwanag kundi sakto lang upang makita niya ito bilang signal. He turned his gaze from left to right first making sure that no one is watching or seeing him. He started to walk towards the building and followed the light the moment he thought he’s secured. Dahan-dahan ang kanyang paglalakad nang nasa loob na siya ng gusali. He’s not familiar with the place. It is his first time to be here. Gaya ng sabi ng kanyang kausap ay sinusundan lamang niya ang ilaw na nagmumula sa mobile phone nito. Hindi na nga alam ni Neil kung nasaang banda na siya ng naturang gusali ngunit hindi pa rin nawawala ang pagkasabik na nararamdaman niya’t ang ngiti sa kanyang mga labi. Napahinto siya bigla nang mawala ang ilaw na sinusundan niya. He stood still on his spot observing on what will happen next. He could see nothing from there other than the rays of moonlight peeping through the fissures of the concrete walls and on the small window not that far from him. He closed his eyes trying to adjust his sight from the sudden absence of light. Nakiramdam siya sa paligid. He didn’t know where the person he’s going to meet is. He’s trying to figure out where the person was until he felt a dominant presence behind him who then gently breathe on his nape and kissed it. He spun himself around in excitement to see the person standing behind him. Sinalubong siya ng mga matang puno ng pananabik, maging ang kasing bango ng menthol na hininga nito na tumatama sa kanyang mukha ay nalalanghap niya. On Neil’s estimation, they almost stood the same height. He fixed his eyes on the stranger’s face. Gusto niyang makita ang mukha nito. Ngunit bago pa man niya ito makita nang maayos ay hinawakan nito ang kanyang baba kasabay ng pagsunggab nito ng halik sa mga labi niya. It was a bit rough and rushed yet all Neil could do was to moan in both surprise and pleasure. He snaked both of his arms around the stranger’s neck pulling him closer to him after a second as he recovered from the sudden attack on his mouth. The stranger stopped kissing him and moved an inch away from him. Hindi mapigilan ni Neil na sundan ang mga labi nito na ikinatawa ng estranghero. He wanted to feel those soft lips against his, one more time. “Excited ka naman masyado,” sabi nito nang muling maghiwalay ang kanilang mga labi. Kasabay nito ang paglakbay ng mga kamay sa likuran ni Neil. Mula sa may batok pababa hanggang sa matambok na pwetan ni Neil. Pinanggigilan niya ito’t madiin na hinawakan. Still looking straight at the stranger, Neil smiled in satisfaction. He liked how the stranger touches him, squeezing his butt. “You liked it?” He seductively hushed. “Yes, baby. I’ll love it more if I can hold it without any covers.” Neil leaned forward crashing his lips to the stranger’s once again who gladly responded to him. Naramdaman niya ang mas paghigpit pa ng isang kamay nito sa kanyang pang-upo. Ang isang kamay naman nito ay nakaalalay sa kanyang likuran upang magdikit ang kanilang mga katawan. He couldn’t stop himself from brushing his hands through the stranger’s hair, gently playing with it. He could tell that the stranger is good in kissing. It gave him the pleasure he’s looking for and wanted to feel as of the moment. Saglit na napahinto si Neil sa gitna ng halikan nila nang gumalaw ang kasama niya. Inaaalalayan siya nito na maglakad sa kung saang banda habang magkasugpong pa rin ang mga bibig nila. Muli siyang sumagot sa ginagawang paglalaro ng estranghero sa kanyang labi. Eyes closed, he willingly followed his guide until he felt his back met a cold concrete wall. Naimulat niya ang kanyang mga mata nang tumama sa kanyang mukha ang liwanag na nagmumula sa hindi kalakihang bintana sa gilid nila. It was like a spotlight and they were the performers on a spotlight. Malinaw na nakikita ni Neil ang nakapikit na pares ng mga mata sa kanyang harapan. Just like in a music video, it dramatically opened and met his eyes with hunger and eagerness. He groaned as the stranger bit his lower lip asking for entrance. He swung his mouth open, letting the stranger conquer him with his tongue. Mas lalo siya nitong inipit sa dingdingsa pamamagitang ng pagdiin ng katawan nito sa kanya. Naglakbay sa kanyang katawan ang kanang kamay nito papunta sa kanyang mukha. Lumayo ang mukha nito saglit sa kanya. Catching their breath, their eyes made contact with each other with the same level of wanting. Napagmasdan niyang mabuti ang mukha nito sa ginawa nitong bahagya na paglayo. Natutulala siya sa mapanlinlang na maamo nitong mukha. Wala itong pinagkaiba sa ipinasa nitong litrato sa kanya. At first he thought that the guy was a poser. With its prominent jaw line, thick eye brows, pointed nose and a soft and performer kissable lips, the stranger really proved his words that he’s a good catch. Ngumisi ang lalaki sa kanya. “Hindi nga ako nagkamali na makipagkita sa iyo,” anito habang dahan-dahan na inilalapit muli ang mukha. Neil thought that he’ll kiss him again but he was wrong. Dumiretso sa kanyang leeg ang labi ng lalaki. He gasped as the guy bit his neck and licked the same spot afterwards. “f**k!” Hindi mapigilan na ungol ni Neil. The guy was savouring his neck. Wala itong pinapalagpas na parte ng kanyang leeg. Dinadaanan ng mga labi at dila nito ang buong leeg niya. Wala siyang ibang nagawa kundi ang mapatingala at mapaliyad. “Masarap ba ako?” bulong niya. The stranger only growled in agreement. “Sige lang. Ito ang gusto mo, hindi ba? Pagsawaan mo ako ngayon. I’m all y-yours.” Halos hindi niya maibigkas ang huling salita sa ginawang pagdila ng lalaki sa kanyang tainga. Hindi na napigilan pa ni Neil ang kanyang mga kamay na galugarin ang makisig na katawan ng kasalukuyang kumakain sa kanya. Mula sa mga buhok nito ay lumipat ang kanyang mga kamay sa matitigas nitong braso. Mas lalo siyang ginanahan nang pinisil niya ito’t halos hindi niya ito mapisil dahil puro muscle na ang biceps at triceps nito. Nang hindi na siya nakapagpigil pa ay ipinasok na niya ang mga kamay sa damit nito. Kinapa niya ang harapan nito; dibdib nito’t tiyan na may namumuong abs. Neil pinched the guy’s n*****s that made him groan. He liked the sound coming from the guy. It was music on his ear every time he’ll hear the said sound. It boosted his wanting. He wanted to feel the guy, to feel him inside him. He wasn’t disappointed as the stranger slid its hands at the back of his shorts cupping his fluffy bump. Hinalikan siya nitong muli sa kanyang labi. Ginagalugad nito ang loob ng kanyang bibig gamit ang mga dila nito. He fought back with his tongue, countering the intensity he’s receiving. Neil huffed when he felt a finger rubbing around his entrance. “Gusto mo ba?” Wala sa sariling bulong niya. Hindi siya sinagot nito. The guy only continued mashing his ass. He wanted an answer from him. He’s not contented. Kung kaya ay ibinaba na rin niya ang kanyang mga kamay. He cupped the stranger’s front. It is big and already hard. Napangiti siya sa kanyang isipan. Ilang araw na rin ang huling beses na may nakapasok sa kanya. While they’re still exchanging mouth water, he unbuttoned and unzipped the lower garment of his partner for tonight. He was shocked in a split of second when his toll immediately bounced on his hand after he glided down his shorts. The guy didn’t wear an undergarment. Walang inaksayang oras si Neil. Hinawakan niya agad ang p*********i ng nasa harapan niya. Malaki ito’t mainit. Halos hindi nga niya ito mahawakan ng buo paikot sa girth nito. He squeezed it which made him more excited. It’s lengthy too. When was the last time he got a guy that has the same size with the one on his hands right now? A month ago? A year or two? He couldn’t tell. The guy pounded his hips on Neil’s hands. Sinasabayan nito ang ritmo na ginagawa niya. Patuloy pa rin ang kanilang halikan ngunit naging mapusok na ito. Walang gusto na magpatalo sa kanila. Hanggang sa hindi na napigilan ni Neil ang kanyang sarili nang maramdaman niya ang pagpasok ng isang daliri sa butas niya. He stripped his shorts off together with his boxer brief. Huminto siya sa kanilang pag-eespadahan at inilapit sa may tenga ng lalaki ang kanyang bibig. “Fill me in,” he murmured. He didn’t get an answer instead the guy bit his left ear. “Please,” he pleaded almost sounding like a moan caused by the sensation he got. “My pleasure, babe,” the stranger replied, brushing its lips on Neil’s ear. He stepped back a bit pulling his shirt up and hanged the front side of the shirt on his nape, not completely undressing it away from his body. Neil played the guy’s toy as the guy fixes his shirt on his nape comfortably. He saw how the stranger’s body reacts from what he is doing, his touches. Hindi nakalagpas sa paningin niya ang pagbuka ng bibig nito na may kasamang ungol nang sinubukan niyang diinan ang paghawak niya rito. “Gago ka. Ang sarap.” Hindi na naayos ng lalaki ang kanyang damit. Agad nitong tinulak si Neil sa pader. Marahas nitong hinubad ang suot na t-shirt ni Neil at itinapon sa gilid nila kasama ng pang-ibaba nilang kasuotan. Ramdam ni Neil ang higpit ng pagkakahawak ng lalaki sa kanyang magkabilang balikat. Hindi siya nagreklamo bagkus nagugustuhan niya ang ginagawa ng lalaki sa kanya. He loved it this way. Their lips crashed in a hungry and lustful way. Kinagat-kagat na rin ng lalaki ang kanyang mga labi habang siya naman ay pinagpatuloy ang paglalaro sa mahabang laruan ng lalaki. Gustong-gusto na niya itong ipasok sa kanya. His entrance was already twitching, waiting for someone to gate-crash. Hindi na nakapaghintay si Neil kung kaya ay tumalikod na siya sa lalaki. He spit on one of his hands and scattered the liquid around the stranger’s manhood. Natatawa na naaliw ang lalaki sa ginawa ni Neil. “Aayaw-ayaw ka pa na makipag-meet sa akin. Ikaw naman pala itong hindi makapaghintay sa ating dalawa,” komento pa nito bago hinawakan ang kamay ni Neil na nasa p*********i nito. Iginiya nito ang kamay ni Neil sa ritmo na gusto nito. The stranger pushed Neil against the wall and gripped Neil’s shoulder with one hand. Ang isang kamay niya ay patuloy pa rin sa pagpapatigas pa lalo ng kanyang junior. “Please. Put it in,” Neil begged. He moved his entrance closer to the guy’s stick, pushing it inside. “Gago ka. Hindi ka makapaghintay ah. Ito sa iyo.” Neil screamed from the sudden thing being stuffed inside him. Hindi niya napaghandaan ang ginawa ng lalaki sa kanya. He almost made a loud sound that may wake the people living near the seemingly abandoned building. Mabuti na lang na agad naitakip ng lalaki ang isang kamay nito sa bibig ni Neil. Umulos pa nang malalim ang lalaki papasok sa kanya na halos ikawala ng ulirat niya. He held the guy’s hand that’s on his mouth. He guided him to his n*****s signalling him to play with it. Sinabayan niya ang ginawang paggalaw ng lalaki sa kanyang likuran. He moved his entrance back and forth opposing the guy’s hard toll. He wanted to feel the heavenly pleasure. He wanted to feel like he’s a woman being impregnated by her man. The place was filled with their hums of pleasure in unison. The slapping of their skins echoed on the walls. They owned the night like there’s no tomorrow. Kahit na bahagyang tumatama na ang mukha ni Neil sa dingding ay hindi niya ito alintana. The pleasure overpowered him. Hindi niya nararamdaman ang sakit mula sa marahas na pagkakahawak ng lalaki sa kanyang buhok at ang pwersa ng pagtukod ng isang kamay nito sa kanyang likod. “Is this what you like, babe?” The stranger thrust forcefully against his back. Sunod-sunod ang ginawa nitong malakas na pag-atras at pag-abante. Tanging impit na ungol lamang ang naisagot ni Neil. “Gusto mo ito, diba?” pag-uulit ng lalaki. Lumipat ang mga kamay nito papayakap sa katawan ni Neil. “Hindi ka makakalakad ngayon pauwi, babe. Pagsasawaan muna kita,” bulong nito. Naging sunod-sunuran si Neil sa lalaki. Hinayaan na niya itong gawin ang gusto nito. Ang sa kanya lamang ay nararamdaman niya ang batuta nito sa loob niya na nagbibigay ng sarap sa kanya. He tilted his face to see the man’s face but he was welcomed with a rough kiss. Napahawak na lamang siya sa mga braso nito. This is what he wanted to feel. And this guy humping him gave it to him. Bumilis ang paggalaw ng lalaki. “Malapit na ako, babe.” Patuloy pa rin ito sa paggalaw. One more thrust and Neil felt the guy exploded inside him. He smiled when the guy was still moving in him. Dahan-dahan nitong inilabas mula sa kanya ang p*********i nito. Napadaosdos siya sa sahid nang tinanggal na ng lalaki ang pagkakahawak nito sa kanya. Sumandal siya sa pader at hinawakan niya ang kanyang mga binti. Walang nagsasalita sa kanila matapos ang mainit na tagpong naganap. Pinapanuod niya lamang ang lalaki na isinusuot ang mga damit nito. “Gwapo ka sana, bro. Kaso parausan ka rin pala. Pero ang sarap mo. Sa susunod ulit,” paalam nito. Sinundan niya ito nang tingin habang papalayo ito sa kanya, paalis ng nasabing lugar. Neil grabbed his clothes. He crossed his legs hugging it tightly; gripping the clothes on his hands. “What’s wrong with me? I did it again,” he whispered as he rested his forehead on his knees. His eyes got teary that he wiped it before the tears fall. Hindi niya dapat ito ginawa. Hindi dapat siya nagpadala sa mga boses na bumubulong sa kanya. He should’ve resisted. But what can he do? He’s too weak, too vulnerable, to fight back against his demons. Natalo na naman siya ng katawan niya. Palagi na lamang siyang natatalo nito. Nanatili siya ng ilan pang sandali sa ganoong posisyon bago niya naisipan na suotin ang kanyang mga damit. Pinilit niya ang sarili na makatayo kahit na nararamdaman na niya ang pagsakit ng kanyang balakang at ang pang-upo niya. Halos wala na ring lakas ang kanyang mga binti. Nanginginig ito sa pagtayo niya’t lalong-lalo na kapag hinahakabang niya ito. He forced himself to walk even though he can barely walk. He needed to. Hindi naman maaari na maabutan siya ng umaga roon. Ipagtataka iyon ng mga taong posibleng makakita sa kanya kinaumagahan. “Gago ka, Neil. You’re so weak,” he cursed. It might took him some time but he made it home. He sighed closing the gate of their house. It’s already past one. He’s sure to himself that no one will see him at this hour. Yet, he was wrong. Napatigil siya sa kanyang ginagawa nang mapatingin siya bahay na katapat ng sa kanila. The curtains on one of the rooms facing the road were slightly moved aside leaving a gap just enough for someone to watch outside in silence.