Because of My Best Friend

1. The Girls

*JUSTINE POV

Kelsey:  911! 

Kelsey:  Answer your damn phone! 

Kelsey:  JUSTINE!!!

Kelsey:  I hate you!  I could be dying!!  I’m always there for you, but in my time of dire need, you’re never available!  

Kelsey:  s**t! You know I didn’t mean that- I love you.  But come on! 

Justine:  You know that was completely uncalled for...  I was in a meeting you d**k- I’m officially changing your name to b***h…. now what’s the damn emergency? 

BITCH:  DO NOT CHANGE MY NAME TO b***h AGAIN!  I said I was sorry!!!  Blame my period! I need you ASAP!  This is not a drill.  I repeat, this is NOT A DRILL

Justine: Your period ended 3 days ago……

BITCH:  you changed my name…. didn’t you?

*sends screenshot*

BITCH:  ugh, fine… I deserve it.  But I need you.  When’s the earliest you can get off for lunch?

Justine:  hmmmm… if I talk really nice to the boss, possibly 10:30/11?  

Justine:  let me guess?  Extended lunch?

BITCH:  that would be for the best, yes

Justine:  where you wanna meet?

BITCH:  The bastard’s house.

I shake my head, throwing my phone back in my purse and look at the clock.  If I leave within the next 45 minutes, I should have time to grab food before I go see the chaos my best friendoommate is causing.  I log off of my computer in my tiny cubicle, and head to the elevator.  Yes, I could take the stairs… it’s only one flight up, but something tells me I need to conserve my energy.

The elevator dings and the doors open to the stale smell of cheap office carpet.  That’s how I would describe the building as a whole- ‘stale’.  With basic beige walls, off white cubicle lining, and the old design carpeting, everything is just blah.  Don’t even get me started on the kitty posters that say “Hang in there”.  It’s almost enough to make you want to jump off this third floor.  I work for a security company and all we do all day long is monitor and answer phone calls... my department anyways.  Boring work for a boring building, but hey, it pays the bills.

I knock on my boss’s door and the soft feminine voice calls out for me to come in, making me smile.  I open the door and shut it as I skip over to her desk.  “Hey momma!”

“Hey sweetie, how did the management meeting go?”

“oh, great…… there was this whole ordeal between Judy and Hank about whether or not we should switch from yellow post-its, to white ones.  And then Carl went on his same tangent about customer courtesy.”  The sarcasm leaking from my voice is something she’s used to, so she doesn’t even bat an eye.  She knows this isn’t my dream job, but for a 28-year-old woman with no college degree in our small town of Fairview, Oklahoma, this is as good as it gets.

“That’s nice dear, now what do you want?” she says, turning so she can give me her undivided attention.

I smile brightly at her straight forwardness, sit in a chair, and take a deep breath.  “Kelsey is going through another one of her breakups.”

“Oh my god, not again,” she states, putting her hand on her forehead.  You can feel the dread coming off of this woman.  “I’m too old for this s**t Justine.”

“Yup… not gonna disagree.  So I need to take an early lunch and reign her in while I still have the chance.”

She sends me a small glare for agreeing about her age, but knows it’s for the best if I leave.  It’s not like she doesn’t know she’s a flipping MILF.  “Fine.  Take an extra 30 incase it’s like last time….”

“Oh god, don’t remind me,” I say as I involuntary shudder.  “… want me to pick you up anything while I’m out?”

“No, I’m good.  Danny and Maria made my lunch today,” she states with a proud grin.

I smile and get up to hug my mom bye.  I go back to my desk and grab my purse and head out, only saying goodbye to the ones not buried deep into their computers.  As soon as I hit outside, I’m met with the dry summer heat that makes me break a sweat, even before I get to my car.  Thank god I cracked the windows today.  Once inside my baby car, I crank the air to the max.  I fan out my shirt, because boob sweat is a real thing, and only when I’m mildly comfortable, I put my car in gear and head out to the highway. 

Our little town has a population of 1,500.  Everyone pretty much knows everyone, or at least seen your face/heard your name more than five times.  About 20 minutes down the highway is the outskirts of our neighboring city, hence where Kelsey’s boyfriend….. err ex-boyfriend lives.  She is on a strict diet to avoid townies at all costs, even if it means dating jackasses in the city.

After I went through a drive thru, I pull up to the condominium where Michael lives.  He works as an accountant for some fancy law firm and always travels.  Kelsey had her suspicions on him cheating for over a month now, and even went as far to hire a private detective.  Lucky for her, he gave her a discount…. Something like, use him twice, get 50% off the 3rd time.  Yes, she has used this tactic before, but what can I say?  She has horrible taste in men.

I get in the elevator and push for the 4th floor.  I’m almost jealous.  Fairview doesn’t have any condos this fancy, and I could only imagine how much rent would be.  I’ve only been here once, and that was to pick Kelsey up after their first fight.  By the time I got here, she was already storming out the door, so I didn’t get a chance to check out the layout.  When I get to his door, it’s already opened and cracked, and I’m half skeptical of what I might find.

Slowly, I push the door open.  I walk in to see a crisp clean apartment.  Nothing but neutral colors and basic furniture.  Sure, there’s a couple of plants, but that’s nothing special.  The kitchen is basic and only has a coffee machine and microwave.  Completely boring, no personality, and nothing to look at.  So disappointing.  “Kels?”

“Back here!!”

I follow the almost cheerful voice to the back of the condo.  When I get to the bedroom, I try everything in my power not to gape open my mouth.  I take off my ballet flats and calmly sit next to my best friend, placing the bag of food beside me as I take in the scene.

“Grab a pair of scissors and start cutting girl!” she says, then continues singing very off key to some god awful poppy tune on her phone.  Next to her is a giant pile of men’s clothing, stencils, and a bunch of markers.  She’s working on a red shirt now where she has outlined the word ‘slut’ and is cutting out the ‘L’.  There’s also a gallon of water on her left, which is weird, because I have to force her to drink water at home.

“Kelsey, babe, you doing okay?”

She pauses mid cut and looks at me with a scary ass smile on her face.  “I’m just peachy, Justine.  Guess what?  Nolan… you remember Nolan, the P.I. I hired? ….. well he called me today.”  Her cuts start becoming more aggressive as she takes deep breaths.  “And you know what he told me?”  She stops and points her scissors at me.  “That son of a b***h is cheating on me….. with an intern!!  I mean, she’s not even that pretty!!! She’s just a young piece of ass, and the bastard can’t control his stupid 4- inch p***s!! GAAHHH!”

When she started waving the scissors around, I had to confiscate them.  She can only get them back when she calms down.  She knows the rules- safety first.

“I saw the f*****g pictures…. OoooHooo, did I see them.  And just this morning, he texts me to remind me to water his f*****g plants!!”  She grabs a pair pants… and they look expensive.  “Well I got news for you buster!!! Those plants of yours are going to f*****g DIE this week!!” She screams as she pulls the pants apart from the seams. 

As I can see her in an almost perfectly normal, yet scary state, I pull out a burger and start eating it.  “You want one?”

Her angry eyes look up, and she begins to relax her face.  The pleasantness that I know comes back to life.  Man, she’s psycho.  “No pickles?”

I nod my head.  “No pickles.”

We each eat our food in silence.  When ketchup fell off of my burger onto the carpet, I just scooted to the side and smeared in it.  Kelsey keeps wiping her greasy fingers onto his bed comforter, even went as far as shoving a fry into his carpet- pulverizing it into mush.

“So, besides redesigning his clothes, what else is going on through that head of yours?”

She takes large gulps of the gallon of water and stands up to throw the trash around the room.  “I’m glad you asked.  So… I meant it- his plants are going to die.  I’ve already watered them with milk this morning.  By the time he comes home on Saturday, they should be nice and gross, and give the apartment a lovely aroma.”  I nod in approval.  “I broke the sound chords to his tv’s and hid the remotes behind the dryer.  I’m going to leave cups of sugar water everywhere and leave the windows open.”  She hops her body onto his bed and I do the same, both of us staring at his crisp white ceiling.  “One bad thing for every month we were together… that should balance out, right?”

I start counting on my fingers everything she said.  “s**t! I have to pee!”  She jumps up and runs to the connecting bathroom, leaving the door open.

“Kels, that was only four things… you were together for five months.”  Her sighs as she pees make me laugh and cringe at the same time.  Yes, we’ve known each other for years, but sometimes, I feel like we are too comfortable with each other.

“Dammit, not clear enough!!”  She flushes the toilet, comes out, and begins chugging the gallon of water. 

“I’m almost too scared to ask….. why are you chugging water?” I sigh out.

She takes a giant gulp of air after the huge water intake.  “Because when my pee runs clear, I’m going to fill up his ice cube trays.”  She says it so casually, and it takes everything in me not to twist my mouth in disgust.  She’s so damn crazy!!!

“And on that note… I think it’s time for me to go….”  I sit up and start putting my flats back on my feet.

Her face becomes panic and rushes to my side.  “No! Wait, wait, wait, you have to help me!!”

“Oh no… Honey, you’re crazy.  I still love you, but you don’t need my help to do all of this,” I gesture, waving my hand around her mess.

“Ugh, fine…”  She crosses her arms and pouts angrily as she stares at the disaster in the room.

I giggle and bring her in for a hug.  “I’m sorry girl,” I say sadly, rubbing her back.  She may be crazy, but she has a good heart, and no one deserves to be cheated on.

“Yea, I know… I’m just so sick of wasting time.  I just want love Justine.”

I hug her tighter.  She didn’t have the best upbringing.  She never met her dad and her mom was always in a string of abusive relationships.  When we met in third grade, we became instant best friends.  We always hung out at my house and watched so many movies with unrealistic expectations for love, and Kelsey has been on the hunt since she grew boobs and received male attention… unfortunately, she just chooses the wrong guys.  And when she falls, she falls fast and hard.

I pull away and stand up.  “Wanna watch stupid horror movies on Netflix while drinking wine tonight?”

She gives me a small smile and starts walking towards the door.  “Only if it’s that fancy $15 dollar bottle I like.”

I shake my head.  “Hell, for you b***h, I’ll spend twenty.”

As I walk down to my car, I mentally make a list for the grocery store when I get off work.  She maybe fine now, but this is just the calm before the storm.  I know Kelsey, and it’s going to take more than a bottle of wine to get her through the night.