The Layers of His Mask

16. You Hit Me Like a Tidalwave

"A week and not a word from him?" My brother annoyingly resurfaces.

I told Tim about Alex and I. He's the only person besides my two best friends who I know won't judge me for my actions. I just left out all the near s*x details. I'm pretty sure he would try and kill Alex if he did.

We're sitting outside of our parents house under the shade of the umbrella hanging over the glass patio table. Wind is rushing past my face, brushing a cold breeze against my ears and nose. It was just sixty degrees this morning and now we're down to forty. Georgia has the most bizarre weather I have ever experienced.

I miss Florida. I miss the sunny beaches and palm trees gently swaying in the wind - the flat roads. I also miss the way the temperatures stay consistent. And we can't forget Disney World: home of all the best childhood memories.

"Yeeesssss," I groan, "I've told you this about ten times already Tim. Not a word." I lay my head sideways on my folded arms across the table.

I've been moping around like a teenager who has just broken up with her boyfriend for all seven of these extremely dragging days. Alex hasn't texted or called me for any of them. He was off Thursday and Friday so I couldn't talk to him in person, and I'm off this weekend so I still can't see him. I thought about randomly popping up at his apartment, but I'm horrible with directions and I'm afraid I may get lost on the way there and back. Not even the GPS can help me. I also want to give him some space, yet I want to be near him all at the same time.

What the hell is wrong with me?

"Answer me a few questions, okay?"

"I suppose..." What questions are in dire need of answering at this very moment?

"What's his favorite color?"

"Colors? Black and navy blue."

"Favorite food?"

"Chocolate, although that's not a food."

"Birth date?"

"February twenty-second. It's coming up in two weeks."

"Favorite song?"

"Tidal Wave by SNOWMINE, he keeps it on repeat like all the time." My smile fades at the memory. "Wait a minute, what the hell does any this have to do anything?" I irritatingly respond.

"Have you listened to the lyrics of that song? It's pretty clear how he feels about you."

"I've heard it before."

"No, I mean really listened." He pulls out his phone, putting on 'Tidal Wave'. I take his suggestion and listen to the lyrics as the song begins to play.

I can't believe how many of these lyrics are so closely resembled of us. They couldn't be more true of what we have.

"...and I been looking for someone to love while you been looking for someone you loved..." Could Alex have been searching for someone to love him? Not in a s****l sense, but in a mind, body and soul sense - wanting to connect with another.

Has he ever been in love?

I had given up on love a long time ago when he decided to subliminally send me a message to end things by cheating on me. I lost all hope in men at that point, figured that relationships could never amount to anything - doomed for me. Alex makes me to want to change that.

"But you hit me like a tidal wave I could hardly run and I couldn't escape..." Alex came into my life and hit me so suddenly. Before I could even see the signs of the wave coming he completely overtook me, leaving me no room to forget him - forever with me.

"I get the feeling that you're far away but I can feel the earthquake..." He is so distant, coming so close - right near my toes in the sand - then washing away, always taking a piece of me with him each time he comes upon the shore. It's like the closer we become the more stoic and silent he is.

"Cause when you shake, I shake, we shake..." When he suffers, I suffer with him. The ability to feel any and almost all of his pain - even if only for a few seconds - makes me think we truly could belong together.

What happened to him to make him want to shut down so? Who did it to him? I know his father being sick is a part of the reason why. But what about his trust issues?

Alex is always shoving me back to the beginnings of our quarreling stage. I hate those days, I never want to go back, but he's giving me no choice. It seems that arguing is the only way to get through to him, no matter how many times we try and resolve our problems peacefully without venom behind our words. Or no words at all.

I've gotten to witness the many sides of him: vulnerability, kindness, compassion. All these being just a select few of the many layers of his mask I have had the opportunity to see with it temporarily not being up and shielding him from me.

"I love how you're afraid of talking too much..." I do tend to over analyze everything that I tell Alex, afraid I'll say the wrong things - spill the wrong secrets.

"But I'm just afraid of not saying enough, I try to keep quiet when I'm thinking too much..." He never tells me enough about him - how he's feeling. He too has over analyzed everything he does. He also becomes silent when he's having an internal battle within himself.

"Just let you sedate me..." Alex is like my drug, my new addiction. I always end up back where I started...wanting him.

"But isn't this crazy? Look we just went from strangers to friends look how long it's been..." We did shift from strangers to friends in a short amount of time. Will we ever become more? I don't know. I hope. I want there to be more than physical attraction and lust.

"You storm my gates when no one's guarding..." He repeated this line to me once before. I never knew the full extent of these words until now. I'm the one person who can lower his guard, the only one who has ever tried. He did the same for me.

"Do you get what I'm trying to say now?" He asks. I nod.

"I'm afraid Tim..." I announce, the song coming to an end.

"Of what?"

"Falling in love... falling too fast. You know how I get. I don't want to ruin what little we have by becoming too attached too quickly."

"I do know how you get. But I also know that your head is in a better place now. Just, give it some time. Relationships don't always work out the way you want them to, when you want them to." This subject is still a bit touchy for him, I can tell. The psychologist the doctor recommended appears to be helping him.

My phone buzzes in my pocket and I yank it out, praying for the person on the line to be Alex. But it's not him, it's a text from Violet asking if I'm coming over tonight. I text her back, maybe and stuff my phone back into my left pocket.

"Was that him?" my brother asks. I shake my head no.

"Becca!" my dad shouts from behind me. I stand up from my chair and walk over to hug him.

"Hey, dad."

"Feels like it's been forever since we last seen you. Have you grown a couple of feet?" he jokes, hugging me tighter.

"I think I stopped growing about five years ago dad," I laugh. "Mom didn't tell you I was here?"

"No, she didn't. I guess it was meant as a surprise. Good thing I made extra for lunch." He drapes an arm around my shoulder and tells both Tim and I that lunch is finished and to come inside.

My dad prepared something fairly simple compared to his other meals: mandarin chicken salad on croissants with beautifully decorated raspberry - lemon parfaits. I scarf down two and a half chicken salad croissants and still manage to leave room for two parfaits.

"Dad, I've never thought to put mandarin oranges in the chicken salad before. I'm going to need that recipe." I wash my hands at the kitchen sink, using a paper towel from the counter to dry them off. My mom is to my right washing up the dishes from our lunch.

"I can give it to you. The recipe is from your grandmother, so no sharing it." he comes over and kisses the top of my head.

"Got it."

We finish up the last of the desserts, everyone scraping the parfaits from their glasses down to the last crumb. The majority of our afternoon is spent outside on the patio. Laughing, talking, catching up, having our first normal conversation like a normal family for the first time in years. It has been a good distraction from all that has happened with Alex all those days ago. Maybe I needed these days away from him to get my head straight.

****

I wonder if he too has been thinking about me as much as I have been thinking about him - still currently am. I scrolled through pictures of us from our date at Valerie's, and the group date with Nick and Aubrey. I go back to this one picture where he was leaned over in the booth kissing my cheek. My eyes were screwed shut and nose crinkled, smile on full display.

There is also another picture that I scroll to when looking through all my pictures. Nick, Aubrey, Alex and I are all standing in front of Dave and Busters, l requested that we all take a group selfie while doing silly poses. Since Alex had the longest arms in the group at the time, he took it. Aubrey and Nick's bodies were facing each other, faces to the camera. Aubrey had her arms wrapped around Nick's neck - her head dipped down biting at his neck. I had my tongue extended towards Alex's cheek, while he displayed a surprised expression. I smile thinking about how much fun we had up until Alex became upset and took me home.

I miss him.

"Hellooooo?" I giggle before tossing back another shot.

"Becca, where are you? Hannah and I just came to your apartment, but you obviously aren't there. Are you drunk?"

I wipe the excess liquid from my lips, waving down the bartender for another. "Sorry, I went to a bar!" I shout over the sounds of music and chatter around me. "I wanted a drink and now I have no clue how I'm getting home! I can't even f*****g see straight right now." He pours another small amount of the clear liquid into my glass.

I lower my forehead to the wooden bar, the coolness from it soothing the headache that's forming. Laying my head on this bar can't be sanitary.

"Where are you? We'll come and get you."

"Uhhhhhh...." my eyes scan my surroundings. Bartender, beer tap, bar-stool I am currently sitting on, drunken couple arguing in the corner over who cheated on who. "a bar."

"Jesus, Becca," Violet groans. Alex? Why does her choice of words and voice remind me of Alex? Am I talking to Alex? My eyes widen with fear and self loathing.

"I miss you, Alex." tears form in my eyes, I quickly wipe them away, sitting up. "I miss you, miss you," I sing, slapping my hand down against the top of the bar. "Where are you? And I'm so sorry, I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight. I need somebody and always!" more tears tumble down my cheeks.

"Becca, this is Violet, not Alex," she laughs.

I shake my head, dabbing at the moisture on my face with my shirt. "I just don't understand what I did wrong. Can you please just tell me what I did wrong so I can fix it?" I sniffle.

"Becca...I'm calling Alex to come and get you right now, okay?" Concern is laced in her voice. She tells me that she's going to call me back in a few minutes.

Mom?

"Okay, mom." I hang up and rest my head on my arms on the bar, blowing the hair away from my face for entertainment purposes.

I tap my nails against the bar, patiently waiting as each second ticks by. I check the time on my phone: 10:46. What the hell is taking so long?

"Becca?" I turn my head to the right and see Alex standing beside me, his phone attached to his ear. "I found her. Luckily I was already here. I have been drinking so I need you to come and pick us up." he tells the person our exact location then ends the call with an okay. He seats himself at the stool beside me.

"Alex!" I hop down from the bar-stool, stumbling, and recover to grasp onto him. "I missed you..." I hook my arms around his neck, nuzzling into it. God, he smells so good. Not even the distraction of alcohol in the air can divert me from his scent. "You smell so good," I mumble into his neck.

"I missed you too, and thank you," he chuckles, wrapping an arm around my waist. "Great rendition of Blink-182 by the way. I didn't realize it was you at first." The corner of his lip curls into a smile.

"Why didn't you call me? Or text? I was on the verge of losing it." I pout my lips.

"I needed to clear my head, figure out a few things."

"Figure out what?" I ask, tilting my head slightly.

"What we are doing. Why I find myself getting jealous over the tiniest s**t. Whether I want to make you my girlfriend."

"You have no need to be jealous sir, I have eyes for no one else. That Chase kid meant nothing to me. I was just talked to him and kissed him on the cheek, that was it. I swear - wait, girlfriend," I smile, pulling away to judge his countenance.

"I believe you. And yes I'm serious about the girlfriend thing, I want you to -" Alex's phone rings on the bar top beside us and I snatch it up, swiping my finger across the screen to answer it.

"Alex Brooks' phone. May I ask who's calling and ruining my breakthrough moment with him?"

"Becca," Violet laughs, "give the phone to Alex, please?"

"Please hold." I cover the speaker with my palm. "She does not want to talk to me, here." I shove the phone to his ear.

****

"Babe?" I smile. He spins me around in a circle, slowly turning me around.

"I have been contemplating pet names for you for a while. None of the ones I looked up or thought of seemed to fit," he reveals to me.

"Really? Like what?" He absentmindedly begins running his fingers up and down the length of my spine, swaying us from left to right to 'Let Me In' by SNOWMINE.

He cast his eyes to the ceiling. "Therreee was baby, candy, sweetheart, buttercup, baby-cakes. None of those made any f*****g sense when I Googled them. I just settled with babe."

"It's the thought that counts." He chuckles and dips me. He did this same thing when he kissed me for the first time. He brings me back up to place a kiss to my lips. His hands shift to my cheeks and he deepens it, running his tongue along my bottom lip. I open my mouth to grant his tongue entrance.

"Why does your mouth taste like Starbursts?" he mumbles against my lips, a smile forming on them.

"I don't know," I giggle, returning my mouth to his.

"Tell me." He keeps my head in place but stays far enough away that if I wanted to all I would have to do is lean forward to connect my mouth to his once more.

"I snuck some while you were in the bathroom!" I laugh, resting my head on the top of his shoulder. When my laughter dies down I tell him "I want to have sex."

"You don't have to tell me twice." Alex attempts to slip off my pants. He gets them to the top of my thighs.

I bring my hands from around his neck and down to my waistband to stop him. "Wait...first I want a milkshake."

"You can't be serious?" He slips his hand from my panties. "You're not going to get sick?" The tone of his voice is cautious even with his drunken slurring, his brows crease together in frustration.

"I have a high tolerance for alcohol. Now, I want a chocolate covered strawberry one like they make at Steak n Shake." I brush his hair back from his forehead with my fingers.

"Milkshake?"

"Milkshake," I agree, nodding my head.

"Maybe milkshake can be our always?" He says, quoting a line from my favorite book.

"No you did not?! Milkshake?" I smile.

"Milkshake," he completes with a grin.

****

Alex's POV

"What is the meaning of life?!" she shouts, walking - stumbling around in a circle, laughing uncontrollably. She slurps down part of the milkshake I made for her, a portion of it spilling onto her chest and bra.

"To survive the zombie apocalypse!" I shout back, my partially empty cup in my hand.

She laughs and looks down to her chest, dabbing her fingers into mixture, licking it from her fingers. "Well would you look at...I've been messed up."

"Looks like you spilled somethin." I saunter over to her and lick the spilled drink from her chest. Somewhere in the midst of our drunken preparation of our shakes she lost her shirt, but I'm not f*****g complaining, it's a great view. She's wearing that red lace bra that drove me mad in that restaurant that day. Glad to know it has returned for this special occasion. My shirt may have disappeared as well. "You taste...delicious," I tell her, licking up her collarbone.

"Do I?" she smirks, taking the cup and pouring some of the cold concoction down my chest. I shiver. She drags her tongue across my chest, not missing a drop. "You don't taste too bad yourself," she mentions, sloppily wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

She dips her index finger into the milkshake, bringing that same finger to my lips. I close my mouth around it, sucking the chocolate drink from her finger. "Don't tease me." She brings that damn bottom lip between her teeth.

"I have a question for you Mr. Brooks." she walks a circle around me, dragging her hand across the plains of my torso.

"And what would that be Ms. Daniels?" I ask, watching and criticizing her every move.

"You are Daryl in the zombie apocalypse, you have four arrows left, but there are twelve zombies chasing you. What do you do?"

"I run! No one is eating me."

"But zombies don't tire, they keep running." her hands continue to trace a pattern around me.

"Like I said, I dip and pray that I find Rick with his weird gun stance somewhere in the woods during my fight for my life," I laugh, grabbing the bottle of chocolate syrup from the counter and stuffing it into my back pocket.

"Such a survivalist," she teases, trailing her nails down my abdomen.

I look into her eyes, closing the small gap between us with my body. I lift my hands to cup her cheeks and press my lips to hers. "And what about you?" I whisper. "You're Beth, you and I are trapped in the woods at night, four arrows and a bunch of k****e wood. What do you do?"

"I would f**k Daryl as if it were my last night on earth." She starts fumbling with the zipper of her jeans. I feel them pool at her ankles and she steps out of them. I glance down at her half naked body, muttering a stream of curse words to myself.

I crash my lips against hers, we stumble back down the hall, bumping against every wall - laughs escaping her lips and mine. Pulling her into her bedroom with me, I close the door behind her and push her against it. Lips moving along her jaw line, trailing kisses along her cheeks and neck, nipping at her collarbone. She moans in the silence, turning her neck to allow me easier access to it.

My hands float from the sides of her face and down her arms, across the curves of her hips and over to her ass, cupping both cheeks.

I shift us from the wall and over to her bed, slowly lowering her down to it. The way she looks: carefree and sprawled across the red comforter proactively for me, pure need awakens in me. I remove my jeans and make my way up the bed to her waiting body. Her scent is mixed with the smell of apples and ivory, it wafts off her small waves, increasing the closer I come to her neckline.

Most people say that you know s*x is right when the timing feels right between both parties. This right here feels right, so right. Even with Russell's angry expression popping up in my head, I find myself still wanting her. I push his angry face aside for now, I can self loathe after.

My hands slide up her abdomen to cups of her bra, pulling it down with the tips of my fingers to free her beautiful breasts. I take each n****e between my mouth, tugging gently with my teeth. Her hands find my hair and she tugs on it, bringing my head up to hers. I move my lips back to her neck, nipping at her skin. My mouth trails over to her earlobe, sucking at the skin of it. The sounds of her heavy pants force me to stop. I open my mouth gently next to her ear whispering, "if it's too much babe I'll stop."

"No..." she breaths, pulling at my roots again, "keep going." I do as I'm told and slip her panties down her legs. "Hold on one second." She nods.

I climb down from the bed to the floor where my jeans were left then back up to her, bringing with me the bottle of chocolate syrup I had stowed away in the back pocket of my jeans. I open the top, squeezing a line from her lower stomach to the middle of her breasts. She squirms while I teasingly drag my tongue up her abdomen. I move back down her body, this time squeezing a small amount onto my fingers and smearing it directly onto her clit. The sounds of her heavy breaths increase with anticipation of my next move, stomach concaving then re-inflating.

With my hands positioned at both sides of her hips, I position my face between her legs, dipping my tongue out to taste it, and her. Flicking her s*x with my tongue, I bring one hand over, inserting two fingers inside her slick warmness. Her back arches, her moans being the only audible sound in my ear. Her hands tighten on the sheets next to her, ripping them from the mattress. She trembles underneath my movements.

The excess wetness escaping from her tells me she's ready. I pump my fingers into a few more times, swirl my tongue around her s*x. Her insides contract around my fingers as she cries out my name.

****

Rebecca's POV

"Oh my God," I moan, lowering back down to the mattress. I ride out my orgasm as he continues to pump into me, tongue still flickering. He doesn't stop until he pulls another from me.

I lean up on my elbows as he stands from the bed, dropping his boxers to the floor and slipping a condom over his length.

Where did that even come from?

He's back hovering over me in a matter of seconds. He stares deep into my eyes, positioning himself at my entrance. "You're sure you want to do this?" he asks, eyes darting back and forth.

"I said I would tell you," I remind him a smile. He takes that as his answer and slowly plunges into me, easing his c**k in deeper. I gape at the feel of him, the sheer size of stretching me, accompanying this stretching is a pleasurable pain. I'm at a loss words, breath hitching in my throat, stomach sinking in deeper. He lets out a deep growl, nuzzling his face into the crook of neck, hips increasing their rhythm. Not letting up for one second, he hooks my legs around his hips, somehow thrusting even deeper inside.

I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling his body closer, ours molding perfectly with each others. With each fervent thrust he becomes more primal, animalistic in his attempts to please me. I loosen my grip around his neck, curling just one arm around his head, the other splayed across his back. I throw my head back and his lips are at my neck, sucking and kissing, body pushing up my own thrust after thrust. I can feel that delicious warmth creep up my legs, compacting at my core, sending me into body shaking - mind numbing orgasm.

His hips slow and then stop altogether as he twitches inside me, spilling into his condom. No one speaks, I'm too out of breath and apparently so is he. The warm air from his mouth fans out across my neck. I hug him to my body one last time before he rolls off and lays on his side, his face only inches from mine. I reach my hand up, running my hand along the stubble that covers his cheek. The moonlight cast on his face, covering half of it in darkness. I cup the side of his cheek. "What the hell have I been doing with my life? I could have been having s*x like that the entire time."

"I tried to tell you, you were missing out," he lazily shrugs a shoulder, planting a hand at my hip then kissing my lips.

"Nice of you to leave out all the valuable details of how f*****g amazing you are."

"They weren't left out," he yawns, "you just never asked." His eyes fall closed and he tucks me closer to his chest.

I inhale his faint smell of s*x and pine, drifting off to the soft snores escaping his lips.