Hawk

3 - Almost there

Brooke

I’ve been walking, I think, for about two hours. My stomach is cramping, and my arms ache from holding my tiny newborn son. God, I didn’t even know I was expecting him until I pushed him out. However, the second I did, I knew in my heart that I would never let him go.

I named him Gabriel the second he was in my arms. My little angel. Named after both my sister, Marnie Gabrielle, and Hawk, Dante Gabriel Anderson. The two people I love most in this world. Hawk is my baby’s father, and I will never deny that. Gabriel Jack Anderson will always know where he came from and see that he was named after his father and grandfather. Not my father; there’s no way on this earth I would ever call a child after that monster. Hawk’s father was more of a father to me than mine ever was, and that’s why I gave my son his name.

I lift my little man higher against my chest and plant a kiss atop his tiny little head. He doesn’t stir. The only way I know he’s still breathing is the fact his little mouth is making a sucking motion every now and again. I’ve only fed him once, and he hasn’t woken since. He’s going to be a good baby; I can tell already.

Gabriel is so tiny and has little tufts of light brown hair, wavy like his daddy’s. His little button nose is so sweet, his little chubby cheeks are so soft that I can’t help kissing them, and I can tell already that he’s going to have tanned skin like his dad. He’s perfect, and he’s mine.

“Just a little farther, Gabriel. Just another quarter mile, and we'll be with Daddy.” I whisper to my son.

I’m almost at Snakes Henchmen clubhouse. But I didn’t think this through. Hawk could be with someone else by now, happy and in love. I won’t get in the way of that; I just need his help. I need to keep Gabriel safe from my father. I know Hawk won't turn our son away.

I’ve made sure to stay in the shadows, just in case anyone from back home has realized I’ve gone and they followed me. I haven’t brought anything with me. In all honesty, I didn’t think about grabbing anything, just my baby.

I didn’t even grab a diaper, but then we didn’t have any. My mother used a hand towel and some cotton wool as a substitute. My little man is going to need a change soon. Poor little thing doesn’t even have any clothes; he’s wearing one of my T-shirts.

Of course, it’s too big for him, massive even. My dad said it would be stupid to get him any of the things a baby would need if he’d be leaving in the morning. He didn’t even let me bathe my baby, and he’s still covered in afterbirth crap.

I was only allowed to breastfeed him once my father was done beating me. Even then, my dad told me just to let the baby starve; it’s not like he cared. Until Gabriel started wailing through his hunger, he soon changed his mind, then.

It’s still dark when I reach the compound. I’m struggling to walk; the muscles in my thighs are killing me; they’re sore and throbbing. I’m fighting to hold myself up, everywhere hurts, and my stomach is cramping badly. Every step is agony, but every step is a step closer to freedom.

I bang on the gate with my fist hard enough to get the night guard’s attention. A young guy with long blonde hair and a stubbled chin opens the hatch a little and peaks out at me.

I swallow hard.

“What do you want?” He asks while looking me up and down. I must look a right fright.

I haven’t seen this guy before; he must be new. A prospect. He’s handsome, in a rugged, surfer kind of way. Kind of a strange look to have in this town, but I’m not here to judge this man’s appearance.

“I’m looking for Hawk.”

“Little late for you to be calling. Don’t you think? Or early, depending on how you look at it.”

Jackass.

I look behind me; I’m not safe on this side of the gate. My stomach is cramping with fear. Even though I know my father is probably still sleeping, he could turn up any minute and kill me for leaving.

“Please, could you get him for me? I know he’s probably with his girlfriend...”

“If you knew Hawk at all, you’d know he’s a loner. Doesn’t date.”

He isn’t with anyone.

Why does that make my heart pound like this?

“I do know him; it’s just been a while since I’ve seen him. Please, I am begging you, just let me in. I have a baby, and it’s cold...”

He huffs but nods his head.

I breathe a sigh of relief. As soon as I’m inside the gates, everything will be okay. I know he’s not supposed to let anyone inside, no matter who they are, but I am so grateful that he’s taking pity on me right now.

He opens the gates just wide enough for me to slip through before closing them up again. I jump a little at the sound of the locks clanging. I’m safe now. Instantly, the exhaustion is trying to drown me. My legs feel so heavy, my eyes too. However, I have to keep pushing on until I’ve seen Hawk. I can rest then.

“Follow me.” I follow him - I don’t know his name because he hasn’t given it to me, and I didn’t look close enough at his patch to find out - along the gravel path towards the large clubhouse that looks like a ski lodge. Pretty fancy for a biker hangout, yet strangely, it always felt like home to me.

Once inside, he tells me to sit at one of the tables near the bar while he wakes up Hawk.

I can’t believe he still crashes here. We used to stay here a lot. Well, whenever I could trick my parents into thinking I was staying over at Janelle’s, my best friend, who often lied for me, so I could stay with Hawk.

Hawk’s parents live just a mile away from the clubhouse, but they stay here too sometimes. Hawk’s mother, Taylor, likes to mother all of the new prospects, helping them with anything they need. Most of the men who join this club have nothing and no one. A few even live at the clubhouse until the club finds them a better place to live, a place of their own. Then there are the few that live here because they love it.

I wonder if Taylor and BlackJack are here tonight?

It would be nice to see them and for them to meet their new grandson. I guess I hope they’re not here tonight. Hawk needs to meet his son first. We need to talk about what happens next.

The ache in my body when I sit down is endurable, barely. My feet throb, my back aches, my stomach feels like it’s falling out of me, and even my hips hurt. My mouth is dry, and I’m fighting so hard to keep my eyes open. I pray Hawk doesn’t turn us away. I have no idea what I’ll do or where I’ll go if he does, but I can’t go home. I can never go back there again.

I kiss my little boy’s head and breathe in his newborn scent.

What kind of people don’t even allow a mother to bathe her newborn son?

I feel like the worst mother in the world, even if it isn’t my fault.