Stuck
1299 Words
Trigger warning childhood s****l abuse
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My heart was beating so fast. I knew that my pills were in my dorm.
I suffered from anxiety and never knew when I would have a full on attack.
Usually I had one pill on me, but I left my purse behind and I was not getting to that anytime soon.
I let my hands go open as the six mop heads fell to the floor.
My body slid down the cold basement door and I sat on the top step.
Breath January...breath....
I suddenly had a flash back to my childhood.
HE was looming in the shadows of my room. I felt him there.
My eyes closed tightly shut as I waited for him to come over to my small bed.
I was just a little girl....just a child.
My breath came out in a jagged rush as I felt my mattress dip down under his weight.
He knew I wasn't sleeping.
He laughed, actually laughed.
I pulled my knees up to my chest and covered my small body with my thick comforter.
" Ah, don't be scared Janu. I just want to play a little." He reached out and tugged at my blanket.
I was holding my breath now.
Momma... I began to cry for her in my head.
My lips were pressed closed tightly as I felt the blanket slip away to the floor. I dared not scream.
" Ah, be a good girl Janu. Give me a cuddle." He said in his deep, gravely voice.
I began to shake with fear. It was never just a cuddle... I didn't want to think of this now...I didn't want to feel this way.
The room was full of shadows.
My breath became jagged.
Breath...just breath....
I was fighting this all consuming panick and feeling of doom.
My parents had been as supportive as they could be.
They questioned April...fearful that precious April had been touched by him too. They were so relieved that somehow, she was left untouched. Still pure.
Why HE chose me as his target...I never knew. But for the longest time I believed it was all my fault and my parents anger, though not truly directed at me, made me feel it was.
My therapist made sure that I worked through all of this. I had learned to cope.
I was forever the blacksheep... a stain on the Holme's family name. My relationships with men always ended in disaster.
But...right now I stood up, refusing to be cowed by my situation. I began to cuss. It was my own personal coping mechanism to stop the downward spiral.
Damn c**k sucking mother f*****g shiteating dirt bag ridden basement....
I squeezed my hands into fists and flew down the stairs to the laundry room.
Think you moron, you got this. Don't be an i***t.
I started to go through the cupboards looking for anything I could use to escape this panick room.
A challenge, my personal challenge should I choose to accept it. I had no choice there, but my friends and I did love the puzzle of a good panick room.
Ok January...ok you just need to look for the second best way out of here. Not the f*****g locked door.
Window! I grabbed a laundry cart and upturned it to climb on top of it.
I reached up and looked out the window.
The security guys were joking and laughing as they locked the doors to leave for winter break.
" Hey! I hit the window with my fist, hey..I'm here!" I cried.
The sky was pregnant with dark grey clouds. The men ran to their vehicles and left the parking lot. Not one car remained.
The small window was sealed shut. It didn't even have an opening.
I fogged up the window with my hot breath and drew the word HELP.
It was no use. No f*****g use.
I was all alone at Greenmire college and...I was the i***t who prayed for snow, big fluffy chunks of snow drifted down now.
Even if I got out of this stupid ass room...I was not going to make it home.
I turned the dryer on and once it was nice and hot, I pulled out the towels from inside, now nice and warm and wrapped them around myself.
Making a bed on the cold cement floor, I lay my head down and tried to sleep.
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Day two
My eyes opened to the sound of...nothing. It was so unusually quiet. All of the bustling sounds of students shouting and moving on campus were gone.
I was freezing.
Throwing the towels back into the dryer, I did my little trick to keep warm.
But bad news for me...I had to poop. I already sat up on the edge of the metal utility sink and peed in it.
But my stomach now growled and grumbled for a release.
There wasn't any f*****g bathroom down here. Only this big old sink.
I felt myself holding everything in. I could just wait it out and maybe it would subside.
That only worked for an hour, then I really started to prarie dog.
My system was regular. I had my morning coffee, then about a half hour later...I did the deed and left for my classes.
I began to hold my butt, trying to stave off the feel of my bowels moving.
Dancing foot to foot I could no longer avoid it.
I dropped my pants and hopped up onto the side of that metal sink and let it go.
Thump, thump, thump.
It was hot and steaming and up close and personal, it stunk.
Jumping off the sink, my pants were splattered as well as my shirt. It was an ugly, depressing mess.
Stripping down to my bare skin.
I shoved it all into the washer.
At least I could wash them.
But that hot mess in the bottom of the sink was taunting me.
I looked around for an air vent.
Moving light switches off and on and following electrical lines, I couldn't find a single fan.
But...I did find something so glorious. So f*****g amazing.
I smiled brightly seeing the laundry shute right above the linen cart.
Standing on the upturned linen cart, I pushed a broom up the laundry shute openning the flap.
This was it...my way out. I wasn't sure how I would scale that smooth metal incline, but by f**k I was going to do it!
Hell yeah!
After dressing in my now clean clothes, I was standing there looking up at that slippery laundry shute.
My butt was bruised from falling down the slippery slide to the hard concrete floor about 50 times now.
The stink of my mess in the sink was now covered with towels and not so foul to my nose.
How the hell do I get out of here?
My mind twisted and turned as I tried to solve the dilemma.
I started to get hot from the running dryers. I turned them all on to stay warm, it was a bit too hot though.
I stripped down to my freshly washed underwear and pulled myself up on my make shift ladder of buckets and carts all stacked precariously high.
I was mostly naked as I gave it another go.
The stickiness of my skin on the smooth metal made me realize that I needed to stay undressed to be able to stick to the sides of this dumb laundry shute.
It was obviously designed for things to easily slide down.
Taking off my underwear, I inched my way up the smooth walls like a naked spider.
My legs were spread apart for leverage. This was it...
Grabbing the top of the hatch, I made it through the opening.
Thank God!
- Writer
