A Lone Alpha?

Chapter 9 - MAYA

I look to Levi “I know, he made it fairly clear it wasn’t going to work anyway” I mutter.

Not like I need reminding I messed up!

“sorry beaut’, I didn’t mean it like that, obviously he said it wouldn’t work, yeah, but he is from a weird pack, you are better not being involved” he says, pulling me closer to him to hug me.

“So I am a big disappointment to myself, to my future mate, to everyone and it would appear for nothing” I sob into his chest.

“Hey, Maya, you are not a disappointment! Times have changed you know. You would be surprised how many people don’t follow the old tradition of waiting for their fated mate.” he says.

“I wanted to! But I don’t know what happened. I had drunk too much, I felt different.I had a surge of confidence or something, And now I feel like this.” I say between sobbing.

“Seriously beaut’ your mate when you meet him will be blown away by how beautiful you are and how lucky he is that the moon goddess blessed him with you. He will understand - trust me. Not just that so many more people are taking chosen mates now, as fated mates are harder to find with packs being so far spread and people leaving the country to travel or to go to other packs…” Levi rubs my back reassuringly. Maybe he has a point.

We have two ways of taking a mate being werewolves. You have a fated mate which is one hand picked for you by the moon goddess, when you meet there is an instant connection, the touch between you is like a static shock of pleasure, one you crave. They also have an alluring scent that your wolf will instantly recognise and desire as that of your mate and you will know that is your mate. There is a special bond between fated mates, a connection like no other, at the end of the day it is who our own Goddess chose for you to be with.

Or you can take a chosen mate, if you don’t find your fated mate, which can be difficult if they are not from nearby, or if they sadly pass away before you meet, or even after you have met, you can take a chosen mate. A chosen mate can be someone you pick to be your mate. Usually, this is done with someone you love and care for and have a special connection, like I guess, a normal “human” relationship, and you decide you want to be with them for life. So you can decide to mark them and become chosen mates. You don’t have the same draw to their scent or the tingling sensation to their touch that fated mates do, but you have the love and care there that a relationship can have.

Still, even if what he says makes sense, it makes me feel disappointed in myself. I wanted to wait for my fated mate……

“ You won’t say anything to anyone will you Levi?” I look to him, begging him.

“Hey, Maya, I told you I am here for you and I mean that, this is between us and will go no further. If you are struggling with it all you come to me ok?” he smiles gently at me.

He is a good guy.

“Thank you, you must think so badly of me.” I tell him

“I don’t think I could ever think bad of you beaut” he sighs.

I look to him, I know I have a puzzled look on my face.

“Yeah, but I messed up” I say.

“We all make mistakes. You are still you, the girl I have known forever, nothing changes that” he gently wipes a tear from my cheek.

I smile at him “Thank you”

“No worries, now don’t I owe you a cake? Because if I don’t go back with these cakes I don’t think my Ma will let me in the house” he grins.

I can’t help but smile. “Are they really that good?” I ask.

“You will soon find out won’t you!” he smiles, offering me his hand.

I take his hand and we walk through the garden, again I take in the beautiful flowers, and the unusual sculptures as we pass them. Every detail of this hotel has clearly been carefully thought through to make it look as high class as it does.

Hard to believe I slept with the guy whose family owns it. I find myself thinking.

I look to Levi, needing to distract myself from that chain of thought quickly. I see his eyes are glazed over, I assume he is mind linking. So I wait.

“You ok?” I ask, once I notice his eyes have returned to their usual deep brown.

“Yeah, all good, Jace linked, wondering where we got to. I told him we’d gone for a walk” he explains.

“oh” I say. Had he explained why we had been gone so long?

“Don’t worry, I didn’t say anything beaut’, I simply said we had gone for a walk down the boardwalk near here. Let me level with you” he pauses, a big sigh like he is nervous. We walk out of the hotel's main doors. I allow him to lead me, I assume he knows where he is going.

Ok, I’m intrigued now.

“ Jace knows I have been thinking of you a little differently lately, like I said last night, when you told him you caught me looking at you last night he told me to speak to you. So when he linked now to ask where we were I said we were chatting and going for a walk” he says. I notice a wobble in his voice, he clearly was unsure of telling me that.

Ok well that makes sense I guess. Better than him knowing the truth. But I don’t understand why Levi would look at me like that……

“ah ok” I smile shyly at him.

“I had wanted to talk to you anyway, which is why I asked you to come with me, but obviously we spoke about what happened last night instead. I had wanted to apologise for how I was last night” he says looking nervously at the floor.

I look to him “You don’t need to apologise” I say.

“I didn’t deal with it well. I felt stupid telling you all that which is why I cut you off and said to forget about it” he sighs.

“Anyway, you have enough to be dealing with right now, so all this is irrelevant. You need a friend and I am here for you”

“No, we should still talk about it Levi, or it will just be lingering there. For the record, had you not cut me off last night, I would probably have said going out sometime would have been nice. Obviously, I know things will have changed now. I won’t be the same in your eyes anymore, so I understand that, but just so you know, had you not cut me off that would have been my answer.” I paused.

“Why would you not be the same in my eyes Maya?” he looks to me.

“Because of last night” I say “but seriously, Levi, you should have more confidence in yourself. You are one of the nicest, sweetest guys I know, plus you are a warrior, you are good looking, you should not be doubting yourself.” I try to reassure him.

“Firstly, last night does not change how I look at you. I know it will change how you may be feeling about things right now and I will be there for you if I can, Maya, I promise. Secondly, you can say all that, but when it is you I am offering myself to, a girl I have known forever, who knows pretty much everything about me, you kind of feel vulnerable. You matter more.” He sighs.

Wow! Not sure what to say about that.

“Sorry, it doesn’t matter” he lets go of my hand and begins to walk a little quicker, so he is moving ahead of me.

I guess he is embarrassed. But he is not doing this again.

I sped up my steps, and grab his arm “Hey, don’t do that again.” I say bluntly, looking him dead in the eye. “I am not going to lie Levi, my head right now is battered to f**k, I am hurting, I feel used, I feel dirty, I feel disappointed in myself. So I don’t think I can be what you want me to be right now, but I want you to know when you admitted that to me last night, I was shocked, surprised, but it wasn’t in a bad way. I had goosebumps. Butterflies, and like I already said, I would have probably said yes to going out.” I say quietly.

I see his eyebrows raise, he was obviously not expecting that response. “I am not wanting anything from you Maya, I want to be there for you, knowing you felt safe enough to confide in me touched me, you are not going to be coping with this alone ok?” he smiles gently at me.

I smile back as he continues, “and if down the line we find we get to go out on some dates, then all is good. If not, I am blessed to have one of the hottest she-wolves in the country as my friend” he grins.

I couldn’t help but smile back “you’re crazy” I say.

“Maybe. But I mean it beaut’, I am always here for you in any way I can be. Night or day. I just wish I had acted on this last night” he sighs.

Hmmmmm, I wonder what would have happened if he had. Would it have been him I spent the night drinking and dancing with? Would it have been him I kissed? Would it have been him I ended up in bed with? I know he would not have left me if that had been the case.