The Twelve Days of Christmas

Chapter 21

There was another gift on my bed when I returned to my room, gingerbread house in tow. I set the house down on the top of my drawers. I wanted to wait until Agnes did her usual visit and give it to her and Ben together. “Do you want me to get rid of it, miss?”

I looked up at Ben, considering his offer. I knew I should have taken him up on it, but curiosity got the better of me. “No, it’s fine, Ben.” I just kept staring at the silver box, complete with ribbons and bows. Wondering if he wrapped the gifts himself, but of course he didn’t. He had people to do things like that for him. I doubted he even picked the items for himself.

I heard the door close gently behind me. Ben knew better than to hang around. I sat myself on the bed beside the box. This one was different. It had a tag.

My snowflake, the world can be as unique as you are. Just let me show you. Alex.

I wondered if he had written it since our conversation in the kitchen, but it appeared so. Maybe that was why that gift had a tag unlike the others. He was trying to convince me, but to what end? He would only break my heart in the end, so it was best not to believe in fantasies. I wouldn’t end up like Sarah, broken and alone.

I pulled gently at the ribbon, watching as the knot loosened beneath my fingertips. Trying to buy myself time, trying to build my resolve. It would have been so much easier if he had just stopped and walked away. I rolled the ribbon around my hand, tying it to keep it secure. Anything to give me a chance to decide if I truly wanted to open the box. Except I had already made the decision. I just wasn’t at peace with the one I had made.

I slid my finger underneath the lid and flicked the lid off. Nestled among the red tissue paper was the most beautiful hand painted red Russian doll. Reaching in, I clutched it. It was just as beautiful and impersonal as all the other gifts. I open it to reveal the next one. It was a green version of the first. The next was golden, and the last was red, green, and gold. It was a lovely set. Except there were only four, there should have been five.

I started looking through the box, nothing. Then I spotted it at the bottom of the largest Russian doll. I must have missed it, but I didn’t know how. It was simple, not like the previous gifts. A silver snowflake pendant on a silver chain. No diamonds, no flashiness, just a simple snowflake. I held it in my palm and squeezed it inside my fist, the edges of it digging into my flesh.

I wished he had stuck to his usual MO and just sent something without any thought. Something ridiculous and expensive, something that meant nothing. The simplicity of it made it mean something just as much as the shape of the pendant. He had picked it because it was meant to be a representation of me. The me, he saw.

I couldn’t stop myself from moving my hair over my shoulder and fastening it in place. Even after everything, he had managed to pull me back in. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. The emotions that he stirred were varied and extreme.

I put the Russian dolls back together and nestled them back in their box. Popping the lid back on before heading for the door. Ben was exactly where I knew he would be. “Would you take care of this for me now, please?”

“Of course, miss.” He took the box from me and wandered off down the hall. I didn’t even want to know where he was taking it. For some reason, I felt ashamed of myself for keeping the snowflake. I felt like I was letting Ben and Agnes down by accepting his gift, by having it mean something to me. Ben wouldn’t approve of me caring about him. I just couldn’t stop myself. It was like a compulsion. I could put up a fight for a little while, but it was no use in the end. Common sense never seemed to prevail. Even knowing what would happen to me, I still did it. I still cared.

I had hidden the necklace under my t-shirt and Ben would be none the wiser. He didn’t need to know that Alex was getting to me again. Not only was I being stupid, but I was lying to someone that had shown me nothing but kindness from the moment I had met him. Even I could admit that Alex didn’t exactly have a positive effect on me.