Chasing Her Movie Star

11: An unexpected rejection

May 2019

 *Zac*

 Finally I am home for a longer stretch of time. The last… Well, year and a half has been almost non-stop travelling and shooting. I am tired but in a good way.. filled up with positive vibes and great experiences.

 There is just one, c***k in my happyness… Amora… it’s like the comtact died out and the few times I have been home for short visits, she has been occupied otherwise. 

 When I texted her yesterday asking if she was free today, I got a wavering answer about school and being busy.

 So, feeling rather desperate to see her, I drive into the school and wait outside, knowing she has to walk past the parking lot to get to her dorm. I am feeling a bit like a stalker.

 Finally, after standing there leaning on my pick up for about 20 minutes I spot her.

 “Hi Amora”. I wave to get her attention.

 “Zac !” She looks almost panicked, saying something to her friend walking beside her, then she turns and comes over. “What are you doing here ?”

 I push myself up to my full height. “Well, I wanted to see you but that seems to be really hard these days”.

 “Okay… Here you see me… happy now ?” Her eyes avoid mine and there is something about her…she is different. “I have to go... I told you that I am very busy”.

 “Hey... talk to me darling”. I feel so utterly confused. “Have I done anything wrong here ?”

 She shakes her head. “How could you do anything wrong Zac… you haven’t been here. You have been out being a star and travelling the world”.

 “I thought…”. I feel my heart sink. “I don’t know what to say… I thought you said… so you are angry with me for that”.

 “No, I am not angry with you.. I… I don’t care enough to be angry”. She is looking at something else in the distance.

 “Oh”. I am totally gobsmacked here, my inside balling up painfully. “What happened to waiting ? I thought you said…”.

 She cuts me off. “Sure and I am just supposed to sit around forever and wait right ? Be your little plaything when you need it and elseway wait for you to have time for me”.

 “I...”. Honestly I don’t know what to say. I had known something was wrong, but I had not expected to find her a completely new person. “So I guess… we are over”.

 My brain is feeling like it is melting down. I mean, she was the one chasing me, for a long time and now she is rejecting me.

 “Over.. how can we be over.. we were never anything Zac”. She huffs and turns away. “I have to go”.

 I grab her arm. “Amora ! I just.. did you meet someone else ? I can understand if that is it... just tell me”.

 “Please let go of me... it hurts”. She looks at my hand and I instantly let her go, not realising I was grabbing her that hard. “And no Zac… there is no one else. I just realised I am not… ready for a relationship. Probably it’s my age”.

 “Oh… so that’s why you are avoiding me ? You don’t want commitment”. I feel really confused here.

 She suddenly steps up to me, placing her hand on my chest. “Bingo… but if you want some casual amazing s*x. I am all up for it”.

 I gently remove her hand, this change in her worries me, a lot. “No thanks. I am sorry if I misunderstood you the last time we were together. I was of the belief that you... wanted something real and would wait for it…that is what I want, the real deal… family… kids...”.

 “Maybe you should find someone your own age then... someone ready to give up their life to be your little wifey”. She pulls away.

 I shake my head… it pains me so much to see her like this. “I have no idea what has happened to you since I last saw you… but whatever it is... I am so sorry”.

 “I don’t need your pity. I am not a charity case”. She almost screams at me, but the pain in her eye is so easy to see.

 I watch her as she stalks off and calls out. “Amora !”

 She turns, and even at this distance I can see the hard facade is crumbling. “If you need me... just call, okay ? And remember darling you are worthy and you are loved… so very loved”.

 I wish I could do more for her, but I also know that I can’t right now. She needs to fight her own demons. I just hope she will manage.

 *Amora*

 I almost run back to our room, and curl up on my bed hugging Zac the cat. I hate that I acted like that towards him, but I had to make him see that I am not worth being with… so that he will leave me alone. I had to stay hard not to crumble.

 I had been so close when he turned down s*x. Part of me had kinda hoped he had said yes, it had made it all so much easier if he was just another jerk who was in it for the physical part.

 “Are you okay sweetie ?” I hear Brooke's voice. I had not realised she was in the bathroom. She hurries over to sit on the edge of the bed, softly rubbing my back. “Is it…you know… Are you in pain ? Do you need help ?”

 I only manage one word. “Zac”.

 “He showed up here ?” She leans down to hug me. “Aww sweetie…I am so sorry”.

 I just roll over and let her hug me. I need it right now… dealing with the fact that I just rejected the only man I have ever loved would crush me without the support of my friends.

 “It will be okay. You will find someone… when you are ready”. She mumbles softly.

 I know she means well, but it’s a lie… for two reasons… no one will want me and there will never be anyone else for me.