Soren's Obsession

Chapter Eight

Whatever this burning was inside my chest, I didn’t like it. Before, I felt myself. I felt like nothing, or no one could ever change me. Now, I felt like I was a shadow of who I used to be. I know that was a crazy way to describe it, but it was true. I’ve only ever been heartbroken once, and I vowed to myself that I would never go through that pain again. This is exactly why I didn’t date. I’d rather use women for what I want rather than go through the heartbreak they inevitably cause, whether they mean to or not.

For the first time in years, I felt wetness on my face. The tears ran down my fingers onto my arm when I touched my cheek. I’m not the guy everyone thinks that I am. I have feelings just like any other human being does, but somehow, I still get treated like s**t. I know that it’s my fault. I’m the one who started this reputation of myself, but the second that I try for something more, something like this has to happen. No one could ever believe that a man like me could ever want something in his life like love.

The more that I thought about it, the more tears seemed to flow down my face. I couldn’t stop once I started. It’s been years since I’ve cried, and it was over something as silly as love—Scratch that. Love wasn’t silly. The notion of love was. Love was deserving, and apparently, I’m not deserving of it.

I reached inside my pocket and pulled out my phone. The only person in the world that I knew who could talk me out of the horrible thoughts that I was having was Eve.

She picked up on the second ring. “Soren? It’s sort of late. Is everything okay?”

I wept into the phone from the sound of her voice filling my ear. “I’m a f*****g monster, Eve. I tried doing the right thing, and it bit me in the ass. Why do I even try? What is the point of this miserable life that I lead if I don’t have anyone to share it with? What is the point of me sitting here crying and calling you when all I feel is like dying? Tell me what is so great about me, Eve. Why does someone like me even get to live?”

“Oh no. Have you been drinking?”

Her accusing tone started to piss me off. “I had one f*****g drink. This isn’t about that if you would just listen to me.”

“You are right. I’m sorry. I’ve just been up for a while. Tell me what happened. Did it have anything to do with Alana?”

I nodded even though I knew she couldn’t see me as I wiped my nose with the back of my hand. “Yeah. I was here at the club with a date, and she showed up. God, Eve, I tasted her. How could I ever turn away from her after I tasted her?”

“Give me ten minutes. I’m coming to get you.”

I didn’t even have a chance to tell her not to even worry about it. The last thing that I wanted was to be a burden on anyone. As I stood up, I shoved my phone back deep inside my pocket and slowly walked back over to Rebecca, who I was sure was wondering where I was. I quickly dried my eyes with the sleeves of my shirt before making it back over to her.

“Um. Thanks for the blowjob, but I think I’m going to call it a night. A friend just called with some bad news, and I’m afraid I need to get out of here to help out. Do you mind if I call you?”

Rebecca stood from the booth and handed me my jacket back. She looked almost hurt. The last thing that I wanted to deal with right now was her clinging all over me. She probably figured that I had no intention of ever calling her back. I couldn’t. Not now.

“Sure. I hope that everything works out with your friend. For what it’s worth, I did have a good time tonight. I’m sorry that I got a little carried away. One sip of alcohol and I get turned on. If you decide to go out on another date with me, then maybe we should go somewhere that doesn’t serve alcohol.”

That made me smirk. Rebecca was a nice, cute girl who deserved someone more worthy of her time than me. “That sounds great,” I said. I leaned in and kissed her on the cheek before heading out the door.

As I walked out in the parking lot, Eve sped in and stopped right in front of me. “Get in. It’s about to start raining any minute.”

“I’m good. Forget that I even called. I’m just going to walk home. Thanks for coming out, but I’m fine. Go home, Eve.”

She jumped out of her car, well, Joel’s car, and grabbed my arm. “No. What are you going to do, Soren? If you just walk away, I’m only going to follow you.”

I jerked my arm away from her. “Fine.”

We both got in the car at the same time, but instead of going anywhere, Eve turned to me. “You look like s**t. What did Alana do now? You said that you tasted her? That means that you had s*x with her, right?”

“No. We didn’t have s*x. I f****d her with my tongue, if that counts.”

Eve rolled her eyes. The comfort of being with her made me smile.

“Okay. I didn’t need to know all that. If you were crying and you were crying because your eyes are slightly swollen, then she must have done or said something that upset you. You can’t lie to me, Soren. I know that you care more about her than you let be known.”

She could always read me like a book. “Well, after I got my d**k sucked by my date and I f****d Alana with my tongue, she walked off, and I followed. Yes, to your question. If you must know, it was at the same time, though my date had no idea it was even happening.” Eve scrunched up her nose but stayed quiet. “When I followed after her, she told me that I would never be more than who I am and that she had gotten exactly what she wanted from me. Damnit, Eve! I’m so sick of everyone thinking that I’m just this guy that sleeps around with women all the time. People treat me like I don’t have any feelings. Alana told me to leave her alone. How could I? Maybe before, but not now.”

Eve now had tears of her own as she listened to me open up more to her than I ever have. We had a close relationship, but even she didn’t know how deep my pain ran. She grabbed my hand and placed it on her lap. “I’m so sorry that this happened to you. Soren, you are a great guy, and there will be a woman that comes into your life that will be lucky to have you. I know that I am.”

I’m not sure if it was the pain clouding my judgment, but I leaned over and grabbed her, placing my wet lips against hers. Eve wasn’t buckled in yet, so I pulled her over on my lap while I continued to savagely make out with her. It didn’t feel right, but I didn’t care. f**k all the consequences that came with me kissing her. I know that it would hurt Joel, but I needed someone in my life that saw me for who I was, not just some tool. I’m not that guy, and Eve has always been able to see that.

She pulled away from me and gasped. Honestly, she looked pissed, like she might slap me or something. Good. I welcomed the pain. I welcomed any feeling that would make me feel alive right now instead of dead inside.

“You can’t do that, Soren! I know that you are in pain, but I’m not going to cheat on Joel with you. He means everything to me. You know that. We are supposed to be getting married in a few weeks. How am I supposed to do that now?”

I pushed her back against my lips because I wasn’t done tasting her. It felt strange, but I ignored the feeling. My hands quickly grasped her ass as I grinded against her.

Eve pulled back, opened the passenger door, and stumbled off my lap, falling to the ground. I quickly jumped out to help her up, but she pushed me back.

“Get the f**k away from me, Soren! You are a bastard for doing that! I feel for the pain you are going through right now, but you can’t have me. I’m spoken for by your best friend if you have forgotten!”

I tried to grab her, but she drew back and slapped me hard. Just because I wanted her to do it again, I stepped toward her for a second time. Eve drew back and smacked me in the same place, but even harder. I could feel myself starting to relax. It was f****d up. I know how f****d up it was. I’ve been friends with Eve, and all I was doing right now was ruining that friendship. She would never trust me again. I didn’t blame her. I’m a bastard, just like she said.

What I said next wasn’t true. All I was doing was adding fuel to the fire, but I was ready to burn. “You can’t stand there and tell me that you don’t feel something for me. f**k Joel. Come back home with me. I’ll do things that you never even imagined in your wildest dreams to satisfy you. No one gets me like you, Eve.”

“Stay away from me!” She ran across the front of the car and jumped inside. I’ve never seen anyone turn over a car and speed out so fast before.

There would be major consequences for what I just did, but I’m just fine with it. Knowing Joel, he would come over to my place, asking for a fight. If he wanted one, I’d give it to him.

Once I was back at my place, I showered to get the smell of Alana off me. It took me nearly an hour to decide if that’s what I wanted to do or not. She might have been a b***h talking to me the way she did, but I still wanted her. s**t, I probably wanted her more now than I did before. That could be simply because I knew what she tasted like. I know how she could make my body feel with just a simple touch.

After putting on some of my cotton, plaid pajama bottoms, I went into the kitchen, grabbing the tequila out of the freezer. I would just drink until I couldn’t keep my eyes open. That way, I wouldn’t remember the horrible dreams that I’m about to have.

Every night since meeting Alana, it has been the same. It didn’t start out as a horrible dream. In fact, it started out more like a fantasy. She was dressed in this teal and black lingerie set while I was tied up on the bed. The second she climbed over the top of me, I saw my ex’s face. That face haunted me. Losing her is the reason why I am who I am.

I didn’t want to think about that right now. I didn’t even bother grabbing a cup down. The ice-cold liquid burned as it slid down the back of my throat. Maybe I did need help. There was something wrong with me, but I’m way past the point of wanting anyone’s help anymore. All I wanted to do was drown, and I hoped this liquor helped with that.