At His Mercy

Intimacy

**Enar's POV**

It was better than I could have imagined. More than my best dreams with her. Adaline kissed me, and I felt it was the start of everything for us. My hand squeezed her throat slightly tighter, and her hands rubbed my torso and rested on my chest, fisting my clothing as she deepened the kiss. But, of course, she would keep fighting against it no matter how perfectly we fit together. I wrapped my free hand around her waist and pulled her against me, which I would not have done if I knew it would startle her.

"Wait." She breathed, panting and looking down at her hands on me, which she moved quickly off of me as if I burned her. "I-I can't."

"Adaline stop over thinking this-"

"No, you don't understand-" She looked up and I stared into her warm brown eyes.

"Then help me to understand!" I was getting frustrated. Her signals were all over the place and it was getting difficult to keep up. "If you don't want me, Adaline, then stop playing games with me. I try so hard to be patient and give you time, but then you say things or do something like this that drives me crazy! Right now, tell me what you want. Strictly business, or more."

"That's not fair-"

"Then tell me something, please. Anything that can make me understand why you say you want me, you kiss me, and now you're pushing me away again." I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths. "I want you Adaline. There is nothing you can say that would ever change that."

"I'm sorry. I know I'm confusing you and its frustrating, its frustrating for me too. I wasn't lying in your office. I do want you, but I shouldn't." The unshed tears welled up in her eyes and it felt like a knife in my gut. I hated to see her hurting. "I know once I tell you everything then nothing will be the same."

"One thing, Adaline. Tell me one thing that can explain why you are so afraid of having something with me."

The tears fell and she let the silence hang between us a few moments longer. "I- um. I was-" She looked away and started to breathe heavily. "I don't like gentle touches. When you caress me or try to be sweet, it's a painful reminder of an ugly past. There is something different about it when you are rough with me. It almost feels... safe with you. Like if I were to give you control in that way, it wouldn't be so bad. But I stop myself because there are other memories, very cloudy ones, that come up at the same time. Its confusing for me because I'm trying to navigate my own mind and emotions."

Adaline was abused. For a long time, it seems, and she doesn't talk about it. I felt red-hot anger boiling inside me, but I held it back, not wanting to scare her when she was finally talking to me. But I know that if she ever opens up to me fully, I am going to kill every person responsible for hurting her like that. It's disgusting, cruel, and they don't deserve to live. Adaline will be safe, even if she cannot let herself be happy with me. I'll never let her be afraid and sad again.

"You don't have to tell me everything until you are ready. I know it wasn't easy for you to tell me that, but thank you for helping me understand. I'll never push you to be with me, but I just want you to remember something." I raised my right hand and tugged the hair at the nape of her neck, forcing her to look up at me. "I'm not that kind of man. I would never touch you in a way you didn't want. You need to hear me and listen when I say this. If you ever allow yourself to be mine, you will never regret it."

I slowly leaned down, watching her eyes and her lips. I was careful to look for any sign that showed me she didn't want me to, but I only found longing in her eyes. My lips found hers in another passionate kiss and, f**k, it was like the first time all over again. I didn't want to stop, but I knew I should not push her either. After a few moments, I pulled away and hovered close. Breathing the same air, her body was only centimeters from mine. I don't know what will happen after this, but I could only hope she would slowly trust me and one day let me give her everything.

"You have no idea what you are doing to me," I whispered.

The corner of her lip twitched in a slight grin. "I can say the same about you."

I left her to be alone once again in the garden. She has a lot to think about and I didn't want to crowd her. As I walked back towards the house, I could see my brother smiling as he sat by the edge of the pool. When I got closer, he arched a brow at me and tilted his head to the side, but said nothing. Great. Viggo saw the kiss between Adaline and I. I could care less what he thinks, but I don't need him using my feelings for her against me when I start making moves to take over. I should have thought this through better. Knowing Viggo, he would always play dirty to get what he wants.

Entering my side of the house, I decided to do something special for Adaline. Maybe it will confirm everything I have been trying to tell her. But, of course, I would need my Nana Maye's help. I can cook, I just haven't done it in what seems like forever.

**Adaline's POV**

Enar. I wish I could just be normal and surrender myself to him. I wish I didn't have these nightmares, and these triggers that keep me from truly being happy. I am getting better a little every day, especially when I talk to Maye, but I still feel like there is so much work to do with myself. If I jump into something too soon, before I'm ready, I could just cause myself more harm. Dammit, why did Enar have to come in like a hurricane and spin my world on its axis? I feel dizzy with emotions and thoughts. I hate it. I was good at keeping to myself, at hiding, but around him I feel like I am coming undone. Enar. f**k, what am I going to do?

I raised my fingertips to my lips, remembering what it felt like to be consumed by him. Honestly, it felt like Enar was my first kiss. It felt right, it felt safe, and it felt real. I loathed every form of intimacy because I have never had a healthy relationship of any kind, but I want something with him. Enar makes me want to close my eyes and just breathe him in. To give into a man like him would be complicated. I know so little about him, but there is one thing for sure. If I were to accept being his, he would take everything I have. The only thing I worry about is if he will be giving me himself as much as he would be taking from me. Would he empty me and leave me shallow or would he give me something so much more? It's terrifying.

Footsteps came from my right and I looked up to see a man I saw outside of Enar's office. "Hi." He smiled. Though his smile was friendly, I could sense that he was anything but. "I'm Viggo. Enar's older brother." I nodded at him politely and gave a tight smile, but I chose to not repsond. Viggo stepped a little closer, closer than a normal stranger would. "I just thought it would be best if I introduced myself since we live together now."

"I live with Enar so I can help take care of Maye. I do not live with you, and would prefer if we kept our distance." I stayed looking off into the sky, showing uninterest and hopefully contempt.

Viggo scoffed and shook his head. "Yeah, I can see you making out with my brother has such great health benefits for my grandmother." I felt myself get red with embarrassment and anger. "Just don't let my brother get his hooks in you too deep. The last woman ended up in a psychiatric hospital." That caught my attention and I snapped my head to look him in his eyes. He winked and waved. "Nice chat." And he walked away.

I can't believe anything he says, he is a liar I can tell. But what do I know about Enar? Nothing. I felt the uncontrollable panic itch in the back of my neck. What could have landed a girl in the psychiatric hospital? No, no, no. Viggo is f*****g with you to f**k with his brother. That is all this is. Maye already told me how Viggo used to bully Enar when they were kids up until young adults when Enar had enough and they fought. Enar won by a landslide and Viggo ended up in the hospital with broken bones and a concussion. This is just a game between two estranged brothers, and I refuse to allow Viggo to use me as some kind of pawn.

It started to get late and I still needed to figure out what I was going to do for dinner. Though I had plenty of time, I don't like to feel in a rush either. After a few last moments of the gentle breeze and the wonderful view, I headed to the house through the back door of Enar's kitchen. As soon as I slid the door open, I smelt something completely amazing. My mouth instantly watered, ready for whatever was cooking.**

"I thought I was getting paid to cook the meals around here?" I asked as I slid into one of the barstools, watching as Enar pulled something from the oven. Now I see why he likes just sitting here and watching.

Enar turned around and smiled. "It's almost ready. Would you like some wine or something?"

I shook my head. "No, I don't drink." I can't even stand the smell of most alcohol. Just dredges up such f****d up things in my mind. "I don't think I ever even tried a beer." I chuckled. I felt like such a loser sometimes for being too afraid to try a beer, but what if I turned into a alcoholic too? I just didn't want to risk it. "I honestly hate the smell."

"I like wine sometimes, but that's it. Beer just makes me feel like s**t, and any liquor... well that isn't a good idea." I swallowed hard. What if he has an anger problem? What if Enar is like him? "Viggo likes to drink. Bourbons, whiskeys, vodkas, tequila. Anything that can get him wasted." Enar shook his head and furrowed his brows. "I won't lie Adaline, I don't have good control when I drink so I simply choose not to."

"How long has it been since you had a drink other than wine?" I whispered, curious to know if he has to the strength to stay away from what can turn him into a potential monster.

I saw his back tense up when I asked, but he realxed and hung his head. "I was twenty four. So about eight years now." I opened my mouth to ask what happened, but closed it again knowing that would be too much. Enar saw and guessed what I would ask. "I was in a serious realtionship, Sari." He smiled and chuckled to himself. "She was the first girl I thought I fell in love with, also the girl that showed me what a great manipulator is. I started drinking a lot, and it got so bad that one day my mother rushed me to the hospital to have my stomach pumped. I almost died."

"You got sober after that?"

Enar laughed. "Actually, no. But my mother convinced a judge I was unfit to make decisions for myself, got power of attorney over me, and then checked me into a rehablitation center where I got away from Sari. I eventually accepted the help and got better. When I was released I left Sari, and well that is a whole other story."

Sari? Maybe Viggo was talking about her. Ugh. f*****g brain won't leave anything alone. "Viggo told me about a girl you dated ending up in a- um- hospital." Enar accidentally dropped the pan from the oven on the stovetop. Luckily nothing spilled or broke. "Was that Sari?" I looked at the patterns on the island. Unable to face him.

I heard his footsteps come around the island and I saw his shoes in front on me when he stopped. "Look at me." Enar whispered. I heaitated, but eventally I looked up. He didn't look angry, or sad. He just looked... scared. "Sari was mentally ill. That is all I wish to say about it, but know that I never hurt her. I just wanted to help her and the only way to do that was to get her professional help."

"I believe you." I smiled up at him.

"So does this mean I am gonna have great grandbabies before I die?" Maye came into the kitchen. I jumped out of my skin and Enar stepped two steps back. She chuckled and sat next to me. "Feed me, I'm hungry."

Enar, with Maye's help, made roast chicken with vegetables and butter rolls. Everything tasted absolutely amazing, and it felt good to have a home cooked meal that I didn't have to cook. We talked about little stuff, Maye talked about the places she visited while she traveled with her husband, building his business. I watched as she smiled, and laughed. She told jokes and genuinely had fun. I also saw how Enar looked at her. Likes she had grown an extra two heads.

After we finished eating, Maye went to rest in her room while Enar and I cleaned up the kitchen. "You cooked, you don't have to help with the cleaning." I tried to keep Enar from helping me, but he was so stubborn. He got a dish rag from the drawer and stood next to me by the sink. "FINE." I rolled my eyes. "I'll wash, you rinse and dry."

For a while we worked in silence, finishing up the dishes and putting them away. It was comofrtable, almost domestic. When we were finished, we turned to each other from opposite sides of the kitchen leaning against the counters. I started to chew on my bottom lip, a nervous habit I thought I was done with. He cleared his throat, and when I looked up at him he was smiling.

"I guess you have an affect on other people and not just me." He commented. I furrowed my brows in confusion and he walked a little closer. When he was directly in front of me, he rested both his hands on either side of my waist on the counter and leaned in. "I have found out more about my grandmother over dinner than I have my entire life. I didn't know about all the places she had been or the things that my grandfather did to build this empire. How do you do it, Adaline? How do you get the most caged people to open up to you?"

I don't even know what I'm doing, so how can I answer him? I shake my head and shrug my shoulders. There isn't anything special I do, I just have a good relationship with Maye and we talk about things. I wonder why she never talked this much before. She is such a lovely and lively person, so what changed?

"I don't do anything special. Maybe she just needed to have a friend that broke that shell of hers. I know she loves you, but you weren't around. Maye and I talk a lot and she told me how lonely she was here when you left. I think maybe she put up a wall because she was scared to feel abandoned again."

Enar sighed and hung his head in front of me. I could almost spell his shampoo. I felt my heartbeat hammering away in my chest but did nothing to act on my impulses. "I just wanted to make her proud. To show her how strong I am. I honestly never fel tlike she accepted or loved me."

I am learning something from this whole situation. Family is such a tricky thing to navigate. Practically impossible. "She is proud of you." I whispered. "About half the conversations we have is about all that you have accomplished. Her favorite memory of you is when you went to one of your father and grandfather's board meetings and they actually let you have a presentation with the board members." I laughed trying to imagine a little Enar commanding a room. "Your mom even brought you a little suit and tie and briefcase."

Enar started laughing, throwing his head back and turning red. "I was like six. Viggo of course didn't think it was cool so he stayed home, but I was so excited. I think that is when I knew I wanted to be the one to take over." His face contorted into sadness and confusion. "I still don't understand why my father would ever leave things to Viggo. Sure he was the oldest but besides the money, he never shown an interest in the businesses." I had a thought, but I didn't want to say it out loud. I wasn't going to play in whatever game they had going because I could be so wrong.

We were still standing very close together, and my grip on control was fading quickly. I want so much to be tangled up with him in another passionate kiss, but I can't. Why does something so wrong feel so good? Is that how love is supposed to be? Really? I'm thinking about 'love' when I can barely let him touch me. One thing at a time, Adaline! I looked up at him to see him staring down at me. In that way. In the way that would make any girl go weak at the knees and fall all over themselves. That smoldering look that could change everything in an intense moment.

"I should get to bed." I whispered when the air between us was getting too thick. Any longer and I would be so tempted to jump on the counter and wrap my legs around his waist. When Enar got closer to me instead of backing away, I ducked under his arm and put space between us. "You are really pushing my control right now. " I chuckled unevenly. "So goodnight, I'll see you at breakfast."

Enar leaned against the counter with his arms folded over his chest, laughing as I ran from the kitchen up the stairs to my room. It was getting easier to be around him and that scared me. It's only been a few weeks. Isn't it too soon to be letting my guard down? Ugh, but when I am around him I don't want to fight to keep my mask on anymore. I want him to see me, to accept me.... to love me. I leaned against my bedroom door, feeling lost. This is a new fear I have never known and so I don't know how to deal with it or make it go away. I'm scared to fall in love.

I heard his footsteps come up the stairs and decided that the only way to get rid of the fear is to know for certain once and for all if he can accept me. If he rejects me now, it won't be as bad as if he rejects me later after I fall for him. With all the courage I could manage to gather, I opened my door to face him. He still had his playful smile on his face which disappeared when he saw me. I probably looked as scared as I felt. Well, here goes.

"When I was eight years old my mother left my father to be with her first love. He started drinking heavily and when I was thirteen, I started to.. grow into my body." I felt the weight pressing down on me, urging me to stop. "He started to make comments, touch me slightly in passing. One night he got so drunk and he... he.." f**k I couldn't even bring myself to say that word that haunts me. "It continued until I was fifteen and I ran away. I've been running for twelve years and in those years I have experienced so much more trauma. I can't stand to be touched softly because he was so... gentle." I almost threw up. To be touched forcefully yet with care. It sickened me. "I'm used and f****d up, Enar. I'm not okay and I don't think I ever will be."

Enar stood in the hallway, eyes wide and staring back at me. I couldn't read his expression and that concerned me. Was he changing his mind? I knew he would, but knowing doesn't make it hurt any less. He surprised me when he took long strides in front of me, and pulled me to his chest. His arms wrapped around my waist and back, caging me to him, as his chest rose and fell rapidly with his deep breaths. I fell apart. I felt my mask disintegrate as I melted into his arms. Something inside me broke and I started to cry. This is everything I never knew I needed. To let it out and stop letting it build and build. A damm was broken and everything came flooding out.

"You're safe with me, Adaline. I promise."