Cheated and Pregnant (editing)

21.

I woke up the next morning confused. I opened my eyes but the light was blinding so I closed them.

I slowly open my eyes to let them adjust to the bright light. When they adjusted all I could see is white.

My brain is a foggy of things. I do not know what is going on with me and why everything is suddenly white when everything was grey.

I went to sleep somewhere else and wake up somewhere that is not possible.

How does one go to sleep in a prison cell then wake up somewhere different?

Is someone playing a trick on me because this is not funny. I grip the sheet covering my body tight. It felt real. The flexing of my muscle and the thin sheet in my grip.

I pinched myself and I felt it. I tried closing and opening my eyes to see if I would wake up in the place that I went to sleep in but still I was in the same white room.

If it was possible I tightened my grip on the sheet and closed my eyes tighter willing my surroundings to be what it was before I woke up.

But with every try I am still lying in the white room.

How does someone go to sleep in a prison cell and wake up in a hospital bed?

Is this a room in the prison? Did something happened to me while I was in there?

But I was only there for my first night.

Was it all just a dream but it felt so real. If it was a dream why is it more believable than me being in a hospital rather than a prison cell.

If it all was a dream then why am I in the hospital? What really happened if I didn't go home to find my boyfriend and best friend cheating on me.

Why am I here?

What happened to me?

How does one not remember what happened on the day before?

My mind started racing thinking of anything that could have possibly happened to me.

"You're awake." I heard a voice and my head swing in the direction so fast I had whiplash.

Sitting in a chair in the corner of the room is the man that I thought I killed. I furrowed my brow in confusion. This is so confusing I had to lie back down and rest my head on the pillow because my head was being to spin with everything coming back to me and what I thought happened.

I stilled don't understand why I am in the hospital. I opened my eyes when I heard his footsteps when he walked over to my bed.

"I'm glad that you're okay because I don't know what I would have done if you were not." He said letting out air through his mouth like he was holding his breath the whole time I was unconscious.

"Why are you still here? Why am I here? Forget about that, could you just leave? I don't want to be in the same room with you right now." I said looking at him in the eye and hope that he sees the raw hurt that his action as caused.

"Rosie I..." He closed his mouth when it remained opened and no words were coming out.

I sighed and with that we descend into silence him staring at me while I try to ignore his presence. I really don't want to deal with the reality of this situation all I want to do right now is go back to sleep to rest.

I really wish I could forget about what really happened and live in my dream life. Prison life is undesirable but I would prefer to be there while he is dead and I don't get to see his face.

Because right now seeing his face hurts. It brings back the sharp pain that tears through my inside. I don't know how to fully describe it but it's t*****e and I have never felt like this in my entire life and I have been through the most horrid thing that could happen to a person in their lifetime. This feeling is different it's the one that can break you permanently.

It's like he took my heart out of my chest and with a menacingly smile on his face, he squeezes it tight cutting off the blood and stopping the beating and just for a second he lets it beats and then repeat. He looked into my eyes with that same smile plastered on his face has he lets my heart fall to the ground then he stands on it he walks on it until it could no longer take the pressure it burst.

Now I'm bleeding on the inside. It burns, my chest it hurts and it's empty on the inside. Paralyzed I watch as he walks away laughing like he did nothing wrong and if you heard the sound you thought he did something funny inside of breaking my heart.

Stunned into silence. Stunned. He had told me he would protect my heart, he told me he would never hurt me intentionally or ever but here he is crushing my heart.

Now look at me trying to save it, trying to fix my broken heart as he walk away. Trying to get it to beat again, to stop the bleeding but nothing I do would revive it.

Yet. I still love him. I still care for him. I'm thinking about erasing what he has done and forgive. I'm thinking about giving him a second chance.

But I know I would never look at him the same, I would never love him wholeheartedly, I could never trust him like I did, I would always be looking for him to slip up again.

There will always be a voice that doubts.

How would this relationship is works out now that he has lost my trust?

How would this relationship survive now that I'm insecure?

How?

How does one move on from a betrayal like this one?

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked breaking the silence. I was thinking about ignoring him but I decided against that.

"I was going to break the good news to to you on our anniversary." I said turning away from him and looking at the ceiling. "But it's not a good news anymore is it." I added

He was silent letting what I said sink in.

"Of course that's a good news. I'm going to be a father." He said a smile tugging at his lips.

"Was, was in the past tense." I told him.

"I am going to be a father and you're going to be a mother Rosie you can't deny that." He said frowning at what I said.

"I'm not keeping it Josh." I said sharply.

"You're not thinking about abortion are you? " He asked. I stayed silent and that was enough to answer his question. "Rosie you're hurt you're not thinking straight right now because it is clouding you're judgement. When you're feeling better we can talk about this." He reasoned.

"No Josh. I am not keeping it and I am getting rid of it before it's too late. I don't want to have a baby with you not after what you have done." I told him getting upset.

"But you have to." He said getting upset too.

"I don't have to it's my body and it's my choice and I say I am not keeping it." I said in a final tone but like always he doesn't let that be the final note.

"Rosie the baby is innocent in all this and I don't think you should do this to it because of my mistake. Rosie I'm sorry I never met to hurt you. I wasn't thinking it just happened." He argued. "We can make things work just for the baby."

"Make things work?" I scoffed. "Nothing's gonna work Josh you cheated on me with my best friend."

"Rosie I'm sorry it was a mistake." He apologizes.

"Which one was a mistake, the fact that I caught you cheating or that you cheated." I said throwing my hands in the air and letting them fall back on the bed.

"Rosie I..." I interrupt him before he could spurt another apology.

"Save it Josh. I need you to leave." I said. He opened his mouth to say something but I turned my back to him letting him know that I don't want to hear whatever he is going to say and I am done talking to him.

I could feel his eyes burning me and the strong urge he has to say something but he doesn't. He sighed and walked away anf out of the room.

I didn't let out the breath that I was holding before someone walked in. I looked to the door and in walk someone who I hope I didn't have to see for the rest of my life especially not right now.

I stayed silent like I didn't hear someone enter the room.

"Rosie. I know you're not sleeping." She said but i still didn't turn around to acknowledge her.

She sighed when she saw what I was doing. "Rosie I'm sorry it just happened and I'm sorry that it did." She tried getting me to talk.

She didn't attempted to talk to me when she realized that the only thing that she will get from me is silence.