Cheated and Pregnant (editing)

16

Yet here he is asking me what I was worried about. He's my boyfriend of course and with his job I have a right to worry about his safety and well being.

I know what I was getting into when I started dating him. I know I could have gone hours without hearing from him if his job calls for it but he could at least let me know that he is safe. If I had known that I would have gone to bed with a sound mind. But I was left worried sick waiting up all night for him to come home to falling asleep on the uncomfortable chair that I was sitting in.

"You're here at two in the morning asking me what I was worried about." I added.

"Rosie..." He started saying my name but I cut him off.

"I know you're job put you at risk sometimes but the least you could do is make this easy for me. Call me whenever you can't come home or tell me in advance so I can prepare myself for it. I don't want to stay up late thinking the worst." I said quietly.

He walks over to me and held my hands. "Rosie I'm sorry. I didn't wanted to worry you or make you think the worse." He said.

I pull my hands out of his. "So didn't you answer my calls or something? Where we you? Were you with another woman." I asked smelling the alcohol in his breath and I could tell that he had drank a good portion of alcohol.

"What?! I would never do that. Rosie you know me. You know I love you and I would never look at another woman of it's not you." He replied like what I just said was bezar and he would never think of doing such thing.

But men lies. They can turn what you feel for them around so you could believe them. They play with your feelings and manipulate you to think they will always stay true to you. They never love you. Not how you want them to. They always want something more or someone. They always want something that you're lacking and me I am lacking alot of things and he knows it.

We have been intimate with each other but when it comes to communicate I shut down especially when it comes to my past. I know from the last conversation we had where he tried to get me to talk about my past and I completely shut down until I yelled at him he stopped asking but I know he thinks about it and if he didn't respect me he would go digging into my past.

I always have self doubt about us but I never show or tell him. I don't know when I developed it but it's there always raging it's head when he stays out late sometimes and call to say he'll be home late.

Maybe it's the fact that he has been with plenty of woman and have plenty ex's make me questions if I would end up like them. He said he is a change man but what has he changed.

"Josh stop lying to me. You smell of a cheap perfume and I know you've been with someone else tonight who is she." I said looking him in the eye. I never had this problem before. All of these feelings because I have never dated before. My step dad messed that all up for me. I pushed him to the back of my mind before unwanted memories could resurface.

"Rosie I'm not ch..." Before he could get the words out I stopped him.

"Who is she? Is she prettier than me? Is she sexier that me? Does she make better love to you than me? Hmm. Josh do you even want me anymore? I'm I going to be one more of you ex? When will you get rid of me? When you tired of me or when I annoy you to no end?" I throw questions at him and if he didn't shout and cut me off I would have continued on.

"Shut the f**k up Rosie! There is no she." He said.

"So it's a he then? When were you gonna tell me we are done?" I asked.

"I'm not f*****g seeing anyone besides you and stop assuming that I am." He said through clench teeth. I must be annoying him then for him to show that I was hitting a nerve.

"I am not assuming. You're gonna leave me and I know it. It all starts like this. You coming in late at night smelling like someone else. Then before I know it I am crying cursing the day I met you with a broken heart packing my bag." I know I was being stupid but I can't help the way that I feel. I am a woman after all. We accuse our man of cheating lots of time and it's true sometimes.

We just know that something isn't right.

"Are you even listening to yourself?" He sighed. "I can't deal with this. I'm going to my bed, I'm tired I need some sleep. I have work in the morning. We can talk about it this in the morning." He said dismissing the argument but not me. It's not finish until I say it is.

"Tired? Because you've been f*****g someone else!" I shout at his back. He sighed his shoulder sag.

"Rosie please keep your voice down it's two in the morning and I don't want to wake up the neighbors for them to come over here and check if everything is alright. Come let's go to bed." He said trying to dismiss it again.

"Just f*****g tell me the truth just. I don't want to be slapped in the face later down the line!" I shout.

He turned around. "f*****g drop it Rosie and come to bed." He said getting irritated with me.

"No I don't want to. I want you to tell me the truth." I said stubbornly.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. "This is the truth Rosie. I love you. Tonight was really not a goodnight. U was invited out when I was packing up by my co-workers for a drink I refused but they insist. I wasn't going to stay long but one drink turned into another. Time flied by and I was drunk off my a*s. I was laughing with my friends a girl came up to me and started throwing herself at me. I was drunk I didn't know what I was doing until her lips were on mine. Even in my drunk state I was think of you..." He let out a deep breath and continued. "...you flashed through my mind and I pushed her off me. I was a little sober then. I drank a cup of water and when I looked the time it was late and I saw miss calls, voicemails and texts from you. I wanted to call and see if you were okay but it was too late and I thought you would be sleeping. I never did anything with her Rosie you had to believe me. I left as soon as I was sober enough to drive home." He confess but all I heard was that he was drinking and with another girl and they kissed.

He kissed her. Technically she kissed him but they kissed.

"I f*****g knew it you were out cheating on me." I declared.

"No Rosie i wasn't." He defend.

"But you were, you kissed her. You lied to me you don't love me." I replied furious but mostly hurt.

"Of course I love you Rosie." He replied getting closer to me but I stepped away from him.

"No you don't. You kissed her." At this moment all I could think about and imagine was him and a strange girl kissing while I am home worried about him while he was safe in another woman arms.

"I was drunk. Rosie it was a mistake." He tried reasoning with me but I wasn't listening. I was already lost in him kissing someone that's not me. "Rosie I love you and if I was sober I would have never done someone like this to you, to hurt you. I love you Rosie and you know it."

"Stop lying you don't love me." I talked louder. So he would stop lying to me because it was no good.

"Do you want me to show you I love you? Well then I'll show you I love you." He said in a serious voice stepping closer to me but like the first time I stepped back. We repeated this movement until my back hit the wall and i am cornered.

He wants to prove that he loves me. I also want to prove that he doesn't that he is lying but how will he prove that he loves me when it's a lie.

He land his lips on mine harshly his hands on my hips his finger nails digging in. Any protest that I was about to make was muffled by his mouth.

I know where he had his nails digging into my skin would bruise. I didn't kiss him back I just stood there like a statue. He sucked and nipped at my lipet but I still wasn't kissing him. His hands roam my body but I didn't respond to it like I would. I didn't want him to touch me. His hand made its way under my thigh wrapping my legs around his waist. His hands found its way to my bottom and he pinched it really painful and I opened my mouth to my a sound of pain but I never came out.

He used that has an opportunity to push his tongue down my throat. He started to kiss me on my jaw line then down my neck. I was knocked out of what I was in for a moment maybe shock.

"Stop Josh. What are you doing?" I asked trying to push him off of me but he doesn't budge only tightened his hold on me.

"Showing you that I love you." He said. I know this wasn't the right way for him to show me and I wish he would show me another way. I don't like this.

"I don't want you to show me that you love me so put me down." I told him showing him that i am serious.

"Then why don't you believe that I love you." He replied.

"Cause you don't. If you did you would have never gone out drinking and kissing other woman like you did. That's where everything starts from." He groaned at my response.

"I made a mistake. Rosie I love you please just believe me that I do." He was begging me to believe but I scoffed.

I was standing on my feet now. "You don't f*****g love me Josh admit it so we can both move on and I'll get my stuff out of here in the next few days." I told him and I was serious about it.

"You're not going anywhere. I'll f*****g show you Rosie. That I f*****g love you. Goddammit. I'll show you." He said grabbing my wrist pulling me with him where he was going.

"Josh let go off of me." He didn't listen and continue pulling me in the direction he was going. He was pulling me upstairs. My resistance wasn't any use and I was being pulled in the direction where he wants me to go.

He banged our bedroom door opened and pulled me inside with him. He toss me on the bed and I banged my head in the matrass. I was sitting up shocked with my mouth slightly opened.

He started stripping out of his clothes and my eyes widen. "I'll show you I love you." He repeated pulling off his jeans and walk over to me.

He pushed me down on the bed and lift my silk night gown. "Josh..." I said a little scared.

"Shh I'm gonna show you that I love you." He said cutting me off.

I pull down my silk night gown that he pulled up to my stomach. Whatever he wants to do I don't want to. I turned around to move but he pulled me back placing me underneath him.

He grabbed both of my wrist and pinned them above my head. I was panicking as he used his other hand to lift my silk night gown again. I wiggled in his grip. "Josh let go off of me." I said struggling but it was like he was in a trance he didn't hear me. "Josh please." You could hear the panic in my voice now.

I heard fabric tear and i cool breeze pass over my private area and I know he must have ripped off my panty. I tensed not wanting this to happen. If this was another situation I would have been dripping wet but I wasn't. I was scared. But he doesn't notice he continued to mumble himself.

"Josh please don't. Please stop." I plead. I was shaking a little but I don't think he notice. "Please Josh I don't want to do this. Don't make me do this." It was like talking to a brick wall. I couldn't get to him he was too distracted focusing on what he wanted. "Josh please." I begged and wiggled in his grip.