"For strong relationship what's the secret?" I looked at him.
He grinned. Siguro gigil na gigil si Wendy sa dimples niya. Ang ganda tignan eh. Bumabagay sa maamo niyang mukha.
"Anong sikreto? Wala naman kaming sikreto ni Wendy." He chuckled.
Mahina ko siyang tinulak. "Ang damot mo naman."
Lalo siyang tumawa. Mabuti pa ito, madalas kung tumawa kumpara kay Alexis na ang hirap-hirap pangitiin.
"Wala naman kasi talaga, ano ba? Ah..." He looked away. "Ano ah... kasi kami ni Wendy palagi kaming nagco-communicate. Iyon lang naman ang ginagawa namin. Kapag may hindi kami naiintindihan or may ayaw kami, pinag-uusapan namin at syempre pinipili naming intindihin ang isa't isa."
Binalik ko ang tingin sa kawalan. I hugged my legs tighter. "Palagi ko naman siyang iniintindi." I wondered saan ako nagkulang.
"Ha, sino?"
Napatingin ako kay Paulo. I couldn't control myself from thinking out loud.
"Ah wala. Nevermind." I chuckled. "Paulo bakit ba nagloloko ang mga lalake?"
I looked straight on his eyes. I wanted to hear his answers. I didn't hear any explanation from Joma. I couldn't even bare to look at him, but still I needed answers. I wanted to stop myself from thinking that I wasn't enough.
Nagkibit balikat siya. "Hindi ko alam. Iba-iba naman mag-isip ang mga lalake."
I rolled my eyes. Akala niya ba hindi ko alam na niloko niya na rin si Wendy. Kahit isang beses lang iyon, still niloko niya pa rin.
"Eh ikaw? Bakit mo sinubukang mag-tinder?"
He looked at me with his eyes widened. "Sinabi ni Wendy sa 'yo?"
Ngumisi ako at tumango. Akala niya hindi ko alam na may baho rin siya ha. Well, I knew it.
Tumingin ulit siya sa kawalan. Kinuha niya 'yong tumbler niya at muli siyang uminom.
"Curious lang ako noon. Iyong mga tropa ko kasing single may ganon tapos palagi nilang napag-uusapan kaya ayon, pero pinagsisisihan ko naman 'yon. Lalo na nung nakita ko si Wendy na umiyak dahil sa 'kin pakiramdam ko ang sama-sama kong tao. I never wanted to hurt her. Mahal na mahal ko 'yon."
Napangiti na lang ako kahit parang iniipit 'yong dibdib ko. Sana pala lahat kagaya niya. Sana pati si Joma katulad niyang mag-isip. Joma didn't fooled me once, he fooled me thrice. I wonder if pinagsisihan niya ba 'yong mga 'yon.
Before I could even cry, I laughed and pushed him. "Edi ikaw na, ang cheesy ha."
Naramdaman kong uminit nanaman 'yong mga mata ko. Medyo sumakit na rin pati ulo ko.
Tumawa naman si Paulo. "Ganoon talaga."
Umiling na lang ako. Pinilit kong tumayo kahit nanlalambot na 'yong mga tuhod ko. Napahawak ako sa ulo ko, when my view went blurry tapos paikot-ikot.
I stood for a moment hanggang sa umayos na ulit 'yong paningin ko.
Paulo stood as well. "Ayos ka lang?"
I nodded. "Inaantok lang ako. Wala pang tulog." I laughed sardonically. "Paano ba 'yan. Mauna na 'ko. It was nice jogging with you. Kamusta mo na lang ako kay Wendy your loves." I winked before waving my hands goodbye and turning my back on him.
I took a quick shower the moment I woke up. Medyo masakit pa 'yong ulo ko at gutom na gutom na 'ko.
Hindi ko ininda 'yong malamig na tubig sa shower. Mali atang nagpakapuyat ako nang sobra; medyo nahihilo pa rin ako. Ang haba naman ng tulog ko. Almost twelve hours; from six a.m to five p.m.
After I fixed myself, I immediately went out to grab some food. Wala pa 'kong kain simula kagabi. Kawawa naman ang mga baby worms ko sa tiyan.
I went to KFC food cart. I missed eating fast foods. Buti na lang mayroon dito. Nakaka-miss din pala talaga ang city minsan. Although mas peaceful talaga sa mga ganitong lugar.
I only ate chicken and rice. Gutom ako pero ang bilis kong nawalan ng gana.
"Isa pong KFC burger. Thank you."
Napahinto ako sa pagsisip sa iced tea ko nang marinig ang malamig na boses ng nagsalita sa tabi ko.
I saw Alexis na nakatingin lang sa hangin. My eyes went down to his lips. Biglang nag-flash back sa utak ko 'yong nangyari kagabi. We freaking kissed. I felt his reddish soft lips against mine. Tapos nahawakan niya rin 'yong boobs ko and I even felt his boner. Umiling ako at binalik 'yong tingin sa pinggan. I shouldn't be thinking of that.
"Ah... miss thank you." I thanked the girl who served me a while ago. Bumaba na 'ko sa stool and walked away. I was not in the mood to think of a conversation kaya umalis na lang ako. I didn't try to look at him again. Hindi ko nga alam kung napansin niya ba 'ko.
I went on the seashore para lumanghap ng sariwang hangin. Nang mapagod ako ay nagtungo na lang ako sa isa sa mga duyan na nasa palibot ng palm trees.
The swing was made of rope. It perfectly suited my body. Buti may duyan dito. The sway of it through the air was relaxing. Pinatong ko 'yong dalawang palad ko sa ulo ko to act as a pillow. Pumikit ako at dinama lang ang sariwang hangin. What a peaceful place. I hope sooner or later my heart and mind would be peaceful again. I really hope so.
Dahan-dahan akong nagmulat. My eyes felt heavy. Medyo mahapdi pa ito. Nagising bigla 'yong diwa ko nang makitang madilim na. I sat when I realized I was still on the swing. Tinanaw ko 'yung dalampasigan at wala ng katao-tao. Nakatulog pala ako. I stroked my hair nang guluhin ito ng hangin.
I gasped bago tumayo. "What the hell!" Napaupo ulit ako nang may makitang tao na nakasandal sa isang puno kung saan nakakapit ang duyan na hinigaan ko.
Hindi ko maaninag ang mukha niya. Wala kasing masyadong ilaw sa part na napwestuhan ko and I wasn't lucky to have twenty-twenty vision. It gave me goosebumps. Kahit hindi ko makita masyado 'yong mukha niya I was sure as f**k that he was looking at me.
I took a deep breath at muling tumayo. Hindi ko siya pinansin instead mabagal akong naglakad palayo sa lugar niya. I was so nervous na baka bigla niya na lang akong hablutin.
"Thank you Alexis." Nabasag ang katahimikan nang sarkastikong magsalita 'yong taong nakasandal sa puno.
I stopped and looked back. I knew it was Alexis' voice. Though I wasn't use of hearing him being sarcastic.
Nakakunot lang 'yong noo ko hanggang sa makalapit siya sa 'kin. I was still hesitant if it was Alexis. Confirmed! It was Alexis.
Pinilit kong tumawa to avoid awkwardness. "Ikaw pala! Sorry hindi ko napansin akala ko manyakis lang eh." I tried to act as normal as I could.
Pinunasan ko 'yong sentido ko nang may tumulong pawis dito. It was cold pero pinagpawisan ako. Akala ko naman kasi kung sino na ang nagmamasid sa 'kin.
"So?" He raised his right eyebrow. Lalo tuloy siyang nagmukhang suplado.
"So..." I couldn't hide the uncertainty on my voice. "So what are you doing here? Gabi na ah." I explored my sight and finally had the reason to looked away sa nakakailang niyang titig.
"Eh ikaw? Gabi na ah."
Naningkit ang mga mata ko sa kanya. I noticed what his habit was. Madalas niyang ibalik sa akin 'yong tanong ko sa kanya. He knew how to play the reverse card well.
"Hindi mo ba nakita? I fell asleep." I pointed the swing.
"Hindi mo ba nakita? Binantayan kita."
My heart hammered my chest. His deep voice was serious and cold but what he just said made me feel secured.
I faked a laugh. "Oh... right! Thank you then. Pero bakit mo 'ko binantayan? Was that suppose to mean, we're friends already?" I smirked. Buti na lang I was really good at hiding my awkward feeling.
He rolled his eyes and stroked his hair. "Whatever you call it." Naglakad siya at nilagpasan ako.
Natulala ako at napangiti. Biglang lumakas 'yong hangin na nagpabalik sa huwisyo ko. I ran towards him hanggang sa masabayan ko na ang paglakad niya.
Tinusok ko 'yong tagiliran niya. "Hi friend."
He glanced at me. "Stop it."
Tinusok ko ulit ito. "Why?"
"I said stop it."
Napaatras ako nang tignan niya 'ko nang masama. Parang sasapakin niya 'ko sa mga titig niya.
I raised my hands like giving up. "Okay fine. Sungit." Inirapan ko siya bago tumingin na lang ulit sa daan.
Akala niya siguro kinagwapo niya 'yong pagsusungit; mukha naman siyang pandang nasa horror movies.
Tinignan ko ulit siyang nang mapagtantong hindi ko alam kung saan kami patungo. I was just following his path and I suddenly felt hungry.
"Where are we going?"
He stopped and looked at me with his brows furrowed. "We?"
Napakamot ako sa ulo ko. Kailangan ata 'to sapakin para tuminong kausap.
"Can't you just answer my question? Like ang dali-dali lang naman sagutin niyon."
He shrugged. "Ako papunta na 'ko sa kwarto ko. Ewan ko sa 'yo kung saan ang punta mo." He continued walking.
Napanganga ako. I just watched him walked away like seriously? Wala naman siyang sinabi magmula nang sumabay ako sa kanya. Ni'hindi niya tinanong kung bakit ako nakasunod that's why I assumed we were going to somewhere.
Napailing ako at hinabol siya. Mabuti at pagong siya kung maglakad. I blocked his way.
"Sinadya mo ba 'yon?" I crossed my arms at lakas loob kong tinitigan 'yong itim na itim niyang mata.
"Ang alin?" Wala nanamang emosyon ang nakakagigil niyang mukha.
"I was walking with you assuming we were going to somewhere. Tapos wala ka man lang sinabi? Hinayaan mo lang akong sumunod sa 'yo kahit uuwi ka na pala sa room mo."
Medyo nailang na 'ko nang hindi niya inalis 'yong titig niya sa 'kin. He was really testing me ha.
"Wag ka kasing assuming." Nilagpasan niya ulit ako.
My mouth dropped and my feelings went dark. How dare him? I looked at him na walang pakeng naglalakad palayo sa 'kin. I bit my lower lip.
I ran towards him and pushed him. "You moron!"
He looked at me. Finally he had the expression of shock showing on his face. "What's wrong with you?"
I crossed my arms. "No. What's wrong with you?" Finally I got the chance to hold the reverse card.
Nawala nanaman ang emosyon sa mukha niya. "You pushed me." Lalo akong gininaw sa lamig ng boses niya.
I puffed a breath. I couldn't really understand him. One day he was okay, and then, next day he wasn't.
Lakas loob ulit akong nakipaglaban sa matalim niyang tingin. "Ikaw, if you don't want to be friend with me, just simply say it straight to the point. You don't have to act so rude. Look, it might not be offensive to you but it was to me. You have no idea what I've been going through tapos sasabihin mo sa 'kin 'wag akong assuming? Yeah you're right. Wag akong assuming kasi the last time na nag-assume ako, nasaktan lang ako. Thank you for reminding me anyway."
Tumalikod na 'ko bago pa pumatak 'yong luha ko. It affected me. What he said affected the hell out of me. Naalala ko nanaman si Joma and the pain he caused me. Right, I assumed that Joma was the one for me, and the result was pain. I should really assume less.
Paikot-ikot na 'ko sa kama at hindi pa rin ako nakatulog. I sat and took a deep breath. Kasi naman... hindi na dapat ako nakatulog pa sa duyan na 'yon. Now I couldn't sleep, kung ano-ano lang pumapasok sa isip ko.
It was one a.m already. Puyat nanaman ako nito. Mukha talagang walang direksyon ang plano kong ito. I was now wondering if I would complete my three months stay in here.
Naglakad-lakad na lang ako sa labas. I wore satin pajamas. I admit natatakot din talaga 'ko sa mga cat callers kaya ang hirap din talaga minsan na isuot ang mga gusto ko; specially the revealing ones.
I went on the seashore to breathe fresh air. I stopped walking when I saw a woman sitting on the sand alone. Nakatalikod siya mula sa 'kin, but her long wavy hair reminded me of Wendy.
I ran towards her. As soon as I got closer, my instinct that it was Wendy went high. I sat beside her while looking at the peaceful sea.
Nakita ko sa gilid ng mga mata ko na tumingin siya sa akin pero binalik niya rin agad ang tingin sa kawalan.
"Ikaw pala Karmina." She really had a sweet voice. I wonder if magaling siyang kumanta.
"Hi Wendy. What are you doing here late at night?" I initiated a topic. Para naman malibang-libang din utak ko sa kwentuhan. I was tired of overthinking.
"Nagpapahangin lang. Ikaw?"
I smiled. "Same. Hindi mo ata kasama love mo?" I chuckled.
"Tulog na; maaga kasi siyang gumigising. Mahilig mag-jogging. Oo nga pala, kasama mo raw siya mag-jogging kanina?"
I was still looking at the calm waves of the sea. "Ah yes. Na-miss ko lang bigla mag-exercise."
Niyakap ko 'yong mga binti ko nang lumakas ang simoy ng hangin.
Mahina niya 'kong siniko. "Paulo told me something fishy." Nagkatinginan kami and she was grinning like crazy.
Alexis' lips flashed back on my mind. Umiling ako, ayoko ng maalala pa 'yon. It went so fast na hanggang ngayon nabibigla pa rin ako kapag naiisip kong naghalikan kami. I didn't even imagine pressing my lips to a cold hearted guy.
I flinched when I felt an elbow pressed my waist. "Uy lumipad na ata utak mo?"
Napatingin ulit ako kay Wendy. I faked a laugh. Nagiging lutang na ata ako lately. This couldn't be happening.
"Wala naman akong utak." I laughed even though deep inside iyon talaga 'yong naramdaman ko. Hindi ako nag-iisip ng tama kaya naloko ako nang tatlong beses. I even had the habit of assuming things kaya madalas akong ma-disappoint.
Parang pinilit lang ni Wendy 'yong tawa niya. "Grabe ka naman sa sarili mo. How could you say that?"
I laughed. "Chill girl, it was just a joke."
She looked at me like she didn't believe me. "Joke, pero nung sinabi mo 'yon, lumungkot boses mo."
Napatitig ako sa kanya. I didn't know it sounded sad, how could she even say it was sad?
Pilit akong ngumiti. "I'm not sad."
She nodded but still her face looked like she didn't believe me. "Hindi ka malungkot, 'yong mata mo lang."
Umiwas na 'ko ng tingin sa kanya. Masyado bang halata sa hitsura ko? I was getting a feeling na manghuhula siya.
I still managed to laugh. "Hindi kaya, tsaka paano mo naman nasabing malungkot ako?" I was always laughing around them unlike kay Alexis na kahit ngumiti man lang hirap na hirap gawin.
Tumawa rin siya. Nakita ko sa gilid ng mga mata kong tumingin na rin siya sa kawalan.
"Halata naman sa mukha mo."
Tipid akong ngumiti. I thought I was good at hiding sadness. Napansin niya pa rin. I wonder if napansin din ba 'yon ni Alexis. Lalo't kung tumitig siya sa 'kin parang inuusisa niya buong pagkatao ko.
"Talaga ba? Then I guess we have a secret." I laughed. "Ikaw lang may alam niyan ha. Don't spill it even with--"
"Paulo? Alam niya rin naman. Halata nga kasi sa mata mo."
I gulped and nodded. "Ganoon ba? Okay pala eh, masyadong madaldal 'yong mata ko. Anyway sasaya naman na ulit 'to; abangan ninyo." I smirked kahit nawawalan na talaga 'ko ng pag-asang sasaya ulit ako.
"For sure 'yan. I'm looking forward." Nakakagaan talaga sa pakiramdam 'yong lambing ng boses ni Wendy. I wished Alexis also had this kind of voice hindi 'yong maninigas ka sa lamig.
"Wendy!" Nabasag ang katahimikan when someone shouted from behind. I stiffed for a moment. Speaking of cold voice.
Nilingon ni Wendy 'yong tumawag habang nanatali akong nakatingin sa dagat. I remembered how rude he was a while ago. Okay sana kung pabiro niyang sinabi pero hindi eh. He was hella serious tapos ang lamig-lamig pa ng boses niya. Though I wasn't angry, I just felt offended.
"Uy Alexis bakit?"
"Paulo is looking for you." Now his voice was closer to us. Still I didn't try to glance at him. Baka bigla na lang akong maging bato pag tumama nanaman 'yong mata niya sa 'kin.
"Tulog na siya ah?" Wendy tapped my shoulder bago siya tumayo. Tumango lang ako at nanatiling nakaupo.
"Nagising daw siya wala ka na sa tabi niya."
Bakit kapag sina Wendy at Paulo 'yong kausap niya hindi naman sobrang lamig ng boses niya? Iyong tamang seryoso lang.
"Ganoon ba?" Wendy laughed. "Sige balik na 'ko sa loob. Uy Karmina mauna na 'ko ha."
I glanced at Wendy and nodded. "Sige thanks for your time." Binalik ko agad 'yong tingin sa dagat.
"Wala 'yon. Anytime. Sige na, bye guys."
Hindi ko na narinig pa si Wendy. I gasped when I felt the cold air touching my body. Hinigpitan ko 'yong yakap sa binti ko. I felt like kakainin nanaman ako ng kalungkutan.
My eyes widened when I felt someone sat beside me. I thought umalis na rin si Alexis, pero sa naamoy kong pabango, I was pretty sure na siya 'yong tumabi sa 'kin. Mukhang masaya siyang sinusungitan ako.
"Ikaw hindi ka pa babalik sa loob?" Lalo akong nabigla when he initiated a topic.